A Clusterfexk of Doctor Failures, Lockdown, Collapse of School, and Internet Indoctrination
I am a 54 year old working mom of a 15 year old gifted girl, 14 at the time of her trans self-identification—my only child. Our story is a textbook story of Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria (ROGD) in almost all aspects. The difference is my daughter’s cluster of mental and endocrine diagnoses that went undiscovered until she was 14, after she had already fallen in the trans trap. The toll the trans bomb has taken on my child and our family has been tremendous.
As a child, my daughter was mellow, radiant, well-behaved, articulate and caring towards animals and friends. She was an avid hiker, went on nature trips often, was surrounded by books, culture and meaningful interactions with relatives, peers and our circle of adult friends. All teachers wrote, “A pleasure to have in class” except for the math teachers who always wrote “Makes careless mistakes; does not complete work.” She never exhibited autistic behaviors, except she was obsessed with plush animals and had various other hyper-fixations (fashion, book series about cats and dragons, nail polish and products).
And she loved the ocean… Oh, how she spent hours in the water, floating and playing with the waves… (The ocean is supposedly extremely soothing for ADD minds. I knew none of this then.) I taught her how to look a person in the eyes when speaking with them. Since birth and into her puberty, my daughter was 1000% consistently stereotypical feminine in presentation: wanting long hair, fine lingerie, into arts, fashion and crafts. Since 2nd grade, she had two close, genuine friends—one girl and one boy. She got invited to birthdays and sleepovers all the time. We hosted parties for Halloween and the end of the school year, as well as all her birthdays.
In 7th grade she came out as a lesbian. The house got proudly decorated with rainbow flags and I supported, affirmed, and loved her, as always. She fell in unrequited love with a female classmate identifying as a trans boy, who was also the ring leader of their friendship circle of five gender non-conforming girls. Then, in 8th grade she revealed that she was not a lesbian after all, but was instead pansexual and queer. And in 9th grade, she declared that she was trans, despite her zero masculine interests, behavior or presentation.
I did not know until later, but all throughout middle-school, my daughter suffered from undiagnosed ASD and ADHD-Inattentive Disorder (ADD). For 14 years she flew under the radar, undiagnosed, even though since her birth we had a seasoned, well-respected pediatrician in his 60s and we never missed an exam. In 7th grade she saw a psychologist-therapist over 6 months at the Institute for Girls in Pasadena, California, a place that specializes in girls’ psychology, and still her therapist didn’t suspect ADD or Autism. This, in hindsight, is unsurprising. Girls often go undiagnosed because they learn to “mask” their autism traits.
Throughout middle school, in addition to the undiagnosed conditions, my daughter was mercilessly bullied, and called names including “ugly,” “dyke” and “fat.” During the Covid lockdown, the chaos, confusion and trauma on zoom school made things even worse for her. She started binge eating, and I helplessly observed her crashing self-esteem and worsening anxiety and depression. In August 2020, she experienced a mental breakdown, right after the trans announcement.
My daughter used to be a straight A student, a writing prodigy in a gifted magnet class. Now, suddenly, 9th grade on zoom was insurmountable. Additionally, the social situation that went along with the new virtual school was untenable for my daughter. After the collapse of the school and daily routine, these teens were spending 12+ hours daily on their phones - TikTok, Instagram and their own Discord texting servers. The zoom school was a joke for these ADD girls. They were watching transgender activists on social media, male nudes, vile porn and overall, non-sensical gender garbage on Social Media.
Four months into the lockdown and resultant constant texting on Discord and sharing trans propaganda on their “LGBT server,” the friends began converting each other to trans. Of all ruinous fallouts of the lockdown, inarguably, the trans-indoctrination of the teens via Social Media is the most catastrophic.
After the original ring leader, (a teen girl with ADHD-Combined, autism and a host of other mental diagnoses) announced that "he" was trans, another teen joined in as well. This teen also had ADD, in addition to severe family trauma, including early sexualization, an alcoholic mother, and a delinquent father. My daughter hopped on the trans train then too, quickly followed by another girl, this one with divorced parents where the mother had an “evil boyfriend”. Basically the entire peer group was now trans, just like that. Out of the 5 girls, 4 were trans identified, using male names and pronouns, with one saying she was “bi”, but continuing to use her birth name.
In my view, the four close friends of my teen who continue identifying as "trans gay men" are lesbians, or gender non-conforming. Not one has ever said, "I was born in the wrong body." I see their loneliness and need to fit in. They all buy cosmetics, Hello Kitty, "cute" Asian knick-knacks from the Asian boutiques (plush animals, purses), do crafts and cosplay (either a furry or female costume, always inspired by Anime), and giggle in high-pitched feminine voices. Often they talk about real-life guys, schoolmates of theirs. The overall affect is disconcerting and chilling. These girls have lost their grip on reality.
Meanwhile, after my daughter’s mental breakdown, we panicked and began going to doctors. First, we met with a psychologist but the psych tests were not going to be available for 10 weeks. As our daughter was getting more catatonic and unhinged with each passing day, we sought an immediately available psychiatrist. We were so lucky to find a great one who was able to render a diagnosis —autism (intelligent, HF), ADHD-Inattentive, binge eating and eating disorders, anxiety and depression.
Before prescribing medications, the psychiatrist wanted a physical exam, so we made an appointment with our pediatrician. The pediatrician, in turn, diagnosed her with “explosive weight gain,” PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome), insulin resistance (hyper-insulinemia), hyper-androgyny (very elevated free testosterone in teen girls), Secondary amenorrhea and pre-diabetes (from snacking on sweet foods to cope with the trauma of the lockdown, zoom school AND LACK OF DIAGNOSTIC CLARITY).
From a healthy, radiant, communicative, mellow, outdoorsy, affectionate child, our daughter turned into an obese zombie teen with nine diagnoses, lying on the floor all day long with the phone in her hand, catatonic, occasionally attacking me like a vicious dog (for not buying her a binder immediately), and unable to care for herself. She was afraid to go outside the house citing “anxiety”; only after her psychiatrist demanded that she goes on 30-minute daily walks, she began getting out of the house.
Here is the clusterfexk of illnesses that went undiagnosed before October 2020 and set the stage for her falling into the trans cult. Back in January 2017 (age 11) we were referred to a pediatric endocrinologist, who was supposedly a top children’s diabetic specialist. At this point my daughter was moderately overweight. He did not suspect PCOS and did not test for it. He diagnosed her with pre-diabetes, but did not give her metformin. He asked her, in front of both me and my husband, “Are you going to be 300 pounds when you grow up?”, with these exact words. An interesting approach to use on a teen girl, much less an autistic one. At the time we didn’t know that our child was autistic, with rejection sensitivity dysphoria. Turns out this question traumatized her profoundly. The doctor’s advice was, “Eat better”, not suspecting ADD and not acknowledging that people with ADD use food to cope, to soothe their noisy, chaotic brains.
We implemented healthy changes in her diet, but her weight gain did not improve. We were growing frustrated and started seeing another pediatrician, an experienced woman in a major clinic, who also did blood labs and also gave her a simple lecture to “Eat better.” Neither she, nor the next pediatrician and top nutritionist for diabetics, suspected PCOS which, in hindsight, was so obvious given her fat around the belly. No one ever questioned her genuine “wolf hunger”, which stemmed from insulin resistance and spiking insulin, a typical symptom of PCOS. No one raised the clinical suspicion that maybe our daughter was autistic and/or ADD, that maybe she was using food to cope, as she was grappling with big questions like “Why am I different from my friends?”, “Am I a lesbian?”, “Why am I gaining weight so fast?”, “Why do I feel disconnected from my body?”, “Why do I hate exercising and am so uncoordinated?”. Our large team of pediatricians, endocrinologist, therapist, even a personal fitness trainer never looked at the big picture, until the lockdown and trans declaration brought her to a catastrophe.
My greatest regret is that, when I became a mother, I did not also complete a medical degree. Just so I’d have the knowledge to cope with all this and help my daughter. I thought we surrounded our child with the best, seasoned medical professionals. I thought we were conscientious, consistent, loving parents who prioritized the health and well-being of our child. How was I supposed to know that she was autistic, with ADD and PCOS? How could I know that this would lead her to self-harm through trans ideology?
To the unholy list of medical providers who failed to see the big picture of these interconnected diagnoses, I must also add her affirming therapist. The therapist was a lesbian in her 70s who, in hindsight, caused profound damage by affirming my child’s trans delusion. The therapist casually discussed nonsensical terms such as “gender congruity”, without delving deeply into past traumas. I trusted her experience, wisdom and depth of understanding of lesbians which I thought my daughter was, at the time. To be honest though, now, I am not positive my daughter is a lesbian. Maybe she will be a very late bloomer, like me and her dad, due to autism. The pressure for kids and teens to label themselves very early is ruinous. Autistics mature emotionally much later.
The therapist knew full well that my daughter had pre-diabetes. At the time, she was 100 lbs overweight (this has been successfully managed since), and her liver enzymes and cholesterol were abnormal. The therapist also knew all her mental diagnoses. The therapist suggested things such as, and I quote, “Try calling your parents’ insurance to see if you are eligible for Testosterone.” (T causes liver cancer and liver failure in women, alongside uterine atrophy.) “Yes, T will bring you gender congruity.” I am still trying to understand, was the therapist trying to provoke my daughter, to see her reaction, or was she serious? The level of unprofessionalism to the tune of $250/session was staggering.
I was emphatic with the therapist about the fact that my daughter never before exhibited interest in being the opposite sex. None of my questions were answered, such as, “Is it no longer OK to be a lesbian? And if so, why?”, ”The 9th grade art teacher told me that 25% of her female art students use male names and pronouns – what is the explosion in trans all about?” When I asked the therapist, “Please discuss with my child curtailing the hours on Social Media,” she replied, “She is using Social Media to nurse her broken heart and to distract herself. It’s OK to be on her phone all day…” As though she wanted my teen to consume more and more trans propaganda online.
I did ask her in writing this question, which she never answered: “Could this epidemics of girls self-identifying as "trans" be a revolt by teen girls towards the extreme sexualization and victimization of women? Towards the total fetishization of the "Barbie doll look" and elevating it as the only possible model for femininity? Towards the constant bullying and degrading attitudes towards teen girls who don't look like Barbie dolls? Towards the pervasive, profound and unchanging misogyny that girls experience at every step, personally, professionally, spiritually?”
“Could this be teenage rebellion against over-protective parents? Teenage revenge against a neurotic, snarky father and overwhelmed with work stress and deadlines mother? Because, sure as hell, our daughter does not have the first idea of what a transsexual person is, and this is all imitation and parroting.”
The therapist never gave me answers to these questions. She called my daughter “he.”
We discontinued with this therapist in May 2021.
In June 2021, my daughter and I fled Los Angeles, my city of 22 years. She left her home, her school, her friends who got her into this, her pediatrician, clinic, and therapist. I left behind my professional community, my home and husband of 18 years. We moved to a small farming community in the mountains where my daughter had a summer job being a farm-hand and helping with the animals for two families. This experience has been intensely healing and centering. She started 10th grade in a tiny charter school for local home-schooling and farming families. I am extremely fortunate to work remotely on the computer. Over the last 15 months my objective was to put her on a path of healing, first, pulling her out of the black hole of mental crisis, then setting up tutors to not flunk 9th grade, then managing her PCOS and weight loss, then organizing the big move to the mountains, her summer job, and now 10th grade and remaining on the path of healing. The only doctor we are still seeing since 2020 is her wonderful psychiatrist.
We have left everyone and everything behind in the quest to save my daughter. My daughter and I still do 30-minute daily walks together. I see glimmers of hope and healing. She and I remain close and have an open, authentic relationship. She has not desisted yet. I take one day at a time. The future is unknown.