Not too long ago I wrote this essay for PITT to address a social dilemma I was experiencing—how to respond when people inquire about my trans-identifying daughter. Now I find I have a slightly different, but related, social conundrum—how to interact with parents who have transitioned their kids.
Just a couple of weeks ago I learned of yet another trans youth in our community. It is a young person whom I used to see at church. The parents appear to be on board with her desire to be a man. It makes me sad to hear of each of these cases, as I can see that the young people are confused or unhappy with some aspect of their lives. It is difficult to know how to interact with some of them. Honest discourse is difficult when they insist on all of us supporting this fundamental lie.
Yes, Yes and Yes. It creeps in everywhere. I have experienced this too and it's really really really difficult. Hang in there and do what you need to do to keep your child safe. There are more people out there who don't agree with the affirmation model than it seems, as many will not speak about it until they feel safe. Thank you for posting
You are not wrong to judge them. They ARE abusers. They have abdicated their responsibility as parents to virtue signal; to be cool; to not be criticized by their Leftist lunatic friends. I don't care what their individual circumstances are. I care about the children they are destroying. Thank God for parents like you. Thank you for doing what is hard. Your daughter WILL thank you some day. And she will be so grateful you are her mom.
Amen to that! Thank you for your clarity. It feels as if we parents have been removed altogether from the equation. We actually had regular family dinners and activities together weekly. We were so close knit but still couldn't know what was happening behind the scenes at school, online, podcasts & videos, doctors' influences, etc! We were totally blindsided, yet many relatives and "friends" have shunned us for not blindly accepting our daughter's sudden scripted announcement of "trans" and taking hormones at age 18! The very religious ones avoid us like the plague, even though we often go to church. I lost my best friend even. This community here is my only support system! Thank you for being here, as I was quite suicidal in the beginning, 2 years ago.
I am sorry you don't have a support group to lean on other than here. I hope you can find some people who will walk with you through this terrible dark time. I go to church too but I only trust a few people with this information because I could not take the blind acceptance of my son's delusion from "friends". Most people just know that we are estranged but they don't know the particulars. The friends I trust have been a great balm for me. I hope you can find that too.
Thank you. Besides my husband and other daughter, I have no family. I have no in-person friends since this began 2 years ago. My distant relatives have shunned us since this began 2 years ago. Our priest has prayed for my daughter but we can't share this at church. I'm alone all day and mostly debilitated with serious depression since my daughter left for college and started hormones, then dropped out and went to the very dark side. Something must have happened to her during Covid lockdown/ at school and with her corrupt dr., teachers and friends. Sometimes it's all I can do to not kill myself. My life is meaningless now. But thank you, kind soul.
so sorry to hear this, us parents on here do hear you & do care. But yes its lonely, I don't value my life in the way I used to. I am finding 3 years on friends think we should just get on with it now, use her new name & move on --- we know its not that easy--- when its your child. sending virtual hugs x
I understand. It's been almost 2 years for us too. It is such a dark road we travel. We have one child who barely speaks to us (ghosting) because we don't affirm her sibling. It has fractured families for sure. I agree that something happened during covid that really messed up a lot of kids. I am pretty sure my son was abused but I don't know if I'll ever know for sure since he won't talk with us. Everything reminds me of my former life. I pray when I can. Sometimes I can't even do that. Sometimes I just cling to the Theotokos crying for help.
Wow! Our older daughter practically ghosts us too, in support of her sister! She even has ghost themed decor in her room after moving to an apartment last summer because she couldn't live with us anymore. We treated her lovingly and shared good times together, but she couldn't take it anymore- guilt? Our kids were abused mentally, if not physically, for sure! I'm not big on playing the victim, so it's hard for me to speak out. If you by chance live in Eastern WA, O would love to connect. There is no support group here- only the poor, deluded parents who jump on the trans bandwagon! I'm trying so hard to hold it together.
No, I live across the country in another blue state :( There is no support groups here that I know of either, I've just been able to gather around me a small group of family/friends who have not been captured by this cult. Some of them are dealing with adult children estrangement for other reasons too, so we support each other through that pain. Estrangement seems to be rampant and it's not just because of the trans issue. It's like the YA kids have all become cluster B narcissists.
I also wanted to say that this is still a very lonely road I walk. I also don't want to play the victim and I try not to overwhelm my friends/family with my day-to-day sadness and depression. I don't want my relationship with them to only be about my problems, if you KWIM.
Sorry you've had despair. I completely understand. Losing my son to this insane socially sanctioned cult is devastating. I've lost a close friend, too. The casualties of the gender cult are wide and deep. I, too, am grateful for the PITT community.
Yes! You have put your finger on yet another aspect of the experience we all share, or most of us do, on the PITT forum. I am smacked in the face with this every single day in one form or another. It makes me evasive, or less inclined to socialise more broadly . . . Thank you also for your little prepared speech for use when others ask you how your daughter is doing. So far nobody (other than her university) has dared to use her male name and pronouns with me.
This will not be fixed until those child abusing parents, who led children through non-reversible changes to their bodies, are made to feel so uncomfortable that they have leave the cocktail party.
My heart goes out to you. First, for what you're dealing with regarding your daughter.
Second, for the problem of affirming parents putting pressure on all other parents to lie and to affirm.
I don't know what to say, other than something I've been saying to people lately, which has been surprisingly effective when anything related to biophobia (gender identity ideology) comes up. Or if I want to bring it up.
I've been saying, "I'm an advocate for detransitioners."
When they say, "What's that?" (because most people haven't bothered educating themselves about all sides on this issue), I say, "Detransitioners are people who thought they were trans, started medicalizing, then realized it wasn't the right pathway for them. Most could get medical coverage for those drugs and surgeries, but can't get coverage to reverse those procedures, to the extent they can even be reversed. And many of them suffer terribly from pain and medical complications."
When they respond, "There is a very low rate of regret," I reply, "That's very old data. A recent study, published this summer, found that of teens put on cross-sex hormones, after just 4 years, 30% had stopped taking them. That's a whopping percent who change their minds. Those hormones cause irreversible harms. Regret rates tend to increase over the years, after the surgery honeymoon period is over." (See segm.org for the study. I may have some of those facts incorrect here, I must go check them again.) I will check again and then come back and edit my comment.
Anyway, that usually starts a good conversation rooted in concern and compassion.
I've also been referring them to the Lesbians United YouTube channel. Lots of compelling 30 second videos. In person, they can be pulled up on one's phone to show people.
**
I find it also helps to say,
"It's necessary to read (not just listen to, but read) directly from sources from across the ideological spectrum on this or any other issue, and then use one's critical thinking skills to decide for oneself."
Best wishes.
P.S. I played field hockey, too. How awesome your daughter played hockey! Women and girls need to be told nowadays that they can love sports and non-traditional interests for females, and be a tomboy, and they are still female. And it's A-Ok. In fact, admirable to break those sexist, limiting, dehumanizing stereotypes.
I just say what I've always said: "I'm a lifelong women's rights activist. I'm against men in girls' and women's spaces." When they say, "But they're transgender, right?"(Notice that they KNOW we're talking about men), I can say, "No. They're not."
This rocks them back on their heels. "What do you mean?"
"ALL men can now use girls' and women's spaces. ALL of them. Including male sexual predators."
They literally don't know this. It is always a huge shock to them. In fact, a lot of them simply don't believe me, until I say, "How can you tell the difference?" and they realize they can't.
So I might get some form of, "Well, I've never heard of any problems," and I can ask, "Don't you think a sexual predator would lie? Girls and women can no longer hide from predators in the women's bathroom. Remember how we used to do that, when we were teenagers? Now, if a man gets caught in there, all he has to do is say, 'I'm a woman,' and he walks away scot-free."
Then, while the chipmunks in their head are scrambling, it's time to cite off the top of my head a fraction of the data on male sexual predators exploiting self-ID. It helps if problems have happened in your area--which, unfortunately, on Vancouver Island, they certainly have. But you can also use the LA Wi-Spa incident, over which there was a violent clash of protests, and then the man turned out to be a convicted sex offender. I assure them that I have tons of verifiable sourced data on this (which I do), and I'd be more than happy to share it with them.
They might still ask, "But was he a man or trans?" (Again, they KNOW we're talking about men.)
"He was a man. Just an ordinary, every day man, who thought he'd exploit self-ID to get into girls' and women's spaces, where we're supposed to be safe from the male gaze." This is true for ALL of these men, whether they think they're "trans" or not. They're just ordinary, every day men.
Depending upon how invested someone is in their cult, they might get exasperated and try to frame the issue as anti-sexism: "But someone assigned male at birth doesn't have to feel like a man! They can feel like a woman!"
This is pathetically simple to refute: "What feelings make a man a woman? Can't a man have those feelings just as legitimately as a woman?"
One woman said to me, "They feel, socially and emotionally, like the opposite sex," and I said, sincerely curious, "What does that mean, to feel socially and emotionally like someone else?" In the convoluted process of trying to explain, she finally realized that it simply doesn't make sense.
Usually they'll stop defending it when they realize they can't answer ANY of the friendly, common-sense questions I ask, about this issue they thought they knew.
And now the lightbulb is going on for them. *They had no idea.*
I know what I'm talking about, so it's easy to stay calm and reasonable, open to asking and answering questions, to listening and responding, as if we were both sensible, compassionate people.
And I never use the term trans or refer to men as if they're women. I never, ever, ever cooperate in the gaslighting.
Fantastic, Eleganta. I like how simple and straightforward your approach is, and what you say. I wrote it all down. (lol, could've printed it ;)
I guess I need to make a list of incidents of males in female spaces predating on women and girls. Thank you. This is something feminist activists need to compile! I've asked the "This Never Happens" page host to create a separate page just for males in female spaces. I got a "great idea!" reply, but no action. We really need to be compiling these news articles in one location, only about male predators of any kind in female spaces, then distilling it down to one line each: man's name, location, brief summary of what he did. Trans Crime UK has done this brilliantly. We need to create such a news article depository, and a summary list of male predators in female spaces in the U.S.
Thanks again, Eleganta!
I love your opening, "I'm a lifelong women's rights activist. I'm against men in girl's and women's spaces."
I would still like one space that is only for assaults in female-only spaces, to be able to quickly go through them all, that are just on that one issue. I think it's important because there's a need for a dedicated page since that is one of our main objections to gender identity nonsense: the danger of men in female only spaces. But I can start making a list for myself from Reduxx issues, and perhaps put up on a website for our easy reference, and to print out the list to show people. Thanks again.
Pity and anger--yup, that sums up how we feel about affirming parents. The vast majority of them are doing (or allowing to be done) irreparable harm to their children (even if those children are of the age of majority). I would rather err on the side that even if it turns out that my kid has some mental illness that is so deep the only option is to pretend she’s the opposite sex, those steps should not begin until she’s 30 (for our daughter, who is incredibly intelligent and incredibly immature). Maybe for some it would be 28, or 25, but in no case is it in the teens or early-20s. And for those who would argue I would gently suggest that:
A) you probably don’t have a decade or more post-transition (fully living as the opposite sex, not ten years post-declaration), and the evidence shows a nearly 20x increase in suicide at the 10+-year point, and
B) the odds are so low that transition will be best across the population of young people that watchful waiting is the only morally supportable social/political/medical policy that should be espoused.
Coupled with the fact that the human brain is still developing up to the age of around 25, the prefrontal cortex I think it's called. This is the part concerned with decision-making and critical thinking. This is why we're so much more impulsive as teenagers and things are more intense.
I reckon mine was still developing after 25; I was extremely impulsive well into my early thirties.
You can understand those other parents, because they went through the same dilemma you did, and you felt the same pressures they did. Try to focus on that part, instead of their horrible mistake, when interacting with them.
You have every right to be at social gatherings with your perspective and experience!
Your comments to the mother’s questions regarding your daughter were perfect- just whst they needed to hear. One day when their own daughter’s arms are empty and their hearts are aching to feel the embrace of a husband and the joys of motherhood, they will regret not having the courage to stand strong
against this evil cult these young girls have pursued.
To use the myth of Santa in late December is technically lying to our children, but this is a benign, self-limiting bit of fantasy for most of us. To tell your children that they can choose their own sex (or none at all!) is a lie that can't be tolerated by any sane adult. Some things can't be walked back. https://lucyleader.substack.com/p/lying-to-our-children-hey-all-parents
Your response was fabulous! You spoke the truth and should be proud of yourself for being so brave to speak up - especially to two foolish mothers who have caused irreparable harm to their daughters. I feel sorry for these two daughters who have been affirmed and are supported to pretend to be a male. One day the truth will be exposed and the reality of affirmation, surgeries, and cross-sex hormone side effects will be known and NO ONE will be able to hide what they did! The shame and guilt will be felt around the world for decades. But YOU will be able to walk with your head held high because you protected your daughter.
I have no idea why you feel wrong judging them! They are 100% in a cult and you simply walked in on them sacrificing their kids gentitals (probably unused) to the gender gods! I would love to interact with these women- I'd love to tell them how they will feel when their daughters have noone to date, reach the age where all their friends are having kids and they can't.. and they snap out of it and turn on their parents. It's only a matter of time..
I don't try to address the cult with members, parent or child. It will do no good. Just like any other cult, people will only wake up on their own. It's beyond crushing.
Yep. All we can do is show them that we are reasonable, empathetic people with different opinions than them. That in itself is the strongest statement against the hateful rhetoric they are being programmed with. When they are reminded that we are not actually horrible people, it increases their chances of recognizing the other lies they're being fed.
Parents who have consented to and supported medical transition at this point are a massive problem. Not only will they cling to this as a valid, effective treatment for distress (or being mystically born in the wrong body), they'll continue to need validation, which means more children following in their child's footsteps. It won't be acceptable for this to be a flash-in-the-pan social contagion. This makes them dangerous. For now, one-on-one conversations are probably the only thing we can count on that will keep other parents from supporting the medical abuse of their children. WaPo, the NYT, or John Oliver are not suddenly going to grow a pair.
As for cocktail hours and the like, there's nothing like interacting with someone who uses the insane pronouns for your child while you use the correct ones. There is something decidedly nasty about this, the message being, "I know your child better than you. And I'm a better person." At some point they'll have to reckon with their stupidity. I am fine letting karma, and eventually reality, take care of them.
I think they expect in the very woke liberal place I live everyone to, if not admire and agree with them, respect them. I don’t go out of my way to challenge anyone and I don’t expect to change their minds. But when they bring it up I am not going to be quiet so they can be comfortable. It doesn’t happen a lot. But one of the things that feeds the cult is people playing along socially, even if they think it’s BS, to be “kind.” My daughter is pretending to be a boy and everyone around her is pretending to believe she is a boy (except us of course). They are reinforcing it. If the people who don’t believe her fantasy is real quit acting like it is - to be nice- it would be much more difficult for her to hang on to the delusion.
That's the problem, it's an affirming v non-affirming numbers game. Although a 'very large' majority of the population don't believe this lunacy, however they are the majority in numbers outwardly affirming (out of fear, comfort, to be kind, etc.) which translates in the indoctrinated mind of a child or adult that, "I'm right and everyone agrees with me. You're wrong and that's why you're in the minority because you're the bigots and not worth listening to!" The affirmations strengthens their resolve and their delusion of 'being my true authentic self'.
This situation will only break when significant numbers of individuals start to break free and stop affirming.
Just a couple of weeks ago I learned of yet another trans youth in our community. It is a young person whom I used to see at church. The parents appear to be on board with her desire to be a man. It makes me sad to hear of each of these cases, as I can see that the young people are confused or unhappy with some aspect of their lives. It is difficult to know how to interact with some of them. Honest discourse is difficult when they insist on all of us supporting this fundamental lie.
Yes, Yes and Yes. It creeps in everywhere. I have experienced this too and it's really really really difficult. Hang in there and do what you need to do to keep your child safe. There are more people out there who don't agree with the affirmation model than it seems, as many will not speak about it until they feel safe. Thank you for posting
You are not wrong to judge them. They ARE abusers. They have abdicated their responsibility as parents to virtue signal; to be cool; to not be criticized by their Leftist lunatic friends. I don't care what their individual circumstances are. I care about the children they are destroying. Thank God for parents like you. Thank you for doing what is hard. Your daughter WILL thank you some day. And she will be so grateful you are her mom.
Amen to that! Thank you for your clarity. It feels as if we parents have been removed altogether from the equation. We actually had regular family dinners and activities together weekly. We were so close knit but still couldn't know what was happening behind the scenes at school, online, podcasts & videos, doctors' influences, etc! We were totally blindsided, yet many relatives and "friends" have shunned us for not blindly accepting our daughter's sudden scripted announcement of "trans" and taking hormones at age 18! The very religious ones avoid us like the plague, even though we often go to church. I lost my best friend even. This community here is my only support system! Thank you for being here, as I was quite suicidal in the beginning, 2 years ago.
I am sorry you don't have a support group to lean on other than here. I hope you can find some people who will walk with you through this terrible dark time. I go to church too but I only trust a few people with this information because I could not take the blind acceptance of my son's delusion from "friends". Most people just know that we are estranged but they don't know the particulars. The friends I trust have been a great balm for me. I hope you can find that too.
Thank you. Besides my husband and other daughter, I have no family. I have no in-person friends since this began 2 years ago. My distant relatives have shunned us since this began 2 years ago. Our priest has prayed for my daughter but we can't share this at church. I'm alone all day and mostly debilitated with serious depression since my daughter left for college and started hormones, then dropped out and went to the very dark side. Something must have happened to her during Covid lockdown/ at school and with her corrupt dr., teachers and friends. Sometimes it's all I can do to not kill myself. My life is meaningless now. But thank you, kind soul.
so sorry to hear this, us parents on here do hear you & do care. But yes its lonely, I don't value my life in the way I used to. I am finding 3 years on friends think we should just get on with it now, use her new name & move on --- we know its not that easy--- when its your child. sending virtual hugs x
Thank you! We'll never get over this.
I understand. It's been almost 2 years for us too. It is such a dark road we travel. We have one child who barely speaks to us (ghosting) because we don't affirm her sibling. It has fractured families for sure. I agree that something happened during covid that really messed up a lot of kids. I am pretty sure my son was abused but I don't know if I'll ever know for sure since he won't talk with us. Everything reminds me of my former life. I pray when I can. Sometimes I can't even do that. Sometimes I just cling to the Theotokos crying for help.
Wow! Our older daughter practically ghosts us too, in support of her sister! She even has ghost themed decor in her room after moving to an apartment last summer because she couldn't live with us anymore. We treated her lovingly and shared good times together, but she couldn't take it anymore- guilt? Our kids were abused mentally, if not physically, for sure! I'm not big on playing the victim, so it's hard for me to speak out. If you by chance live in Eastern WA, O would love to connect. There is no support group here- only the poor, deluded parents who jump on the trans bandwagon! I'm trying so hard to hold it together.
No, I live across the country in another blue state :( There is no support groups here that I know of either, I've just been able to gather around me a small group of family/friends who have not been captured by this cult. Some of them are dealing with adult children estrangement for other reasons too, so we support each other through that pain. Estrangement seems to be rampant and it's not just because of the trans issue. It's like the YA kids have all become cluster B narcissists.
I also wanted to say that this is still a very lonely road I walk. I also don't want to play the victim and I try not to overwhelm my friends/family with my day-to-day sadness and depression. I don't want my relationship with them to only be about my problems, if you KWIM.
Sorry you've had despair. I completely understand. Losing my son to this insane socially sanctioned cult is devastating. I've lost a close friend, too. The casualties of the gender cult are wide and deep. I, too, am grateful for the PITT community.
Me too- it's all I have.
Yes! You have put your finger on yet another aspect of the experience we all share, or most of us do, on the PITT forum. I am smacked in the face with this every single day in one form or another. It makes me evasive, or less inclined to socialise more broadly . . . Thank you also for your little prepared speech for use when others ask you how your daughter is doing. So far nobody (other than her university) has dared to use her male name and pronouns with me.
This will not be fixed until those child abusing parents, who led children through non-reversible changes to their bodies, are made to feel so uncomfortable that they have leave the cocktail party.
My heart goes out to you. First, for what you're dealing with regarding your daughter.
Second, for the problem of affirming parents putting pressure on all other parents to lie and to affirm.
I don't know what to say, other than something I've been saying to people lately, which has been surprisingly effective when anything related to biophobia (gender identity ideology) comes up. Or if I want to bring it up.
I've been saying, "I'm an advocate for detransitioners."
When they say, "What's that?" (because most people haven't bothered educating themselves about all sides on this issue), I say, "Detransitioners are people who thought they were trans, started medicalizing, then realized it wasn't the right pathway for them. Most could get medical coverage for those drugs and surgeries, but can't get coverage to reverse those procedures, to the extent they can even be reversed. And many of them suffer terribly from pain and medical complications."
When they respond, "There is a very low rate of regret," I reply, "That's very old data. A recent study, published this summer, found that of teens put on cross-sex hormones, after just 4 years, 30% had stopped taking them. That's a whopping percent who change their minds. Those hormones cause irreversible harms. Regret rates tend to increase over the years, after the surgery honeymoon period is over." (See segm.org for the study. I may have some of those facts incorrect here, I must go check them again.) I will check again and then come back and edit my comment.
Anyway, that usually starts a good conversation rooted in concern and compassion.
I've also been referring them to the Lesbians United YouTube channel. Lots of compelling 30 second videos. In person, they can be pulled up on one's phone to show people.
**
I find it also helps to say,
"It's necessary to read (not just listen to, but read) directly from sources from across the ideological spectrum on this or any other issue, and then use one's critical thinking skills to decide for oneself."
Best wishes.
P.S. I played field hockey, too. How awesome your daughter played hockey! Women and girls need to be told nowadays that they can love sports and non-traditional interests for females, and be a tomboy, and they are still female. And it's A-Ok. In fact, admirable to break those sexist, limiting, dehumanizing stereotypes.
That's great advice! I'll remember it.
I just say what I've always said: "I'm a lifelong women's rights activist. I'm against men in girls' and women's spaces." When they say, "But they're transgender, right?"(Notice that they KNOW we're talking about men), I can say, "No. They're not."
This rocks them back on their heels. "What do you mean?"
"ALL men can now use girls' and women's spaces. ALL of them. Including male sexual predators."
They literally don't know this. It is always a huge shock to them. In fact, a lot of them simply don't believe me, until I say, "How can you tell the difference?" and they realize they can't.
So I might get some form of, "Well, I've never heard of any problems," and I can ask, "Don't you think a sexual predator would lie? Girls and women can no longer hide from predators in the women's bathroom. Remember how we used to do that, when we were teenagers? Now, if a man gets caught in there, all he has to do is say, 'I'm a woman,' and he walks away scot-free."
Then, while the chipmunks in their head are scrambling, it's time to cite off the top of my head a fraction of the data on male sexual predators exploiting self-ID. It helps if problems have happened in your area--which, unfortunately, on Vancouver Island, they certainly have. But you can also use the LA Wi-Spa incident, over which there was a violent clash of protests, and then the man turned out to be a convicted sex offender. I assure them that I have tons of verifiable sourced data on this (which I do), and I'd be more than happy to share it with them.
They might still ask, "But was he a man or trans?" (Again, they KNOW we're talking about men.)
"He was a man. Just an ordinary, every day man, who thought he'd exploit self-ID to get into girls' and women's spaces, where we're supposed to be safe from the male gaze." This is true for ALL of these men, whether they think they're "trans" or not. They're just ordinary, every day men.
Depending upon how invested someone is in their cult, they might get exasperated and try to frame the issue as anti-sexism: "But someone assigned male at birth doesn't have to feel like a man! They can feel like a woman!"
This is pathetically simple to refute: "What feelings make a man a woman? Can't a man have those feelings just as legitimately as a woman?"
One woman said to me, "They feel, socially and emotionally, like the opposite sex," and I said, sincerely curious, "What does that mean, to feel socially and emotionally like someone else?" In the convoluted process of trying to explain, she finally realized that it simply doesn't make sense.
Usually they'll stop defending it when they realize they can't answer ANY of the friendly, common-sense questions I ask, about this issue they thought they knew.
And now the lightbulb is going on for them. *They had no idea.*
I know what I'm talking about, so it's easy to stay calm and reasonable, open to asking and answering questions, to listening and responding, as if we were both sensible, compassionate people.
And I never use the term trans or refer to men as if they're women. I never, ever, ever cooperate in the gaslighting.
Fantastic, Eleganta. I like how simple and straightforward your approach is, and what you say. I wrote it all down. (lol, could've printed it ;)
I guess I need to make a list of incidents of males in female spaces predating on women and girls. Thank you. This is something feminist activists need to compile! I've asked the "This Never Happens" page host to create a separate page just for males in female spaces. I got a "great idea!" reply, but no action. We really need to be compiling these news articles in one location, only about male predators of any kind in female spaces, then distilling it down to one line each: man's name, location, brief summary of what he did. Trans Crime UK has done this brilliantly. We need to create such a news article depository, and a summary list of male predators in female spaces in the U.S.
Thanks again, Eleganta!
I love your opening, "I'm a lifelong women's rights activist. I'm against men in girl's and women's spaces."
Go on to Reduxx for said list of horrors perpetrated in our safe spaces. There's no shortage. Happy to help ❣️
Thank you!
I would still like one space that is only for assaults in female-only spaces, to be able to quickly go through them all, that are just on that one issue. I think it's important because there's a need for a dedicated page since that is one of our main objections to gender identity nonsense: the danger of men in female only spaces. But I can start making a list for myself from Reduxx issues, and perhaps put up on a website for our easy reference, and to print out the list to show people. Thanks again.
Pity and anger--yup, that sums up how we feel about affirming parents. The vast majority of them are doing (or allowing to be done) irreparable harm to their children (even if those children are of the age of majority). I would rather err on the side that even if it turns out that my kid has some mental illness that is so deep the only option is to pretend she’s the opposite sex, those steps should not begin until she’s 30 (for our daughter, who is incredibly intelligent and incredibly immature). Maybe for some it would be 28, or 25, but in no case is it in the teens or early-20s. And for those who would argue I would gently suggest that:
A) you probably don’t have a decade or more post-transition (fully living as the opposite sex, not ten years post-declaration), and the evidence shows a nearly 20x increase in suicide at the 10+-year point, and
B) the odds are so low that transition will be best across the population of young people that watchful waiting is the only morally supportable social/political/medical policy that should be espoused.
Coupled with the fact that the human brain is still developing up to the age of around 25, the prefrontal cortex I think it's called. This is the part concerned with decision-making and critical thinking. This is why we're so much more impulsive as teenagers and things are more intense.
I reckon mine was still developing after 25; I was extremely impulsive well into my early thirties.
I am so sorry. We are right there with you.
You can understand those other parents, because they went through the same dilemma you did, and you felt the same pressures they did. Try to focus on that part, instead of their horrible mistake, when interacting with them.
You have every right to be at social gatherings with your perspective and experience!
You’re not wrong to judge the mothers. You’re wrong not to.
Your comments to the mother’s questions regarding your daughter were perfect- just whst they needed to hear. One day when their own daughter’s arms are empty and their hearts are aching to feel the embrace of a husband and the joys of motherhood, they will regret not having the courage to stand strong
against this evil cult these young girls have pursued.
God bless you and your daughter.
To use the myth of Santa in late December is technically lying to our children, but this is a benign, self-limiting bit of fantasy for most of us. To tell your children that they can choose their own sex (or none at all!) is a lie that can't be tolerated by any sane adult. Some things can't be walked back. https://lucyleader.substack.com/p/lying-to-our-children-hey-all-parents
Your response was fabulous! You spoke the truth and should be proud of yourself for being so brave to speak up - especially to two foolish mothers who have caused irreparable harm to their daughters. I feel sorry for these two daughters who have been affirmed and are supported to pretend to be a male. One day the truth will be exposed and the reality of affirmation, surgeries, and cross-sex hormone side effects will be known and NO ONE will be able to hide what they did! The shame and guilt will be felt around the world for decades. But YOU will be able to walk with your head held high because you protected your daughter.
I have no idea why you feel wrong judging them! They are 100% in a cult and you simply walked in on them sacrificing their kids gentitals (probably unused) to the gender gods! I would love to interact with these women- I'd love to tell them how they will feel when their daughters have noone to date, reach the age where all their friends are having kids and they can't.. and they snap out of it and turn on their parents. It's only a matter of time..
I don't try to address the cult with members, parent or child. It will do no good. Just like any other cult, people will only wake up on their own. It's beyond crushing.
Yep. All we can do is show them that we are reasonable, empathetic people with different opinions than them. That in itself is the strongest statement against the hateful rhetoric they are being programmed with. When they are reminded that we are not actually horrible people, it increases their chances of recognizing the other lies they're being fed.
Parents who have consented to and supported medical transition at this point are a massive problem. Not only will they cling to this as a valid, effective treatment for distress (or being mystically born in the wrong body), they'll continue to need validation, which means more children following in their child's footsteps. It won't be acceptable for this to be a flash-in-the-pan social contagion. This makes them dangerous. For now, one-on-one conversations are probably the only thing we can count on that will keep other parents from supporting the medical abuse of their children. WaPo, the NYT, or John Oliver are not suddenly going to grow a pair.
As for cocktail hours and the like, there's nothing like interacting with someone who uses the insane pronouns for your child while you use the correct ones. There is something decidedly nasty about this, the message being, "I know your child better than you. And I'm a better person." At some point they'll have to reckon with their stupidity. I am fine letting karma, and eventually reality, take care of them.
I think they expect in the very woke liberal place I live everyone to, if not admire and agree with them, respect them. I don’t go out of my way to challenge anyone and I don’t expect to change their minds. But when they bring it up I am not going to be quiet so they can be comfortable. It doesn’t happen a lot. But one of the things that feeds the cult is people playing along socially, even if they think it’s BS, to be “kind.” My daughter is pretending to be a boy and everyone around her is pretending to believe she is a boy (except us of course). They are reinforcing it. If the people who don’t believe her fantasy is real quit acting like it is - to be nice- it would be much more difficult for her to hang on to the delusion.
That's the problem, it's an affirming v non-affirming numbers game. Although a 'very large' majority of the population don't believe this lunacy, however they are the majority in numbers outwardly affirming (out of fear, comfort, to be kind, etc.) which translates in the indoctrinated mind of a child or adult that, "I'm right and everyone agrees with me. You're wrong and that's why you're in the minority because you're the bigots and not worth listening to!" The affirmations strengthens their resolve and their delusion of 'being my true authentic self'.
This situation will only break when significant numbers of individuals start to break free and stop affirming.