Thank you for your response.I suspect my daughter is a lesbian or bisexual. When I asked, she said she’s not sure. I have expressed I’ll love her regardless of sexual preferences or exterior appearances. I just pleaded with her to give serious thought to what transition entails, especially with a family history of heart condition…
Thank you for your response.I suspect my daughter is a lesbian or bisexual. When I asked, she said she’s not sure. I have expressed I’ll love her regardless of sexual preferences or exterior appearances. I just pleaded with her to give serious thought to what transition entails, especially with a family history of heart conditions and pancreatic cancer.She claims she’ll “be more comfortable “ with herself if she alters her physical appearance.
I’m almost finished with a program to advance my nursing degree. We have plans to spend a weekend together, once I’m done, to further discuss all of this. I prefaced the idea of spending a weekend together with, “I’d like to learn more about your feelings and plans.” I’m hoping & praying some good will arise from it.
You're fortunate she can talk to you about herself. But many who 'transition' end up w/ a great deal of discomfort from the effects of the cross-sex hormones and the complications of the surgeries--and, of course, they become lifelong medical patients.
I’m trying to find a way to get that through to her before she attempts any of this. She tells me she’s well aware of the potential adverse effects, etc. I’ve sent her books like “irreversible damage “‘ videos including “Affirmation Generation” and told her of patients I’ve seen die from sepsis, etc.
I paid for sessions with Dr Zucker.
I’m praying , since she hasn’t physically changed herself via medical intervention yet, there’s internal & non verbalized doubt . I’m planning to try like crazy to appeal to that doubt and increase it.
Either way. I’m going to love her & hope & pray hormones don’t tear us apart .
It's great that she is talking to you! Interesting that she picked such a "weak" word as "comfortable" to explain her reasons for wanting to transition. Comfort is a relatively low importance goal, isn't it? Most people don't undergo invasive (highly uncomfortable) medical procedures to feel more comfortable. Do you think you could gently ask her what are the things that she values higher than being comfortable? Would transition help or hinder achieving them?
I’m trying to compile a list of things I’d like to ask & to figure out the best way to go about it.
I sent her many things to read and watch. She & I wrote emails back and forth. She asked me to please stop sending her things “about the plague that’s killing her daughter.”I agreed. Then after some time of complying with her request. I sent her “Affirmation Generation “ stating I knew I made a promise but felt so much that it was an exception- I would refuse future/further conversions unless she watched it in its entirety. So she claimed she did, in its entirety, but still plans to proceed with her transition.
The day she came out to us, I told her I knew it was selfish, but asked her to wait until I completed school to take any action. She thanked me for admitting it was selfish & agreed.
I recently discussed & sent her the article on “The Two Spirit people of indigenous North Americans” asking if she thought about embracing a gift rather than altering her appearance & that’s when she used the term “more comfortable.” My daughter is a beautiful person inside and out. We’ve had a great relationship throughout the years. I often told her I admired her talents & calm nature and wished I shared more of those qualities.
When I saw she was struggling a bit with fitting in I rearranged my schedules to take her & friends to concerts in different locations. I sat through many horse shows and practices to instill she was never alone, unless she wanted to be.
I know I’m rambling, but that’s why this is so difficult to accept. All those road trips, late rides home after practicing. She never said a word or even eluded to it.
I’m not one of those parents who sees no wrong in their child. I’ve called my kids out on plenty; like not being patient with a friend, or making sure they didn’t just include someone for their own benefit, making sure they returned a favor when a friend needed them, etc.🤷🏻♀️
There's hope, because you and your daughter are communicating with each other. She hasn't cut you off, as so often happens. This is huge. Soffie's in her early 20s. Her pre-frontal cortex is still in the process of maturing. She'll acquire much self-awareness prior to her 30th birthday that will change her perspective on everything. Looking back, I see how much more clear-headed I was at 30 than at 23. She doesn't know about this. But you do. Waiting is of the essence, and Soffie needs time.
Her discomfort with her physical self is not unusual, especially if she's dealing with issues related to sexuality. Unfortunately, grooming comes into play here: the trans community pushes the narrative that women's lives are awful and it's better -- more powerful, credible, courageous -- to be a man than a masculine woman. That's a terrible reason to transition but it carries a lot of weight. However, your credibiilty as a medical professional also carries a lot of weight, and it's not based on ideological jargon, but on real-world scientific knowledge and experience. Right now she may believe that she needs to transition ASAP. But if you can suggest to her that she wait, it might give her some comfort and breathing room. And, of course, in the interim, her brain will be moving in the direction of maturity, logic and self-awareness.
Maybe you've seen the new documentary, "Affirmation Generation"? It would be wonderful if she'd agree to watch it with you. I have no doubt that she would see herself in the three young women who share their stories. It's a masterful film.
In the privacy of Soffie's mind, good information will counteract the propaganda that she's undoubtedly exposed to. As she matures, the truth about trans will percolate and becomes part of the knowledge base she will use to realize that she is perfect just the way she is. At least, this is my hope for her. And for you.
Beeswax,
Thank you for your response.I suspect my daughter is a lesbian or bisexual. When I asked, she said she’s not sure. I have expressed I’ll love her regardless of sexual preferences or exterior appearances. I just pleaded with her to give serious thought to what transition entails, especially with a family history of heart conditions and pancreatic cancer.She claims she’ll “be more comfortable “ with herself if she alters her physical appearance.
I’m almost finished with a program to advance my nursing degree. We have plans to spend a weekend together, once I’m done, to further discuss all of this. I prefaced the idea of spending a weekend together with, “I’d like to learn more about your feelings and plans.” I’m hoping & praying some good will arise from it.
You're fortunate she can talk to you about herself. But many who 'transition' end up w/ a great deal of discomfort from the effects of the cross-sex hormones and the complications of the surgeries--and, of course, they become lifelong medical patients.
I’m trying to find a way to get that through to her before she attempts any of this. She tells me she’s well aware of the potential adverse effects, etc. I’ve sent her books like “irreversible damage “‘ videos including “Affirmation Generation” and told her of patients I’ve seen die from sepsis, etc.
I paid for sessions with Dr Zucker.
I’m praying , since she hasn’t physically changed herself via medical intervention yet, there’s internal & non verbalized doubt . I’m planning to try like crazy to appeal to that doubt and increase it.
Either way. I’m going to love her & hope & pray hormones don’t tear us apart .
It's great that she is talking to you! Interesting that she picked such a "weak" word as "comfortable" to explain her reasons for wanting to transition. Comfort is a relatively low importance goal, isn't it? Most people don't undergo invasive (highly uncomfortable) medical procedures to feel more comfortable. Do you think you could gently ask her what are the things that she values higher than being comfortable? Would transition help or hinder achieving them?
I’m trying to compile a list of things I’d like to ask & to figure out the best way to go about it.
I sent her many things to read and watch. She & I wrote emails back and forth. She asked me to please stop sending her things “about the plague that’s killing her daughter.”I agreed. Then after some time of complying with her request. I sent her “Affirmation Generation “ stating I knew I made a promise but felt so much that it was an exception- I would refuse future/further conversions unless she watched it in its entirety. So she claimed she did, in its entirety, but still plans to proceed with her transition.
The day she came out to us, I told her I knew it was selfish, but asked her to wait until I completed school to take any action. She thanked me for admitting it was selfish & agreed.
I recently discussed & sent her the article on “The Two Spirit people of indigenous North Americans” asking if she thought about embracing a gift rather than altering her appearance & that’s when she used the term “more comfortable.” My daughter is a beautiful person inside and out. We’ve had a great relationship throughout the years. I often told her I admired her talents & calm nature and wished I shared more of those qualities.
When I saw she was struggling a bit with fitting in I rearranged my schedules to take her & friends to concerts in different locations. I sat through many horse shows and practices to instill she was never alone, unless she wanted to be.
I know I’m rambling, but that’s why this is so difficult to accept. All those road trips, late rides home after practicing. She never said a word or even eluded to it.
I’m not one of those parents who sees no wrong in their child. I’ve called my kids out on plenty; like not being patient with a friend, or making sure they didn’t just include someone for their own benefit, making sure they returned a favor when a friend needed them, etc.🤷🏻♀️
She sounds like a wonderful young woman and you sound like a great mom. I hope she comes to her senses soon.
Thank you for that. But I question my parenting repeatedly over this.
Me too, I always question myself as a parent. Maybe it's not a bad thing?
There's hope, because you and your daughter are communicating with each other. She hasn't cut you off, as so often happens. This is huge. Soffie's in her early 20s. Her pre-frontal cortex is still in the process of maturing. She'll acquire much self-awareness prior to her 30th birthday that will change her perspective on everything. Looking back, I see how much more clear-headed I was at 30 than at 23. She doesn't know about this. But you do. Waiting is of the essence, and Soffie needs time.
Her discomfort with her physical self is not unusual, especially if she's dealing with issues related to sexuality. Unfortunately, grooming comes into play here: the trans community pushes the narrative that women's lives are awful and it's better -- more powerful, credible, courageous -- to be a man than a masculine woman. That's a terrible reason to transition but it carries a lot of weight. However, your credibiilty as a medical professional also carries a lot of weight, and it's not based on ideological jargon, but on real-world scientific knowledge and experience. Right now she may believe that she needs to transition ASAP. But if you can suggest to her that she wait, it might give her some comfort and breathing room. And, of course, in the interim, her brain will be moving in the direction of maturity, logic and self-awareness.
Maybe you've seen the new documentary, "Affirmation Generation"? It would be wonderful if she'd agree to watch it with you. I have no doubt that she would see herself in the three young women who share their stories. It's a masterful film.
In the privacy of Soffie's mind, good information will counteract the propaganda that she's undoubtedly exposed to. As she matures, the truth about trans will percolate and becomes part of the knowledge base she will use to realize that she is perfect just the way she is. At least, this is my hope for her. And for you.
Good luck, Soffie's mom.