Hmmmm... This is more complicated on many levels.... and I lived through a lot of it.
Your son may be a crossdresser -- I am myself -- it's not ideal, but it's a better deal than transitioning.
He's using his crossdressing to make relationships. I can understand that appeal -- I've done it myself -- but its not making solid relations. And it's putting him in an awkward approach, because even if he finds a girl willing to play along, it's a poor foundation for a relationship.
If he stays at crossdressing, he's gonna fish out of a smaller pond -- finding someone who is okay with it and participates in it -- but if that's the only basis for relationship, he's gonna have a tough time.
He has to develop himself OUTSIDE of crossdressing and find other fertile ground.
That's frustrating for all young men who are shy and unsure of themselves and trying to find their rhythm, whether crossdresser or not.
As a teen he might still be able to escape a lifetime reliance on this fetish. But better start making other solid identities soon before it fully takes root.
I might suggest you watch Spiderman 2 with him. That movie really reflects some of what's going on here, and I've seen a parallel to dating as a crossdresser in it.
Peter Parker "comes out" to Mary Jane about being a crossdresser -- oops, I mean, about being Spiderman. She's okay with it. But he abuses that trust by ALWAYS talking about being Spider Man with her and no other topic. MJ would like the chance to talk to Peter about her own problems in life, her career and hopes and dreams, but he keeps steering the conversation back to crossdressing -- I mean, being Spiderman. And this leads to them breaking up for a while until he can grow up a bit.
Another sad story about the evil trans-cult. So, who do we really blame? Your confused and brainwashed son or the cheerleader who thought she was helping him meet his needs? Let's face it, the transgender ideology has seeped into our homes uninvited. The trans-cult has become a hot topic and no matter which side you are on - affirmation or denial, the destruction is real. Healthy bodies are being poisoned, unnecessary surgeries are being performed, families are being torn apart. Lives are being lost. I blame the misinformed and the ignorant. I blame social contagion and the fact that the school boards have allowed this type of behavior to go on in the schools; allowing boys and girls to dress and act like the opposite sex; allowing the opposite sex to use the opposite sex bathrooms; allowing teachers, counselors, coaches and staff to "secretly" use new made-up names for students without notifying their parents. I also blame the media for their transgender exploitation and for glamorizing "being trans" as well as advertising and flaunting the transgender ideology. I blame the internet for being allowed to post the lies, the cartoons, the shows, the stories which all promoting transgender. I blame the therapists, doctors, surgeons, hospitals and clinics that support the mutilation of healthy bodies. I blame Big Pharma for making these cross-sex hormones so readily available and for not disclosing ALL the serious and permanent side-effects. I blame the politicians who have not fought to protect innocent children, teens, and young adults, who are clearly in a state of confusion and are mentally and emotionally incapable of making these serious life-long health decisions. Who I do not blame, is the PARENTS!
Your son is the one initiating all these contacts with girls. He’s the one suggesting that these girls take him shopping. You’re acting like they’re seeking him out and then cruelly dropping him, which isn’t what’s happening.
“Beyond a few shopping trips, my son’s cheerleader eventually became disillusioned and left him behind. Her mother tells me that her daughter is not certain that my son is truly gender dysphoric. She said her daughter now feels like a victim and that she’d been used. While I see her point, I believe my son is the real victim here - tossed aside, he’s right back where he started, but more confused and damaged than before.”
None of these girls are obligated to be friends with your son. It sounds like they figured out that he’s using “I’m trans, help me shop” as an excuse to get their attention and seek out a level of intimacy that he couldn’t get as a “cis boy.” Your son is not a victim in any sense of the word.
Twelve-year- old girls look a l-o-t more beautiful, sophisticated and adult than twelve-year-old boys. It really is cruel. My sons were awkward around girls until about age fifteen, and then suddenly they weren't. I believe it helped when I explained to them that girls were just as shy and nervous as they were. On the other hand, it may have helped to have gotten some coaching on the subject. Books. Youtube videos. Pickup artists--someone.
I find this post difficult.... I do understand the cheerleader type and this young generation definitely seem to be more "fluid" and accepting of all things, but my daughter is so woke and helps her non binary friend to feel "accepted", she definitely did not cause her friends dysphoria. Her hands are tied, the friend is convinced and my daughter is not conservative like me and things in hateful cos I still call her friend by her female name. But no matter how much of an ally my daughter is, she is doing it to be a good friend and although I know you are probably in damage control mode and hurting, angry and anxious, I don't think any of this is the "cheerleaders" fault. She is just as captivated as them all and I bet she believes in the wacky "trapped in the wrong body" line.... I'm sorry youbate going through the and I know it hurts, but it does seem your son kept perusing that girl for affirmation and attention and if she ignored him, perhaps he would've behaved even more erratic. She was actually manipulated by your son and probably had no idea how to deal with it. Bits a worry what these kids will do for attention, not healthy at all, but she didn't owe him anything and it's important for girls to know that they don't owe boys who fancy them anything. They are free to say no.
I think girls are biologically wired to respond to very aggressive and "confident" males. When I was younger I couldn't understand why girls would essentially turn up their noses at me the second I showed the slightest sign of not being uber-confident at all times, or displayed any sensitivity at all. Women usually can't pull out of this pattern until they are involved with a series of narcissistic creeps and fragile males egos, and sometimes they never pull out of it. Smart women come to realize that the guy talking the loudest and seemingly the most confident is in reality the most insecure and childish. The problem is many times it takes women two or three marriages/divorces to figure that out. There's nothing wrong with your son except the possible capturing by trans ideology. He's responding to evolved biological impulses and a system that's the definition of unfair.
As a detransitioned woman: it strikes me as the easy route to say that your son is the only victim, here.
While what your family is going through, including him, is deeply painful and confusing, and I have immense compassion for you all:
it’s extremely confusing for any kid growing up these days. Being steeped in gender ideology from a young age is messing with these kids—I didn’t encounter it until I was a teen, and it hoovered me up for breakfast as soon as it could. The girls who have been groomed into being the helpmeat—their purpose in life to be sexual object, or project manager, are actively used as weapons of carrying this out. This is a dance and it takes two to tango.
I see no winners in this narrative, and it’s a far more interesting and accurate one when we can see how each individual in this situation is caught between a rock and a hard place. Women are socialized young to take on the project—especially when thar project is male. If we instead teach young girls and boys they are their own lifelong project, that the external locus of control model will only cause them grief, then we can get somewhere with this.
My son also tried to convince me that he always felt this way. Uh no I was there.
I too read my child’s text. What girls say to these boys is manipulation sometimes.
Girls feel safe around my son when he says he’s a girl. And then at some point they don’t… because he’s not!
The schools make the all students be nice to trans identified kids. Or they will get in trouble. Or they will get cancelled.
Being “nice” to trans identified kids only harms them. I can’t even get this through to adults in my life.
I see my actual daughter struggle with all of this, in school, with friends, with her brother who thinks he’s a girl. She goes from being angry at him and thinks he’s a smelly boy who never has had to worry about a period to then trying to be “nice” to him and give him her old perfume. And she has to be “nice” to other trans kids at school. She is very aware that all of these trans kids have mental issues and she’s the younger sibling. I try to give her words to use if she needs. I told her to not help feed his belief. Sometimes she wants to talk and complain. Sometimes she’s very angry at me and doesn’t want to talk about this at all. Sometimes she’s very angry at him when her girlfriends come over and he then flips the switch and tries on his she pronouns.
Now think about this and every kid. They are all struggling when all the adults are saying what you see with your own eyes is not the TRUTH.
I would prefer people not be so “nice” to my trans identified child. Tell him the truth. I see a boy with long hair. Don’t feed into the delusion. Don’t make your children fed into the delusion and force them to not be real. It’s not nice. It’s confusing. It’s crazy.
Which is part of the problem. Parents are dismissed. We’re not allowed to do our job. Our influence is undermined & their peer group or other so called trusted adults in their lives take over. Be it a teacher, counselor, another affirming family member…
Seventh grade is when I became infatuated with the popular girl, who had the OBR shirts, and looked pretty in her training bra when dressing out for PE in the girls locker room. What is this form of attraction? Limerance. An undeveloped sense of self, confusion over the object of desire and the self.
Wow. Talk about DARVO. Your son was the one that used the girls, coming up with the gender dysphoria fable to get their attention. When they tried to help, he likely took advantage, and all eventually realized he had other intentions. This sounds as if girls aren't allowed to set their boundaries if it's inconvenient for your son. He wasn't "discarded" but was figured out. I had a friend that asked for help a few years back and after some months of doing what I could, I quickly realized I was being manipulated, but I've helped out other friends in distress and they were not a "project." Why don't you teach your son about reality when it comes to attraction and dating?
How is your son now? We are working to expose the psychology behind "Trans." Check out our work at www.enlightenedgays.org
Hmmmm... This is more complicated on many levels.... and I lived through a lot of it.
Your son may be a crossdresser -- I am myself -- it's not ideal, but it's a better deal than transitioning.
He's using his crossdressing to make relationships. I can understand that appeal -- I've done it myself -- but its not making solid relations. And it's putting him in an awkward approach, because even if he finds a girl willing to play along, it's a poor foundation for a relationship.
If he stays at crossdressing, he's gonna fish out of a smaller pond -- finding someone who is okay with it and participates in it -- but if that's the only basis for relationship, he's gonna have a tough time.
He has to develop himself OUTSIDE of crossdressing and find other fertile ground.
That's frustrating for all young men who are shy and unsure of themselves and trying to find their rhythm, whether crossdresser or not.
As a teen he might still be able to escape a lifetime reliance on this fetish. But better start making other solid identities soon before it fully takes root.
I might suggest you watch Spiderman 2 with him. That movie really reflects some of what's going on here, and I've seen a parallel to dating as a crossdresser in it.
Peter Parker "comes out" to Mary Jane about being a crossdresser -- oops, I mean, about being Spiderman. She's okay with it. But he abuses that trust by ALWAYS talking about being Spider Man with her and no other topic. MJ would like the chance to talk to Peter about her own problems in life, her career and hopes and dreams, but he keeps steering the conversation back to crossdressing -- I mean, being Spiderman. And this leads to them breaking up for a while until he can grow up a bit.
There are many girls cheering on this identity for both boys and girls. They call is allyship.
It could start in the Gender Straight Alliance at school.
I am a parent of a girl who was cheered on in this identity by girls,
Another sad story about the evil trans-cult. So, who do we really blame? Your confused and brainwashed son or the cheerleader who thought she was helping him meet his needs? Let's face it, the transgender ideology has seeped into our homes uninvited. The trans-cult has become a hot topic and no matter which side you are on - affirmation or denial, the destruction is real. Healthy bodies are being poisoned, unnecessary surgeries are being performed, families are being torn apart. Lives are being lost. I blame the misinformed and the ignorant. I blame social contagion and the fact that the school boards have allowed this type of behavior to go on in the schools; allowing boys and girls to dress and act like the opposite sex; allowing the opposite sex to use the opposite sex bathrooms; allowing teachers, counselors, coaches and staff to "secretly" use new made-up names for students without notifying their parents. I also blame the media for their transgender exploitation and for glamorizing "being trans" as well as advertising and flaunting the transgender ideology. I blame the internet for being allowed to post the lies, the cartoons, the shows, the stories which all promoting transgender. I blame the therapists, doctors, surgeons, hospitals and clinics that support the mutilation of healthy bodies. I blame Big Pharma for making these cross-sex hormones so readily available and for not disclosing ALL the serious and permanent side-effects. I blame the politicians who have not fought to protect innocent children, teens, and young adults, who are clearly in a state of confusion and are mentally and emotionally incapable of making these serious life-long health decisions. Who I do not blame, is the PARENTS!
Your son is the one initiating all these contacts with girls. He’s the one suggesting that these girls take him shopping. You’re acting like they’re seeking him out and then cruelly dropping him, which isn’t what’s happening.
“Beyond a few shopping trips, my son’s cheerleader eventually became disillusioned and left him behind. Her mother tells me that her daughter is not certain that my son is truly gender dysphoric. She said her daughter now feels like a victim and that she’d been used. While I see her point, I believe my son is the real victim here - tossed aside, he’s right back where he started, but more confused and damaged than before.”
None of these girls are obligated to be friends with your son. It sounds like they figured out that he’s using “I’m trans, help me shop” as an excuse to get their attention and seek out a level of intimacy that he couldn’t get as a “cis boy.” Your son is not a victim in any sense of the word.
'She said her daughter now feels like a victim and that she’d been used. '
You should tell the girls mother she needs to take some responsibility band straighten out her daughter!!
AND
It does seem to be about FEELINGS...
"But, in today’s mixed-up world, feelings are paramount, and facts are disposable and malleable"
Twelve-year- old girls look a l-o-t more beautiful, sophisticated and adult than twelve-year-old boys. It really is cruel. My sons were awkward around girls until about age fifteen, and then suddenly they weren't. I believe it helped when I explained to them that girls were just as shy and nervous as they were. On the other hand, it may have helped to have gotten some coaching on the subject. Books. Youtube videos. Pickup artists--someone.
I find this post difficult.... I do understand the cheerleader type and this young generation definitely seem to be more "fluid" and accepting of all things, but my daughter is so woke and helps her non binary friend to feel "accepted", she definitely did not cause her friends dysphoria. Her hands are tied, the friend is convinced and my daughter is not conservative like me and things in hateful cos I still call her friend by her female name. But no matter how much of an ally my daughter is, she is doing it to be a good friend and although I know you are probably in damage control mode and hurting, angry and anxious, I don't think any of this is the "cheerleaders" fault. She is just as captivated as them all and I bet she believes in the wacky "trapped in the wrong body" line.... I'm sorry youbate going through the and I know it hurts, but it does seem your son kept perusing that girl for affirmation and attention and if she ignored him, perhaps he would've behaved even more erratic. She was actually manipulated by your son and probably had no idea how to deal with it. Bits a worry what these kids will do for attention, not healthy at all, but she didn't owe him anything and it's important for girls to know that they don't owe boys who fancy them anything. They are free to say no.
I think girls are biologically wired to respond to very aggressive and "confident" males. When I was younger I couldn't understand why girls would essentially turn up their noses at me the second I showed the slightest sign of not being uber-confident at all times, or displayed any sensitivity at all. Women usually can't pull out of this pattern until they are involved with a series of narcissistic creeps and fragile males egos, and sometimes they never pull out of it. Smart women come to realize that the guy talking the loudest and seemingly the most confident is in reality the most insecure and childish. The problem is many times it takes women two or three marriages/divorces to figure that out. There's nothing wrong with your son except the possible capturing by trans ideology. He's responding to evolved biological impulses and a system that's the definition of unfair.
You were lucky that the types of women who rip though marriage vows like they were paper ribbon holding them back, avoided you. You escaped a plague.
As a detransitioned woman: it strikes me as the easy route to say that your son is the only victim, here.
While what your family is going through, including him, is deeply painful and confusing, and I have immense compassion for you all:
it’s extremely confusing for any kid growing up these days. Being steeped in gender ideology from a young age is messing with these kids—I didn’t encounter it until I was a teen, and it hoovered me up for breakfast as soon as it could. The girls who have been groomed into being the helpmeat—their purpose in life to be sexual object, or project manager, are actively used as weapons of carrying this out. This is a dance and it takes two to tango.
I see no winners in this narrative, and it’s a far more interesting and accurate one when we can see how each individual in this situation is caught between a rock and a hard place. Women are socialized young to take on the project—especially when thar project is male. If we instead teach young girls and boys they are their own lifelong project, that the external locus of control model will only cause them grief, then we can get somewhere with this.
My son also tried to convince me that he always felt this way. Uh no I was there.
I too read my child’s text. What girls say to these boys is manipulation sometimes.
Girls feel safe around my son when he says he’s a girl. And then at some point they don’t… because he’s not!
The schools make the all students be nice to trans identified kids. Or they will get in trouble. Or they will get cancelled.
Being “nice” to trans identified kids only harms them. I can’t even get this through to adults in my life.
I see my actual daughter struggle with all of this, in school, with friends, with her brother who thinks he’s a girl. She goes from being angry at him and thinks he’s a smelly boy who never has had to worry about a period to then trying to be “nice” to him and give him her old perfume. And she has to be “nice” to other trans kids at school. She is very aware that all of these trans kids have mental issues and she’s the younger sibling. I try to give her words to use if she needs. I told her to not help feed his belief. Sometimes she wants to talk and complain. Sometimes she’s very angry at me and doesn’t want to talk about this at all. Sometimes she’s very angry at him when her girlfriends come over and he then flips the switch and tries on his she pronouns.
Now think about this and every kid. They are all struggling when all the adults are saying what you see with your own eyes is not the TRUTH.
I would prefer people not be so “nice” to my trans identified child. Tell him the truth. I see a boy with long hair. Don’t feed into the delusion. Don’t make your children fed into the delusion and force them to not be real. It’s not nice. It’s confusing. It’s crazy.
It is not a teenage girl's job to correctly diagnose the deep and complex mental issues of a teenage boy.
That is an adult's job.
Which is part of the problem. Parents are dismissed. We’re not allowed to do our job. Our influence is undermined & their peer group or other so called trusted adults in their lives take over. Be it a teacher, counselor, another affirming family member…
Maybe try coda.org for yourself
Patterns and characteristics of codependency
Beware the CULT OF ALLYSHIP
Seventh grade is when I became infatuated with the popular girl, who had the OBR shirts, and looked pretty in her training bra when dressing out for PE in the girls locker room. What is this form of attraction? Limerance. An undeveloped sense of self, confusion over the object of desire and the self.
When I grew up, I couldn't get a crush on a single boy, who didn't have a crush on Marsha Brady.
Oh, the victim card. We know it all too well!
Wow. Talk about DARVO. Your son was the one that used the girls, coming up with the gender dysphoria fable to get their attention. When they tried to help, he likely took advantage, and all eventually realized he had other intentions. This sounds as if girls aren't allowed to set their boundaries if it's inconvenient for your son. He wasn't "discarded" but was figured out. I had a friend that asked for help a few years back and after some months of doing what I could, I quickly realized I was being manipulated, but I've helped out other friends in distress and they were not a "project." Why don't you teach your son about reality when it comes to attraction and dating?