Comments Section

The other day I made the mistake of reading the social media comments section on a news article about parents suing a school for socially transitioning their daughter without their knowledge. The article pointed out that the daughter no longer identified as transgender after the parents arranged for her to see a private counselor rather than the one provided by the school (also without parental knowledge).

Here are some of the comments I read:

There must be a good reason why the child hid that information from the parents (i.e. they must be "bad" or abusive parents).

They must have sent their kid to conversion therapy (the private counselor).

The kid will go back to being their "true self" in 2-4 years.

Anger over the article using female pronouns to refer to the daughter. 

So the parents can use a "chosen name" (the pseudonym listed in the lawsuit) but the child can't?

The parents should be shot.

It's only social transition like names and pronouns, what's the big deal?

These parents seem to think their child is their property.

How sad, they couldn't love/accept their son as is. 

Because my daughter’s high school hid her social transition from us, I have some insight as to how I would answer these comments. For starters, I would point out: 

Many commenters are under the mistaken impression that gender dysphoria is an untreatable, innate condition. I believe this confusion is due to the fact that the legacy media often equates being "trans" to being gay.  Being gay does not require any treatment. In reality, gender dysphoria used to be a very rare condition where the tried-and-true treatment was to simply allow children go through puberty and, once they reached maturity, the vast majority would no longer experience extreme discomfort with their sex. Many of these children grow up to simply be gay/lesbian/bi. Rarely was any child subjected to medical, social or physical transition until very recently in our history. That was a decision for an adult to undertake with their own body after extensive safeguarding and psychological evaluation, not for parents to decide for children mainly due to the fact that children’s identities are still developing and in flux well into their adulthood. It was acknowledged that medical transition comes with huge risks and tradeoffs and should only be undertaken under strict clinical supervision after every other option had been exhausted (including treating all other all too common comorbidities).

Currently in the U.S. gender transition is a $4B industry with projections skyrocketing into the foreseeable future. Planned Parenthood offers these "treatments" after a 30-minute session once someone turns 18 under the model of "informed consent". Several online mail order options are now available. 

Today the condition of gender dysphoria has seemingly been forgotten behind the label of "trans". Transitioning as a way to manage gender dysphoria is no longer needed to be trans. Someone can simply say they are trans and we must take that declaration at face value. "Trans" can mean anything to anyone, and it must not be questioned (or you are accused of denying their very humanity and existence). Same with "gender." In fact, "gender" (which is simply defined legally as a "deeply held feeling") is now codified into law as a protected category in many states, essentially rendering all sex-based protections obsolete if anyone, at any time, for any reason, can identify into any sex category by way of "gender". 

Like any parent who has gone down this path and seen it for what it really is, I could go on and on, however, I'll respond to a few of the comments.

There must be a good reason why the child hid that information from the parents (i.e., they must be "bad" or abusive parents).

It’s not by accident that these claims are being made. Activist organizations (many who guide our school policies) have been putting out the message that parents should be approached with caution and their motives should be questioned if the child has ANY hesitation or confusion about talking to them and that we should let children/teens/young adults lead the adults. This is a classic case of adults assuming children are thinking with a mature brain, which obviously, they are not. It also helps absolve the complicit adults of responsibility. They can simply say, “this is what the child wanted”. The fact that these kids WANT to hide things from their parents shows their immaturity and it is at these times when they most need their loving parents’ wisdom and guidance. But these kids can't get that if they are encouraged by other "trusted adults" to withhold information from their parents. Of course, children might talk to someone else first as a "test run". It’s scary to open up to a loved one so we often practice on those ultimately less important to us. But that someone else will be much less invested in the child’s well-being. And how are the parents being given the most complete and accurate information if anything is being hidden from them? When did this idea that "some parents just don't get it" take hold in our schools and with advocacy groups as a way to frame all parents as innate risks to their own children?

We must have sent our kid to conversion therapy.

This is an outdated term used to refer to "pray the gay away" or some other such thing. First of all, we aren't religious. We come from a fairly liberal background and do not practice any religion. We do believe sexual attraction is an innate characteristic. "Conversion" therapy is illegal where we live.  Activist organizations have redefined "conversion therapy" to mean no one can question someone's "gender identity or expression" and therefore you can't question their "gender distress" i.e., gender dysphoria - you can only "affirm" it as their identity and not explore the root cause of it. Nonsense. This is like saying if someone has an eating disorder due to anorexia you can't question the root cause of their perceived distress over their body (which has mostly been determined to be a control issue) and therefore can never really treat it. This comment on conversion therapy only makes sense if you believe that "being trans" is an inherent condition which as explained above, it is not. The goal of all therapy should be to understand yourself better as a whole. If you can't explore the reasons for your discomfort with yourself, what is the point of any therapy?

The kid will go back to being their "true self" in 2-4 years.

Once you see through the house of cards of gender ideology and see through the euphemism of "gender affirming care", as long as you're somewhat mentally stable, there is no going back. You can't unsee what you've seen.

Anger over the article using female pronouns. 

You wouldn't even know who my daughter was if you saw her on the street but somehow you knew her well enough to "misgender" her after reading one news article? I know that the truth that many kids can and do overcome their culturally induced psychological "gender" confusion challenges your worldview that "being trans" is an inherent condition someone is born with.  You're going to have to sit with that discomfort. Just like I had to sit with the discomfort of knowing that my daughter was being misled by people who should have known better had they bothered to take one second to actually research any other side of this issue. Their lack of informed knowledge combined with their unfounded confidence in their approach is hurting kids and tearing families apart and it needs to STOP. 

It's only social transition like names and pronouns, what's the big deal?

Because it's a lie. A lie based on the premise that human beings have a thing called "gender identity" or a "gendered soul", which, guess what - no one has ever been able to prove or disprove, which makes it a theory, not a fact. Even activists know you can't change the sex of a human being - that's why they rally behind the word "gender" and use it as a shield to push these policies. Why would I want my child surrounded by people who think subjective feelings are somehow more important that objective reality? How will that prepare my child for the real world that will hit them harder than a ton of bricks if this continues and they realize they were lied to by the adults they were counting on to help them get ready for adulthood? Why would I want my child surrounded by people who think you have to lie to someone, a child, in order to be kind? That's not kindness. That's manipulation. My child is not your experiment and is certainly not validation for your pop psychology. This lie also teaches my child that if they are feeling uncomfortable with reality, they must count on everyone else around them to accommodate their feelings and that they are powerless over their own feelings. Why on earth would we ever teach someone that they must rely on others for their happiness and that they have no ability to control how they perceive and react to their own feelings? What a harmful idea to promote.

So the parents can use a "chosen name" (the pseudonym listed in the lawsuit) but the child can't?

Since we value our children's privacy, the only way to maintain that is remain anonymous.  Also, this way everyone can be focused on the actual issues trying to be addressed by litigation vs trying to dig up dirt on any of my family members.  Our mental health is also important, and we've already used up too many years battling against a belief system (gender ideology) that never should have invaded our culture, our schools or our homes (under the guise of kindness and inclusivity no less).  Now is our chance to try and help prevent this from happening to others. That's what's most important. Who we are doesn't matter. 

The parents should be shot.

Yes, we should definitely shoot all parents who are willing to tell their kids no if they feel their child is doing something potentially very harmful and who are willing to do the hard work of being there for their child in ways they never expected they would have to, even if it goes against what is culturally acceptable at any given moment.  That would definitely be beneficial to society. History proves that letting children do whatever they want, if they really feel very strongly about it, even if it harms them in the long run, is the best way to raise happy, healthy, confident, well-adjusted adults who are able to thrive in society.

These parents seem to think their child is their property.

When did actually parenting your children mean we see them as "property." I thought parents were supposed to help guide and nurture their children and that included teaching them about the ways of the world and the hard realities of life. How does this make them "our property?" They ARE OUR responsibility to raise and as a society, we can't place all of the responsibility on parents if we don't give them all of the information with which to make decisions. That's all we're asking. It never even occurred to me to think of my children as "property" until I heard an activist make that claim as some sort of bash against parents. Children already have human rights. They have the right to not be abused, etc. however, they do not have the right to make adult level decisions because they are NOT ADULTS. That doesn't make them property, for goodness sake. Also, if the whole school knows for 8-10 hours a day that Susie is going by Jim, but the parents are not notified, this is a policy based on deception, not discretion as the activists like to claim.

How sad, they couldn't love/accept their son as is. 

If by "not accepting" our child, you mean not accepting that the most radical lifelong "treatment" possible should be the first course of action, then you would be correct.  Of course, we do not want our child to do anything to possibly harm themselves (or that they may regret 20, 30, 40 years from now when they have not experienced sexual function or pleasure, when they cannot have children, when their bones become brittle, when they have to have their sexual organs removed due to vaginal atrophy, when they have a heart attack or develop cancer due to unhealthy levels of cross sex hormones in their bodies, when they are not able to breastfeed their children), not only in this moment, but for the rest of their lives. The tradeoffs of medical transition as a way to manage gender dysphoria are severe and real and are NOT something any minor is even remotely capable of understanding much less consenting to. Every minor deserves the right to grow up grounded in reality, with a healthy, intact, fully functioning body. People in distress, or who are not mature or who are dealing with mental health issues do not make good decisions and this goes quadruple for kids.

Additionally, it was my love of my daughter that motivated me to make sure she was absolutely going to receive the most up to date, accurate and evidence-based care available to ensure her best chances of a happy and healthy future.  It was that primal parental instinct that led me to find that the current "model of care" (I use that term loosely) is based on exceptionally weak evidence and that the oft used suicide narrative is simply untrue. My love also gave me the strength to power through the darkest days of my life when my worldview was changing against my will and when I was forced to realize that the media and major medical organizations are on board with this medical scandal - which will ultimately be at their expense (and the countless vulnerable who were exploited), but it damned sure wasn't going to be at my daughter's expense. 

Some said that they would pull their child out of the school.

While I completely understand this sentiment, and that while we were prepared to do whatever it took to help our child in the best way possible, the truth is that our daughter will need to be able to make wise decisions with bad information anywhere she goes in the world. She needs to hone the tools and skills necessary to be able to tell when something isn't right and to learn to trust your instincts. Our goal as parents is to help her mature into adulthood with discernment, wisdom, compassion and resiliency. Avoidance of a situation will not help to build these qualities in anyone, much less a young person. She has overcome so much, and we are so proud and grateful to have such a curious, talented, inquisitive, amazing loving daughter who we will continue to love and support to the best of our ability for the rest of our hopefully long lives.

As Margaret Atwood would say (in the most ironic way possible)

"Are there any questions?"