Let's be honest here: Parents have been depending on schools to be glorified 12-year babysitters for generations. *Parents* made this situation possible in the first place by surrendering their children willingly and knowingly to a government run institution. That being the case, I have my own ideas on what the appropriate remedy is. I don't know how many parents would actually agree with me.
I love myself and I love being myself. Sadly, your vision of myself doesn’t seem to match up with mine. It’s fine. I love you guys, even if it hurts sometimes.
You have been here a lot, I agree. More than teachers and staff and whatever. And? That doesn’t mean you are always right. You do not know my favourite food (quite the opposite, actually). You weren’t there when I cried myself to sleep because of something you said, and when I decided not to cry anymore because it was useless. You weren’t there when I lost multiple best friends.
You weren’t there when I was 10 and my siblings where fighting and I just wanted to sleep. You weren’t there when I had no friends and was reading other people’s forum posts to feel better about myself. You weren’t there when I met my first real friends, when I played my first video game besides Minecraft. You weren’t there when I bought myself an iced tea in a supermarket and was disgusted by how sweet it tasted, and you weren’t bought the first well-tasting iced tea (still as much sugar, just not tasting sweet). You weren’t there for me to find music I actually liked. You didn’t tell me it was going to get better when I felt shitty, and to celebrate with me when I accomplished something. You weren’t there when I got into Formula 1, you probably couldn’t even name my favourite team. When I was at my first sleepover. When I got my first celebrity crush. My first online crush on some girl you don’t even know exists but nonetheless is one of the funniest people I have ever met. You weren’t there when I went rollerskating at 15 because I missed ice skating. You weren’t there for me to talk about how different these two things felt. You weren’t there for how I skated down that big hill across the street without falling once. You don’t know who my favourite YouTuber is, what my favourite book is, probably not even my favourite colour and animal.
You didn’t listen to me when I said I didn’t want to do more school stuff. You never understood that. You never saw me struggle with motivation on a long school day. You never saw me play tic-tac-toe with my friend to keep me entertained. You said I was lazy because you never saw me do school stuff (as if you even saw me that often). You questioned my decision on what I wanted to study, despite that want not having changed in seven years. You never understood when I was anxious about asking for something, even my siblings.
You probably didn’t mean any of that stuff, but that’s not the point. I am sure, if I ask you, you will never remember telling me stuff like “You will never get a PhD”. But I know it happened, just as well as I remember being 10 and having thoughts about my gender.
I don’t blame you for that, I’m glad you weren’t there for a lot of events, because it’s my life, not yours. However, don’t act like you have some monopoly on knowing me, just because you happened to be the first one to do so.
I didn’t actually want to talk about the whole being trans thing, so all my examples are unrelated. It’s not that impossible that I was hiding that from you, given that I knew your stance. (Also, to break the fourth wall here, even my parents would agree I was very “GNC” as a child. It was quite obvious. Really, you should’ve gone with the whole “crusade against our tomboys” or whatever. To add, what the fuck does “laugh and talk, typical to their gender” even mean.)
Why do you think I don’t have the agency to make my own decisions? Why am I not smart enough to recognize I need to see a therapist? Why are you allowed to blame everything I ever do on a lack of sleep, however unrelated but I don’t get the same courtesy? Why are you so sure I will regret my transition, why do you think I want to get pregnant anyway? Why do you think you somehow know everything about my life and my inner thoughts?
Yes, why is my gender, my name, my pronouns so important to you? All I want is to be comfortable in my own skin.
I hope, one day, we can agree with each other, and you can see how happy I will be – am – like this. I hope, one day, you’ll understand, even if I know that it’s an utopic idea.
With All The Love,
Your Son
[If you actually read this, thank you for hearing me out. If I had more time, I would probably word this differently, but my time is limited and I doubt anyone will read this anyway. Feel free to tell me I got brainwashed by the cult, I really couldn't care less.]
To be comfortable in your own skin is what I want! Not skin that is cut or fake. If gender is not sex then it’s a stereotype. Be what your characteristics are, don’t chase a stereotype.
You might be surprised as to what parents know that you think they don’t.
I don’t believe it’s a parent’s job to have agency over their child personally or individually. I believe our job is to make sure you live, at first it’s just that. Then it’s making sure your area is free of danger. We hold you at first, then move ahead making your path safe. Then we walk beside you, share your life with you, but we still want to make sure you are safe. And all I can see with this path of gender affirming care is danger ‼️ red flags. We see it because we have lived through our own red flags.
I apologize for things I have said, we make mistakes, we are human. We still do things we wish we could take back. We have our own traumas that we haven’t healed from, but I’m trying.
I made some big mistakes during the lockdowns, it was hard on me too, I didn’t always know how to help my children. And I was given some pretty shitty parenting advice. But I know I love them.
I’m not only thinking of my child but of others like you, and future generations. You deserve better.
I care about you, I care why you felt so lonely, what happened with your friends, why did you stop ice skating? Why does a new name and pronouns make navigating life better for you? Why did your skin not feel comfortable anymore? Why are you having trouble sleeping? Why don’t you share your inner thoughts and feelings? Why don’t you say what your favorite food is? Why didn’t you say why you were upset? Why did you feel so alienated from your family? You sound as if you were invisible, why do you think that is?
Having been in education for over 25 years, this should be printed, framed. and hung up in every government office, district admin office, school board meeting, guidance counselor room, etc as a reminder that, while students are in attendance for them to facilitate foundational learning, they are NOT yours to manipulate.
We are mandated reporters of harm being done; that is true. That doesn’t mean the parents are left out of the equation. They should be the perfect resource to complement the student’s learning experiences. While some situations rightly call for intervention, there is ZERO situation where a parent of a minor or a (dependent) college student with mental health issues should not be consulted for assistance in better understanding and helping said child.
It’s outrageous that some children remain in actual abusive households while loving, concerned parents are berated for questioning and not affirming their ideological beliefs.
Everything you wrote is the God honest truth. 100%! How can anyone know their child better than a parent? Shame on everyone who has interfered and affirmed and torn apart families. Mark my words: one day you will ALL be held accountable, by the very God that made each and every child that YOU are trying to destroy and manipulate into believing the trans-cult lies. Beware! Judgement day is coming for YOU!
You write the cry and frustration and plea and absolute jaw dropped “wtf” of my heart. The last 2.5 years have been eye opening to the incredible (in the worst sense) people that feel entitled to an opinion let alone authority over my kid. I have been completely rocked by how far the moral compass and invasive nature of our school and medical system has come. How do you boil a frog? Slowly.
HELL to the YEAH. PREACH it mom!!!!! I couldn't love this piece more. It is amazing and says what every single one of us have thought and felt. Thank you.
A letter to the board. If you give me permission to read it to my local board, condensed to their one-minute limit, I'll do so. Two years ago, I read a similar letter from PITT, and then posted an essay here about the experience.
Exactly. Teachers, staff, school boards, elected officials, politicians DO NOT LOVE your child. So when they start to put in any form of policy under the guise of 'caring for children' and leaving parents out, not consulting them....then one has to become very suspicious and stop believing their lying soothing manipulating rhetoric. Evil comes disguised as good.
Let's be honest here: Parents have been depending on schools to be glorified 12-year babysitters for generations. *Parents* made this situation possible in the first place by surrendering their children willingly and knowingly to a government run institution. That being the case, I have my own ideas on what the appropriate remedy is. I don't know how many parents would actually agree with me.
So well expressed. 🙏🏼❤️
Dear Mom, Dear Dad.
I love myself and I love being myself. Sadly, your vision of myself doesn’t seem to match up with mine. It’s fine. I love you guys, even if it hurts sometimes.
You have been here a lot, I agree. More than teachers and staff and whatever. And? That doesn’t mean you are always right. You do not know my favourite food (quite the opposite, actually). You weren’t there when I cried myself to sleep because of something you said, and when I decided not to cry anymore because it was useless. You weren’t there when I lost multiple best friends.
You weren’t there when I was 10 and my siblings where fighting and I just wanted to sleep. You weren’t there when I had no friends and was reading other people’s forum posts to feel better about myself. You weren’t there when I met my first real friends, when I played my first video game besides Minecraft. You weren’t there when I bought myself an iced tea in a supermarket and was disgusted by how sweet it tasted, and you weren’t bought the first well-tasting iced tea (still as much sugar, just not tasting sweet). You weren’t there for me to find music I actually liked. You didn’t tell me it was going to get better when I felt shitty, and to celebrate with me when I accomplished something. You weren’t there when I got into Formula 1, you probably couldn’t even name my favourite team. When I was at my first sleepover. When I got my first celebrity crush. My first online crush on some girl you don’t even know exists but nonetheless is one of the funniest people I have ever met. You weren’t there when I went rollerskating at 15 because I missed ice skating. You weren’t there for me to talk about how different these two things felt. You weren’t there for how I skated down that big hill across the street without falling once. You don’t know who my favourite YouTuber is, what my favourite book is, probably not even my favourite colour and animal.
You didn’t listen to me when I said I didn’t want to do more school stuff. You never understood that. You never saw me struggle with motivation on a long school day. You never saw me play tic-tac-toe with my friend to keep me entertained. You said I was lazy because you never saw me do school stuff (as if you even saw me that often). You questioned my decision on what I wanted to study, despite that want not having changed in seven years. You never understood when I was anxious about asking for something, even my siblings.
You probably didn’t mean any of that stuff, but that’s not the point. I am sure, if I ask you, you will never remember telling me stuff like “You will never get a PhD”. But I know it happened, just as well as I remember being 10 and having thoughts about my gender.
I don’t blame you for that, I’m glad you weren’t there for a lot of events, because it’s my life, not yours. However, don’t act like you have some monopoly on knowing me, just because you happened to be the first one to do so.
I didn’t actually want to talk about the whole being trans thing, so all my examples are unrelated. It’s not that impossible that I was hiding that from you, given that I knew your stance. (Also, to break the fourth wall here, even my parents would agree I was very “GNC” as a child. It was quite obvious. Really, you should’ve gone with the whole “crusade against our tomboys” or whatever. To add, what the fuck does “laugh and talk, typical to their gender” even mean.)
Why do you think I don’t have the agency to make my own decisions? Why am I not smart enough to recognize I need to see a therapist? Why are you allowed to blame everything I ever do on a lack of sleep, however unrelated but I don’t get the same courtesy? Why are you so sure I will regret my transition, why do you think I want to get pregnant anyway? Why do you think you somehow know everything about my life and my inner thoughts?
Yes, why is my gender, my name, my pronouns so important to you? All I want is to be comfortable in my own skin.
I hope, one day, we can agree with each other, and you can see how happy I will be – am – like this. I hope, one day, you’ll understand, even if I know that it’s an utopic idea.
With All The Love,
Your Son
[If you actually read this, thank you for hearing me out. If I had more time, I would probably word this differently, but my time is limited and I doubt anyone will read this anyway. Feel free to tell me I got brainwashed by the cult, I really couldn't care less.]
To be comfortable in your own skin is what I want! Not skin that is cut or fake. If gender is not sex then it’s a stereotype. Be what your characteristics are, don’t chase a stereotype.
You might be surprised as to what parents know that you think they don’t.
I don’t believe it’s a parent’s job to have agency over their child personally or individually. I believe our job is to make sure you live, at first it’s just that. Then it’s making sure your area is free of danger. We hold you at first, then move ahead making your path safe. Then we walk beside you, share your life with you, but we still want to make sure you are safe. And all I can see with this path of gender affirming care is danger ‼️ red flags. We see it because we have lived through our own red flags.
I apologize for things I have said, we make mistakes, we are human. We still do things we wish we could take back. We have our own traumas that we haven’t healed from, but I’m trying.
I made some big mistakes during the lockdowns, it was hard on me too, I didn’t always know how to help my children. And I was given some pretty shitty parenting advice. But I know I love them.
I’m not only thinking of my child but of others like you, and future generations. You deserve better.
I care about you, I care why you felt so lonely, what happened with your friends, why did you stop ice skating? Why does a new name and pronouns make navigating life better for you? Why did your skin not feel comfortable anymore? Why are you having trouble sleeping? Why don’t you share your inner thoughts and feelings? Why don’t you say what your favorite food is? Why didn’t you say why you were upset? Why did you feel so alienated from your family? You sound as if you were invisible, why do you think that is?
Having been in education for over 25 years, this should be printed, framed. and hung up in every government office, district admin office, school board meeting, guidance counselor room, etc as a reminder that, while students are in attendance for them to facilitate foundational learning, they are NOT yours to manipulate.
We are mandated reporters of harm being done; that is true. That doesn’t mean the parents are left out of the equation. They should be the perfect resource to complement the student’s learning experiences. While some situations rightly call for intervention, there is ZERO situation where a parent of a minor or a (dependent) college student with mental health issues should not be consulted for assistance in better understanding and helping said child.
It’s outrageous that some children remain in actual abusive households while loving, concerned parents are berated for questioning and not affirming their ideological beliefs.
Everything you wrote is the God honest truth. 100%! How can anyone know their child better than a parent? Shame on everyone who has interfered and affirmed and torn apart families. Mark my words: one day you will ALL be held accountable, by the very God that made each and every child that YOU are trying to destroy and manipulate into believing the trans-cult lies. Beware! Judgement day is coming for YOU!
Sending my love to all those effected by this
Maybe we should all share this with our local schools if we have permission to share
Wow! Wonderful. This should be sent to all the schools and teachers
You write the cry and frustration and plea and absolute jaw dropped “wtf” of my heart. The last 2.5 years have been eye opening to the incredible (in the worst sense) people that feel entitled to an opinion let alone authority over my kid. I have been completely rocked by how far the moral compass and invasive nature of our school and medical system has come. How do you boil a frog? Slowly.
I hear you. It's been a lot longer for us.
Almost all of this could be me and my daughter.
This is one of the best essays I have read on this site. Thank you, and may these statements be spread far and wide through our schools!
"No child is going to consider that they may have “been born in the wrong body” unless they have been schooled by an adult." https://lucyleader.substack.com/p/the-alternative-universe-offered
HELL to the YEAH. PREACH it mom!!!!! I couldn't love this piece more. It is amazing and says what every single one of us have thought and felt. Thank you.
A letter to the board. If you give me permission to read it to my local board, condensed to their one-minute limit, I'll do so. Two years ago, I read a similar letter from PITT, and then posted an essay here about the experience.
God Bless.
Exactly. Teachers, staff, school boards, elected officials, politicians DO NOT LOVE your child. So when they start to put in any form of policy under the guise of 'caring for children' and leaving parents out, not consulting them....then one has to become very suspicious and stop believing their lying soothing manipulating rhetoric. Evil comes disguised as good.
Wow! Absolutely spot on!