I could have written this. This is almost a parallel timeline (my daughter is now 17 and started beating the trans drum at 13). I had already been researching and reading about ROGD and all things trans for about 4 years up to that point - clearly (with horror!) seeing the signs in our society that this would sweep along and swallow so many young people. I never thought it would happen to my daughter, but it did.
I did everything you did - it's crazy how similarly. My daughter left it all behind after a year, however, though our recovery as a family took a few more years. She is the girliest girl ever now! She told me much later, at 16, that as she reached puberty, she believed she was simply an 'ugly girl' and that being a boy would be 'easier' - it was that self mis-perception and, of course, the peer pressure/contagion of the six other middle school girls in her friend group who pursued trans (all 'desisted' over time) that swept her along. I fought like hell to keep her away from the societal affirmers and enablers that would rather have seen her drown in their ideology. It was not easy, and I lost close friends.
One other very interesting parallel I must note: my mother began declining in health near the start of my daughter's interest in trans, and I too was fighting two intense caregiving battles at once during Covid. My mother died in June 2020, and my daughter, who at that point was in the throes of trans ideology, didn't even go see her for the last time. Looking back and knowing what I know now, I believe the intensity of my caregiving of my mother and the anticipatory grief and fear my daughter felt about losing her grandmother was a *significant* trauma for my daughter that helped push her to follow her peers into the make-believe world of trans - an escape.
As so many of our age group deals with caring for both children and parents, I think special attention needs to be paid to how our children are reacting to their grandparents' mortality and how we as families are navigating what is generally the first experience our kids will have with serious illness, grief, and loss.
Thanks for your comment--yes, a lot of parallels! While I did not mention this, my daughter also believed she was "ugly." Of course, there was no convincing otherwise at that point--you're just perceived as the parent who is obligated to tell her that, even though you can objectively see otherwise. Now, at 17, she is a lot more confident. I have also been curious about how many other parents are managing eldercare while also managing a trans teen--as you said, many in our age group are sandwiched between both. While it is a not a new sandwich, trans is a new exit ramp for the kids.
This was really nice to read. I am so relieved for you and your daughter.
My disillusionment is a particular form of grief—- yes. I am grieving the realization that society has colluded in the delusion— in fact promoted it. ( lots of your words here). I struggle with respecting literally almost everyone I know. Even those I do not. I am suspicious of practically every person I look at. Its no way to live but I have not found a way to trust. If they are not necessarily perpetuating the evil themselves, I suspect they are cowards for keeping silent, looking the other way or not caring.
Thank you for writing this. My daughter is in her 20’s so the method is less hands on. At that age we have almost no ability to say clever things. You are so lucky you got her out young.
Your story is SO much like ours. But unfortunately it happened to us before there was GENSPECT and Therapy First and parents support groups . . . we didn't know what we were doing . . . how I would love a do-over . . . Thank you so much for writing it all down, and so carefully and truthfully. One question: can you share a link to the four-sweaty-men-in-a-basement podcast?
Also, I recognize it was particularly difficult for those of you who are parents of the early waves of this movement, before more resources became available. It must have been especially lonely.
I had anticipated that we would only make it halfway through the 1.5 hour podcast and I decided that would have to be okay--and I was right. I had watched it several times myself first, and there was a point in it where I decided that I would be okay with stopping--and I made sure we did not stop before then. It was around 45 minutes in. In other words, I was flexible, but only to a point! Also, one or two of them have since detransitioned, after the podcast first aired. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14TIEgAVmow&list=PL1TbvgV-szO9MjE3y_cO-nH2kyHEzfzHH&index=2&t=5547s
Thank you for sharing this. I am so happy that it ended well for you and your daughter.. As parents we are all stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place when dealing with this insanity. We are denied a voice when "experts" convince young children that they need to "transition" . Our kids are deaf to our well-meant advice. What little credibility we have is further undermined by " Gender Care Professionals" - we are the villains in the piece because of our refusal to affirm, approve & accept.
Great story, and I am glad it had a happy ending. When you mentioned that after 12 you couldn't see her medical records, I was reminded how ridiculous that law is. How is it that a parent who you live with and who raised you can't see your medical records after age 12 (still a child), yet a doctor who is a total stranger can see everything? That is a creepy law.
Thank you. In the middle of this hell, and reading stories like yours gives me hope. I realize it’s a marathon and not a sprint, and that rebuilding those bonds is crucial- but so hard to do when dealing with a very young adult.
What a wonderful outcome. I'm sure it was hard at the time, but it sounds like you handled it really well. That's what I regret most, that I didn't handle our (extremely similar) situation well. I was out of my depth and didn't know where to turn. I just knew that gender woo woo was wrong and wanted to protect my daughter from it, but it all felt so out of control and I just wasn't strong enough. She's been gone for almost two and a half years now, and there's no way to dial things back. Immensely grateful that she has not medicalised (to my knowledge), but the zero contact is soul destroying 😢 I hope that some of the parents who are in the thick of things right now come across your article, maybe get a few tidbits and end up with just as successful an outcome as you did ❤️
Every family is different. Please give yourself grace for doing the best that you could. It's hard not to be "out of your depth" when blindsided by Orwellian nonsense and the institutional capture that perpetuates it. I hope your daughter finds her way back❤️
Very happy for the outcome. However, I just feel so sick and angry because sane parents, who would die for their children, must fight like hell to keep these terrible ideas at bay. How is society ever to progress when such a huge swath of highly educated, influential, powerful, elite, elected people affirmed such madness? This movement was cloaked as a civil right. Because of that too many people were silenced, afraid to speak up (obviously) on something that is over 300,000 years old, male and female exists in living organisms. The damage done is incalculable. The full recovery to sanity will take, in my guess, another decade. All that time lost, all that harm done. I am so angry and sad over this madness. Affirmation Care must end!
I love how you ended this essay, "fight for your kids". I have committed myself to monthly 1-minute school board speeches, and your essay, every word of it, adds to my resolve.
Thanks for your feedback! While every family is different, my hope is that some part of what I wrote could add to someone else's roadmap. It was also helpful for me to sit and write it all down from the vantage point that I have now.
I could have written this. This is almost a parallel timeline (my daughter is now 17 and started beating the trans drum at 13). I had already been researching and reading about ROGD and all things trans for about 4 years up to that point - clearly (with horror!) seeing the signs in our society that this would sweep along and swallow so many young people. I never thought it would happen to my daughter, but it did.
I did everything you did - it's crazy how similarly. My daughter left it all behind after a year, however, though our recovery as a family took a few more years. She is the girliest girl ever now! She told me much later, at 16, that as she reached puberty, she believed she was simply an 'ugly girl' and that being a boy would be 'easier' - it was that self mis-perception and, of course, the peer pressure/contagion of the six other middle school girls in her friend group who pursued trans (all 'desisted' over time) that swept her along. I fought like hell to keep her away from the societal affirmers and enablers that would rather have seen her drown in their ideology. It was not easy, and I lost close friends.
One other very interesting parallel I must note: my mother began declining in health near the start of my daughter's interest in trans, and I too was fighting two intense caregiving battles at once during Covid. My mother died in June 2020, and my daughter, who at that point was in the throes of trans ideology, didn't even go see her for the last time. Looking back and knowing what I know now, I believe the intensity of my caregiving of my mother and the anticipatory grief and fear my daughter felt about losing her grandmother was a *significant* trauma for my daughter that helped push her to follow her peers into the make-believe world of trans - an escape.
As so many of our age group deals with caring for both children and parents, I think special attention needs to be paid to how our children are reacting to their grandparents' mortality and how we as families are navigating what is generally the first experience our kids will have with serious illness, grief, and loss.
Thanks for your comment--yes, a lot of parallels! While I did not mention this, my daughter also believed she was "ugly." Of course, there was no convincing otherwise at that point--you're just perceived as the parent who is obligated to tell her that, even though you can objectively see otherwise. Now, at 17, she is a lot more confident. I have also been curious about how many other parents are managing eldercare while also managing a trans teen--as you said, many in our age group are sandwiched between both. While it is a not a new sandwich, trans is a new exit ramp for the kids.
Great post. Well done. I'm so glad it worked out well for you and your family. God Bless you.x
Beautifully written, thank you for sharing.
This was really nice to read. I am so relieved for you and your daughter.
My disillusionment is a particular form of grief—- yes. I am grieving the realization that society has colluded in the delusion— in fact promoted it. ( lots of your words here). I struggle with respecting literally almost everyone I know. Even those I do not. I am suspicious of practically every person I look at. Its no way to live but I have not found a way to trust. If they are not necessarily perpetuating the evil themselves, I suspect they are cowards for keeping silent, looking the other way or not caring.
Thank you for writing this. My daughter is in her 20’s so the method is less hands on. At that age we have almost no ability to say clever things. You are so lucky you got her out young.
Your story is SO much like ours. But unfortunately it happened to us before there was GENSPECT and Therapy First and parents support groups . . . we didn't know what we were doing . . . how I would love a do-over . . . Thank you so much for writing it all down, and so carefully and truthfully. One question: can you share a link to the four-sweaty-men-in-a-basement podcast?
Also, I recognize it was particularly difficult for those of you who are parents of the early waves of this movement, before more resources became available. It must have been especially lonely.
I had anticipated that we would only make it halfway through the 1.5 hour podcast and I decided that would have to be okay--and I was right. I had watched it several times myself first, and there was a point in it where I decided that I would be okay with stopping--and I made sure we did not stop before then. It was around 45 minutes in. In other words, I was flexible, but only to a point! Also, one or two of them have since detransitioned, after the podcast first aired. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14TIEgAVmow&list=PL1TbvgV-szO9MjE3y_cO-nH2kyHEzfzHH&index=2&t=5547s
Thank you for sharing. Your story gives me hope. Praying for my child to detransition and desist
Thank you for sharing this. I am so happy that it ended well for you and your daughter.. As parents we are all stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place when dealing with this insanity. We are denied a voice when "experts" convince young children that they need to "transition" . Our kids are deaf to our well-meant advice. What little credibility we have is further undermined by " Gender Care Professionals" - we are the villains in the piece because of our refusal to affirm, approve & accept.
Great story, and I am glad it had a happy ending. When you mentioned that after 12 you couldn't see her medical records, I was reminded how ridiculous that law is. How is it that a parent who you live with and who raised you can't see your medical records after age 12 (still a child), yet a doctor who is a total stranger can see everything? That is a creepy law.
Thank you. In the middle of this hell, and reading stories like yours gives me hope. I realize it’s a marathon and not a sprint, and that rebuilding those bonds is crucial- but so hard to do when dealing with a very young adult.
What a wonderful outcome. I'm sure it was hard at the time, but it sounds like you handled it really well. That's what I regret most, that I didn't handle our (extremely similar) situation well. I was out of my depth and didn't know where to turn. I just knew that gender woo woo was wrong and wanted to protect my daughter from it, but it all felt so out of control and I just wasn't strong enough. She's been gone for almost two and a half years now, and there's no way to dial things back. Immensely grateful that she has not medicalised (to my knowledge), but the zero contact is soul destroying 😢 I hope that some of the parents who are in the thick of things right now come across your article, maybe get a few tidbits and end up with just as successful an outcome as you did ❤️
Every family is different. Please give yourself grace for doing the best that you could. It's hard not to be "out of your depth" when blindsided by Orwellian nonsense and the institutional capture that perpetuates it. I hope your daughter finds her way back❤️
Very happy for the outcome. However, I just feel so sick and angry because sane parents, who would die for their children, must fight like hell to keep these terrible ideas at bay. How is society ever to progress when such a huge swath of highly educated, influential, powerful, elite, elected people affirmed such madness? This movement was cloaked as a civil right. Because of that too many people were silenced, afraid to speak up (obviously) on something that is over 300,000 years old, male and female exists in living organisms. The damage done is incalculable. The full recovery to sanity will take, in my guess, another decade. All that time lost, all that harm done. I am so angry and sad over this madness. Affirmation Care must end!
Same!! I too share in your rage and sadness.
I feel your rage. Totally agree
Thats such a beautiful ending to the story. Well done, you stood firm and saved her❤️
So well told. You’re a great mom and excellent writer. Way to tie all the threads into one big picture. Thank you.
I love how you ended this essay, "fight for your kids". I have committed myself to monthly 1-minute school board speeches, and your essay, every word of it, adds to my resolve.
God Bless.
Can you tell us what you say? Or how you say it? I want to be able to do this. This is awesome.
Yes! Me too!
Thank you for speaking out!
My heart is with you. Thank you for sharing your story.
What a valuable and empowering contribution! Thank you so much for writing it.
Thanks for your feedback! While every family is different, my hope is that some part of what I wrote could add to someone else's roadmap. It was also helpful for me to sit and write it all down from the vantage point that I have now.