Ghosts of Christmas Past
Yesterday, while putting up our Christmas tree, I kept finding little things our boys had made through the years. This is the third Christmas since our oldest son who, at age 41, decided that being trans and identifying as a woman would resolve his mental health issues.
Along with that came our shunning. Even his younger brother, who always called and talked things over, isn’t able to anymore. The Ghost of Christmas Past almost overcame me. I have to work hard to reframe those memories and be grateful we actually had those joyful times. We had no risk issues in our home life but over the last 10 years it had become very obvious that our oldest son was struggling mentally and physically.
So now we deal with Christmas Present and pray for a more hopeful Christmas Future!
“The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world.” John 1:9
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Every year the ornaments testify to my daughter’s feminine beautiful heart. I’m thankful for the sweet times, tearful every Christmas.
She’s coming out of the fog of estrangement, and our relationship is sweetened again, but my lovely girl with a beard & physical struggles is hard to overlook. It’s been almost 10 years since she digressed, and the relationship that took her down the dark hole is over. Thank God. However it is she, not the other girl who bears the scars in her body/soul.
She has found herself attracted to a man, who amazingly sees through the outside & loves her. I don’t know what the future holds, but these precious ones are somehow navigating something together that is an answer to a Momma’s prayer.
This Christmas I am filled with joy & thankfulness that relationship is restored and we chat and laugh again. She recently asked me to buy her some dresses & a wig (so much hair loss) & in her own way I feel she trying to find her way back. She was handing me trust to help her find a style…
I wasn’t yelled at for sending a funny family photo, & she was thankful to remember the fun moment. God truly is good & our prayers are heard. Love prevails. Hold fast..Don’t be afraid to sit with the memories, and give them to God. I allow myself to grieve, but I’m thankful for the good parts & it is much more powerful, as is accepting what I cannot change, trusting my Creator to guide her path. After all, know our children, and they are gifts from His Love❤️ Our hearts bear witness yo this as parents.
Merry Christmas!!
may joy with all of its strength overwhelm all of our hearts.
Having a son or daughter who is a “transformer,” no matter what age they do it, is like witnessing a kind of suicide. We feel we’ve lost our 30 year old son to suicide. He has killed the man we thought he was and has removed himself from our lives so that we do not see him anymore. Just as if he had died. It brings a kind of sadness that accompanies death and yet there is that glimmer of hope that he will come back to us, “clothed and in his right mind.”