Thank you for sharing your story, there is so much in it that I can relate to. I have a young adult daughter who has also been captured by trans insanity. I agree with much of what you say, particularly giving up any kind of expectation, the bar for any engagement with her is very low! I find it very hard though to let go of my anger towards the health ‘professionals’, and others, who have enabled all of this.
I am so so sorry 😥 thank you for sharing. What you write could be said by me too...
"I honestly didn’t have any well-formed visions of what my children’s futures would be. However, I had expectations about what their characters would be. My husband and I tried to raise our children to be respectful and appreciative. We pushed them to do their best. We regularly acknowledged their achievements and told them we were proud of them. We tried to teach them how to take care of their bodies. We tried to lead them to have meaningful relationships with God. These don’t seem like oppressive parenting goals to me, but I think that our children interpreted them as “have to be perfect” expectations. That makes me sad...."
I could never have anticipated our three precious adult children completely removing themselves from our lives 😥
May God bring comfort and hope to your heart 💜 hugs
The last piece, I want to answer exactly the same answer when people ask me about my son, if you don't mind I will borrow it. I had a knot in my throat will reading your letter, the tears came out flowing when I reached the last sentence. 🫂 A big hug sister
Thank you--your stages of what to give up ring true for many of us here.
While many of us wish for a time machine to undo what our children have done, it is not coming.
Do they have regrets? We will be the last to know? There are plenty of people out there propping up these identities and encouraging cut-offs with parents.
Well said. I like your thoughts, you are in the right path and don't ruin your relationship with the rest of the family, to the contrary be more united with husband and other children. This can brake marriages but take it like a test and continue praying for her always, including after death because we don't really died so we have eternity. In the big schemes of things her time on Earth will not account for much. This is a battle against humans beings and nothing we could have done would had improved the situation, only one think if they are very little and they are talking about being "in the wrong body" and it is what advice and I would done if that would had been the case, removed your child for that environment, move away to another country if its necessary to protect your child and isolate them from all SM and internet and entertainment, yes Disney also. But with teen agers and young adults is more complicate it, and you are right, you cannot do much and you don't need to explain much to anybody either, it is not on you if your daughter wants to do whatever. If somebody closed asks you can say "ask her, she is going through a lot right now" or just "ask her".
You are going through a long Lent this year so I wouldn't be much harder on me but maybe fast the American way Monday to Friday, but for your health and spiritual strength, fasting is one of the things the devil hates the most that we can do because fating put us in the "zone" of spiritual elevation. Be strong and God bless you and your family too, yes, including your daughter that needs all the spiritual help of the world and remember "love me when I don't deserve it that is when I need it the most" or "love me when I need it the most that is when i deserve it the least".
16th December 2024 was the last time I had any contact with my grandson and his mother. Both have "removed" me from their lives because I won't affirm him as female and am not willing to go along with his mother's delusion that he is now her daughter.
Because there has been no contact it funnily enough has been easier to accept their decision. And philosophically I can see it will do me no good to angst about loved ones who can't or won't see or appreciate that I can still love while not agreeing with their decision.
But along with the loss of the two people at the centre there are the extended members of my tribe (a family that up til that moment on the 16th were all communicating) who I now don't hear from. My grandson's father, his new extended family, his stepfather......and most of all, most heartbreaking is the minimal contact I now have with my 2nd grandson, who I babysat, grandparent-helped, did school drop-offs , pick-ups and afterschool care, summer/winter school holiday care, picnics on the beach, walks, school visits, concerts, teacher evenings. Long talks when he reached college age about his future, his past, his present. All this has become just memories that come up on Facebook if I'm lucky and the memory hasn't been blocked or deleted.
I'm not sure what he's been told. I don't know how he feels about all this, unaware of any "rules' he's been given. My daughter simply said " if there is any indication of discussion occurring regarding 'M' in any negative manner this will not continue."
Our hands are tied....by an ideology of weak, delusional people tying the knots.
This time is like living through a war. In war the young are sent away often to die or return severely injured. So it is with these trans times. Like in war, trans divides families.... terribly.
"My husband and I tried to raise our children to be respectful and appreciative. We pushed them to do their best. We regularly acknowledged their achievements and told them we were proud of them. We tried to teach them how to take care of their bodies. We tried to lead them to have meaningful relationships with God. These don’t seem like oppressive parenting goals to me, but I think that our children interpreted them as “have to be perfect” expectations. That makes me sad, and I don’t know what we should have done differently."
You and your husband did FINE - this is what parents are supposed to do!
Unfortunately, your children and their peers have been influenced by destructive ideologies that have been normalized by academia, current social media spaces and deeply misguided therapy culture, among others. The sheer number of impacted families indicates the disastrous results of these ideologies.
Gender ideology and queer theory promote the idea that parents and families can (or should) be discarded because they have different perspectives or values - or because they refuse to "affirm" delusions - which is also clearly harmful.
The result is disrupted families, and heartbroken parents like yourselves, trying to understand what happened, and feeling like there was something they could have somehow seen, prevented, done differently.
Please understand that this isn't about something that you did or didn't do. 🙏
Thank you for sharing your story, there is so much in it that I can relate to. I have a young adult daughter who has also been captured by trans insanity. I agree with much of what you say, particularly giving up any kind of expectation, the bar for any engagement with her is very low! I find it very hard though to let go of my anger towards the health ‘professionals’, and others, who have enabled all of this.
Thxs for the inspiration to give up avoidance. Stay strong and keep living your best life! You only control your actions and reactions.
Your description of “The Great Sadness” resonates with me deeply. I too, have felt that ever-present pain.
As the years go by and you pick something new to give up annually, please never give up Hope. Miracles and magic are possible.
I am so so sorry 😥 thank you for sharing. What you write could be said by me too...
"I honestly didn’t have any well-formed visions of what my children’s futures would be. However, I had expectations about what their characters would be. My husband and I tried to raise our children to be respectful and appreciative. We pushed them to do their best. We regularly acknowledged their achievements and told them we were proud of them. We tried to teach them how to take care of their bodies. We tried to lead them to have meaningful relationships with God. These don’t seem like oppressive parenting goals to me, but I think that our children interpreted them as “have to be perfect” expectations. That makes me sad...."
I could never have anticipated our three precious adult children completely removing themselves from our lives 😥
May God bring comfort and hope to your heart 💜 hugs
One of the more horrible aspects of the trans life is the deliberate estrangement from families. Nobody will ever love my children more than I will and FB friends are not real. https://lucyleader.substack.com/p/the-cinderella-effect-another-way
The last piece, I want to answer exactly the same answer when people ask me about my son, if you don't mind I will borrow it. I had a knot in my throat will reading your letter, the tears came out flowing when I reached the last sentence. 🫂 A big hug sister
Thank you--your stages of what to give up ring true for many of us here.
While many of us wish for a time machine to undo what our children have done, it is not coming.
Do they have regrets? We will be the last to know? There are plenty of people out there propping up these identities and encouraging cut-offs with parents.
In solidarity.
Well said. I like your thoughts, you are in the right path and don't ruin your relationship with the rest of the family, to the contrary be more united with husband and other children. This can brake marriages but take it like a test and continue praying for her always, including after death because we don't really died so we have eternity. In the big schemes of things her time on Earth will not account for much. This is a battle against humans beings and nothing we could have done would had improved the situation, only one think if they are very little and they are talking about being "in the wrong body" and it is what advice and I would done if that would had been the case, removed your child for that environment, move away to another country if its necessary to protect your child and isolate them from all SM and internet and entertainment, yes Disney also. But with teen agers and young adults is more complicate it, and you are right, you cannot do much and you don't need to explain much to anybody either, it is not on you if your daughter wants to do whatever. If somebody closed asks you can say "ask her, she is going through a lot right now" or just "ask her".
You are going through a long Lent this year so I wouldn't be much harder on me but maybe fast the American way Monday to Friday, but for your health and spiritual strength, fasting is one of the things the devil hates the most that we can do because fating put us in the "zone" of spiritual elevation. Be strong and God bless you and your family too, yes, including your daughter that needs all the spiritual help of the world and remember "love me when I don't deserve it that is when I need it the most" or "love me when I need it the most that is when i deserve it the least".
16th December 2024 was the last time I had any contact with my grandson and his mother. Both have "removed" me from their lives because I won't affirm him as female and am not willing to go along with his mother's delusion that he is now her daughter.
Because there has been no contact it funnily enough has been easier to accept their decision. And philosophically I can see it will do me no good to angst about loved ones who can't or won't see or appreciate that I can still love while not agreeing with their decision.
But along with the loss of the two people at the centre there are the extended members of my tribe (a family that up til that moment on the 16th were all communicating) who I now don't hear from. My grandson's father, his new extended family, his stepfather......and most of all, most heartbreaking is the minimal contact I now have with my 2nd grandson, who I babysat, grandparent-helped, did school drop-offs , pick-ups and afterschool care, summer/winter school holiday care, picnics on the beach, walks, school visits, concerts, teacher evenings. Long talks when he reached college age about his future, his past, his present. All this has become just memories that come up on Facebook if I'm lucky and the memory hasn't been blocked or deleted.
I'm not sure what he's been told. I don't know how he feels about all this, unaware of any "rules' he's been given. My daughter simply said " if there is any indication of discussion occurring regarding 'M' in any negative manner this will not continue."
Our hands are tied....by an ideology of weak, delusional people tying the knots.
Same.
God bless you. This is so poignant. May you encounter the Lord during this Lent.
It's a terrible time to be a parent.
This time is like living through a war. In war the young are sent away often to die or return severely injured. So it is with these trans times. Like in war, trans divides families.... terribly.
I've gone through the stages of grief. Maybe one day she will return, but I'm assuming she won't.
Oh my goodness, this is so good. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
"My husband and I tried to raise our children to be respectful and appreciative. We pushed them to do their best. We regularly acknowledged their achievements and told them we were proud of them. We tried to teach them how to take care of their bodies. We tried to lead them to have meaningful relationships with God. These don’t seem like oppressive parenting goals to me, but I think that our children interpreted them as “have to be perfect” expectations. That makes me sad, and I don’t know what we should have done differently."
You and your husband did FINE - this is what parents are supposed to do!
Unfortunately, your children and their peers have been influenced by destructive ideologies that have been normalized by academia, current social media spaces and deeply misguided therapy culture, among others. The sheer number of impacted families indicates the disastrous results of these ideologies.
Gender ideology and queer theory promote the idea that parents and families can (or should) be discarded because they have different perspectives or values - or because they refuse to "affirm" delusions - which is also clearly harmful.
The result is disrupted families, and heartbroken parents like yourselves, trying to understand what happened, and feeling like there was something they could have somehow seen, prevented, done differently.
Please understand that this isn't about something that you did or didn't do. 🙏
Ditto. Very nicely put. They are all so lost and adrift and it's a damn shame.