Helping Your Teen Leave the Gender Cult, Part 3

An email to an ROGD mom

Media and activity suggestions for parents with teens suffering from gender ideology (in three parts).

PART 1, PART 2

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Dear S.,

As I wrote in the previous emails, my goal was to first give my son a working vocabulary that he could use to describe gender ideology through learning about other ideologies and cults. My goal for him was to start seeing beyond the ideological language and to be able to think critically through emotionally charged topics. When he became well versed in the language of cults, ideologies, totalitarian regimes, it was time for being more direct.

I believe that we become more resilient when we learn that we can leave our comfort zone and then come back to it, safely. Talking about gender was intensely uncomfortable, but with each passing month, my son’s tolerance for this kind of discomfort was growing. I could see it in his body language, his openness, his attitude. At first, he would sit on his chair sideways and hide his face in his hood. Months later he was entirely comfortable. Even later, he finally said, “Mom, I don’t want to discuss gender anymore. It is over.” Back then I was still uncertain what he meant, but in retrospect he was very clear—it was truly over.

So, onwards to Phase 2.

Phase 2: Being Direct / Discomfort as Personal Growth

First, I wanted to establish the fact that “gender medicine” was Experimental Treatment. This was my first line of exposure, as it seemed the simplest and the most difficult to refute. The foundation of Gender Affirming care is experimental and this should shake their confidence. Episode #5 of Gender a Wider Lens with Dr. Malone and a more recent episode of Gender a Wider Lens with Zhenya Abbruzzese (Ep #118) are both great.

One of the best first documentaries to watch is the older Swedish documentary called The Trans Train. It is neutral and investigative in tone. The original version is with subtitles, though a good portion of it is in English. The new version is dubbed into English. I strongly recommend the version with the subtitles! You can hear their original voices, their emotions, rather than the drone of the translation. You can also pause and rewind every time they say something important, and say, “What was that? I didn’t catch it.”

A very impactful podcast was Chloe Cole on Jordan Peterson—she is so young and so articulate (Ep 319).

Also, Helen Joyce on Jordan Peterson—this is very tough for boys to listen to as she is calling men who identify as women narcissistic and infantile. However, this should really be a great boost for girls (Ep. #379, though only the abridged version is available due to YouTube policies.)

We also watched What Is a Woman when it came out. I think it was very impactful. It is made by Matt Walsh, who is very conservative, and many won’t watch. But it is superb and actually very funny; maybe clips from it from YouTube can be a good choice.

There is also a documentary called Affirmation Generation, now renamed No Way Back: The Reality of Gender-Affirming Care. It is also very good, but again, they have to be ready for it. This one is made by “democrats.”

I didn’t like Stella O’Malley’s “Kids Let’s Talk about Trans” as she is not as firm and says things that I didn’t want my son to hear, like that some people do benefit from surgery! I would avoid this one.

A recent documentary, The War on Children, was very good, but might be “too conservative” to watch right away. We watched it a couple of weeks ago and the kids really liked it, but they are non-woke and gender critical.

The Paradox Institute, a channel on YouTube that explains why gender is binary and immutable. The graphics are very good. My son watched it even when he was very resentful of biology, and he was uncomfortable, but ultimately couldn’t argue with the facts. I would avoid buying Zachary Elliott’s first book though—it is self published, poorly edited and too long. I applaud his efforts and I hope that his next books will be well edited and more readable. His X account posts very useful factual information that refutes every TRA argument based on simple biology.

Random and Uncategorized:

James Lindsay, Letter to Woke Youth

My kids loved it, but they also said that those who are woke might not listen.

Peter Boghossian, How Social Justice Silences

(I loved this one, my son found it annoying, but now years later he loves his book, “How to Have Impossible Conversations.”)

Ryan Chapman: really neutral explanations of important concepts such as socialism, Marxism, Nazism etc. https://www.youtube.com/@realryanchapman

Teacher challenges the idea that “JK Rowling is transphobic”. This is Warrant Smith and he is great.

Peter Boghossian’s book, “How to Have Impossible Conversations” – I read only the first chapter and it saved me through the worst conversations. When I was so stressed when my son was telling me he was really a woman, I kept asking, curiously, “Oh, how so?” It worked really well and he came to VERY important realisations all on his own during this conversation.

Cynical Theories, a book by James Lindsay and Helen Pluckrose, taking apart the queer theory, critical race theory and so on. I have been really disappointed with Pluckrose lately, as she is wishy-washy on gender, but the book was helpful and a good read for the kids. They read it for their book club. I didn’t read it.

I haven’t watched this particular playlist, but it is about The Grievance Studies Affair / Hoax:

Hold on to Your Kids book by Neufeld and Mate—I think it is worth reading. It gives concrete strategies specifically for parents of teens.

The Importance of Unhappy Adolescence: a great little video to remind us that we are not to live in constant happiness and in order to grow and develop we need to experience a variety of emotions:

One of the most horrific and not often discussed side effects of puberty blockers is having one’s emotional development entirely stunted.

Board Games

I’d like to also share our favourite simple board games.

Cards Against Humanity: I had to buy three packs, because I had to remove about 70% from each pack as the cards were focused on sexually inappropriate things. What was left was crude and politically incorrect, but we have never laughed so much. My face ached from laughing. It was totally worth it. Especially as the kids were totally shocked that their parents got the game! You can’t really play it more than 4-5 times, but it is worth it.

Balderdash: we still play almost weekly, lots of laughter.

DixIt: a much more soulful game of associations with gorgeous artistic cards.

I’ve tried my best to remember all the resources as well as our process, but I’m sure I’m forgetting something. I’m sorry if this is not well organised—I did try my best. It is a lot of information and it can be overwhelming. I don’t think the goal here is to repeat what we did, but my hope is that you will be able to pick and choose and that you will be able to create your own program that you will be able to integrate into your homeschooling and your life. This is just a framework and guide. There are no guarantees, but there is a lot of hope sprinkled in. Feel free to reach out with any questions.

Sending you lots of love,

H.