I Miss You

I miss your carefree laughter, the one in the natural, male timbre you have practiced to banish, and vanquished with the help of wrong-sex hormones.

I miss being able to look at you without cringing. Your artificially hairless face, long unruly hair, clothing that helps you flaunt the bodily effects of hormones that were never supposed to be taken for life - and by males - are stark reminders that you have rejected what Nature bestowed upon you.

I miss being free to call you by the name we so lovingly gave you; the classic essence of it, the maleness of it, the meaning of it; the name you threw away in a process that took a signature and a postage stamp. The name that defined you more than just superficially. The name that represents your true identity - no matter what you, and your blind supporters may believe.

And because I am not free to use the name you were born with…I miss calling you by a name that isn’t an endearment - the default I must resort to using, and have, for the past five years.

I miss being able to talk with you without having to engage in verbal gymnastics.

I miss being able to interact with you without worrying that the ever-present eggshells under my feet will shatter….but failing in my efforts.

I miss being able to say things to you that don’t cause a shadow to fall across your face and a curtain over your eyes. The wrong name, the wrong pronoun, the wrong noun…you shut down faster than a light when the switch is flipped.

I miss you, my firstborn son. I know you’re in there but you are being smothered by the treachery of drugs and ideology and affirmers and beliefs negated by science and reality and truth.

I just miss you.

Come back before it’s all too late…

Please?