My opinion, based on my research and experience with my own son, that the ideology is religious in nature and should be treated with religious status. There are religious symbols as part of the ideology (asherah pole), specific religious language (pronoun use), there are conversion centered supports (currently academia, but attempts to infiltrate laws), religious zealousness (requires 100% agreement and use of specific linguistic phrases and identified names or one is cut off and labeled bigots), there are religious events (pride festival, pride marches, pride events), conversion therapies (currently promoted by the medical community), and attempts to “bring others into the fold” through targeting individuals and structures such as political structures, academic structures, etc. and there is magical thinking linked to wit raft and satanic ideology. Also specific texts used (anime books) and online teachers (influencers).
There are a variety of reasons why this might happen. The first step in knowing how to act is to try to discover their motives. The most likely motives often differ depending on the child's age.
Some probable motives:
- Not conforming to gender norms
- Conflicts over same-sex attraction
- Differences in neurodevelopment
- Being peculiar
- Having difficulty socializing
- Social isolation
- Trauma: bullying, sexual abuse
- Body image concerns
- Onset of secondary sexual characteristics
- Interpersonal difficulties
- Anxiety
- Uncertainty
- Depression
- Conflictive family dynamics
- Autogynephilia
Of course, there is likely more than one motive, but identifying them is fundamental to knowing how to act.
The second step is to understand that there is no human "trans" essence.
Transitioning consists of taking various actions to pass as being of the other sex. These measures range from changing names and pronouns to aggressive and painful surgeries to remove breasts, Adam's apples, genitals, and to perform holes or implants in the pelvic area, through the use of puberty blockers or opposite-sex hormones to modulate typical secondary sexual characteristics.
Once it is understood that there is no trans essence and we have discovered why our child is trying to pass as the opposite sex, it becomes somewhat easier to know how to respond.
If the main motives have to do with nonconformity with gender roles, with an atypical sexual psychology (similar to that typical of the opposite sex), or homosexuality, the focus should be on acceptance that these ways of being have always existed and that people who possess them deserve all the respect in the world.
If the motives have more to do with social nonconformity, neurodivergence, or other similar reasons, the focus should be specific to that type of problem, regardless of whether in these cases the child presents trans ideation.
In any case, it will be very helpful to have the advice of a psychologist who does not share trans ideology. My advice in this regard is to openly discuss all these issues to know if this is the right psychological advisor or if we should look for another. And, in my opinion, the advice should be directed toward the parents more than, or before, the psychotherapist speaks with the child.
Curious if you have a child that has declared ‘trans’??
Parents here have exhausted all arenas to try to get their kids the PROPER care they need-I would say majority of these kids already had mental health issues occurring. Those issues were placed on the back burner by therapists as soon as ‘trans’ is declared only growing the obsession of being ‘trans’ and becoming what they think they need to become.
We could go round in circles all day but at the end of the day the doctors are not listening to the parents. In California they take your kids away if you do not affirm.
If doctors and politicians would actually take the time to gain evidence by talking to parents in this I believe enormous headways could for the better could be made.
very difficult to find: psychologist who does not share trans ideology. if anyone knows of one in SE texas then please let me know --- or such a provider that works remotely
I cured myself from parental dysphoria by finding a truth-affirming parental care therapist. He helped me find my identity as a steadfast, loving, truth-accepting mother who is kind but doesn't compromise on reality.
I will never cut any of my children off, but I will live in reality even if they do. And you know what? So far neither of them has. The threat started to lose its power when I simply lived the truth. "No, I don't believe this. What would you like for dinner?" is actually pretty powerful. 😅
How fortunate that you were able to find such a therapist! That kind of support is priceless. And I find your second paragraph especially powerful. Thanks for commenting.
This expression being born in the wrong body! If anyone has a right to say this it is someone born with severe disabilities, someone who will never be able to live independently. But we don’t encourage these thoughts, instead try to foster acceptance of who they are despite their disability.
I wonder if disabled people feel the insult when children with a healthy functioning body say this? And want to say get a grip, stop believing in a delusion?
Both of my daughters questioned their genders, but I was clear I would not pay for it. I told them when they turn 18, they can do whatever they want, but I am not paying to harm a healthy body. Both of them resolved their issues.
What a thoughtful and painful piece that vividly describes the conflicts of this experience. Mine was slightly different in that my child was technically an adult, 19, and not living at home anymore so I had far less say about the decision (and it was ten years ago, so I knew, and far less was known, about the movement). But so much of this resonates with me.
The gender cult is not picking up steam, it peaked a few years ago and is waning. Between 2023 and 2025 the percentage of GenZ identifying as "trans" or "nonbinary" was cut in half. Aside from the weight of absurdity, the Cass Review has hit it hard, WPATH is backing off from the "standrd of care," now claiming it's just "free speech."
I'm really sorry about what you and other readers have gone through, but if I had a child who walked in and announced a new jenner idennidy, I'd handcuff him to a radiator.
You would if you could. And then CPS would remove them from your influence entirely while pushing your child further into that mindset.
By the time my child made this announcement he was over 18, several inches taller, heavier, and much stronger than I am. Even after being on estrogen for a year. I would've had to hold him at gunpoint. Which, obviously, would've removed me from the situation (as well as from the rest of my family) entirely, while proving to him how evil I am and cementing this mindset even more.
I stumbled over that line as well, but immediately scrolled back up to confirm that this was a repost from a 2021 essay.
I am happy to see things are slightly different now, but we’re definitely not out of the woods yet.
Long term studies now exist, that should knock the WPATH guidelines right out of existence - yet the studies keep getting ignored / swept under the rug.
Thank you for writting this beautiful peace....
My heart goes out for all of you loving, strong and brave parents
My opinion, based on my research and experience with my own son, that the ideology is religious in nature and should be treated with religious status. There are religious symbols as part of the ideology (asherah pole), specific religious language (pronoun use), there are conversion centered supports (currently academia, but attempts to infiltrate laws), religious zealousness (requires 100% agreement and use of specific linguistic phrases and identified names or one is cut off and labeled bigots), there are religious events (pride festival, pride marches, pride events), conversion therapies (currently promoted by the medical community), and attempts to “bring others into the fold” through targeting individuals and structures such as political structures, academic structures, etc. and there is magical thinking linked to wit raft and satanic ideology. Also specific texts used (anime books) and online teachers (influencers).
Great piece. I’ve been thinking about no longer identifying as a parent!
What to do if a child declares they are trans
There are a variety of reasons why this might happen. The first step in knowing how to act is to try to discover their motives. The most likely motives often differ depending on the child's age.
Some probable motives:
- Not conforming to gender norms
- Conflicts over same-sex attraction
- Differences in neurodevelopment
- Being peculiar
- Having difficulty socializing
- Social isolation
- Trauma: bullying, sexual abuse
- Body image concerns
- Onset of secondary sexual characteristics
- Interpersonal difficulties
- Anxiety
- Uncertainty
- Depression
- Conflictive family dynamics
- Autogynephilia
Of course, there is likely more than one motive, but identifying them is fundamental to knowing how to act.
The second step is to understand that there is no human "trans" essence.
Transitioning consists of taking various actions to pass as being of the other sex. These measures range from changing names and pronouns to aggressive and painful surgeries to remove breasts, Adam's apples, genitals, and to perform holes or implants in the pelvic area, through the use of puberty blockers or opposite-sex hormones to modulate typical secondary sexual characteristics.
Once it is understood that there is no trans essence and we have discovered why our child is trying to pass as the opposite sex, it becomes somewhat easier to know how to respond.
If the main motives have to do with nonconformity with gender roles, with an atypical sexual psychology (similar to that typical of the opposite sex), or homosexuality, the focus should be on acceptance that these ways of being have always existed and that people who possess them deserve all the respect in the world.
If the motives have more to do with social nonconformity, neurodivergence, or other similar reasons, the focus should be specific to that type of problem, regardless of whether in these cases the child presents trans ideation.
In any case, it will be very helpful to have the advice of a psychologist who does not share trans ideology. My advice in this regard is to openly discuss all these issues to know if this is the right psychological advisor or if we should look for another. And, in my opinion, the advice should be directed toward the parents more than, or before, the psychotherapist speaks with the child.
Curious if you have a child that has declared ‘trans’??
Parents here have exhausted all arenas to try to get their kids the PROPER care they need-I would say majority of these kids already had mental health issues occurring. Those issues were placed on the back burner by therapists as soon as ‘trans’ is declared only growing the obsession of being ‘trans’ and becoming what they think they need to become.
We could go round in circles all day but at the end of the day the doctors are not listening to the parents. In California they take your kids away if you do not affirm.
If doctors and politicians would actually take the time to gain evidence by talking to parents in this I believe enormous headways could for the better could be made.
However we have been silenced.
very difficult to find: psychologist who does not share trans ideology. if anyone knows of one in SE texas then please let me know --- or such a provider that works remotely
I cured myself from parental dysphoria by finding a truth-affirming parental care therapist. He helped me find my identity as a steadfast, loving, truth-accepting mother who is kind but doesn't compromise on reality.
I will never cut any of my children off, but I will live in reality even if they do. And you know what? So far neither of them has. The threat started to lose its power when I simply lived the truth. "No, I don't believe this. What would you like for dinner?" is actually pretty powerful. 😅
How fortunate that you were able to find such a therapist! That kind of support is priceless. And I find your second paragraph especially powerful. Thanks for commenting.
Be strong !
There is only truth and those who deny truth.
This expression being born in the wrong body! If anyone has a right to say this it is someone born with severe disabilities, someone who will never be able to live independently. But we don’t encourage these thoughts, instead try to foster acceptance of who they are despite their disability.
I wonder if disabled people feel the insult when children with a healthy functioning body say this? And want to say get a grip, stop believing in a delusion?
Thank you for voicing this so well. Thank you for naming it! All of this is exactly what I've been experiencing.
Both of my daughters questioned their genders, but I was clear I would not pay for it. I told them when they turn 18, they can do whatever they want, but I am not paying to harm a healthy body. Both of them resolved their issues.
What a thoughtful and painful piece that vividly describes the conflicts of this experience. Mine was slightly different in that my child was technically an adult, 19, and not living at home anymore so I had far less say about the decision (and it was ten years ago, so I knew, and far less was known, about the movement). But so much of this resonates with me.
The gender cult is not picking up steam, it peaked a few years ago and is waning. Between 2023 and 2025 the percentage of GenZ identifying as "trans" or "nonbinary" was cut in half. Aside from the weight of absurdity, the Cass Review has hit it hard, WPATH is backing off from the "standrd of care," now claiming it's just "free speech."
I'm really sorry about what you and other readers have gone through, but if I had a child who walked in and announced a new jenner idennidy, I'd handcuff him to a radiator.
You would if you could. And then CPS would remove them from your influence entirely while pushing your child further into that mindset.
By the time my child made this announcement he was over 18, several inches taller, heavier, and much stronger than I am. Even after being on estrogen for a year. I would've had to hold him at gunpoint. Which, obviously, would've removed me from the situation (as well as from the rest of my family) entirely, while proving to him how evil I am and cementing this mindset even more.
I stumbled over that line as well, but immediately scrolled back up to confirm that this was a repost from a 2021 essay.
I am happy to see things are slightly different now, but we’re definitely not out of the woods yet.
Long term studies now exist, that should knock the WPATH guidelines right out of existence - yet the studies keep getting ignored / swept under the rug.