I'm happy to answer questions if it would help. My doubts were mainly caused by how I couldn't answer the questions "what is man/woman?" and "why am I a man?". I went through about 4 phases:
1. I am a boy because I identify as one
2. I am a boy because I'm very masculine and I have dysphoria, so I must really have a 'male brain'
I'm happy to answer questions if it would help. My doubts were mainly caused by how I couldn't answer the questions "what is man/woman?" and "why am I a man?". I went through about 4 phases:
1. I am a boy because I identify as one
2. I am a boy because I'm very masculine and I have dysphoria, so I must really have a 'male brain'
3. Regardless of whether I am a boy or not, taking hormones/getting surgery will help my dysphoria
4. The damage to my health I will experience taking hormones/getting surgery might not be worth the possible help with my dysphoria
I guess the change from 2-3 is crucial, I managed to take something nebulous and undefined ("I feel like a boy") to something concrete ("these are the consequences").
As for what made me wait - my parents managed to find a therapist who wanted to know why I was feeling the way I was, rather than just prescribe me hormones, so that definitely helped. I was also a very shy kid, the idea of having to explain to my friends, classmates, teachers, etc why I was suddenly now going through male puberty sounded like hell to me; the plan was to start all this just before going to uni, then I'd be meeting people who would just assume I was male. I know that doesn't help too much though, because lots of kids aren't like that.
One thing I did notice though, reading other comments and stories, is that I see people talking about how they wish their daughter would go back to feminine things, wear dresses again, and stuff like that. I think one of the things that contributed to this whole mess for me was that I really hated wearing girls clothes, makeup, and all that, and I was made to feel like that made me kind of a 'failed girl' (but maybe I could perform masculinity well enough to be a decent boy). I'm not trying to blame my parents for what had a bunch of other causes (the internet, mainly!), but it didn't help that they constantly argued with me about things that were ultimately harmless, like wearing a suit instead of a dress ("why don't you like [x feminine thing]? Most teenage girls would, why can't you be like them?"). My parents are kind and loving people and I know they never meant any harm, but as a very masculine woman I still feel as though I disappointed them a little. I can deal with that as an adult, but for a child, that on top of other issues might be enough to push them into doing something very stupid, like declaring themself trans. So I guess my point is, if you have a daughter who is a tomboy, tell her that girls can have short hair and play football and like maths, etc, and show her successful women who are like her and are happy and comfortable with themselves. I think it would've helped me.
I'm happy to answer questions if it would help. My doubts were mainly caused by how I couldn't answer the questions "what is man/woman?" and "why am I a man?". I went through about 4 phases:
1. I am a boy because I identify as one
2. I am a boy because I'm very masculine and I have dysphoria, so I must really have a 'male brain'
3. Regardless of whether I am a boy or not, taking hormones/getting surgery will help my dysphoria
4. The damage to my health I will experience taking hormones/getting surgery might not be worth the possible help with my dysphoria
I guess the change from 2-3 is crucial, I managed to take something nebulous and undefined ("I feel like a boy") to something concrete ("these are the consequences").
As for what made me wait - my parents managed to find a therapist who wanted to know why I was feeling the way I was, rather than just prescribe me hormones, so that definitely helped. I was also a very shy kid, the idea of having to explain to my friends, classmates, teachers, etc why I was suddenly now going through male puberty sounded like hell to me; the plan was to start all this just before going to uni, then I'd be meeting people who would just assume I was male. I know that doesn't help too much though, because lots of kids aren't like that.
One thing I did notice though, reading other comments and stories, is that I see people talking about how they wish their daughter would go back to feminine things, wear dresses again, and stuff like that. I think one of the things that contributed to this whole mess for me was that I really hated wearing girls clothes, makeup, and all that, and I was made to feel like that made me kind of a 'failed girl' (but maybe I could perform masculinity well enough to be a decent boy). I'm not trying to blame my parents for what had a bunch of other causes (the internet, mainly!), but it didn't help that they constantly argued with me about things that were ultimately harmless, like wearing a suit instead of a dress ("why don't you like [x feminine thing]? Most teenage girls would, why can't you be like them?"). My parents are kind and loving people and I know they never meant any harm, but as a very masculine woman I still feel as though I disappointed them a little. I can deal with that as an adult, but for a child, that on top of other issues might be enough to push them into doing something very stupid, like declaring themself trans. So I guess my point is, if you have a daughter who is a tomboy, tell her that girls can have short hair and play football and like maths, etc, and show her successful women who are like her and are happy and comfortable with themselves. I think it would've helped me.