Thank you for your essay. That not succumbing to despair part is very challenging. At least it was for me. Very happy for your family that your son desisted.
Kids really do change dramatically and noticeably as they mature. That has always been true, but the passage through the teens and young adulthood has become more dangerous. Much of this seems attributable in part to the introduction of technologies to which kids have too much access: automobiles, recreational drugs, cosmetic surgeries, the internet. If we were to ask a worried parent of an adolescent, "What is the worst that can happen?," the answers have become too long and too frightening.
You are fortunate that your son's life coach didn't push him farther down the rabbit hole. It's great to hear he realized the folly and deception on his own.
I do think that in most cases, kids don't need a therapist or an outsider functioning in a "mental health" capacity. They need strong adult authority figures, and for males those authority figures should be male.
So many parents have naively hired a psychologist or therapist (or in this case, a life coach) and assumed that the expert would be on the side of facts and biology. But all too often the opposite occurs.
You and your son were lucky that his coach had not been brainwashed into believing that the affirmative model was the only way to go. No "would you rather have a dead son or a live daughter?" from this guy, thank goodness.
He distracted your son away from the transgender sinkhole of stupidity and lies by asking him to focus instead on nature in all its miraculous, tangible beauty. Nature is where the human body, heart and mind reside. Nature is where love is.
Imagine...an incorruptible mental health professional. Can we clone him?
All of that seems to be very reasonable and sound advice. Unfortunately we aren't in a position to be able to calmly discuss biological reality with our 20 year old daughter, but I am not giving up hope that she will cross paths with someone who helps her see things from a different perspective, or that life circumstances show her that her fantasy is just that -fantasy. Congrats on getting your son back.
I am so happy for your family! In my situation it is hard to have conversations with someone who is completely estranged . I have no way of contacting our son.
This is a cult. Encouraging estrangement if you don’t fully support. The irony is that we love and support our kids more because we want them to have a healthy body.
I can’t help feeling so exasperated that any kid would encounter people with authority and extensive training who gleefully affirm their delusions about changing sex. This authority disables parental authority and destroys healthy family relationships. The blame for this misery and destruction falls squarely at the feet of the teachers, counsellors, agencies, and physicians. The parents are living through an unimaginable nightmare, watching their kids fall prey to a disfigurement cult that all authorities and governments seem to endorse as a justice movement.
I feel like you are telling my story. My son went away to college 3 years ago and in 2 months said he was non binary,then a girl,and dropped out of school because he was suicidal.He was already in therapy and on medication for anxiety and depression.What broke him was the trans group at school said he was faking. We got him home ,therapy that stressed non affirming and was eventually titrated off medication. He went back to college but lives at home, and about 1 year later dropped the trans talk. Currently has his 1st girlfriend,in ROTC and has dropped 50 lbs. What a difference in him. He said the trans identity was an escape ( he was heavily in computer games and Amine) and he was holding on to some trauma we did not know about from high school.
All I can say is that we kept telling him he was not a girl , we loved him ,and would support anything except medication and surgery.
There are SO many different stories. I know my son has trauma but he refuses to talk about it...he says "I'm not going to bring up my old pain to make you feel better Mom". He desisted about a year ago now. He had been saying he was going to kill himself since he was about 7 years old. I am only guessing to think he had something happen way back then. The amount of sexual crimes against children is unbelievable as we see now story after story come out in the news and rounds of people, men AND women being arrested for child porn and worse. I think soon it will all come to light, these wicked "people" who are doing this will be gone, and all the prodigals will be back home! I know I've mentioned this before during the time my son was coming out of the darkness he would go into a friend's studio and just improv lyrics to tunes he found online and then added video. One of my favorite and I think the one that fits into this whole mess he called "burn in hell Jezebel" and interestingly it comes up in a simple google search (it's 2:30 long posted 10/27/24 on YouTube). The journey we're on in this life is not easy, but I believe that things are about to get a whole lot better (after a short time of chaos)!
My son came to a similar conclusion for similar reasons. In fact, in confidence, he told a dear friend that "falling into trans ideology was f-king stupid." Although I'm not thrilled about swearing, in this case, I'll allow it. I found a reality-based therapist who helped plant his feet on a solid path. And yes, moms are always right.
Not a fan of swear words either, but if there was ever an instance where it’s merited, it’s this nonsense. So glad he came to his senses. Praying our 20 year old daughter (who just started testosterone) has that same breakthrough. She just sent me a selfie of herself in goth clown makeup and some chin hairs are starting to sprout. It’s just so, so f-ing stupid.
Thank you for your essay. That not succumbing to despair part is very challenging. At least it was for me. Very happy for your family that your son desisted.
Kids really do change dramatically and noticeably as they mature. That has always been true, but the passage through the teens and young adulthood has become more dangerous. Much of this seems attributable in part to the introduction of technologies to which kids have too much access: automobiles, recreational drugs, cosmetic surgeries, the internet. If we were to ask a worried parent of an adolescent, "What is the worst that can happen?," the answers have become too long and too frightening.
Never give up, keep grace alive, keep the door open, only parents can put them back together again when they return.
Rarely have I heard truer words!! ❤️
You are fortunate that your son's life coach didn't push him farther down the rabbit hole. It's great to hear he realized the folly and deception on his own.
I do think that in most cases, kids don't need a therapist or an outsider functioning in a "mental health" capacity. They need strong adult authority figures, and for males those authority figures should be male.
I interviewed his life coach extensively. I trust no one especially the medical community.
Praise God for every prodigal that returns!
Oh so happy for you and your family! Your post is full of wisdom too. We have to keep talking & connecting our kids to NATURE & physical reality.
Well done you, & especially, well done to your boy for sorting himself out.
So many parents have naively hired a psychologist or therapist (or in this case, a life coach) and assumed that the expert would be on the side of facts and biology. But all too often the opposite occurs.
You and your son were lucky that his coach had not been brainwashed into believing that the affirmative model was the only way to go. No "would you rather have a dead son or a live daughter?" from this guy, thank goodness.
He distracted your son away from the transgender sinkhole of stupidity and lies by asking him to focus instead on nature in all its miraculous, tangible beauty. Nature is where the human body, heart and mind reside. Nature is where love is.
Imagine...an incorruptible mental health professional. Can we clone him?
Gives me hope. Thank you!
All of that seems to be very reasonable and sound advice. Unfortunately we aren't in a position to be able to calmly discuss biological reality with our 20 year old daughter, but I am not giving up hope that she will cross paths with someone who helps her see things from a different perspective, or that life circumstances show her that her fantasy is just that -fantasy. Congrats on getting your son back.
Thank you for sharing! It gives me hope that my daughter, who is away at college, might desist.
Thank you for this beautiful, encouraging essay.
❤️
I am so happy for your family! In my situation it is hard to have conversations with someone who is completely estranged . I have no way of contacting our son.
This is a cult. Encouraging estrangement if you don’t fully support. The irony is that we love and support our kids more because we want them to have a healthy body.
I can’t help feeling so exasperated that any kid would encounter people with authority and extensive training who gleefully affirm their delusions about changing sex. This authority disables parental authority and destroys healthy family relationships. The blame for this misery and destruction falls squarely at the feet of the teachers, counsellors, agencies, and physicians. The parents are living through an unimaginable nightmare, watching their kids fall prey to a disfigurement cult that all authorities and governments seem to endorse as a justice movement.
I second that one!
I feel like you are telling my story. My son went away to college 3 years ago and in 2 months said he was non binary,then a girl,and dropped out of school because he was suicidal.He was already in therapy and on medication for anxiety and depression.What broke him was the trans group at school said he was faking. We got him home ,therapy that stressed non affirming and was eventually titrated off medication. He went back to college but lives at home, and about 1 year later dropped the trans talk. Currently has his 1st girlfriend,in ROTC and has dropped 50 lbs. What a difference in him. He said the trans identity was an escape ( he was heavily in computer games and Amine) and he was holding on to some trauma we did not know about from high school.
All I can say is that we kept telling him he was not a girl , we loved him ,and would support anything except medication and surgery.
I am grateful we are passed that dark period.
There are SO many different stories. I know my son has trauma but he refuses to talk about it...he says "I'm not going to bring up my old pain to make you feel better Mom". He desisted about a year ago now. He had been saying he was going to kill himself since he was about 7 years old. I am only guessing to think he had something happen way back then. The amount of sexual crimes against children is unbelievable as we see now story after story come out in the news and rounds of people, men AND women being arrested for child porn and worse. I think soon it will all come to light, these wicked "people" who are doing this will be gone, and all the prodigals will be back home! I know I've mentioned this before during the time my son was coming out of the darkness he would go into a friend's studio and just improv lyrics to tunes he found online and then added video. One of my favorite and I think the one that fits into this whole mess he called "burn in hell Jezebel" and interestingly it comes up in a simple google search (it's 2:30 long posted 10/27/24 on YouTube). The journey we're on in this life is not easy, but I believe that things are about to get a whole lot better (after a short time of chaos)!
Have you joined the map on parents of desisters? https://www.parentsofdesisters.info/
So very happy for your son!
My son came to a similar conclusion for similar reasons. In fact, in confidence, he told a dear friend that "falling into trans ideology was f-king stupid." Although I'm not thrilled about swearing, in this case, I'll allow it. I found a reality-based therapist who helped plant his feet on a solid path. And yes, moms are always right.
PS
16h
Not a fan of swear words either, but if there was ever an instance where it’s merited, it’s this nonsense. So glad he came to his senses. Praying our 20 year old daughter (who just started testosterone) has that same breakthrough. She just sent me a selfie of herself in goth clown makeup and some chin hairs are starting to sprout. It’s just so, so f-ing stupid.
Have you joined the map on parents of desisters? https://www.parentsofdesisters.info/
So happy your son desisted.
Thank you and thank God 🙏🤲✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️