Mine is a different tale to tell…

not one of a child lost to this weird mind virus but an ally

Mine is a different tale to tell, not one of a child lost to this weird mind virus but one of a child who has become an ally of trans-ideology. And of how her adoption of trans-ideology and my opposition to it has cost me much.

My daughter come out as gay when she was 12 years old. I didn't bat an eye. I told her she had to be herself or she would never be happy. By the last year of secondary school (we're in the UK so 16), she was coming home full of tales that didn't make much sense - how such and such friend is trans now and everyone needs to use different pronouns or that other friends were non-binary and had different set of pronouns. It was mind boggling. Like most parents I spoke with about it, we assumed it was just some daft fad they would quickly out grow it. 

How wrong can you be? Well, it wasn't a fad. College soon arrived and suddenly there was more trans and non-binary people and they all talked of blockers and hormones, even surgeries. I started to do some research and was shocked what I was finding.

Puberty blockers being marketed as safe and reversible were anything but. I found medical journals from 2005 and earlier identifying bone density issues. I found that, once mixed with cross-sex hormones, these young people would likely become sterile.

I found the makers of Lupron were sued by people who had taken the drug to get taller. These, mainly female, recipients had suffered with connective tissue problems, osteoporosis, fibromyalgia and many other side effects including a breakdown of tooth enamel and more worrying, depression and suicide ideation. I learned how cross-sex hormones came with a whole host of other side effects and obviously surgeries were not reversible in any way.

But my daughter had found her calling, trans ally. It should have been a relief. She's gay with autistic markers and confesses to be gullible to the point where anyone can tell her anything and she will believe them.... unless it's me, her father, and he's warning of the huge red flags around the gender ideology.

Although we were relieved that our daughter hadn’t adopted this ideology for herself, we were saddened by her allyship for the dangerous ideology. We pushed back against this cult-like mind virus which seemed to be spreading throughout society. I tried to stress the importance of thoughtful therapy. This was apparently trans-conversion therapy and I was a massive transphobe. Any talk that didn't go along with the trans ideology was instantly dismissed as hate.

There is literally no shaking their beliefs. The more you try the harder they dig in. The more facts and data you produce, the bigger a bigot you become. 

Our daughter is now 21 years old. I've been fighting this ideology for five years. I know Dutch studies, Swedish studies, my mills reports on blockers and how they have been highly critiqued. I’ve read the latest research showing that blockers may actually lock in dysphoria. I know that thoughtful therapy could see up to 90% of people with gender dysphoria learn to live happily in their own bodies. I can counter any arguments about intersex people and various other cult-like claims that try to bamboozle and silence anyone who speaks against the ideology.

What I didn't realise was the toll it was taking on my own mental health. You see, I was one of those people who didn’t have any mental health issue. I never saw it coming.

My daughter and her friends were happily cheering a friend towards transition. As usual, my counsel of proper therapy was roundly mocked as my daughter sneered how that is just trans conversion therapy. Oh no, her friend bypassed therapy altogether, bypassed the NHS and flew to Turkey for a double mastectomy. This vulnerable young ROGD female dismissed any thoughts of therapy. They knew who they were and that was a boy. 

Mutilated, not even 20 years old, but still adult enough to sign the consent forms.

This was March this year. Around that time I saw a video of the “Let Women Speak” event in Auckland New Zealand where a 72 year old woman was punched repeatedly by a bearded man. I showed it to my partner who said the older woman was spreading hate.  I replied, who can blame her for not wanting men in her space if they are going to put on a dress and punch her in the face? She replied that we can't talk about this as our daughter has trans friends. 

I knew my daughter was in thrall to the gender cult, I just hadn't realised she had taken her mum with her down the rabbit hole. I'm looking at them thinking I don't even recognise the people I'm living with.

I honestly felt like I was living with two imposters. My loving caring daughter would now let her friend bypass therapy and encourage her to mutilate herself with drugs and surgery. My partner of 23 years could see a man punch a woman and blame the woman. 

I started to spiral. None of it made sense. My daughter and partner acted like they were living with some hate fueled bigot. Then they dropped the bombshell - my rampant transphobia was making my daughter unsafe in her own home.

They were trying to silence me but instead they broke me. Something in me just snapped. I'd failed as a father. The one job I'd loved more than any other.  I found myself in the woods with a rope. What was the point of going on?

A little voice inside my head said you can't do this. You can't let your Dad lose another child. He'd already lost my brother to cancer and this would destroy him.

I left the woods, went home, packed and walked away, leaving the family I had worked so hard to provide for and the business I had spent a decade building. Everything. I literally had to break my own heart to save my sanity. I could no longer live in a war zone.

After making it impossible to stay they attacked me for leaving. How were they supposed to fend for themselves? Look at what I had done to the family. They even said it was all the fault of my obsession with trans ideology. 

I'll leave you with a message I left on my social media knowing my daughter will read it. It won't do anything to heal our relationship but if it just makes her think before encouraging others down the gender pathway, it's worth it.

I wonder what will happen if all this trans movement goes wrong?

One study which ran for 30 years (1973 to 2003) found the suicide rate for people who transitioned was 19 times higher than for the general public control group. At that time Dutch studies showed regret from transition was 1.9%. This low regret rate is still pushed by the gender lobby today.

Things have changed since then. Back in the early days of gender care, they used thoughtful therapy and found that many suffering from dysphoria learned to live happily in their own bodies. Only the very most persistent insistent and consistent were approved for transitioning. Not now though. Now anyone who says they are trans is believed and affirmed. Instead of nine out of ten people learning to live happily in their own bodies, 10 out of 10 can start “gender affirmation” care. Every one can have blockers or cross sex hormones, even surgeries.

Instances of regret are soaring. The Tavistock clinic conducted a study which found 8% regret rate. It was thought to be an underestimation as they had lost contact with many patients. Another American study quoted over 25% regret.

One detransitioners forum went from a couple of hundred people to over 50,000 in a few short years. 

What happens when you realize you've made a mistake, yet you have done so much to your body it's the effects have become irreversible?  What if you aren't trans but an ally? What if you affirm a friend and encourage them down a medical pathway which they later regret? What if you wrongly told them therapy was trans conversion therapy and should be avoided? What if that friend can no longer deal with the misery or pain if surgery goes wrong? Are you going to stand at their funeral with a clear conscience? Are you going to be able to look their distraught parents in the face?

You only get one body. Some people would love to have a healthy working body yet, because of a social contagion, vulnerable young people are lining up to mutilate themselves all while their friends cheer them on.

This isn't a fad. This isn't a game. It's the rest of their lives.