My Story, Part 1

An essay in 2 parts

I hate trans ideology. I hate the havoc it has wreaked on our world. I hate what it’s done to American society. I hate what it’s done to vulnerable populations. And I hate what it’s done to our family.

We have two children – a young man now 26 years old and a young woman now 23 years old. Having children when we were older, my husband and I were thrilled we were able to birth two healthy babies. Our son was named after our fathers. Our daughter’s first name was a nod to my mother-in-law who would have chosen the name if she had ever had a girl, and her middle name is for knowing for certain I was pregnant on Christmas day (yes, morning sickness sucks).

Our children were unique little beings, and we loved them with all our hearts. When they started elementary school, it became clear they were “different” learners and both soon were diagnosed as having ADHD. For us, it was no big deal. We looked at the list of symptoms and soon realized we both also had ADHD. My son also had trigger in his fingers so handwriting was tough for him. However, I think the “interventions” they received during elementary school proved to hurt much more than they helped. The assistance drew attention to them, so both the children and their parents saw our children as “different” at the parent-participation school they attended. It was tough on them socially.

While working in my daughter’s class, I observed my daughter pretending to listen to the teacher while she was reading her free reading books she kept hidden in her desk. Since she was already having a hard time, we decided to move her to a private school where the small classroom size would allow the teacher to intervene. From 5th to 8th grade, our daughter blossomed. She made many friends, excelled academically and seemed to have so much fun. We were so grateful to the school and its structure, as it recognized her for her strengths and helped her through her weaknesses.

Seeing as our son was at the public high school in a district which historically leaned conservative, we felt it was time to move our daughter to the same high school after middle school. However, with an influx of new teachers and the influence of the teachers’ union, it has since become clear that LGBTQ+ ideology stealthily wrapped its tentacles throughout the entire school district. Our son had his own tribe, so our daughter had to find her place. She started sitting outside of her 5th grade classroom during lunch – we learned several years later this is where the LGBTQ+ students held their weekly meetings. They invited her in; soon she started telling me she had “this sexual preference” and “that gender identity”. There were so many things she told me, I honestly couldn’t keep track and didn’t want to know. I asked her, “If you haven’t even kissed anyone yet, why is it so important that you make these choices?” She said, “Mom, I just have to, I just have to do this”.

Our son left for college the following year. In the meanwhile, our daughter meandered her way through high school. She was on the volleyball team, but being a strong personality, she ran into problems and quit after her sophomore year. She was a writer as well as an artist, so she was often on Discord and other platforms where she shared her work. She ended up making many “online” friends. Her self-esteem was so low, we were just grateful that she seemed to be finding a place to shine and could connect with peers like herself. She had a couple of “online” boyfriends, but given they didn’t live locally, we were not too concerned.

However, that changed her senior year. She announced that she had met a boy online who lived in Massachusetts. She asked if he could stay at our house along with her other friends so that they could all attend Anime Expo downtown in January 2020. We were frankly a bit relieved that she met a boy she liked, and said yes, he could stay with us in her brother’s room who was away at college. She picked all her friends up from LAX and brought them home, so we got a chance to meet “him” – and it was immediately clear to us “he” was a “she” despite all their protests to the contrary. The weekend was a sleepless nightmare and ended with “him” going to stay at another friend’s home. My daughter, my husband and I went to talk through this with my daughter’s counselor the following week. At this point, she declared she wanted to emancipate, and I was more than happy to have her leave. Long story short, she did not emancipate and we fumbled our way through the first part of 2020 which was now compounded by all the closures of COVID-19. She cut her hair butch and was angry anytime she talked to us. She even went to my hair stylist for her new look.

Our daughter stayed home for the first two years of COVID-19 where she received on-line education through a community college. Her junior year she transferred to a university where she majored in Criminology, but she was still doing her courses online. We soon heard her requesting her “preferred pronouns and name” during class - this just broke our hearts. Our relationship ebbed and flowed while she was living with us. The University of California finally re-opened, so she spent her senior year in an apartment off campus. She graduated with honors and began to look for a job.

She quickly learned it was not easy to get the job she wanted with a degree in Criminology. We celebrated with her as she got her first job as a housing advocate with the homeless and those recently released from prison. Funding was soon cut from this organization, and she moved to a different department. She talked with us about her struggles there, and we supported her as she decided to quit this job. A couple of months later, we celebrated with her as she got another job helping vulnerable women recently released from inpatient psychiatric care. Once again, she shared with us her struggles at this job and we supported her through her decision to quit. We talked with her about the difficulties she might face doing social work, especially in California given the current laws. We discussed other career paths she might want to consider. We paid for her to take an aptitude test to help her understand the types of careers best suited for her strengths and interests. This time was the turning point in our relationship. She has since gone back to her given name and gender. We are VERY relieved.