Just when I thought I'd healed from my childhood and young adult traumas, they morphed, reappearing, determined to take me out. When tormentors can't reach you, they target your loved ones. Using tactics from social media, subliminal messaging, manipulation, and love bombing. These perpetrators twist the narrative, painting concerned parents as toxic and unsafe, and often contribute to parental alienation and family estrangement.
As you know from these stories, sometimes the kids mature and return. Hopefully you can get a message to her that you are always there. They don't always understand a parent's love, and believe they have irreparably damaged the relationship.Thank you for sharing your story.
Very good point. I also think unfortunately that if the relationship is so antagonistic, and if the 'kid' is stubborn and too proud, it may be hard for them to admit they made a mistake, worried that the parent will be thinking or feeling "I told you so! I was right all along."
I wonder if there are any who actually stay trans long after they know it was a huge error. (AKA "the sunk cost fallacy," where we continue with an endeavor we've invested money, effort or time into, long after we realize it is not beneficial or wise.)
Thanks for sharing your story. I feel so much for your isolation and the cruelty you have suffered from professionals and activists. The former should know better, the latter are overwhelmingly idiots and ignorant. I feel revenge is a legitimate response. There is something natural, not wrong about it. A mechanism which could deter the kind of behaviour you have been subject to. But how to do that without incriminating yourself? Are there forms of legal and legitimate revenge I wonder? Most of these people are weak, cowardly bullies. They need to be hit back at, in ways that are legitimate. It's just hard to work out what those ways might be, to have the imagination about what might hurt them (but not hurt you) and put the resources and energy into that in a sustained way. If we all did that, this would probably end. I feel that legal action could be one such way. Peaceful, sustained public protest might be another.
I didn't mean to undermine the peace you have found in the approach you have taken, but this is the path your thoughts set my mind on.
I have great compassion for this mother and can totally relate, but I do not think that turning to New Age practices and psychedelics is the answer. These practices are a road to nowhere. True healing can only come from faith in God and the reading of His Word. He will give you a peace that surpasses all understanding Phil 4:7.
You are so right about the narrative painting parents as "unsafe" and toxic. These are words I heard from my own son. And we refuse to change according to him. But the ignorance in that thinking is absurd, we do not change our way of thinking to accept his. Not happening. Good for you for moving forward with such resolve, and thank you for sharing. My best to you and prayers you get your daughter back.
I'm going to top post the text of a yelp review of some doctors in the WPATH files despite posting it below. This is what "affirming care" actually means.
I wish I never listened to the medical and psychiatric community when they told me it was possible to change my sex. What a lie. Very dangerous and unethical. Sex reassignment surgery is a hit and miss type of surgery, but they don't tell you that. They never do. And maybe if I didn't have autism, maybe if my brain wasn't so defective, I would have caught on before it was too late. I wish there was a cure for autism, but that's unlikely. It's endless suffering on top of even more suffering. I also wish voluntary euthanasia was legal. My death, likely painful, has proven that ethics are not universal and are otherwise non-existent.
No one is truly there for me. There's no need to pretend. I have a gaping hole in my genital area with my colon spilling out (disgusting) and a ring of scar tissue blocking most of the entrance. If the colon can't discharge, that leaves it with severe blockage, which then could turn (and likely expected) into blood clots, followed by death. I've already reached the stage of blockage.
What hurts me the most is the loneliness and the inability to find a partner. I can't have a normal sex life. I'm a loser and I probably deserve this deception. This is what I get for messing with nature. Mankind is destructive and I self-destructed. I just wanted friendship and love. I wanted life to be easier. I wanted to be a woman since I was 15. I wish I had the knowledge that I have today. I was a confused kid with no identity. I wish I could have done everything different, but it's too late now. I'm royally screwed.
Dr. Thomas Satterwhite and Dr. Maurice Garcia, both in California and who are my original surgeons, have basically killed me. With accessory to my death is Dr. Miroslav Djordjevic, Dr. Rajveer Purohit, Dr. Rachel Bluebond-Langner, and Dr. Jess Ting, who all refused to help me despite having letters by 1 psychiatrist and 2 Clinical Social Workers recommending reversal surgery and my detransitioning. My last wish is for the State of California and State of New York to press mutilation and criminal charges against these monsters, but they won't because people like me don't matter. There will be no accountability since malpractice is impossible to prove, especially with no lawyers willing to help me. There will be more victims of the false promises of changing your body into someone you can never be.
The Transgender Ideology and its lies, along with the pro-gay media, medical and psychiatric community, have killed me. The feminization of America will continue to produce outcomes like mine. It wasn't my fault for failing. Everyone failed me, my death shouldn't surprise anyone.
I hope they're all happy now. They've doomed me to choose between a life of suffering and death. No one cares enough to help me, they want me to wake up in pain everyday and suffer. No pain medication, no surgery, no empathy, and no pleasure.
I hope to be remembered in positive light, but no doubt I'll be labeled mentally ill and a fool. I've always meant well. It was my kindness and trusting at face value that screwed me (like always).
Absolutely heartbreaking. Truths about this entire process should be brought to the forefront of every conversation and every national headline. These surgeries are not "life saving" they doom the victims to a tragic future and possible death. It needs to be stopped.
What seemingly irresistible urge propels someone who later detransitions to continue forward in their madness despite all the illness and pain they suffer in the journey? It never brought that subset of people any joy going by their later statements, so how do they convince themselves that by just taking another dose of the meds or making another cut to their body will do the trick to make them feel happiness?
You've been there, do you have any new insight to why you lived in such denial?
That was not me, it was some mother's autistic son who died from "gender affirming" surgery in slow agony. I actually sent it to my local congressional rep.
It hits me because it has a high chance of being my kid soon.
Thank you! So timely for me! My daughter is 19 now (trans announced 18 months ago) I’ve also recently realised I was a rebellious teen. I got horribly drunk at a neighbour’s house party at 14, smoked marijuana at 15 again at a neighbour’s house-different neighbour with teen sons-left school because I was bored and got a crap job at a supermarket deli which led to a clerical job yada yada. My parents knew that-like my own daughter now-I was determined to do what I wanted-I had an unsuitable boyfriend too-of course! My parents were just relieved that I had a job so I guess they accepted all my other crap because they didn’t have a choice. I ended up being a very anxious, stressed and depressed adult for years but I didn’t look to my parents for guidance because I just thought they were out of touch and would never understand! How the chickens have come home to roost! I thought because of my teen experiences I would be on top of any and all eventualities! How wrong I was!
Be careful with the line of thinking that your child is feigning mental illness. My mom had the same "you are who you hangout with" mentality until I lost a friend to suicide. I didn't get help with my health until adulthood and I have thrived since.
I can say the number of college kids claiming to have ADHD after the ADA mandate of reasonable accommodations sure seemed to go up. It went through between my undergrad and grad school years.
But too much accommodation and people don't learn coping skills.
Such a true statement of how healing begins with us first, then we can provide a therapeutic environment for when they return. Bless you and keep hope alive that your daughter will return to feel the undying love of her mother 🙏🏼🤗
I am not a mother to a trans kid, but I must admit that I would be so relieved not to have my son/daughter at home, and not having to see them anymore or deal with this in my face every single day. Especially if I knew that at least they had a roof over their head.
And sometimes, believe it or not, a period of separation can actually wind up being an important step in ultimately healing the relationship. If a parent and child (teen or adult) reach a point where they can't see each other's perspectives and each feels hurt by the other on a daily basis, sometimes it is better in the long run for them to be apart until each has grown, so that they don't continue to antagonize, frustrate, hurt, and provoke each other in the interim. Healing and change doesn't happen overnight, and if you can't keep from hurting each other until you grow, then it can be better to do the growing from different t homes.
Plus, sometimes conflict like this can actually make it harder for kids to find an identity that isn't trans. The conflict becomes a distraction from the work of actually figuring out who they are, how to live in the world, and what the problem is that led them to a trans identity in the first place. If there is constant friction with q parent or anyone who disagrees with trans ideology, then the conflict itself can begin to serve a similar purpose to the trans identity: it provides a ready made role and script, while also being a convenient and socially sympathetic scapegoat on which to blame every problem in life and every difficult emotion. Remove the conflict, and the kid has the space and time to actually become themselves as opposed to "trans kid abused by transphobic parents".
My heart goes out to the author (and all of the PITT parents) who have teenagers captured by this cult. I simply can’t imagine the heartbreak and agony of having a minor child stolen like this.
Our adult daughter is estranged, convinced we are monsters for not affirming her delusions. Had she been a teenager when this started, it would have been so much worse in some ways. But on the other hand, with teenagers you still have a last chance at changing what you can, e.g. where you live, smartphone/Internet access, physical exercise, DIY deprogramming. For parents of adult cult members, we can only state our facts, and then watch them make their own grievous choices. I hope you can bring your daughter back before you find yourself where we are.
As you know from these stories, sometimes the kids mature and return. Hopefully you can get a message to her that you are always there. They don't always understand a parent's love, and believe they have irreparably damaged the relationship.Thank you for sharing your story.
Sending love, thank you for this writing. It is lo vcely and it is healing
Very good point. I also think unfortunately that if the relationship is so antagonistic, and if the 'kid' is stubborn and too proud, it may be hard for them to admit they made a mistake, worried that the parent will be thinking or feeling "I told you so! I was right all along."
I wonder if there are any who actually stay trans long after they know it was a huge error. (AKA "the sunk cost fallacy," where we continue with an endeavor we've invested money, effort or time into, long after we realize it is not beneficial or wise.)
Thanks for sharing your story. I feel so much for your isolation and the cruelty you have suffered from professionals and activists. The former should know better, the latter are overwhelmingly idiots and ignorant. I feel revenge is a legitimate response. There is something natural, not wrong about it. A mechanism which could deter the kind of behaviour you have been subject to. But how to do that without incriminating yourself? Are there forms of legal and legitimate revenge I wonder? Most of these people are weak, cowardly bullies. They need to be hit back at, in ways that are legitimate. It's just hard to work out what those ways might be, to have the imagination about what might hurt them (but not hurt you) and put the resources and energy into that in a sustained way. If we all did that, this would probably end. I feel that legal action could be one such way. Peaceful, sustained public protest might be another.
I didn't mean to undermine the peace you have found in the approach you have taken, but this is the path your thoughts set my mind on.
Wishing you all the strength in the world. ❤️
What you have written has really helped me today. Thank you and all the best.
I have great compassion for this mother and can totally relate, but I do not think that turning to New Age practices and psychedelics is the answer. These practices are a road to nowhere. True healing can only come from faith in God and the reading of His Word. He will give you a peace that surpasses all understanding Phil 4:7.
It still hurts but, "I am learning to find safety within myself because that is something this cult cannot take from me." You are right. Keep going.
You are so right about the narrative painting parents as "unsafe" and toxic. These are words I heard from my own son. And we refuse to change according to him. But the ignorance in that thinking is absurd, we do not change our way of thinking to accept his. Not happening. Good for you for moving forward with such resolve, and thank you for sharing. My best to you and prayers you get your daughter back.
I'm going to top post the text of a yelp review of some doctors in the WPATH files despite posting it below. This is what "affirming care" actually means.
I wish I never listened to the medical and psychiatric community when they told me it was possible to change my sex. What a lie. Very dangerous and unethical. Sex reassignment surgery is a hit and miss type of surgery, but they don't tell you that. They never do. And maybe if I didn't have autism, maybe if my brain wasn't so defective, I would have caught on before it was too late. I wish there was a cure for autism, but that's unlikely. It's endless suffering on top of even more suffering. I also wish voluntary euthanasia was legal. My death, likely painful, has proven that ethics are not universal and are otherwise non-existent.
No one is truly there for me. There's no need to pretend. I have a gaping hole in my genital area with my colon spilling out (disgusting) and a ring of scar tissue blocking most of the entrance. If the colon can't discharge, that leaves it with severe blockage, which then could turn (and likely expected) into blood clots, followed by death. I've already reached the stage of blockage.
What hurts me the most is the loneliness and the inability to find a partner. I can't have a normal sex life. I'm a loser and I probably deserve this deception. This is what I get for messing with nature. Mankind is destructive and I self-destructed. I just wanted friendship and love. I wanted life to be easier. I wanted to be a woman since I was 15. I wish I had the knowledge that I have today. I was a confused kid with no identity. I wish I could have done everything different, but it's too late now. I'm royally screwed.
Dr. Thomas Satterwhite and Dr. Maurice Garcia, both in California and who are my original surgeons, have basically killed me. With accessory to my death is Dr. Miroslav Djordjevic, Dr. Rajveer Purohit, Dr. Rachel Bluebond-Langner, and Dr. Jess Ting, who all refused to help me despite having letters by 1 psychiatrist and 2 Clinical Social Workers recommending reversal surgery and my detransitioning. My last wish is for the State of California and State of New York to press mutilation and criminal charges against these monsters, but they won't because people like me don't matter. There will be no accountability since malpractice is impossible to prove, especially with no lawyers willing to help me. There will be more victims of the false promises of changing your body into someone you can never be.
The Transgender Ideology and its lies, along with the pro-gay media, medical and psychiatric community, have killed me. The feminization of America will continue to produce outcomes like mine. It wasn't my fault for failing. Everyone failed me, my death shouldn't surprise anyone.
I hope they're all happy now. They've doomed me to choose between a life of suffering and death. No one cares enough to help me, they want me to wake up in pain everyday and suffer. No pain medication, no surgery, no empathy, and no pleasure.
I hope to be remembered in positive light, but no doubt I'll be labeled mentally ill and a fool. I've always meant well. It was my kindness and trusting at face value that screwed me (like always).
Left by the late Yarden Silveria.
Absolutely heartbreaking. Truths about this entire process should be brought to the forefront of every conversation and every national headline. These surgeries are not "life saving" they doom the victims to a tragic future and possible death. It needs to be stopped.
What seemingly irresistible urge propels someone who later detransitions to continue forward in their madness despite all the illness and pain they suffer in the journey? It never brought that subset of people any joy going by their later statements, so how do they convince themselves that by just taking another dose of the meds or making another cut to their body will do the trick to make them feel happiness?
You've been there, do you have any new insight to why you lived in such denial?
That was not me, it was some mother's autistic son who died from "gender affirming" surgery in slow agony. I actually sent it to my local congressional rep.
It hits me because it has a high chance of being my kid soon.
Thank you! So timely for me! My daughter is 19 now (trans announced 18 months ago) I’ve also recently realised I was a rebellious teen. I got horribly drunk at a neighbour’s house party at 14, smoked marijuana at 15 again at a neighbour’s house-different neighbour with teen sons-left school because I was bored and got a crap job at a supermarket deli which led to a clerical job yada yada. My parents knew that-like my own daughter now-I was determined to do what I wanted-I had an unsuitable boyfriend too-of course! My parents were just relieved that I had a job so I guess they accepted all my other crap because they didn’t have a choice. I ended up being a very anxious, stressed and depressed adult for years but I didn’t look to my parents for guidance because I just thought they were out of touch and would never understand! How the chickens have come home to roost! I thought because of my teen experiences I would be on top of any and all eventualities! How wrong I was!
Be careful with the line of thinking that your child is feigning mental illness. My mom had the same "you are who you hangout with" mentality until I lost a friend to suicide. I didn't get help with my health until adulthood and I have thrived since.
I can say the number of college kids claiming to have ADHD after the ADA mandate of reasonable accommodations sure seemed to go up. It went through between my undergrad and grad school years.
But too much accommodation and people don't learn coping skills.
Wow! How wonderful that you have found your way, your path forward! I pray for you and wish all the best possible future. Stand strong!
Such a true statement of how healing begins with us first, then we can provide a therapeutic environment for when they return. Bless you and keep hope alive that your daughter will return to feel the undying love of her mother 🙏🏼🤗
I am not a mother to a trans kid, but I must admit that I would be so relieved not to have my son/daughter at home, and not having to see them anymore or deal with this in my face every single day. Especially if I knew that at least they had a roof over their head.
And sometimes, believe it or not, a period of separation can actually wind up being an important step in ultimately healing the relationship. If a parent and child (teen or adult) reach a point where they can't see each other's perspectives and each feels hurt by the other on a daily basis, sometimes it is better in the long run for them to be apart until each has grown, so that they don't continue to antagonize, frustrate, hurt, and provoke each other in the interim. Healing and change doesn't happen overnight, and if you can't keep from hurting each other until you grow, then it can be better to do the growing from different t homes.
Plus, sometimes conflict like this can actually make it harder for kids to find an identity that isn't trans. The conflict becomes a distraction from the work of actually figuring out who they are, how to live in the world, and what the problem is that led them to a trans identity in the first place. If there is constant friction with q parent or anyone who disagrees with trans ideology, then the conflict itself can begin to serve a similar purpose to the trans identity: it provides a ready made role and script, while also being a convenient and socially sympathetic scapegoat on which to blame every problem in life and every difficult emotion. Remove the conflict, and the kid has the space and time to actually become themselves as opposed to "trans kid abused by transphobic parents".
I get that sentiment!
My heart goes out to the author (and all of the PITT parents) who have teenagers captured by this cult. I simply can’t imagine the heartbreak and agony of having a minor child stolen like this.
Our adult daughter is estranged, convinced we are monsters for not affirming her delusions. Had she been a teenager when this started, it would have been so much worse in some ways. But on the other hand, with teenagers you still have a last chance at changing what you can, e.g. where you live, smartphone/Internet access, physical exercise, DIY deprogramming. For parents of adult cult members, we can only state our facts, and then watch them make their own grievous choices. I hope you can bring your daughter back before you find yourself where we are.