The holidays are the worst especially Christmas for my wife and I. Trannyism has divided family members at Christmas tables between those who believe in reality versus those who believe in fantasy. Another Christmas has passed battling this nightmare. Our beloved mananized daughter with cross sex hormones, surgery and beard has chosen no communication again. Not even my amazon gift card was accepted so far. Her pride must go before hope, and she is a quite a stubborn one. Near 30 now. Been on this tranny road for 10 years now. What an absolute hell I wish on no one. Thanks be to God.
Thank you for this post... I feel discombobulated, as a mum with 2 sons who, for their own perceptions and reasons, have disowned me. This was my 3rd sonless 'Christmas'. There is no reason to be cheerful. The cheeriness of others, going about their holidays and seeing their families stings so very much. The grief is raw of all that was, and is no longer. Moving through it, survival mode, is the best I can do this week. Thank you again. It grieves me that so many others are in pain too. All I can do is surrender, and love anyway.
Merry Christmas, Friends . With prayers for all as we go through this special day with an empty seat at the table,; a silent or absent meal; or with a child we no longer know. May God grant us strength and grace to never stop believing for the return of our loved ones. 🎄
Never can my previous Great Grief approach the breadth and depth of yours, but I find so many similarities in your descriptions of your grief set alongside my feelings when I was divorced. Total repudiation of my whole being. “Not what I want. Never has been. Never will be”. It’s been 25 years, and the recall evokes almost as strong a visceral reaction as when it all transpired, over a five year period of his infidelity, me knowing, me denying, me being expendable. Not an optimistic outlook, but is my reality. I hope better for you. I think, in my heart of hearts, this cult will lose its appeal, and the children will come home.
This Christmas has become the most hellish in our memory. It appears pronoun blackmail has become the "gift" that keeps giving before the holidays. We are required to acquiesce to the narrative, never ever question or express any concerns, abandon personal integrity, and -- worst of all -- demonstrate how happy we are about it. If we don't, we will be denied seeing our grandchildren on Christmas. A wrong look, a hesitation, a wrong tone of voice -- all are scrutinized and used as "spectral evidence" for "conviction." We can be punished with estrangement at a moment's notice minutes before planned family gatherings on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning.
What a terrible thing. Your children's children may themselves become parents in the fullness of time. What kind of a model is being set up for the grandchildren?
I have 3 of my 4 children tied up in the gender insanity. We too struggled with what to put on the gift name tags. We put their real names although we know it supposedly “hurts them” which we don’t want to do at Christmas really. This is our 2nd Christmas with a transgender child. I stopped and cried a while last night, for all the dreams lost.
Reading this has given me some helpful tips, so thank you! I recently received a scathing message from my estranged 20-year old "trans" daughter, informing my husband and I that she will not be coming home for the holidays for the 3rd year in a row. This was after she said she'd come for New Year's. We're devastated. It's too late to send her gifts on time. But what hurts the most is her blaming us for her absence because we refuse to LIE with fake pronouns and name. She told us she can't be a part of our family now. Her older sister, who is close, also suffers from her ultimatum s and cruelty. The Cult turns former "good kids" into lying, disrespectful, selfish, cruel, self-obsessed, Narcissistic monsters! It has stolen my beautiful daughter from us. Christmas was always so full of joy for my family and now, I have heart palpitations, TMJ syndrome, and screaming/sobbing fits. I am so very sad to think of my daughter spending the holidays alone again, far far away from her loving family. She now lives alone. She blames us for this!
I look at it this way, my daughter wants to spend the holidays alone. It is her decision to have no contact with any of us. This IS my gift to her....it's what she wants and what she has asked for. This will feed her false narrative that we are bad people and we have disrespected and disowned her. I'm choosing to not play her games or enter into her kafka trap. So, we will be a celebrating family of 3 this year instead of 4....same as last year. Last year she spoke to her father and brother and they took her gifts (that I purchased!) to her, but this year she has gone no contact with them also, so NO gifts and I don't feel bad about that. Call me cruel/mean/uncaring, but I am tired of the game and I need to have peace and happiness in my life, too. I gave birth to a lovely little girl and now she is gone and there is nothing I can do about it but to treat it like one would get over an actual death of a child.
This helps me deal with it better. She's missing out on so much, but we have to stop feeling guilty and falling for their manipulate trap. Screw it- no gifts or calls! That is her gift! Thank you!
The decision to go “no contact” is part of the cult’s indoctrination. It is an infectious strategy to avoid dealing with any guilt. The siblings copy this behaviour. Unbearable to lose all children!
My daughter used to be compliant, happy, and eager to please, never wanting anyone to be hurt by her or make anyone mad. Her older sister took her in because she was supportive of her being trans but she can’t stand her anymore because she is now a lazy, self centered jerk. She is now happily helping her search for her own apartment because they can’t get along due to her self centered behavior.
My daughter pre transgender cult did not lie or steal from us. In fact I believed her constitutionally incapable of lying. It caused her no end of social problems. But she does both now.
Seriously! It is so sad to see them morph into total a-holes! Your older daughter deserves her own peace and did her best to help. I think my older daughter is also on the brink of wanting to stop helping her sister, after witnessing the heartbreak she causes our entire extended family. A friend of mine said my "trannie" daughter is going to hit a wall. I hope it's sooner than later! Peace to you and your family this holiday season. There comes a time where we must say, as my Old World grandmother once did, "Good riddance to bad rubbish!"
Thank you! You have no idea how important this is for our mental health. Thank you PITT parents team for all your precious help. You help me survive for another year.
My belief in God and the hope I have in him is what sustains me. He is working even when I don’t see it. As for us this holiday season since both of our daughters are estranged from us we are making the holiday season as different as possible. We are meeting my in laws in Vegas. No gifts just some fun!
For any parents of young adult or even older adult children that have rejected their parents due to trans issue or anything, there is a website called.
Thank you for sharing this resource. As a parent who has been alienated from my children as well as now a parent of a suddenly trans child (most likely this is a symptom of the trauma and his attempt to find an answer) I think that many of the parental alienation resources can be helpful as well. I also find that Steven Hassan's books on cults and how to help loved ones have many very helpful insights as well. This is an epidemic and we must be the ones who keep our sanity during the storm. Wishing everyone a peaceful day, tomorrow will come.
The point of this whole "movement" (this is part of Intersectionality/CRT/DEI) is to make everything generic by destabilizing the whole population. Thanksgiving....evil holiday as we stole the land and murdered the Indigenous people of the land. Christmas.....evil holiday as there is no such thing as God/Jesus. Oppressor or Oppressed....what side of history do you want to be on? Tradition.....F--- that! This movement at the higher levels is to "change society", but the unfortunate thing is that many younger people have gotten caught up and they don't have any understanding or life knowledge to see the forest through the trees. We don't live in a black and white world....there is a lot of gray that young minds aren't able to comprehend due to lack of life skills. Unfortunately, there are people making money off of this movement and those caught up don't realize that they have been (or are being) used.
I’m so sorry that Christmas has become such a time of painful travail for you. No-one but a parent can imagine how this time commonly celebrated as family togetherness time has become -anything but! And I’m not a parent, but it looks like agony to me. 😢 Just one little offering from my general ignorance. Is it really lying to use your child’s preferred name and pronoun? They don’t experience truth -the truth of your real love for them -when you ‘dead name’ them. I’ve read the Australian Catholic Bishops advice to teachers of transgender children in Catholic schools. They suggest, among other things, that loving respect for the poor child allows the teachers to call them by their preferred names and pronouns, and even accept their ( other sex) dress. The bishops draw the line only at affirming what certainly is not the truth -that they are actually in the ‘wrong’ body. I’m not proselytising here -I’d despise myself for doing that -but it seems to me there’s a wisdom here. Not a lie, but a loving and respectful accompaniment on the child’s painfully confused and difficult path. Anyway. May your Christmas be -not merry -but Hopeful. Love from Joan in Australia.
Yes--cooperating with this cult in any way at all is intensely dangerous.
It's not just lying.
It's submissively opening the door to all the further self-harm horrors.
For years, the transgenderist cult leaders have been claiming, "It's just kindness," "It's just politeness," "We just want to pee."
However, since they started making those claims, they have proven--beyond any shadow of a doubt--that that was all barefaced lying. Their goal is the permanent medical destruction of healthy bodies, for the sake of profit.
So it's not "just" anything. That's gaslighting. The false names and wrong pronouns are dogwhistles that you submit to the cult.
You know where else we've seen "just" used as gaslighting to hide the real agenda of a horrifyingly dangerous government-backed cult?
"It's just asking them to wear a star of David."
"It's just moving them so they'll all live in the same neighborhood together."
"It's just being proud of our Aryan heritage."
Never again can we unwittingly cooperate with such gaslighting. The dangers are far too obvious.
This article completely clarified the pronoun game for me--I recommend it to everyone:
My brother has a daughter that went into the cult before my son. I didn’t understand how one goes from a “lesbian” to “trans”. He used the name/pronoun. Then it was a mastectomy and he is now trying to hold the line at not supporting a hysterectomy. I don’t want to give my son the impression that we go along with this even one little bit because he is not trans nor do I believe in queer theory. This is a culture bound social contagion cult. As a parent my job is protect my son even though he is an adult and estranged. If I surrender that primary duty, what else will he think I surrendered while he was growing up?
The issue of using the preferred name is complicated and families have different approaches to it. Regardless of how parents feel about it, there are two issues to take into consideration. Many of trans identifying young people are on the autism spectrum. Experts such as Dr, Susan Bradley tells us that to use the opposite name the child is choosing to pretend to be the opposite sex, will concretize in their minds that they ARE the opposite sex. So, parents and others are contributing to the fixation on being the opposite sex. The other issue is what a number of detransitioners have told us. When they decided that they wanted out of being "trans", they went to the one person who never lied to them, the one who lived in reality and loved them without pretending they were someone else. Now, with adult children who have legally changed their name, things can be a bit more difficult. Some parents use the legal name while making it clear that they do not buy into their child being the opposite sex. For the record, I think the majority of PITT parents don't give any credence to anything that the Catholic Bishops or any other affirming religious group has to say about this issue. They are drinking the Kool-aid and are completely misinformed about the perils of social transition in children.
Also the Catholic bishops, following the lead of Francis, are attempting to be as inclusive as possible. They cannot do some things, but can affirm to a degree. The Catholic Church used to have standards. Today, that seems less and less true.
I understand the strategy you are suggesting and why. But will respond with the words of John Stuart Mill, who said in 1867: “Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing.”
A name change is one thing. A gendered name change and referring to someone by their opposite sex is absolutely lying. Thank God my son chose a gender neutral name. From the beginning, 10 years ago, I adamantly but unconditionally lovingly defended my son's true gender. Very glad I did because my second grandchild is arriving soon, and there's no way in hell I or my daughters and their husbands will lie to their innocent little ones. The truth is, their uncle is confused- males cannot become females. I recall the Christ warning us of the priests in fancy robes. Shame on those bishops.
I understand your choice. I would just like to add, in defence of the Bishops, that they weren’t addressing the families of the children. They were directing that the attitude of the teachers should be one of fundamental respect while they are at school. ( The teachers get to go home and relax -they don’t have this pressure constantly on them, as you do). I’m very sorry that my post has added to your burden -I intended the opposite. God bless you.
What the bishops are doing, makes it even worse. They are de facto socially transitioning the children at school, often against the parents' wishes. Here is a good study about social transition being detrimental to children. https://acamh.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/camh.12330
Abstract: A gender social transition in prepubertal children is a form of psychosocial treatment that aims to reduce gender dysphoria, but with the likely consequence of subsequent (lifelong) biomedical treatments as well (gender-affirming hormonal treatment and surgery). Gender social transition of prepubertal children will increase dramatically the rate of gender dysphoria persistence when compared to follow-up studies of children with gender dysphoria who did not receive this type of psychosocial intervention and, oddly enough, might be characterized as iatrogenic. Parents who bring their children for clinical care hold different philosophical views on what is the best way to help reduce the gender dysphoria, which require both respect and understanding.
Your post was no burden to me! Only an opportunity to share, even if I somewhat misunderstood you. I still don't think teachers should be forced into the position of lying, but yes it's a very sensitive subject with children and youth who are afflicted, and it's usually the sensitives who are targeted. There are plenty of good and truth telling bishops, but in general, organized religion is infiltrated, imo, so we should always use the discernment He gave us. No apology needed. Have a merry Christmas and may He bless you as well.
Your clear care and thoughts are welcome, Joan. As a parent of a trans identified 18 year old I deeply appreciate your words. I would say, however, that each case is individual. My husband and I chose to honor the new name, and honestly do not care how she presents herself. I remember my own "goth" phase, and see it as a part of a developmentally appropriate part of individuating. Our big boundary, what we do not support (and often find ourselves on eggshells about) is medicalization. Sometimes I wonder if we had not immediately honored the name and pronouns if she would have desisted. As it is, however, she is currently home from first semester in college, has not yet medicalized (but still plans to take hormones) - and our relationship is good and our attachment strong. There is no doubt that she loves us, and clearly she knows we love her. This platform is solid, and undoubtedly strengthened by "a loving and respectful accompaniment" on our kid's "confused and difficult path." Beautifully stated. We are clear that we do not support medicalization AND that we want our kid to be able to make her own choices. We will always be here with open arms, whether it is to pick up the pieces of what we believe to our cores is a mistake, or to welcome our beautiful daughter's realization that we can all dress and express ourselves as we please whether born male or female and it does not mean we are "born in the wrong body".
I think each parent-child relationship is so unique, though, and I cannot prescribe a path for other parents as I cannot possibly understand the intricacies of their particular interactions and their own platforms. We made the choice to honor the superficial (after 3 years on this journey our kid's birth name is still legal and honestly I don't care how she dresses). I know my child. There are undoubtedly cases where it might not make sense to honor the name and pronouns, though - where doing so might concretize the identity and send them more quickly down a slippery slope that many in our society cheerlead. I have deep anger that because of the political polarization of this issue, the fate of our kids is being dictated by people who have no "skin in the game". The farther one side pushes for complete bans with no exceptions, the farther the other side pushes to make medicalization available like candy. No nuance. We need nuance. Here in the US we are years behind many European countries which have dialed way back on the medicalization without the screaming.
So again - your words and sympathy are welcome to me. We are choosing the "loving and respectful accompaniment", and our bond continues to be strong. This approach, however, may not work for all relationships where the dynamics are different.
Sending comfort and care to all PITT parents and members.
Thank you for your reply. I’m not a parent, but from my view from outside, I believe I would make the same choices. especially re medicalisation. ( In Australia we too don’t seem to have heard of the draw-back in Britain and Scandinavia). My most painful sympathy is for parents who cannot agree on this best to support their child. Each must feel truly alone.
I AM a parent and I will tell you that it is extremely difficult to refer to your child by another name or to think of them as an "It". I *had* a friend whose son declared he was a woman and for the life of me I just could not refer to him with his female name....especially when he didn't much look or act like a woman and I had known him as a normal tween/teen boy. I cut ties with her because it was so difficult to have to think about EVERYTHING that I would say in a normal conversation with her.
Imagine someone trying to convince you that an apple is actually an orange and you get chastised every time you get it "wrong". It's dystopian and disorienting when your child declares themself to be the opposite sex or non-binary (they/them). To have to THINK about everything you say and do in your own house is awful......try walking on eggshells every day....all day.
Yes. I’m so sorry. It hasn’t happened to me, but I know in your situation I’d have to make a choice for peace and sanity in my own home, for my own sake and that of my family. Someone has to maintain a stable centre in the midst of the madness.
Yes, and for some parents it means not having family at Christmas. Even talking online with a sister affirming my daughter as a “grown up man” is painful. This transgender ideology tears families apart
I’ve never felt so unloved or unwanted in all my life.. the evil of this world stole my daughter and all the joy she brought she once brought to me. Even so Lord Jesus come. I pray for all the hurting families during this holiday season.
The holidays are the worst especially Christmas for my wife and I. Trannyism has divided family members at Christmas tables between those who believe in reality versus those who believe in fantasy. Another Christmas has passed battling this nightmare. Our beloved mananized daughter with cross sex hormones, surgery and beard has chosen no communication again. Not even my amazon gift card was accepted so far. Her pride must go before hope, and she is a quite a stubborn one. Near 30 now. Been on this tranny road for 10 years now. What an absolute hell I wish on no one. Thanks be to God.
Fully support suggestions 7-9. Take care of your self, prepare ahead,recognize what is in your control and what is not is the most important ✨️
Thank you for this post... I feel discombobulated, as a mum with 2 sons who, for their own perceptions and reasons, have disowned me. This was my 3rd sonless 'Christmas'. There is no reason to be cheerful. The cheeriness of others, going about their holidays and seeing their families stings so very much. The grief is raw of all that was, and is no longer. Moving through it, survival mode, is the best I can do this week. Thank you again. It grieves me that so many others are in pain too. All I can do is surrender, and love anyway.
Merry Christmas, Friends . With prayers for all as we go through this special day with an empty seat at the table,; a silent or absent meal; or with a child we no longer know. May God grant us strength and grace to never stop believing for the return of our loved ones. 🎄
Never can my previous Great Grief approach the breadth and depth of yours, but I find so many similarities in your descriptions of your grief set alongside my feelings when I was divorced. Total repudiation of my whole being. “Not what I want. Never has been. Never will be”. It’s been 25 years, and the recall evokes almost as strong a visceral reaction as when it all transpired, over a five year period of his infidelity, me knowing, me denying, me being expendable. Not an optimistic outlook, but is my reality. I hope better for you. I think, in my heart of hearts, this cult will lose its appeal, and the children will come home.
This Christmas has become the most hellish in our memory. It appears pronoun blackmail has become the "gift" that keeps giving before the holidays. We are required to acquiesce to the narrative, never ever question or express any concerns, abandon personal integrity, and -- worst of all -- demonstrate how happy we are about it. If we don't, we will be denied seeing our grandchildren on Christmas. A wrong look, a hesitation, a wrong tone of voice -- all are scrutinized and used as "spectral evidence" for "conviction." We can be punished with estrangement at a moment's notice minutes before planned family gatherings on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning.
What a terrible thing. Your children's children may themselves become parents in the fullness of time. What kind of a model is being set up for the grandchildren?
That is horrible. The selfishness and cruelty that this cult demands of its members is mind boggling.
I have 3 of my 4 children tied up in the gender insanity. We too struggled with what to put on the gift name tags. We put their real names although we know it supposedly “hurts them” which we don’t want to do at Christmas really. This is our 2nd Christmas with a transgender child. I stopped and cried a while last night, for all the dreams lost.
Oh my god. I am so sorry for you and yours.
Reading this has given me some helpful tips, so thank you! I recently received a scathing message from my estranged 20-year old "trans" daughter, informing my husband and I that she will not be coming home for the holidays for the 3rd year in a row. This was after she said she'd come for New Year's. We're devastated. It's too late to send her gifts on time. But what hurts the most is her blaming us for her absence because we refuse to LIE with fake pronouns and name. She told us she can't be a part of our family now. Her older sister, who is close, also suffers from her ultimatum s and cruelty. The Cult turns former "good kids" into lying, disrespectful, selfish, cruel, self-obsessed, Narcissistic monsters! It has stolen my beautiful daughter from us. Christmas was always so full of joy for my family and now, I have heart palpitations, TMJ syndrome, and screaming/sobbing fits. I am so very sad to think of my daughter spending the holidays alone again, far far away from her loving family. She now lives alone. She blames us for this!
Yes, good kids become monsters when this cult gets them.
You are doing the right thing. Hang in there and shower your love on your other daughter.
I look at it this way, my daughter wants to spend the holidays alone. It is her decision to have no contact with any of us. This IS my gift to her....it's what she wants and what she has asked for. This will feed her false narrative that we are bad people and we have disrespected and disowned her. I'm choosing to not play her games or enter into her kafka trap. So, we will be a celebrating family of 3 this year instead of 4....same as last year. Last year she spoke to her father and brother and they took her gifts (that I purchased!) to her, but this year she has gone no contact with them also, so NO gifts and I don't feel bad about that. Call me cruel/mean/uncaring, but I am tired of the game and I need to have peace and happiness in my life, too. I gave birth to a lovely little girl and now she is gone and there is nothing I can do about it but to treat it like one would get over an actual death of a child.
This helps me deal with it better. She's missing out on so much, but we have to stop feeling guilty and falling for their manipulate trap. Screw it- no gifts or calls! That is her gift! Thank you!
The decision to go “no contact” is part of the cult’s indoctrination. It is an infectious strategy to avoid dealing with any guilt. The siblings copy this behaviour. Unbearable to lose all children!
Exactly right, the whole thing is like a script. I think though that the story is not over yet, the toppling of this insanity will come.
My daughter used to be compliant, happy, and eager to please, never wanting anyone to be hurt by her or make anyone mad. Her older sister took her in because she was supportive of her being trans but she can’t stand her anymore because she is now a lazy, self centered jerk. She is now happily helping her search for her own apartment because they can’t get along due to her self centered behavior.
My daughter pre transgender cult did not lie or steal from us. In fact I believed her constitutionally incapable of lying. It caused her no end of social problems. But she does both now.
I noticed that too. Living a life of pretence is one big lie.
Seriously! It is so sad to see them morph into total a-holes! Your older daughter deserves her own peace and did her best to help. I think my older daughter is also on the brink of wanting to stop helping her sister, after witnessing the heartbreak she causes our entire extended family. A friend of mine said my "trannie" daughter is going to hit a wall. I hope it's sooner than later! Peace to you and your family this holiday season. There comes a time where we must say, as my Old World grandmother once did, "Good riddance to bad rubbish!"
Thank you.
Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays.May the new year be filled with an abundance of blessings, happiness good health and pleasant surprises.
❤️🙏🕊️
Never give up hope...
Thank you! You have no idea how important this is for our mental health. Thank you PITT parents team for all your precious help. You help me survive for another year.
My belief in God and the hope I have in him is what sustains me. He is working even when I don’t see it. As for us this holiday season since both of our daughters are estranged from us we are making the holiday season as different as possible. We are meeting my in laws in Vegas. No gifts just some fun!
For any parents of young adult or even older adult children that have rejected their parents due to trans issue or anything, there is a website called.
www.rejectedparents.net
It has helpful advice (like the advice in the article was helpful as well) and there are forums etc to share with others going through the same thing.
I hope it helps.
Thank you!
Thank you for sharing this resource. As a parent who has been alienated from my children as well as now a parent of a suddenly trans child (most likely this is a symptom of the trauma and his attempt to find an answer) I think that many of the parental alienation resources can be helpful as well. I also find that Steven Hassan's books on cults and how to help loved ones have many very helpful insights as well. This is an epidemic and we must be the ones who keep our sanity during the storm. Wishing everyone a peaceful day, tomorrow will come.
The point of this whole "movement" (this is part of Intersectionality/CRT/DEI) is to make everything generic by destabilizing the whole population. Thanksgiving....evil holiday as we stole the land and murdered the Indigenous people of the land. Christmas.....evil holiday as there is no such thing as God/Jesus. Oppressor or Oppressed....what side of history do you want to be on? Tradition.....F--- that! This movement at the higher levels is to "change society", but the unfortunate thing is that many younger people have gotten caught up and they don't have any understanding or life knowledge to see the forest through the trees. We don't live in a black and white world....there is a lot of gray that young minds aren't able to comprehend due to lack of life skills. Unfortunately, there are people making money off of this movement and those caught up don't realize that they have been (or are being) used.
I’m so sorry that Christmas has become such a time of painful travail for you. No-one but a parent can imagine how this time commonly celebrated as family togetherness time has become -anything but! And I’m not a parent, but it looks like agony to me. 😢 Just one little offering from my general ignorance. Is it really lying to use your child’s preferred name and pronoun? They don’t experience truth -the truth of your real love for them -when you ‘dead name’ them. I’ve read the Australian Catholic Bishops advice to teachers of transgender children in Catholic schools. They suggest, among other things, that loving respect for the poor child allows the teachers to call them by their preferred names and pronouns, and even accept their ( other sex) dress. The bishops draw the line only at affirming what certainly is not the truth -that they are actually in the ‘wrong’ body. I’m not proselytising here -I’d despise myself for doing that -but it seems to me there’s a wisdom here. Not a lie, but a loving and respectful accompaniment on the child’s painfully confused and difficult path. Anyway. May your Christmas be -not merry -but Hopeful. Love from Joan in Australia.
Yes--cooperating with this cult in any way at all is intensely dangerous.
It's not just lying.
It's submissively opening the door to all the further self-harm horrors.
For years, the transgenderist cult leaders have been claiming, "It's just kindness," "It's just politeness," "We just want to pee."
However, since they started making those claims, they have proven--beyond any shadow of a doubt--that that was all barefaced lying. Their goal is the permanent medical destruction of healthy bodies, for the sake of profit.
So it's not "just" anything. That's gaslighting. The false names and wrong pronouns are dogwhistles that you submit to the cult.
You know where else we've seen "just" used as gaslighting to hide the real agenda of a horrifyingly dangerous government-backed cult?
"It's just asking them to wear a star of David."
"It's just moving them so they'll all live in the same neighborhood together."
"It's just being proud of our Aryan heritage."
Never again can we unwittingly cooperate with such gaslighting. The dangers are far too obvious.
This article completely clarified the pronoun game for me--I recommend it to everyone:
https://fairplayforwomen.com/pronouns/
My brother has a daughter that went into the cult before my son. I didn’t understand how one goes from a “lesbian” to “trans”. He used the name/pronoun. Then it was a mastectomy and he is now trying to hold the line at not supporting a hysterectomy. I don’t want to give my son the impression that we go along with this even one little bit because he is not trans nor do I believe in queer theory. This is a culture bound social contagion cult. As a parent my job is protect my son even though he is an adult and estranged. If I surrender that primary duty, what else will he think I surrendered while he was growing up?
The issue of using the preferred name is complicated and families have different approaches to it. Regardless of how parents feel about it, there are two issues to take into consideration. Many of trans identifying young people are on the autism spectrum. Experts such as Dr, Susan Bradley tells us that to use the opposite name the child is choosing to pretend to be the opposite sex, will concretize in their minds that they ARE the opposite sex. So, parents and others are contributing to the fixation on being the opposite sex. The other issue is what a number of detransitioners have told us. When they decided that they wanted out of being "trans", they went to the one person who never lied to them, the one who lived in reality and loved them without pretending they were someone else. Now, with adult children who have legally changed their name, things can be a bit more difficult. Some parents use the legal name while making it clear that they do not buy into their child being the opposite sex. For the record, I think the majority of PITT parents don't give any credence to anything that the Catholic Bishops or any other affirming religious group has to say about this issue. They are drinking the Kool-aid and are completely misinformed about the perils of social transition in children.
Also the Catholic bishops, following the lead of Francis, are attempting to be as inclusive as possible. They cannot do some things, but can affirm to a degree. The Catholic Church used to have standards. Today, that seems less and less true.
Affirmation of any sort makes the situation with the child worse. Every affirmation brings up the next step. When you affirm, you buy into the lie.
Don't affirm. Don't use the wrong pronoun. Don't use the wrong name.
I understand the strategy you are suggesting and why. But will respond with the words of John Stuart Mill, who said in 1867: “Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing.”
Yes, it is lying. Bishops, or any adult for that matter, should not be lying to children! Just be the adult in the room!
Pretending a lie is the truth so nobody gets upset or uncomfortable is how this ideology has been able to take over virtually unchallenged.
Amen to that!
A name change is one thing. A gendered name change and referring to someone by their opposite sex is absolutely lying. Thank God my son chose a gender neutral name. From the beginning, 10 years ago, I adamantly but unconditionally lovingly defended my son's true gender. Very glad I did because my second grandchild is arriving soon, and there's no way in hell I or my daughters and their husbands will lie to their innocent little ones. The truth is, their uncle is confused- males cannot become females. I recall the Christ warning us of the priests in fancy robes. Shame on those bishops.
I understand your choice. I would just like to add, in defence of the Bishops, that they weren’t addressing the families of the children. They were directing that the attitude of the teachers should be one of fundamental respect while they are at school. ( The teachers get to go home and relax -they don’t have this pressure constantly on them, as you do). I’m very sorry that my post has added to your burden -I intended the opposite. God bless you.
What the bishops are doing, makes it even worse. They are de facto socially transitioning the children at school, often against the parents' wishes. Here is a good study about social transition being detrimental to children. https://acamh.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/camh.12330
Abstract: A gender social transition in prepubertal children is a form of psychosocial treatment that aims to reduce gender dysphoria, but with the likely consequence of subsequent (lifelong) biomedical treatments as well (gender-affirming hormonal treatment and surgery). Gender social transition of prepubertal children will increase dramatically the rate of gender dysphoria persistence when compared to follow-up studies of children with gender dysphoria who did not receive this type of psychosocial intervention and, oddly enough, might be characterized as iatrogenic. Parents who bring their children for clinical care hold different philosophical views on what is the best way to help reduce the gender dysphoria, which require both respect and understanding.
Your post was no burden to me! Only an opportunity to share, even if I somewhat misunderstood you. I still don't think teachers should be forced into the position of lying, but yes it's a very sensitive subject with children and youth who are afflicted, and it's usually the sensitives who are targeted. There are plenty of good and truth telling bishops, but in general, organized religion is infiltrated, imo, so we should always use the discernment He gave us. No apology needed. Have a merry Christmas and may He bless you as well.
Your clear care and thoughts are welcome, Joan. As a parent of a trans identified 18 year old I deeply appreciate your words. I would say, however, that each case is individual. My husband and I chose to honor the new name, and honestly do not care how she presents herself. I remember my own "goth" phase, and see it as a part of a developmentally appropriate part of individuating. Our big boundary, what we do not support (and often find ourselves on eggshells about) is medicalization. Sometimes I wonder if we had not immediately honored the name and pronouns if she would have desisted. As it is, however, she is currently home from first semester in college, has not yet medicalized (but still plans to take hormones) - and our relationship is good and our attachment strong. There is no doubt that she loves us, and clearly she knows we love her. This platform is solid, and undoubtedly strengthened by "a loving and respectful accompaniment" on our kid's "confused and difficult path." Beautifully stated. We are clear that we do not support medicalization AND that we want our kid to be able to make her own choices. We will always be here with open arms, whether it is to pick up the pieces of what we believe to our cores is a mistake, or to welcome our beautiful daughter's realization that we can all dress and express ourselves as we please whether born male or female and it does not mean we are "born in the wrong body".
I think each parent-child relationship is so unique, though, and I cannot prescribe a path for other parents as I cannot possibly understand the intricacies of their particular interactions and their own platforms. We made the choice to honor the superficial (after 3 years on this journey our kid's birth name is still legal and honestly I don't care how she dresses). I know my child. There are undoubtedly cases where it might not make sense to honor the name and pronouns, though - where doing so might concretize the identity and send them more quickly down a slippery slope that many in our society cheerlead. I have deep anger that because of the political polarization of this issue, the fate of our kids is being dictated by people who have no "skin in the game". The farther one side pushes for complete bans with no exceptions, the farther the other side pushes to make medicalization available like candy. No nuance. We need nuance. Here in the US we are years behind many European countries which have dialed way back on the medicalization without the screaming.
So again - your words and sympathy are welcome to me. We are choosing the "loving and respectful accompaniment", and our bond continues to be strong. This approach, however, may not work for all relationships where the dynamics are different.
Sending comfort and care to all PITT parents and members.
Thank you for your reply. I’m not a parent, but from my view from outside, I believe I would make the same choices. especially re medicalisation. ( In Australia we too don’t seem to have heard of the draw-back in Britain and Scandinavia). My most painful sympathy is for parents who cannot agree on this best to support their child. Each must feel truly alone.
I AM a parent and I will tell you that it is extremely difficult to refer to your child by another name or to think of them as an "It". I *had* a friend whose son declared he was a woman and for the life of me I just could not refer to him with his female name....especially when he didn't much look or act like a woman and I had known him as a normal tween/teen boy. I cut ties with her because it was so difficult to have to think about EVERYTHING that I would say in a normal conversation with her.
Imagine someone trying to convince you that an apple is actually an orange and you get chastised every time you get it "wrong". It's dystopian and disorienting when your child declares themself to be the opposite sex or non-binary (they/them). To have to THINK about everything you say and do in your own house is awful......try walking on eggshells every day....all day.
Yes. I’m so sorry. It hasn’t happened to me, but I know in your situation I’d have to make a choice for peace and sanity in my own home, for my own sake and that of my family. Someone has to maintain a stable centre in the midst of the madness.
Yes, and for some parents it means not having family at Christmas. Even talking online with a sister affirming my daughter as a “grown up man” is painful. This transgender ideology tears families apart
I’ve never felt so unloved or unwanted in all my life.. the evil of this world stole my daughter and all the joy she brought she once brought to me. Even so Lord Jesus come. I pray for all the hurting families during this holiday season.