Please Don’t Forget Yourself.
The persistent "should've" thoughts, contemplating alternate scenarios, echo incessantly in my mind. The indescribable depth of emotions surfaces as I grapple with the unknown, unaware of where you, at only 15, lay your head each night. It's been over 100 days now since you slipped out the door at 3:27 in the morning, with two backpacks and a skateboard, forgetting your helmet.
My heart aches revisiting the security camera footage, witnessing your careful steps, avoiding flowers, and navigating around shrubs. Your vigilance, looking both ways down the street as you near the road, etches a vivid image in my mind.
You vanish into shadows, fading into an abyss on the footage. Night after night, tormented by nightmares, I lie on the couch, yearning for the sound of your footsteps through the front door.
Balancing work, your disappearance, and home life, not very well. Hiding tears, I go silent, internalizing the pain, my voice falters, fear transforming into overwhelming devastation. I shut down, aware your departure stems from struggles with acceptance. How can a mother embrace a false narrative when the truth is clear to me? Accepting a lie is something I can't do.
Deceived into believing something was wrong, they sold you a false promise of a new life without revealing the toll of abandoning the past. In the pursuit of this illusion, you lost yourself and forgot your family.
You, a cherished irreplaceable individual, are now a pawn in a profit-driven scheme, polished and meticulously groomed for exchange, all whilst remaining blissfully unaware of the high stakes involved. A heart-wrenching truth unfolds – they'd erase, not just your existence but, the entirety of our gender if it fattens their wallets.
Without my consent, they've enrolled you in a new school, casting me, your mother, as the villain. I miss you and am consumed by worry for your well-being, plagued by fear of the worst possible outcomes. They've exposed you to inappropriate teachings, deceptive influences, and insidious triangulation games. When adults in authoritative roles are fanning the flames of typical teenage frustrations and anger towards families and parents, they exhibit highly unethical behaviors. It’s disturbing. They play on tension at home and your mental state to bolster the justification for such deeds.
They insinuate that you won't see me, using bribes and rewards with state assistance to keep you away. The pain deepens as I struggle with the loss of you to a web of deceit. The anguish in my heart intensifies, and I yearn for the world to recognize the abusive nature of pitting children against their parents.
Adding to the distress, they've taught you the vocabulary that’s woven into a web of lies, using key phrases like “not feeling safe” and being “triggered”, all under the guise of safety and teaching boundaries. They have concealed their true intentions, exploiting the situation for their gain. This calculated coercion intensifies the emotional turmoil, underscoring the extent of their deceptive tactics. Please don’t forget that I love you.
For more on this author.