This past spring, at lunch with my department’s teachers, someone who is no longer my friend brought up the new proposed Missouri law. He knows my family’s situation with my youngest daughter (his oldest daughter has an eating disorder). I have no idea why he brought this up but as I looked around the table, I quickly realized that I have no allies here. I stayed. I kept my mouth shut. They were mostly upset that it would be a felony for a teacher to use a student’s preferred pronouns and be put on a
This writer is willing to be vulnerable in hopes of helping others who may be navigating similar family trauma. How disheartening to see such attention paid to a single abbreviation, I so hope you were able to look past your opinion on that, and allow the writer to freely express the depth of anguish stemming from a 5-year beating. Moreover, a beating that will continue with a new life chapter. We can find strength and hope through connection with others; at least many of us do. I am thankful for the article and the author’s willingness to share part of the journey to help me gain, what I believe to be, valuable insight into a complex issue that is turning our culture on its collective head. The bottom line is that our youth is in serious trouble, and learning how to help will begin with information offered by those who have been involved firsthand.
Yeah, I didn’t really understand that criticism either. Whatever connotations teenagers are putting on the term, it’s a set of diagnoses. We shouldn’t name diagnoses because “the last thing we need are more labels”? I don’t get what’s supposed to be so wrong about abbreviating “autism and ADHD” to “AuDHD.”
Stop already! By hyper-focussing on this one comment - you're missing the whole point of the essay. Perhaps, just go back and re-read it. Just don't critique what you don't comprehend.
Nothing is wrong with it. I was exhausted and I can't keep up. Surely you can recognize exasperation expressed poorly in words. I got corrected when ADD was changed back to ADHD and when they removed Aspergers to be ASD Level 1 and now by my LGB niece, to say AuDHD. So my daughter and I come up with something she likes, Aspie. Since I teach, I am sure each of my 120+ students have their own label I should remember and I am just tired, but I can try.
Thank you for proving my point! I absolutely was not thinking when I wrote that July 3rd, and I didn't edit much after. It was therapeutic to write and even more therapeutic for parents here to tell me I am not alone. If this was all you got from the piece, I am really sorry it struck a nerve and you wasted your time reading it. My next one will be better.
I think the link between autism and trans is a complicated one. It’s very tempting to see autism as the explanation for why someone fell down the trans rabbit hole. And if this explanation helps some parents, or even better, some trans-identified young people, make sense of their experience and possibly even leads to desistance, then it has value. But I feel like that’s not the whole story. Because I’m seeing that some of these kids want to be autistic in the same way they want to be trans. And autism is another area where there’s some grey area, and no real black and white diagnostic test.
Full disclosure - I could probably have gotten an Asperger’s diagnosis if I had chosen to seek one. I’ve always been a little quirky, more than a little as a child. The first time I read about Asperger’s, I was indignant - “that’s not a syndrome, that’s a perfectly valid personality!”And one of my kids takes after me in that respect. When she was young I considered whether to have her evaluated but concluded that she was doing fine and I didn’t want anyone to tell her there was anything wrong with being the way she was.
At the same time she went off the tracks with the trans thing, she decided she had autism. We had her evaluated at her request. The result was that although she had some autistic traits, she didn’t meet the criteria for a diagnosis. She was FURIOUS and refused to see that psychologist ever again. She once made up flash cards for communication and told me she was nonverbal (yes, you read that right. Imagine me trying to control my facial expressions during that conversation!) She still leans into “special interests”. But as a person who also has these tendencies, I’m not sure leaning into one’s autistic traits is a good strategy. I have learned over 50 years that not everyone is interested in what’s going on in my brain. That when people start to show signs of disinterest it’s time to change the subject. That it’s polite to talk to people about them and what they are interested in, not yourself. That you should channel your energies into something that’s useful. These are learnable skills that have served me pretty well, but I see the current trend is more toward indulging these tendencies and not trying to learn those skills, and I question that approach. I feel like in my daughter’s case she’s hiding behind this idea of autism (and ADHD and dissociative identity disorder, two other things she’s self-diagnosed with) to not have to try to grow up, or do useful things, or relate to others in ways that aren’t off-putting, or even do simple things she’s been asked to do like clean up her room. It has become a lack of agency - she truly doesn’t believe she has control over her own actions.
So I wonder - how much of trans identification is driven by autism, or how much do autistic behaviors and trans identification have a common psychological cause? Because in my daughter’s case, both mostly emerged at once, and I tend to believe her autistic behaviors would be much lessened if she’d not been exposed to unhealthy environments that glorified both things.
For my daughter, it wasn't Autism/ASD or ADD/ADHD. It was anxiety, stress and depression.....none of it ever seen by me or any other family member. If she was stressed about school, it was her own making because I was NEVER the parent to push AP classes, perfect grades or acceptance into pricey colleges. But, according to her, I mentally abused her and sabotaged her self confidence....go figure? They just make shit up for attention because their whole world online is about garnering as much attention as one can get.
Anxiety is the one diagnosis that I think is organic in my daughter. It seems to be a gene that runs rampant in my family (I have a lot of otherwise lovely female relatives who live very limited lives because they are terrified to do anything) and my daughter clearly struggled with this even before everything went off the rails her freshman year of high school. Depression - I’d be shocked if every one of these trans-identified kids wasn’t depressed. Rejecting one’s self is not something a happy person does. My daughter went from a happy, cheerful, successful kid to a shadow of her former self - the depression is obvious in her facial expressions and demeanor. I don’t know how she can deny the connection between becoming depressed and identifying as trans.
I think, though, that it helps to have compassion. They have experienced very real distress - shame, bullying, social rejection, along with the normal distress of adolescence which can be brutal. They are looking for a solution, a way to explain and relieve their distress and shame. In some cases I think the shame is being intentionally inflicted for the express purpose of creating more “trans” kids. I don’t think that looking for attention is a helpful way to frame it. They are looking for acceptance, belonging, relief from shame and self-hatred. It looks to me a lot like eating disorders.
Mine experienced no shame, bullying, rejection at school, home or sport. She had plenty of activities and friends. She became "depressed" when she decided that everyone else had to adhere to her "gender" rules and pronouns. She became an angry and obnoxious brat that no one wanted to be around.....including some friends. That's not "depression"....that's suffering consequences for bad behavior/attitude.
Every kid is different. I think this ideology encourages self-centered behavior, and some kids don’t need much encouragement anyhow. It’s your right to be frustrated and angry. In my case I can see clearly that my daughter has been treated cruelly and manipulated and victimized by what is essentially a cult. Although I am also sometimes frustrated by her behavior, it’s really obvious she’s the one being harmed by it.
The doctors at hospitals have been causing physical trauma to babies while in the womb with drugs, radiation, injections to mom, etc. etc cutting the umbilical cord after birth. It's medical mayhem! And then ....there's the woke cult.
You will be able to live with your self in the future when you see the positive, life affirming and biologically whole woman you helped your daughter become.
Thanks for sharing. God Bless. I find myself staying tuned in to pitt, but crossing some kind of emotional "dead-zone". I will persevere. Going along to get along with trans ideology is a path I forever refuse.
Thank you so much for sharing. I volunteer for a Christian ministry in the PAC NW which helps family and friends of “strugglers” come together for prayer and support. We also help their confused minor or adult children if they want it. I’m glad to hear there are more groups out there offering support in this way.
I’ve often wondered about these verses you share. Paul connects suffering with perseverance, then character and then hope. I suppose when we suffer well, without damaging our relationships with self and others, this is really the ultimate in what it means to endure hardship, or to persevere. This we build our capacity to suffer well like a runner builds stamina. That would be the “proven character” which would lead to hope that you will be able to complete the next race ahead of you without complaining, snapping, accusations or bitterness damaging relationships (though a written journal or confidant could better receive those things we all struggle with when we suffer). I like to think of why Paul connects these four ideas causally and this is about the best I can make of it. Suffering well is an indication of the grace of God at work. I’ll pray for your (and our) capacity to expand for perseverance, hope and joy! 🙏🏻
I could better understand my son’s decision if someone could explain what it feels like to know they are “ born in the wrong body.” I could accept multiple genders and gender “fluidity” if someone could
prove that sex is not binary and unchangable in mammals.
If someone could come up with a diagnostic test for “gender” I could accept that people are not being harmed by “gender-affirming” medical treatments
.
I have looked and found no evidence for any of those things. I have only found a demand for blind acceptance.
If any of these things were proven I would go along with my son’s demands and he would speak to me again. But until I find that information I am going to tell my son the truth because I love him and I do not want him to ruin his life and health.
I am looking for proof of a condition before it is treated with radical surgery . My sympathy is for people who do suffer from a psychological condition caused by multiple factors. But after a few short therapy sessions, sometimes only one, are put on a medical path to try to change their physical bodies not the factors that caused them to question their gender. Once people tried to change gender roles. I was given trains and cars and a doctor kit to play with to expand my idea of what a girl could do . Now girls say I like cars I must be a boy, They are not changing gender roles,. Parents and therapists are not asking . What do you want to do that you feel you cannot do because of your biological sex?. They are changing their physical bodies. The difference between gender and sex does not seem to matter. I have watched everything anyone has sent me to prove this. I do sympathize and I want doctors to stop hurting people because they are suffering from this.
True love is not giving people things that are bad for them just because they want them. It is not letting an eight-year-old- drive a car on the road or pouring an intoxicated person another drink.
You are encouraging people to go to certain groups like PFLAGG and listen to them. How is that not indoctrination? You mentioned garekeeping which you say is bad. It is actually the process of not letting people have medical treatments just because they want them. There have been no double blind studies with control groups to prove the benefits for puberty blockers, (outside of precocious puberty) cross sex hormones and surgeries. So they should not be available.
The FDA’s latest study shows an increase of suicides and depression after the administration of puberty blockers.
You still have not told me what it means to “feel like a woman” If you do I will. It accept an answer which just uses female or male stereotypes. We were doing better at getting rid of those stereotypes thirty years ago.
It all boils down to we should give people what they want.
If a patients true feeling are valid why do groups like the ones you recommend and online trans influencers of tell people what to say to doctors to get hormones.
If a person was a girl from the moments she was born, why do we have to change her body. She was female in that body with a penis she can continue to be female in that body with a penis.
We do not treat a person’s physical body by how they feel about their weight. We go by their BMI for the physical treatments. If they have a healthy BMI we help them change their feelings about their weight.
Maybe there's some link between ASD and gender dysphoria, but I seriously believe healthcare
professionals are disproportionately targeting ASD children in order to terrorize their parents. Why? Ask yourself who's most likely to question or criticize the childhood vax program.
Keep strong! I believe you are doing an excellent job maneuvering this trans-cult for and with your daughter. I hope she will desist. I understand why you wanted to hear her birth name at graduation - that is the name you carefully picked out for her, and only her. My nephew graduated from high school a few years ago and the school used his silly made-up "girl's" name. My sister and her husband were sitting in the bleachers and when they heard that phony name they were devastated, they could not even cheer. I was watching his graduation in another state LIVE on-line through a link, and I was shocked and so outraged! I wanted to scream at the school board, the principal, the teachers and anyone else who affirmed him. I also understand how alone you felt at that meeting - we all have been in a similar situation unable to speak the truth because of the backlash, the repercussions, the rejection. You are not alone here on this amazing sub stack. Keep fighting the good fight! Hope and prayers is what I cling to.
Stay vigilant, kindred ones. Random internet predators call good evil, and evil good. But Christ is in our midst and no weapon formed against us will prosper. In Jesus' name.
Thank you! Far less than for young women. In fact the only "side" of society that isn't going along with this wickedness is the "right"(and a few courageous lgbt folks), whose media influencers present gender dysphoric males as deviant predators, not the quirky, traumatized victims they are. In reality most mtf's are not preying on children or trying to compete on women's sports teams. I believe a lot of these inverted athletes have been placed in these positions. Anyone who's done cursory transvestigation knows this is nothing new from the controllers who worship the androgyne baphomet.
This writer is willing to be vulnerable in hopes of helping others who may be navigating similar family trauma. How disheartening to see such attention paid to a single abbreviation, I so hope you were able to look past your opinion on that, and allow the writer to freely express the depth of anguish stemming from a 5-year beating. Moreover, a beating that will continue with a new life chapter. We can find strength and hope through connection with others; at least many of us do. I am thankful for the article and the author’s willingness to share part of the journey to help me gain, what I believe to be, valuable insight into a complex issue that is turning our culture on its collective head. The bottom line is that our youth is in serious trouble, and learning how to help will begin with information offered by those who have been involved firsthand.
Thank you for your post. I love that verse in Romans. Keep up the faith and keep fighting for your daughter.
you claim that AuDHD is more labels, yet it's usage would be a single label where previously there were 2. Please think before speaking!!
Yeah, I didn’t really understand that criticism either. Whatever connotations teenagers are putting on the term, it’s a set of diagnoses. We shouldn’t name diagnoses because “the last thing we need are more labels”? I don’t get what’s supposed to be so wrong about abbreviating “autism and ADHD” to “AuDHD.”
Stop already! By hyper-focussing on this one comment - you're missing the whole point of the essay. Perhaps, just go back and re-read it. Just don't critique what you don't comprehend.
Thank you🌷
Nothing is wrong with it. I was exhausted and I can't keep up. Surely you can recognize exasperation expressed poorly in words. I got corrected when ADD was changed back to ADHD and when they removed Aspergers to be ASD Level 1 and now by my LGB niece, to say AuDHD. So my daughter and I come up with something she likes, Aspie. Since I teach, I am sure each of my 120+ students have their own label I should remember and I am just tired, but I can try.
Thank you for proving my point! I absolutely was not thinking when I wrote that July 3rd, and I didn't edit much after. It was therapeutic to write and even more therapeutic for parents here to tell me I am not alone. If this was all you got from the piece, I am really sorry it struck a nerve and you wasted your time reading it. My next one will be better.
Yes it is in helping each other that we are helped.
I think the link between autism and trans is a complicated one. It’s very tempting to see autism as the explanation for why someone fell down the trans rabbit hole. And if this explanation helps some parents, or even better, some trans-identified young people, make sense of their experience and possibly even leads to desistance, then it has value. But I feel like that’s not the whole story. Because I’m seeing that some of these kids want to be autistic in the same way they want to be trans. And autism is another area where there’s some grey area, and no real black and white diagnostic test.
Full disclosure - I could probably have gotten an Asperger’s diagnosis if I had chosen to seek one. I’ve always been a little quirky, more than a little as a child. The first time I read about Asperger’s, I was indignant - “that’s not a syndrome, that’s a perfectly valid personality!”And one of my kids takes after me in that respect. When she was young I considered whether to have her evaluated but concluded that she was doing fine and I didn’t want anyone to tell her there was anything wrong with being the way she was.
At the same time she went off the tracks with the trans thing, she decided she had autism. We had her evaluated at her request. The result was that although she had some autistic traits, she didn’t meet the criteria for a diagnosis. She was FURIOUS and refused to see that psychologist ever again. She once made up flash cards for communication and told me she was nonverbal (yes, you read that right. Imagine me trying to control my facial expressions during that conversation!) She still leans into “special interests”. But as a person who also has these tendencies, I’m not sure leaning into one’s autistic traits is a good strategy. I have learned over 50 years that not everyone is interested in what’s going on in my brain. That when people start to show signs of disinterest it’s time to change the subject. That it’s polite to talk to people about them and what they are interested in, not yourself. That you should channel your energies into something that’s useful. These are learnable skills that have served me pretty well, but I see the current trend is more toward indulging these tendencies and not trying to learn those skills, and I question that approach. I feel like in my daughter’s case she’s hiding behind this idea of autism (and ADHD and dissociative identity disorder, two other things she’s self-diagnosed with) to not have to try to grow up, or do useful things, or relate to others in ways that aren’t off-putting, or even do simple things she’s been asked to do like clean up her room. It has become a lack of agency - she truly doesn’t believe she has control over her own actions.
So I wonder - how much of trans identification is driven by autism, or how much do autistic behaviors and trans identification have a common psychological cause? Because in my daughter’s case, both mostly emerged at once, and I tend to believe her autistic behaviors would be much lessened if she’d not been exposed to unhealthy environments that glorified both things.
For my daughter, it wasn't Autism/ASD or ADD/ADHD. It was anxiety, stress and depression.....none of it ever seen by me or any other family member. If she was stressed about school, it was her own making because I was NEVER the parent to push AP classes, perfect grades or acceptance into pricey colleges. But, according to her, I mentally abused her and sabotaged her self confidence....go figure? They just make shit up for attention because their whole world online is about garnering as much attention as one can get.
Anxiety is the one diagnosis that I think is organic in my daughter. It seems to be a gene that runs rampant in my family (I have a lot of otherwise lovely female relatives who live very limited lives because they are terrified to do anything) and my daughter clearly struggled with this even before everything went off the rails her freshman year of high school. Depression - I’d be shocked if every one of these trans-identified kids wasn’t depressed. Rejecting one’s self is not something a happy person does. My daughter went from a happy, cheerful, successful kid to a shadow of her former self - the depression is obvious in her facial expressions and demeanor. I don’t know how she can deny the connection between becoming depressed and identifying as trans.
I think, though, that it helps to have compassion. They have experienced very real distress - shame, bullying, social rejection, along with the normal distress of adolescence which can be brutal. They are looking for a solution, a way to explain and relieve their distress and shame. In some cases I think the shame is being intentionally inflicted for the express purpose of creating more “trans” kids. I don’t think that looking for attention is a helpful way to frame it. They are looking for acceptance, belonging, relief from shame and self-hatred. It looks to me a lot like eating disorders.
This is a good post, Dee. And, I agree with:
"In some cases I think the shame is being intentionally inflicted for the express purpose of creating more “trans” kids.
Mine experienced no shame, bullying, rejection at school, home or sport. She had plenty of activities and friends. She became "depressed" when she decided that everyone else had to adhere to her "gender" rules and pronouns. She became an angry and obnoxious brat that no one wanted to be around.....including some friends. That's not "depression"....that's suffering consequences for bad behavior/attitude.
My girl also underwent a negative personality change for a time. It wasn't fun.
Every kid is different. I think this ideology encourages self-centered behavior, and some kids don’t need much encouragement anyhow. It’s your right to be frustrated and angry. In my case I can see clearly that my daughter has been treated cruelly and manipulated and victimized by what is essentially a cult. Although I am also sometimes frustrated by her behavior, it’s really obvious she’s the one being harmed by it.
I just read this on disenfranchised grief. So good! Bear witness and don't try to fix your friend or reframe! Let them be seen and heard.
https://open.substack.com/pub/thetranstrain/p/disenfranchised-grief-of-losing-a?r=1bwqa2&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=email
The doctors at hospitals have been causing physical trauma to babies while in the womb with drugs, radiation, injections to mom, etc. etc cutting the umbilical cord after birth. It's medical mayhem! And then ....there's the woke cult.
You will be able to live with your self in the future when you see the positive, life affirming and biologically whole woman you helped your daughter become.
You're probably the only
sanity she sees and feels in her world.
Thanks for sharing. God Bless. I find myself staying tuned in to pitt, but crossing some kind of emotional "dead-zone". I will persevere. Going along to get along with trans ideology is a path I forever refuse.
Thank you so much for sharing. I volunteer for a Christian ministry in the PAC NW which helps family and friends of “strugglers” come together for prayer and support. We also help their confused minor or adult children if they want it. I’m glad to hear there are more groups out there offering support in this way.
I’ve often wondered about these verses you share. Paul connects suffering with perseverance, then character and then hope. I suppose when we suffer well, without damaging our relationships with self and others, this is really the ultimate in what it means to endure hardship, or to persevere. This we build our capacity to suffer well like a runner builds stamina. That would be the “proven character” which would lead to hope that you will be able to complete the next race ahead of you without complaining, snapping, accusations or bitterness damaging relationships (though a written journal or confidant could better receive those things we all struggle with when we suffer). I like to think of why Paul connects these four ideas causally and this is about the best I can make of it. Suffering well is an indication of the grace of God at work. I’ll pray for your (and our) capacity to expand for perseverance, hope and joy! 🙏🏻
I could better understand my son’s decision if someone could explain what it feels like to know they are “ born in the wrong body.” I could accept multiple genders and gender “fluidity” if someone could
prove that sex is not binary and unchangable in mammals.
If someone could come up with a diagnostic test for “gender” I could accept that people are not being harmed by “gender-affirming” medical treatments
.
I have looked and found no evidence for any of those things. I have only found a demand for blind acceptance.
If any of these things were proven I would go along with my son’s demands and he would speak to me again. But until I find that information I am going to tell my son the truth because I love him and I do not want him to ruin his life and health.
I am looking for proof of a condition before it is treated with radical surgery . My sympathy is for people who do suffer from a psychological condition caused by multiple factors. But after a few short therapy sessions, sometimes only one, are put on a medical path to try to change their physical bodies not the factors that caused them to question their gender. Once people tried to change gender roles. I was given trains and cars and a doctor kit to play with to expand my idea of what a girl could do . Now girls say I like cars I must be a boy, They are not changing gender roles,. Parents and therapists are not asking . What do you want to do that you feel you cannot do because of your biological sex?. They are changing their physical bodies. The difference between gender and sex does not seem to matter. I have watched everything anyone has sent me to prove this. I do sympathize and I want doctors to stop hurting people because they are suffering from this.
True love is not giving people things that are bad for them just because they want them. It is not letting an eight-year-old- drive a car on the road or pouring an intoxicated person another drink.
To be clear I will not accept an answer which uses female or male stereotypes.
You are encouraging people to go to certain groups like PFLAGG and listen to them. How is that not indoctrination? You mentioned garekeeping which you say is bad. It is actually the process of not letting people have medical treatments just because they want them. There have been no double blind studies with control groups to prove the benefits for puberty blockers, (outside of precocious puberty) cross sex hormones and surgeries. So they should not be available.
The FDA’s latest study shows an increase of suicides and depression after the administration of puberty blockers.
You still have not told me what it means to “feel like a woman” If you do I will. It accept an answer which just uses female or male stereotypes. We were doing better at getting rid of those stereotypes thirty years ago.
It all boils down to we should give people what they want.
Watch the WPATH files
If a patients true feeling are valid why do groups like the ones you recommend and online trans influencers of tell people what to say to doctors to get hormones.
If a person was a girl from the moments she was born, why do we have to change her body. She was female in that body with a penis she can continue to be female in that body with a penis.
We do not treat a person’s physical body by how they feel about their weight. We go by their BMI for the physical treatments. If they have a healthy BMI we help them change their feelings about their weight.
Maybe there's some link between ASD and gender dysphoria, but I seriously believe healthcare
professionals are disproportionately targeting ASD children in order to terrorize their parents. Why? Ask yourself who's most likely to question or criticize the childhood vax program.
Keep strong! I believe you are doing an excellent job maneuvering this trans-cult for and with your daughter. I hope she will desist. I understand why you wanted to hear her birth name at graduation - that is the name you carefully picked out for her, and only her. My nephew graduated from high school a few years ago and the school used his silly made-up "girl's" name. My sister and her husband were sitting in the bleachers and when they heard that phony name they were devastated, they could not even cheer. I was watching his graduation in another state LIVE on-line through a link, and I was shocked and so outraged! I wanted to scream at the school board, the principal, the teachers and anyone else who affirmed him. I also understand how alone you felt at that meeting - we all have been in a similar situation unable to speak the truth because of the backlash, the repercussions, the rejection. You are not alone here on this amazing sub stack. Keep fighting the good fight! Hope and prayers is what I cling to.
Stay vigilant, kindred ones. Random internet predators call good evil, and evil good. But Christ is in our midst and no weapon formed against us will prosper. In Jesus' name.
Autism and religion.
The search for excuses and miracle cures.
There is not enough help for autistic young men either.
Thank you! Far less than for young women. In fact the only "side" of society that isn't going along with this wickedness is the "right"(and a few courageous lgbt folks), whose media influencers present gender dysphoric males as deviant predators, not the quirky, traumatized victims they are. In reality most mtf's are not preying on children or trying to compete on women's sports teams. I believe a lot of these inverted athletes have been placed in these positions. Anyone who's done cursory transvestigation knows this is nothing new from the controllers who worship the androgyne baphomet.