I read Dr. Lisa Bellot's piece with interest, but felt uncomfortable with a line that appeared awkwardly phrased: "It follows my experience as the mother of a trans-identified teenager who I did not believe was transgender."
I asked Dr. Bellot to clarify whether she believed that some ROGD children were, in fact, transgender, i.e. born in the wrong body.
She has avoided answering the question twice, which tells me this was not an awkward line, it was what she believed in. She must know that this is not a popular opinion on PITT, otherwise she could have answered the question and explained her beliefs.
I feel this book promotion is not done in good faith. She is reaching out to grieving, vulnerable parents who would buy any book if they thought it offered hope. This saddens me.
I accept that many in her profession still hold to the belief that some children are transgender. I don't agree with it, but it is what it is. If she believes this, she should be very clear and open about it rather than hiding it behind a line that many would miss.
I believe her book promotion should have an appropriate disclaimer so that parents are not taken advantage of.
Thanks for your comments. To be clear, I do not believe that some ROGD children are transgender. ROGD is indicative of a child who is struggling for other reasons. Getting to the root causes takes time, and the child will not get better until those root causes are discovered and addressed.
During the course of my family's journey, I became profoundly frustrated with medical and mental health providers who were quick to label these children as transgender but refused to do the hard work of considering other possibilities or performing a proper assessment. The rush to an incorrect diagnosis was all about ideology, and in doing so, those providers were abandoning their patients and betraying the sacred trust that we had bestowed upon them.
My son announced he was transgender at 23 I believe it started at his new high school where he knew no one,it’s so much like the rest of your stories even though he was older. I sometimes think if he had been younger would I have had more of a chance of getting him back? He will turn 33 this year and I’m starting to give up hope. We haven’t spoken in 2 years. I still cry a lot, some days I cry all day . I’m not going to give up at least in the thought of having a relationship with him. Thank you for writing this book . I often think why me ,why my kid ,why this generation , I pray this insanity stops so other generations won’t have to go through this .
Hi, Dionne. I am so sorry to hear of your son and your pain. I do believe there is always hope, especially when you continue to love him so powerfully. I have come to believe in miracles, and I know that sometimes magic can happen if you let it. Best to you and your family.
My niece's parents divorced after years of mutual disrespect. Niece was 20. That was 12 years ago. At that time, pre 2020 and the transgender marketing movement, I journaled how I could see her "split". I saw her burdened with the effort to identify with both mom and dad, and somehow hold together what they had as a family in the early years. How does the weight of loyalty the child has for each parent contribute to the literal feeling of division of the self from years of living within a home of division and resentments, divorce and relocation of "home"? What aspects of the dividing of the self with a trans identity might stem from the split of parents and splitting up of the home? My own marriage issues were resolved after my husband and I determined to grow personally, "love each other on purpose" time and time and time again, and know we absolutely didn't want to be at our children's graduations, weddings, births of their children with other spouses and families. Chaos happens. We saw the effort to figure out what the hell was wrong with each of us individually and maritally worth whatever the chaos of divorce was for us and our kids down the road.
Yes. My niece is trans. Diabetes and other medical and psychological issues have resulted in her stopping T. Destination yet to be determined.
Hi, Kay S.O. The concept of the “split” is an interesting one. I appreciate your comment. Thank you for reading my post. I am very happy to hear your niece stopped testosterone, and I hope she makes her way out of the chaos. She will need the stable love and support you provide.
And yet it is your profession in my country, at least, that is fast tracking adolescents and young adults into transitioning.
There are a lot of psychiatrists who should be struck off. Endocrinologists as well. I can't even be happy for you that your child has desisted when your profession has caused so much harm to other families. Trying to sell your book here is also really questionable.
Rather than trying to monetise your experience, how about challenging the so-called medical treatment of children, teens and young adults caught up in this nightmare? This just feels like a money grab to me.
I am mostly with you except for "I can't even be happy...". Come on, at least try to be happy for her daughter. I really, really, really wish desistance on everyone - including children of people who are guilty themselves.
I said I can't be happy for the parent whose profession has been the forefront of transitioning young people.
I am absolutely ecstatic for her daughter. How lucky they both are -she has her daughter back and her daughter is no longer destroying her body. Too bad about all the other daughters who we will never get back.
Hi, MadAsHell. Thank you for your honest feedback. I hope that some psychiatrists will become part of the solution.
I went through a period of time in this experience during which I was very angry. What was just underneath that anger, was extreme pain. The kind of radical and unique pain known only to another parent who’s been through this, such as you. What I now know, is that I could not have helped my daughter shed the transgender identity while I was that angry.
If you would like to read the book without contributing to profit, consider getting it from a library or perhaps get a used copy when they become available. I do not expect to financially profit from book sales. The real “profit” is getting the story out there and maybe helping another family. Not to mention the healing that came for me in telling my story.
I hope that peace will find you, and that your family is eventually free from this darkness.
I'm so happy to hear that your daughter desisted! A well written and evocative first chapter. Before I order your book, though, I need a clarification. Do you believe some children, teens or adults are actually transgender, or this was just awkward phrasing in the sample chapter? Thank you.
Hi, paranoid mother. To be clear, “transgender” is not a medical term, even though I have used the word in the book. There is a related term, “gender dysphoria,” which is a medical term. Unfortunately, many of our children have adopted a transgender identity (and the destructive behavior that comes with it) to cope with gender dysphoria or some other unrelated condition, such as PTSD, autism, or plain old puberty. In some cases, gender dysphoria does not develop until a child adopts the transgender identity.
My concern is that you are not transparent with your answers and this means that you do believe in "true trans" i.e. that some people are actually born in the wrong body. Otherwise, why would you obfuscate in a group of ROGD parents who might be interested in buying your book? I'm not interested in buying your book. I believe psychiatrists like you and the discipline of psychiatry in general play a large role in the medical scandal that we have all been harmed by. At the very least you could have answered clearly and concisely to show that you have moved on from damaging others. If you haven't moved on you are part of the problem, and your "solution" is not worth reading about.
Hi, Paranoid Mother. I agree with you that many psychiatrists are a part of the problem, and there are no excuses for the behavior. That problem is devastating to families, including mine and most of the families represented on PITT. My guess is that you and I both have endured crippling pain as a result of this destructive phenomenon. I wish you and your family the very best.
Am I correct in understanding that while some individuals are truly transgender, ROGD children like your daughter and many others adopt transgender identity as a coping mechanism?
Have you been spying on my family? I mean, my husband and I are still together, and luckily on the same page. And we are still fighting this demon seven years later. But much of the rest of it is so familiar- the move at a young age, the the loss of loved pets and a grandfather, the love for all things girl as a young child, and of course, the perfectly prepared script that goes against everything you’ve ever known about your child. I too wanted to laugh, and I’m not sure that I haven’t a couple of times. It would be so comical if it weren’t so devastating.
One of my favorite memories of my daughter from shortly after that move was of her standing in front of all of my coworkers singing the entire intro song to Dora the Explorer. I, and probably both of my daughters, can still sing it today.
Thank you, concerned mom. I love your anecdote. I can still hear the chant at times, “Swiper, no swiping!” and can see the beloved mochila. Our girls, who sing these songs and harness the magic of these stories, are still in there. Even though they pretend they’re not. I hope that you continue to connect with her and that you never give up hope, even when it’s in short supply.
Good to have a psychiatrist in this conversations. Your daughter thought she might be gay. I think that homosexuality contributes to the gender dysphoria epidemic and treatment should include addressing it. Homosexuality may be a downstream effect of a revved up sympathetic nervous system: https://osf.io/preprints/psyarxiv/c2xkg_v1
Thank you for this, you could be describing our son. This has been damaging to a lot of young people, and has undermined a lot of faith in our medical system, therapists, and others. Still, our son is showing signs of desisting, and we know a couple of other young people who have recently detransitioned.
I have a question for the author or anyone else who has a perspective: Do you think the trans movement has crested and is slowly starting to recede? I had the impression a year or two ago that it was starting to become passe among a lot of kids, the numbers of trans-identified kids decreasing. I don’t have any numbers, this was just the vibe I was getting from my kids and their friends, from working in local schools, and from knowing a couple people who came out as detransitioners. I don’t want to get into politics here, but I suspect the current political and legal pushback against the trans movement may make things worse, because it may make being trans edgy again. Again, don’t want to get into the actual politics, just observing that teenagers love to be seen as rebels, and nowadays to be in an oppressed victim identity group. School starts here next week; I’ll be curious to see how this is going.
So, what are you seeing? Among kids, is the trans social contagion receding a bit, increasing, or just staying the same?
Hi, Eleanor. I am glad to hear that your son is showing signs of desisting. I have “heard” that the numbers are starting to recede, but I have not seen that in my life or community. In my experience, the numbers are unchanged from several years ago. I think what is different is that the sociopolitical climate is changing, thus creating space for more individuals to express dissent. For that, I have chosen to be grateful.
I can see that the divorce was devastating for Jordan nd she could not cope with that because divorce split the children in half psychologically and emotionally, you know that because of your profession or you should at least (I know in the States people don't talk much about the consequences of divorce in children, the society has normalized it because we all want to do what we want) doesn't matter how mature and amicable is. I noticed also that you mentioned a lot of Disney characters and a lot of entertainment, Harry Potter is the source of spelling witchcraft in spite that the author is vocal about transgenderism, good for her. You also mentioned that the community was inclusive, some words are clues and why people use them so I wonder inclusive in what sense? why that was important for you? who the community has to include? But I am happy for you that the story has a happy ending and you can share all about it and help the rest of us, there is always hope and your story also shows that nobody is exempt to go through this, neither the daughter of a psychiatrist and a doctor. This shows that parents must not blame themselves completely because this is a cult and there are spiritual forces involved believe or not. Also you write that you knew your daughter wasn't a transgender, I have to tell you NOBODY is a transgender. Transgenderism is a mental condition never a reality, it really doesn't exist because we can play pretend all we want but we can never change our gender or what we are physically and pretend something else doesn't make us something else. I can believe I am a dog and walk the whole day in my extremities and people would know immediately that I am crazy maybe they do not say aloud but if they are sane they will know I am crazy, and that is one of the problems with transgenderism that people considerate it a possibility at all. Transgenderism exists for that mere reason that people validate it from the outside and yes i met many transgenders in my life but we didn't call them "transgender" we called them travesty (they dressed the opposite sex and live like it but they were not so crazy to have surgery to castrate themselves), but they loved the life style, now many decades ago that was all, we did not have children wanted that, it will never occurred to them, children don't think in those terms that is why I advice not entertainment of any kind, only books, because there are also a possibility of subliminal propaganda and all these shows and movies are feeding these ideologies nonetheless. This is one of the things I find in common with all these stories, the entertainment and the video games, all the transgender children are exposed to them. I don't know of any Amish child wanted to be a transgender. And also is mostly in this country so society has also something to do with this phenomena.
Never having experienced this trauma I know that I should hold my tongue but what the hell. Is it possible that these kids are being raised in such a cocoon of self indulgence from infancy that they have never learned that limitations on their desires and whims even exist? Now I will shut the fuck up.
Some of the kids, possibly. However, I wouldn't generalize like that. The sadly many trans-identified young people I know come from many backgrounds. Among them are 1. At least two kids from families with addiction and potential neglect issues. 2. a wonderful, caring gifted young woman who spent most of her teens helping to take care of her terminally ill sibling 3. Kids from regular , full families that set reasonable boundaries... I have more example but would stop here. There really is no one dominant risk factor.
No need to shut up from my perspective. This is a place to express ideas and that's a reasonable thought to have. Offered in a polite way. Let me say that it may be a complicating factor, but not the main one. I think of my son's Asperger's personality being the main culprit. Causing him have a friendless childhood and being the odd kid out most of the time. But other factors like the internet, extreme coddling, and as you said a culture where limitations on desires are considered intolerable reenforce this. I see your point as a contributing factor for sure.
Agree w this perspective, and also yr experience w Asperger’s. This is very complex and has pulled a lot of kids in. A culture which can’t say no to kids may be part of it; also a culture in which everybody wants an oppressed victim status. But in our case, and the single most common factor from what I’ve seen, is that it’s kids on the spectrum. They often have been isolated thru childhood & adolescence, may be bright kids but with executive functioning issues and a tendency to latch strongly onto “this one single thing” that seems like it will solve all their problems and give them an identity group. And in the US, they’re getting terrible quality of counseling, pretty much just shoved onto a conveyor belt. Which adds to the medical ethics problem: it’s disproportionately autistic kids who are being selected by this system to be sterilized. And to have more, not fully known medical problems in the future.
"a culture which can’t say no to kids" I definitely think that's a major part of the problem. Parents are terrified of establishing (and enforcing) boundaries. Instead, they try a therapeutic approach, when structure is what the child really needs. How else can one explain the devastating success of the "let the child lead" philosophy? I saw one emotional father of a trans-identifying boy at a school board meeting say just that, he was letting his child lead, immediately after comparing their situation to "navigating a mine-field".
Hi, Donna. You are right, there are many shrinks (and other mental health professionals) that are a big part of the problem. I encountered more than my share during this nightmare. I hope that some shrinks, me included, will be part of the solution.
Discovering that my 14 year old had been cutting herself secretly for two years was a huge shock for me. I soon learnt that social workers treated self cutting as a lifestyle choice. I was treated as though I had a problem (being too sensitive?).I strongly believe that this attitude contributed to the progression to “gender dysphoria”. Young people need to know that harming themselves is as much a crime as harming others. Hating themselves is the problem.
Hi, Person. There is a chapter near the end of the book that speaks of detransitioners. I have quoted some brave souls who succinctly describe how the self-hate led them to identify as transgender.
I ordered your book. My daughter is 26, but perhaps something you say will help me talk to her about this idea she has bought into. I’m in the US, the book is available on Amazon and I thought the price was not too much.
Thank you, LoullyAnn. I hope your daughter finds her way out of this. When I was amidst it, it felt like mine never would. I hope you never give up. There is always hope, and I do believe in miracles.
I am really happy your daughter woke up and I hope I am not nitpicking here: "It follows my experience as the mother of a trans-identified teenager who I did not believe was transgender" - I may be reading too much into this but it implies that you believe that some people ARE transgender (just not your daughter). Clearly, your daughter was a girly-girly as a child, many of our girls are. However, a tomboy is as much a girl as a girly girl and nobody is transgender.
Thank you for your comment, Gender Realist Mom. Something I think all parents have in common here is that none of us believe our child is transgender and that gender ideology has been destructive to our families in many ways. I do briefly discuss the concept of “tomboyism” in the book, and how that does not equate with gender dysphoria. I hope that you enjoy the book, and I appreciate your support, even though we may not agree in all ways.
Hi Lisa. Your first chapter is so well penned and aligns with our experience with our daughter, now 18, going off to college and quietly edging out of this identity that had a stranglehold on her entire high school years. I feel like our lives have some parallels—my husband and I are both MDs and we live in a similar part of the world. I’ll look forward to reading the rest of your book!
I read Dr. Lisa Bellot's piece with interest, but felt uncomfortable with a line that appeared awkwardly phrased: "It follows my experience as the mother of a trans-identified teenager who I did not believe was transgender."
I asked Dr. Bellot to clarify whether she believed that some ROGD children were, in fact, transgender, i.e. born in the wrong body.
She has avoided answering the question twice, which tells me this was not an awkward line, it was what she believed in. She must know that this is not a popular opinion on PITT, otherwise she could have answered the question and explained her beliefs.
I feel this book promotion is not done in good faith. She is reaching out to grieving, vulnerable parents who would buy any book if they thought it offered hope. This saddens me.
I accept that many in her profession still hold to the belief that some children are transgender. I don't agree with it, but it is what it is. If she believes this, she should be very clear and open about it rather than hiding it behind a line that many would miss.
I believe her book promotion should have an appropriate disclaimer so that parents are not taken advantage of.
Thanks for your comments. To be clear, I do not believe that some ROGD children are transgender. ROGD is indicative of a child who is struggling for other reasons. Getting to the root causes takes time, and the child will not get better until those root causes are discovered and addressed.
During the course of my family's journey, I became profoundly frustrated with medical and mental health providers who were quick to label these children as transgender but refused to do the hard work of considering other possibilities or performing a proper assessment. The rush to an incorrect diagnosis was all about ideology, and in doing so, those providers were abandoning their patients and betraying the sacred trust that we had bestowed upon them.
My son announced he was transgender at 23 I believe it started at his new high school where he knew no one,it’s so much like the rest of your stories even though he was older. I sometimes think if he had been younger would I have had more of a chance of getting him back? He will turn 33 this year and I’m starting to give up hope. We haven’t spoken in 2 years. I still cry a lot, some days I cry all day . I’m not going to give up at least in the thought of having a relationship with him. Thank you for writing this book . I often think why me ,why my kid ,why this generation , I pray this insanity stops so other generations won’t have to go through this .
Hi, Dionne. I am so sorry to hear of your son and your pain. I do believe there is always hope, especially when you continue to love him so powerfully. I have come to believe in miracles, and I know that sometimes magic can happen if you let it. Best to you and your family.
My niece's parents divorced after years of mutual disrespect. Niece was 20. That was 12 years ago. At that time, pre 2020 and the transgender marketing movement, I journaled how I could see her "split". I saw her burdened with the effort to identify with both mom and dad, and somehow hold together what they had as a family in the early years. How does the weight of loyalty the child has for each parent contribute to the literal feeling of division of the self from years of living within a home of division and resentments, divorce and relocation of "home"? What aspects of the dividing of the self with a trans identity might stem from the split of parents and splitting up of the home? My own marriage issues were resolved after my husband and I determined to grow personally, "love each other on purpose" time and time and time again, and know we absolutely didn't want to be at our children's graduations, weddings, births of their children with other spouses and families. Chaos happens. We saw the effort to figure out what the hell was wrong with each of us individually and maritally worth whatever the chaos of divorce was for us and our kids down the road.
Yes. My niece is trans. Diabetes and other medical and psychological issues have resulted in her stopping T. Destination yet to be determined.
Hi, Kay S.O. The concept of the “split” is an interesting one. I appreciate your comment. Thank you for reading my post. I am very happy to hear your niece stopped testosterone, and I hope she makes her way out of the chaos. She will need the stable love and support you provide.
And yet it is your profession in my country, at least, that is fast tracking adolescents and young adults into transitioning.
There are a lot of psychiatrists who should be struck off. Endocrinologists as well. I can't even be happy for you that your child has desisted when your profession has caused so much harm to other families. Trying to sell your book here is also really questionable.
Rather than trying to monetise your experience, how about challenging the so-called medical treatment of children, teens and young adults caught up in this nightmare? This just feels like a money grab to me.
I am mostly with you except for "I can't even be happy...". Come on, at least try to be happy for her daughter. I really, really, really wish desistance on everyone - including children of people who are guilty themselves.
I said I can't be happy for the parent whose profession has been the forefront of transitioning young people.
I am absolutely ecstatic for her daughter. How lucky they both are -she has her daughter back and her daughter is no longer destroying her body. Too bad about all the other daughters who we will never get back.
Hi, MadAsHell. Thank you for your honest feedback. I hope that some psychiatrists will become part of the solution.
I went through a period of time in this experience during which I was very angry. What was just underneath that anger, was extreme pain. The kind of radical and unique pain known only to another parent who’s been through this, such as you. What I now know, is that I could not have helped my daughter shed the transgender identity while I was that angry.
If you would like to read the book without contributing to profit, consider getting it from a library or perhaps get a used copy when they become available. I do not expect to financially profit from book sales. The real “profit” is getting the story out there and maybe helping another family. Not to mention the healing that came for me in telling my story.
I hope that peace will find you, and that your family is eventually free from this darkness.
I'm so happy to hear that your daughter desisted! A well written and evocative first chapter. Before I order your book, though, I need a clarification. Do you believe some children, teens or adults are actually transgender, or this was just awkward phrasing in the sample chapter? Thank you.
Hi, paranoid mother. To be clear, “transgender” is not a medical term, even though I have used the word in the book. There is a related term, “gender dysphoria,” which is a medical term. Unfortunately, many of our children have adopted a transgender identity (and the destructive behavior that comes with it) to cope with gender dysphoria or some other unrelated condition, such as PTSD, autism, or plain old puberty. In some cases, gender dysphoria does not develop until a child adopts the transgender identity.
My concern is that you are not transparent with your answers and this means that you do believe in "true trans" i.e. that some people are actually born in the wrong body. Otherwise, why would you obfuscate in a group of ROGD parents who might be interested in buying your book? I'm not interested in buying your book. I believe psychiatrists like you and the discipline of psychiatry in general play a large role in the medical scandal that we have all been harmed by. At the very least you could have answered clearly and concisely to show that you have moved on from damaging others. If you haven't moved on you are part of the problem, and your "solution" is not worth reading about.
Hi, Paranoid Mother. I agree with you that many psychiatrists are a part of the problem, and there are no excuses for the behavior. That problem is devastating to families, including mine and most of the families represented on PITT. My guess is that you and I both have endured crippling pain as a result of this destructive phenomenon. I wish you and your family the very best.
A disappointing answer, that's for sure.
Am I correct in understanding that while some individuals are truly transgender, ROGD children like your daughter and many others adopt transgender identity as a coping mechanism?
Have you been spying on my family? I mean, my husband and I are still together, and luckily on the same page. And we are still fighting this demon seven years later. But much of the rest of it is so familiar- the move at a young age, the the loss of loved pets and a grandfather, the love for all things girl as a young child, and of course, the perfectly prepared script that goes against everything you’ve ever known about your child. I too wanted to laugh, and I’m not sure that I haven’t a couple of times. It would be so comical if it weren’t so devastating.
One of my favorite memories of my daughter from shortly after that move was of her standing in front of all of my coworkers singing the entire intro song to Dora the Explorer. I, and probably both of my daughters, can still sing it today.
Thank you, concerned mom. I love your anecdote. I can still hear the chant at times, “Swiper, no swiping!” and can see the beloved mochila. Our girls, who sing these songs and harness the magic of these stories, are still in there. Even though they pretend they’re not. I hope that you continue to connect with her and that you never give up hope, even when it’s in short supply.
Good to have a psychiatrist in this conversations. Your daughter thought she might be gay. I think that homosexuality contributes to the gender dysphoria epidemic and treatment should include addressing it. Homosexuality may be a downstream effect of a revved up sympathetic nervous system: https://osf.io/preprints/psyarxiv/c2xkg_v1
Thank you for your comment, diet-stress-model. Interesting concept.
Thank you for this, you could be describing our son. This has been damaging to a lot of young people, and has undermined a lot of faith in our medical system, therapists, and others. Still, our son is showing signs of desisting, and we know a couple of other young people who have recently detransitioned.
I have a question for the author or anyone else who has a perspective: Do you think the trans movement has crested and is slowly starting to recede? I had the impression a year or two ago that it was starting to become passe among a lot of kids, the numbers of trans-identified kids decreasing. I don’t have any numbers, this was just the vibe I was getting from my kids and their friends, from working in local schools, and from knowing a couple people who came out as detransitioners. I don’t want to get into politics here, but I suspect the current political and legal pushback against the trans movement may make things worse, because it may make being trans edgy again. Again, don’t want to get into the actual politics, just observing that teenagers love to be seen as rebels, and nowadays to be in an oppressed victim identity group. School starts here next week; I’ll be curious to see how this is going.
So, what are you seeing? Among kids, is the trans social contagion receding a bit, increasing, or just staying the same?
Hi, Eleanor. I am glad to hear that your son is showing signs of desisting. I have “heard” that the numbers are starting to recede, but I have not seen that in my life or community. In my experience, the numbers are unchanged from several years ago. I think what is different is that the sociopolitical climate is changing, thus creating space for more individuals to express dissent. For that, I have chosen to be grateful.
I can see that the divorce was devastating for Jordan nd she could not cope with that because divorce split the children in half psychologically and emotionally, you know that because of your profession or you should at least (I know in the States people don't talk much about the consequences of divorce in children, the society has normalized it because we all want to do what we want) doesn't matter how mature and amicable is. I noticed also that you mentioned a lot of Disney characters and a lot of entertainment, Harry Potter is the source of spelling witchcraft in spite that the author is vocal about transgenderism, good for her. You also mentioned that the community was inclusive, some words are clues and why people use them so I wonder inclusive in what sense? why that was important for you? who the community has to include? But I am happy for you that the story has a happy ending and you can share all about it and help the rest of us, there is always hope and your story also shows that nobody is exempt to go through this, neither the daughter of a psychiatrist and a doctor. This shows that parents must not blame themselves completely because this is a cult and there are spiritual forces involved believe or not. Also you write that you knew your daughter wasn't a transgender, I have to tell you NOBODY is a transgender. Transgenderism is a mental condition never a reality, it really doesn't exist because we can play pretend all we want but we can never change our gender or what we are physically and pretend something else doesn't make us something else. I can believe I am a dog and walk the whole day in my extremities and people would know immediately that I am crazy maybe they do not say aloud but if they are sane they will know I am crazy, and that is one of the problems with transgenderism that people considerate it a possibility at all. Transgenderism exists for that mere reason that people validate it from the outside and yes i met many transgenders in my life but we didn't call them "transgender" we called them travesty (they dressed the opposite sex and live like it but they were not so crazy to have surgery to castrate themselves), but they loved the life style, now many decades ago that was all, we did not have children wanted that, it will never occurred to them, children don't think in those terms that is why I advice not entertainment of any kind, only books, because there are also a possibility of subliminal propaganda and all these shows and movies are feeding these ideologies nonetheless. This is one of the things I find in common with all these stories, the entertainment and the video games, all the transgender children are exposed to them. I don't know of any Amish child wanted to be a transgender. And also is mostly in this country so society has also something to do with this phenomena.
I am looking forward to reading it and gathering wisdom on how to help my step daughter.
Hi, Poeima. Thank you for your support. I wish you are your family the best. I hope she can find a way out. ❤️
This is sounding like our story. Interesting how scripted this is, like a recipe. The indoctrination is widespread.
Thank you, Deb. There is a chapter in the book about cults you may find interesting.
Never having experienced this trauma I know that I should hold my tongue but what the hell. Is it possible that these kids are being raised in such a cocoon of self indulgence from infancy that they have never learned that limitations on their desires and whims even exist? Now I will shut the fuck up.
Some of the kids, possibly. However, I wouldn't generalize like that. The sadly many trans-identified young people I know come from many backgrounds. Among them are 1. At least two kids from families with addiction and potential neglect issues. 2. a wonderful, caring gifted young woman who spent most of her teens helping to take care of her terminally ill sibling 3. Kids from regular , full families that set reasonable boundaries... I have more example but would stop here. There really is no one dominant risk factor.
No need to shut up from my perspective. This is a place to express ideas and that's a reasonable thought to have. Offered in a polite way. Let me say that it may be a complicating factor, but not the main one. I think of my son's Asperger's personality being the main culprit. Causing him have a friendless childhood and being the odd kid out most of the time. But other factors like the internet, extreme coddling, and as you said a culture where limitations on desires are considered intolerable reenforce this. I see your point as a contributing factor for sure.
Agree w this perspective, and also yr experience w Asperger’s. This is very complex and has pulled a lot of kids in. A culture which can’t say no to kids may be part of it; also a culture in which everybody wants an oppressed victim status. But in our case, and the single most common factor from what I’ve seen, is that it’s kids on the spectrum. They often have been isolated thru childhood & adolescence, may be bright kids but with executive functioning issues and a tendency to latch strongly onto “this one single thing” that seems like it will solve all their problems and give them an identity group. And in the US, they’re getting terrible quality of counseling, pretty much just shoved onto a conveyor belt. Which adds to the medical ethics problem: it’s disproportionately autistic kids who are being selected by this system to be sterilized. And to have more, not fully known medical problems in the future.
"a culture which can’t say no to kids" I definitely think that's a major part of the problem. Parents are terrified of establishing (and enforcing) boundaries. Instead, they try a therapeutic approach, when structure is what the child really needs. How else can one explain the devastating success of the "let the child lead" philosophy? I saw one emotional father of a trans-identifying boy at a school board meeting say just that, he was letting his child lead, immediately after comparing their situation to "navigating a mine-field".
No reason to shut the f—k up, Dave. I think many parents, me included, have had these kinds of thoughts.
Cutting oneself is "garden variety Tween stuff acting out?????" What the Heck???? The Shrinks are the problem.
Hi, Donna. You are right, there are many shrinks (and other mental health professionals) that are a big part of the problem. I encountered more than my share during this nightmare. I hope that some shrinks, me included, will be part of the solution.
Discovering that my 14 year old had been cutting herself secretly for two years was a huge shock for me. I soon learnt that social workers treated self cutting as a lifestyle choice. I was treated as though I had a problem (being too sensitive?).I strongly believe that this attitude contributed to the progression to “gender dysphoria”. Young people need to know that harming themselves is as much a crime as harming others. Hating themselves is the problem.
Hi, Person. There is a chapter near the end of the book that speaks of detransitioners. I have quoted some brave souls who succinctly describe how the self-hate led them to identify as transgender.
I ordered your book. My daughter is 26, but perhaps something you say will help me talk to her about this idea she has bought into. I’m in the US, the book is available on Amazon and I thought the price was not too much.
I will also order this book. I look forward to reading it.
Thank you, LoullyAnn. I hope your daughter finds her way out of this. When I was amidst it, it felt like mine never would. I hope you never give up. There is always hope, and I do believe in miracles.
I am really happy your daughter woke up and I hope I am not nitpicking here: "It follows my experience as the mother of a trans-identified teenager who I did not believe was transgender" - I may be reading too much into this but it implies that you believe that some people ARE transgender (just not your daughter). Clearly, your daughter was a girly-girly as a child, many of our girls are. However, a tomboy is as much a girl as a girly girl and nobody is transgender.
Thank you for your comment, Gender Realist Mom. Something I think all parents have in common here is that none of us believe our child is transgender and that gender ideology has been destructive to our families in many ways. I do briefly discuss the concept of “tomboyism” in the book, and how that does not equate with gender dysphoria. I hope that you enjoy the book, and I appreciate your support, even though we may not agree in all ways.
We don't BELIEVE our children are not transgender, we KNOW it - because nobody is transgender.
So you actually do believe that SOME children, teens or adults actually are transgender?
Hi Lisa. Your first chapter is so well penned and aligns with our experience with our daughter, now 18, going off to college and quietly edging out of this identity that had a stranglehold on her entire high school years. I feel like our lives have some parallels—my husband and I are both MDs and we live in a similar part of the world. I’ll look forward to reading the rest of your book!
Thank you for your support, Mom of 4! Would love to hear your feedback as a physician once you finish it.