Factitious Disorder Imposed on Another (Previously Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy) has a very, very clear sex bias. I struggle to think of another condition with such a clear bias. It’s the mothers.
Men don't need another excuse to get out of domestic responsibilities, and yet you're giving them one. Hey guys, if you do the laundry and dishes and cuddle with your kids, they could turn out trans! Better be a trad husband, or else.
Yeah, I can’t get on board with this at all. According to your assessment - we are the exact opposite of all your metrics. We are in our 60s. Married 35 years. Neither overly college educated (except me with an associate at age 54). Middle class. I’m a stay at home mom. (We are self employed). Husband was and always has been the alpha male - working outside the home, outdoors, in a very physical job. Also very sports-minded. Also….. totally detached from any of the child rearing. I did it all - he was never at practices or games, he was at the rare (end of year) awards program. I did all the hands-on momming, dragging their butts to church on Sunday mornings. We modeled very traditional male and female roles (bc we are old school I guess). We also do not live in a metropolitan area but in a small city/rural environment and our kids attended a small, private Christian school. Although I would NOT describe either my husband or I, OR our homelife, as overly religious (that was mainly at school). It’s our son who is trans ID. He started identifying in his early 20s and at age 25, has now desisted. So yeah, no, we do not fit your assessment at all. But yet it happened to our son too. Idk. Except I do know that my kid was influenced online - by one of those Discord chat groups - yeah, like the one Tyler Robinson was in (I do not believe the same one, since no federal agents have knocked on the door, my son has not mentioned anything about it, and I pray he would never be involved in a discussion like the ones had about Charlie Kirk *RIP*. But I now know it’s entirely possible).
One could argue it’s the father or the mother or the teachers and therapists or the internet or p*rn or so on and so on. At its root, the problem is evil. Once you understand evil, then you know why it affects single families, intact families, loving or abusive, Christian or atheist. Makes no difference. You might find patterns, but the only way the defeat evil is with the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
When the Liberal perverts of Michigan tried to allow perverted books in Dearborn MI school libraries, it was Muslim men who showed up full force to oppose it. And guess what. The Liberal Perverts backed down.
I don't have a clue where Liberals get these nutty stereotypes of men from the past. My father made a bee line towards his bedridden dad every time we went to see them. He was a hands on cuddly wrestling bear with me and my siblings, in spite of the physical wear and tear of his body when he was a master welder, 40+ hours a week. He was also a great grandpa, and my sons made a bee line to his lap up until the day he died, and they were in their teens. My husband was oftentimes more tender than I was with my sons. The difference between Liberal Progressive men and the dearest men in my family is that the men in my family understood that they were the Overseers of the household. They were the Shepherds of their little flock of people. Nothing happened in their castle without their permission. It was a mission of failure to attempt to go over their heads. It was understood that their wives submit to their oversight. If it wasn't then these good men knew their wives well enough to achieve control.
Yes, this right here. My husband had a great and very close relationship with his dad. My situation was different. My kids know their dad loves them. They also know he is the head of the family. He was definitely playful when they were little. They didn’t have the benefit of a close relationship with their grandparents (or other family) at all as we lived so far away and one died when they were very young. 🤷🏼♀️
Women didn't just join the paid workforce since the 60's, and men are usually the ones standing aside after they get their girlfriends pregnant. Women have been filling the jobs of secretary, teacher, nurse and waitress for a very long time. Both my grandmothers worked in the paid workforce in the 40's-60's, one as a secretary and one as a teacher. My maternal grandfather was an outstanding cook and as an insurance agent, he made his own schedule while my grandmother had an 8-4 job. My very emotionally present grandfather made breakfast and school lunches and got the three girls off to school. He also came home early enough to make dinner, and later my grandmother did all the cleanup. Women have always been in the paid workforce, but the change has been in opening up opportunity so women can choose the best fit for their inclinations and skills rather than being force fit into one of a few choices. Stop blaming problems on failure to obsess and conform to rigid sex roles. I'm a woman and I don't need this obsessive role conformity to know who is male and who is female. A couple working together and supporting each other, paying attention to who their children associate with and what they're doing online, will not guarantee the children will be protected but goes a long way in that direction.
I was curious to see the comments from this writing piece, as I was not quite sure how to react. Since you have been on both sides of this trans cult roller-coaster ride, I find your insight to be very interesting. The parenting roles have indeed changed from my parents' generation. In their generation, if a woman got pregnant, she was secret about it and there was a wedding. However, it does not mean there was love in the relationship or that the father was involved - I think men felt more trapped. Now in my generation, women could have a baby without the pressure of having to be married. Men could choose to be involved or not in the raising of their child. Single parenting was accepted. In fact, I was a single mother. My daughter is now a mother and is in a committed relationship of 11 years, but they are not married. Times have changed. Roles have changed. The family dynamics has changed. The world has changed. But I do not blame the mother or the father for the trans ideology as that came from outside of the family, outside of the home. The media and internet have influenced an entire generation by planting seeds of doubt and confusion in the innocent minds of boys and girls about being born in the wrong body. I blame it ALL on the evil world of pornography which has influenced everything so subtlety that we have all become conditioned. Back in the 70's, cursing was allowed on TV shows, there was nudity in movies and then on television, thus began the saturation of advertisements on TV, billboards, magazines, books, and the radio to influence our thinking by how we dress, how we look, how we smell, how we act, and how we think. We all wanted to be part of the "in crowd" and buy and wear the latest and hottest fashions. We stopped being individuals and became what the big corporations wanted us to be so they could get richer and richer. So now, here we are... just follow the money. Pornography and Big Pharma are hand in hand in this ideology influence. They had to figure out a way to hook the next generation, right? Evil. Pure evil.
I was curious about the comments, too, having mixed feelings about this article, which seems to suggest that reinforcing gender roles and stereotypes is the solution. Which still leaves gender nonconforming children left on the sidelines wondering why they don't fit in the box and how to change themselves so that they do fit.
"What I’ve seen again and again is this: fathers are not absent. They are present, hands on, emotionally engaged, and still, somehow, they’re being blamed."
Yes.
When the father goes to the school (maybe with the mother) to complain about the gaslighting of his child "as the other sex" and to tell them to "stop that" - explaining his side of what is happening - he is completely ignored and overridden because:
"We’re being undermined by the very systems meant to support us:
Teachers socially transitioning children behind parents’ backs
Mental health professionals driving a wedge between parents"
The fathers are not at all respected by these systems meant to support families. In fact, they are completely disregarded by "professionals" who "know better" than the father about his child. He has no authority. How does a dad feel about that? This is not how it has ever been in history.
But, you could say that at some point in the past a mother's/woman's concerns were generally dismissed. Now, instead of listening to a father and not to a mother, society now dismisses both! Progress?
Well, the fathers need to get out there and make their presence known. They should not acquiesce in being sidelined. The activist moms are the ones showing up at school board meetings and talking to the media. I often wonder where the dads are. Are they ok with their son competing in track meets against girls? If not, say so — don’t allow the mom to seize the narrative about her poor “daughter” being bullied. Dads allowing themselves to be pushed out are part of the problem in my view.
I've noticed that it seems to be mostly mothers here on PITT. I know there are dads, too, but the moms seem to be much more numerous.
This puzzles me, especially in the case of boys deciding they are girls. What self-respecting father would sit by while his SON turns himself into some mockery of a "woman"?
I really hate to say this, but it's true -- gender-critical groups would be taken more seriously if there were more MEN in them speaking out. The trans ideologues have plenty of men in their numbers. It's entirely too easy for our opposition to dismiss a group of women/moms as hysterical transphobes or whatever.
I think that speaks more to the nature of women - of being female, being verbal - and of reaching out to others for support in times of crisis - by TALKING about it, forming community- classically speaking.
To be fair, I have seen one Dad talk obliquely about having to walk a fine line given the court’s jurisdiction over custody. The son was competing as a girl on a JV basketball team.
Good question. Mine is too busy and he just would NOT concern himself with any of it the way I did (researching, reading everything, joining the groups). He was initially happy to just let him be whoever or whatever he wanted to be - even though on a gut level he didn’t like it. He just ignored it. Which turned out fine in the end. They never had a direct conversation about it. We both agreed we were not that surprised about this kid bc he was always “different”. But once I did the deep dive and went with my gut feeling, I rejected the whole idea and moved in that direction. A mother’s instinct if you will. At that point I started pushing my husband (and my son) in that direction. I really don’t believe it had much to do with home life. I feel all the pressure was external - cultural, for my son. Although he was never super alpha (he played some sports when he was little but by MS he had quit), curiously, when he says he first heard the term “trans” AND also, curiously, coinciding with the popularization of I Am Jazz and the SI Cover and Person of the Year, Bruce/Caitlin Jenner. By HS, he was in the Discord chat group. I would NOT say I wear the pants in my family although my husband likely would argue “happy wife, happy life”. But I definitely WOULD describe myself as a helicopter mom- I just didn’t realize it until my kids were grown and they started telling me. I knew on some level I was over protective but I didn’t think I was a crazy Karen. (Probably was on some level).
The article is mostly about modern fathers being good, involved dads in other ways.
It even speculates that changing parenting roles may be contributing to gender confusion in some kids (a theory which actually could have some merit and maybe should be studied).
But again, where are all the gender critical fathers on PITT? We need to recruit more DADS to tell their families' stories and speak out against trans because -- like it or not -- it's too easy for the world to ignore a group of mostly female protesters.
I appreciate this perspective, and the bravery of putting forth an opinion that may be unpopular in certain circles. In my experience, whether it be gender ideology or some other nightmarish experience with one’s child, it is almost always the mother that shows up.
If you define "showing up" in strict terms of mothering behavior, then I suppose, yeah, the mother is going to always be the one who "shows up." The article pretty much anticipates your conclusion and gives a counterpoint to it.
My husband has precisely occupied a secondary position in the upbringing of our kids because he sometimes cared, most of the time didn't. He saw me as an opponent. He occupied a caring, motherly position when he was at home. I felt relegated to a male, aggressive character through his antagonistic behaviour. This was ridiculous. I can almost see why my daughter identified as transgender. Thanks to your article.
This generation is different for some families, but for many, fathers were always affectionate and involved, even if this was not promoted or acknowledged in the wider society. I do feel the role of fathers has been de-valued, and in some media fathers are portrayed as expendable, and this is terrible for all of us. However, I think the rise of the trans child has much more to do with mental illness or vulnerability combined with internet algorithms sending harmful content to the vulnerable, than with any change in the family structure.
Thank you. This is something to think about. In our case, I feel strongly it has been mostly the internet intruding into our family. As the mom, I have become the primary activist but my husband is there too. I appreciate what you have written here.
Factitious Disorder Imposed on Another (Previously Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy) has a very, very clear sex bias. I struggle to think of another condition with such a clear bias. It’s the mothers.
Men don't need another excuse to get out of domestic responsibilities, and yet you're giving them one. Hey guys, if you do the laundry and dishes and cuddle with your kids, they could turn out trans! Better be a trad husband, or else.
Yeah, I can’t get on board with this at all. According to your assessment - we are the exact opposite of all your metrics. We are in our 60s. Married 35 years. Neither overly college educated (except me with an associate at age 54). Middle class. I’m a stay at home mom. (We are self employed). Husband was and always has been the alpha male - working outside the home, outdoors, in a very physical job. Also very sports-minded. Also….. totally detached from any of the child rearing. I did it all - he was never at practices or games, he was at the rare (end of year) awards program. I did all the hands-on momming, dragging their butts to church on Sunday mornings. We modeled very traditional male and female roles (bc we are old school I guess). We also do not live in a metropolitan area but in a small city/rural environment and our kids attended a small, private Christian school. Although I would NOT describe either my husband or I, OR our homelife, as overly religious (that was mainly at school). It’s our son who is trans ID. He started identifying in his early 20s and at age 25, has now desisted. So yeah, no, we do not fit your assessment at all. But yet it happened to our son too. Idk. Except I do know that my kid was influenced online - by one of those Discord chat groups - yeah, like the one Tyler Robinson was in (I do not believe the same one, since no federal agents have knocked on the door, my son has not mentioned anything about it, and I pray he would never be involved in a discussion like the ones had about Charlie Kirk *RIP*. But I now know it’s entirely possible).
One could argue it’s the father or the mother or the teachers and therapists or the internet or p*rn or so on and so on. At its root, the problem is evil. Once you understand evil, then you know why it affects single families, intact families, loving or abusive, Christian or atheist. Makes no difference. You might find patterns, but the only way the defeat evil is with the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
When the Liberal perverts of Michigan tried to allow perverted books in Dearborn MI school libraries, it was Muslim men who showed up full force to oppose it. And guess what. The Liberal Perverts backed down.
I don't have a clue where Liberals get these nutty stereotypes of men from the past. My father made a bee line towards his bedridden dad every time we went to see them. He was a hands on cuddly wrestling bear with me and my siblings, in spite of the physical wear and tear of his body when he was a master welder, 40+ hours a week. He was also a great grandpa, and my sons made a bee line to his lap up until the day he died, and they were in their teens. My husband was oftentimes more tender than I was with my sons. The difference between Liberal Progressive men and the dearest men in my family is that the men in my family understood that they were the Overseers of the household. They were the Shepherds of their little flock of people. Nothing happened in their castle without their permission. It was a mission of failure to attempt to go over their heads. It was understood that their wives submit to their oversight. If it wasn't then these good men knew their wives well enough to achieve control.
Yes, this right here. My husband had a great and very close relationship with his dad. My situation was different. My kids know their dad loves them. They also know he is the head of the family. He was definitely playful when they were little. They didn’t have the benefit of a close relationship with their grandparents (or other family) at all as we lived so far away and one died when they were very young. 🤷🏼♀️
Women didn't just join the paid workforce since the 60's, and men are usually the ones standing aside after they get their girlfriends pregnant. Women have been filling the jobs of secretary, teacher, nurse and waitress for a very long time. Both my grandmothers worked in the paid workforce in the 40's-60's, one as a secretary and one as a teacher. My maternal grandfather was an outstanding cook and as an insurance agent, he made his own schedule while my grandmother had an 8-4 job. My very emotionally present grandfather made breakfast and school lunches and got the three girls off to school. He also came home early enough to make dinner, and later my grandmother did all the cleanup. Women have always been in the paid workforce, but the change has been in opening up opportunity so women can choose the best fit for their inclinations and skills rather than being force fit into one of a few choices. Stop blaming problems on failure to obsess and conform to rigid sex roles. I'm a woman and I don't need this obsessive role conformity to know who is male and who is female. A couple working together and supporting each other, paying attention to who their children associate with and what they're doing online, will not guarantee the children will be protected but goes a long way in that direction.
I was curious to see the comments from this writing piece, as I was not quite sure how to react. Since you have been on both sides of this trans cult roller-coaster ride, I find your insight to be very interesting. The parenting roles have indeed changed from my parents' generation. In their generation, if a woman got pregnant, she was secret about it and there was a wedding. However, it does not mean there was love in the relationship or that the father was involved - I think men felt more trapped. Now in my generation, women could have a baby without the pressure of having to be married. Men could choose to be involved or not in the raising of their child. Single parenting was accepted. In fact, I was a single mother. My daughter is now a mother and is in a committed relationship of 11 years, but they are not married. Times have changed. Roles have changed. The family dynamics has changed. The world has changed. But I do not blame the mother or the father for the trans ideology as that came from outside of the family, outside of the home. The media and internet have influenced an entire generation by planting seeds of doubt and confusion in the innocent minds of boys and girls about being born in the wrong body. I blame it ALL on the evil world of pornography which has influenced everything so subtlety that we have all become conditioned. Back in the 70's, cursing was allowed on TV shows, there was nudity in movies and then on television, thus began the saturation of advertisements on TV, billboards, magazines, books, and the radio to influence our thinking by how we dress, how we look, how we smell, how we act, and how we think. We all wanted to be part of the "in crowd" and buy and wear the latest and hottest fashions. We stopped being individuals and became what the big corporations wanted us to be so they could get richer and richer. So now, here we are... just follow the money. Pornography and Big Pharma are hand in hand in this ideology influence. They had to figure out a way to hook the next generation, right? Evil. Pure evil.
I was curious about the comments, too, having mixed feelings about this article, which seems to suggest that reinforcing gender roles and stereotypes is the solution. Which still leaves gender nonconforming children left on the sidelines wondering why they don't fit in the box and how to change themselves so that they do fit.
"What I’ve seen again and again is this: fathers are not absent. They are present, hands on, emotionally engaged, and still, somehow, they’re being blamed."
Yes.
When the father goes to the school (maybe with the mother) to complain about the gaslighting of his child "as the other sex" and to tell them to "stop that" - explaining his side of what is happening - he is completely ignored and overridden because:
"We’re being undermined by the very systems meant to support us:
Teachers socially transitioning children behind parents’ backs
Mental health professionals driving a wedge between parents"
The fathers are not at all respected by these systems meant to support families. In fact, they are completely disregarded by "professionals" who "know better" than the father about his child. He has no authority. How does a dad feel about that? This is not how it has ever been in history.
all of this here about ignoring the father is true also of the mother. all those so-called authorities disrespect mothers completely & thoroughly.
Oh, yeah - completely true.
But, you could say that at some point in the past a mother's/woman's concerns were generally dismissed. Now, instead of listening to a father and not to a mother, society now dismisses both! Progress?
Plus, men in "woman face" = progress? Yike.
Well, the fathers need to get out there and make their presence known. They should not acquiesce in being sidelined. The activist moms are the ones showing up at school board meetings and talking to the media. I often wonder where the dads are. Are they ok with their son competing in track meets against girls? If not, say so — don’t allow the mom to seize the narrative about her poor “daughter” being bullied. Dads allowing themselves to be pushed out are part of the problem in my view.
I've noticed that it seems to be mostly mothers here on PITT. I know there are dads, too, but the moms seem to be much more numerous.
This puzzles me, especially in the case of boys deciding they are girls. What self-respecting father would sit by while his SON turns himself into some mockery of a "woman"?
I really hate to say this, but it's true -- gender-critical groups would be taken more seriously if there were more MEN in them speaking out. The trans ideologues have plenty of men in their numbers. It's entirely too easy for our opposition to dismiss a group of women/moms as hysterical transphobes or whatever.
I think that speaks more to the nature of women - of being female, being verbal - and of reaching out to others for support in times of crisis - by TALKING about it, forming community- classically speaking.
To be fair, I have seen one Dad talk obliquely about having to walk a fine line given the court’s jurisdiction over custody. The son was competing as a girl on a JV basketball team.
What about the fathers of all the gender-confused boys whose parents are NOT divorced? Why aren't THEY fighting trans ideology?
Good question. Mine is too busy and he just would NOT concern himself with any of it the way I did (researching, reading everything, joining the groups). He was initially happy to just let him be whoever or whatever he wanted to be - even though on a gut level he didn’t like it. He just ignored it. Which turned out fine in the end. They never had a direct conversation about it. We both agreed we were not that surprised about this kid bc he was always “different”. But once I did the deep dive and went with my gut feeling, I rejected the whole idea and moved in that direction. A mother’s instinct if you will. At that point I started pushing my husband (and my son) in that direction. I really don’t believe it had much to do with home life. I feel all the pressure was external - cultural, for my son. Although he was never super alpha (he played some sports when he was little but by MS he had quit), curiously, when he says he first heard the term “trans” AND also, curiously, coinciding with the popularization of I Am Jazz and the SI Cover and Person of the Year, Bruce/Caitlin Jenner. By HS, he was in the Discord chat group. I would NOT say I wear the pants in my family although my husband likely would argue “happy wife, happy life”. But I definitely WOULD describe myself as a helicopter mom- I just didn’t realize it until my kids were grown and they started telling me. I knew on some level I was over protective but I didn’t think I was a crazy Karen. (Probably was on some level).
Don't you realize this is exactly what the article is about? Why aren't dads out there doing things the way I (a mother) would do them?
Right. Seems my hubs is doing it the way he, a MAN, would do it.
The article is mostly about modern fathers being good, involved dads in other ways.
It even speculates that changing parenting roles may be contributing to gender confusion in some kids (a theory which actually could have some merit and maybe should be studied).
But again, where are all the gender critical fathers on PITT? We need to recruit more DADS to tell their families' stories and speak out against trans because -- like it or not -- it's too easy for the world to ignore a group of mostly female protesters.
I agree with this article. We have to return to traditional values and roles or the West is dead. Either we save our culture or we lose it all.
What tradition? Whose values? I'm not buying this argument at all.
You don’t have to buy anything
I appreciate this perspective, and the bravery of putting forth an opinion that may be unpopular in certain circles. In my experience, whether it be gender ideology or some other nightmarish experience with one’s child, it is almost always the mother that shows up.
If you define "showing up" in strict terms of mothering behavior, then I suppose, yeah, the mother is going to always be the one who "shows up." The article pretty much anticipates your conclusion and gives a counterpoint to it.
I did not form a conclusion. I reported my observation. Others have different observations.
Let me amend my last sentence: The article pretty much anticipates your observation and gives a counterpoint to it.
My husband has precisely occupied a secondary position in the upbringing of our kids because he sometimes cared, most of the time didn't. He saw me as an opponent. He occupied a caring, motherly position when he was at home. I felt relegated to a male, aggressive character through his antagonistic behaviour. This was ridiculous. I can almost see why my daughter identified as transgender. Thanks to your article.
This generation is different for some families, but for many, fathers were always affectionate and involved, even if this was not promoted or acknowledged in the wider society. I do feel the role of fathers has been de-valued, and in some media fathers are portrayed as expendable, and this is terrible for all of us. However, I think the rise of the trans child has much more to do with mental illness or vulnerability combined with internet algorithms sending harmful content to the vulnerable, than with any change in the family structure.
Thanks for your viewpoint.
I think it's different for each family.
Thank you. This is something to think about. In our case, I feel strongly it has been mostly the internet intruding into our family. As the mom, I have become the primary activist but my husband is there too. I appreciate what you have written here.