Stranger in My Mind

Today my daughter’s diploma from her university arrived.  It was addressed to a person I don’t know and the name on the diploma was the same.  Where is the diploma for the girl I knew? The one who loved nature and butterflies and kittens and puppies and every living thing?  The girl who loved to dress up and get her nails done?  The girl who cheered under the lights on Friday nights?  The girl who loved Jesus and prayed for her friends?  Where did we go wrong?  What signs did we miss?  I don’t even recognize her anymore.  Her face is the same, but she doesn’t speak or act like the girl I knew.  When I dream of her it’s always of the old girl.  My mind refuses to accept this strange creature before me.

I pray daily for her.  I pray for her eyes to be opened.  I pray for her to remember who really loves her.  I trust God hears me and has a plan, but why is it taking so long?  Why do I feel so alone?

I watch on TV and online as people argue about the trans agenda, but for most of them it’s not personal.  They don’t have a child living in this nightmare.  They don’t have to spend every day and night worrying and praying for child who is a stranger.  They get to go home and hug kids who are not pretending to be someone else.  They don’t understand the desperate situation many of us are in. 

I think that my original girl is still in there. She is still deep inside this new person, and she is trying to fight her way out.  I can’t give up now even though I feel more defeated than ever.   I will continue to pray and continue to fight for that little girl and I pray for the stranger she has become to stay safe, for the sake of my daughter.