She told me she was not my daughter. I told her she always would be. She was angry and I was crushed. I held it together until after the conversation ended but then I crashed.
Gender Dysphoria is a DSM-5 Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel for Mental Illness. I have no idea how gender dysphoria effects a person. I know a lot about mental illness. I have five different mental illness; the state has me designated as SMI, Seriously Mentally Ill. I was able to deal with all my mental illnesses and be a successful adult. A TBI Traumatic Brain Injury in 2002 increased my mental illness exponentially. It took years to properly identify my mental illnesses. It took years to get me on the right cocktail of psych meds. It took a year to teach myself CBT Cognitive Behavior Therapy. Today, I am doing fabulous, happy and healthy, and planning to live into my 90's.
Mental illness can be excruciatingly painful. My despair caused me to anticipate suicide for years. If the medical community had said that a "tiny brain operation" would solve my problem, I would have jumped at it. WHY?? I was NOT in my right mind. I could not trust my own mind. I did not know that then, but I know it now.
My point here is that mental illnesses take years to treat. Gender Reassignment Surgery and Puberty Blocking Hormones are nothing more than a 'band-aid" on a serious mental illness. People with gender dysphoria deserve quality psychological therapy and care, not a "quick fix."
It is scripted. Especially the suicide threats. I don't like the grooming concept. But I see the kids all having 98% identical stories and I can totally see calling influencers groomers as fair.
So painful and so sad. You nailed it when you wrote “dropped out of character and the façade comes back” yes that is exactly what is happening! When these confused young boys and girls “pretend” to be the opposite sex they over exaggerate the character they are playing because they think this is how a boy would act or this is what a girl would do. I hate the trans cult! I wish you and your daughter the best outcome.
Heartbreaking. I can't imagine how parents cope with this especially when greater society is all for celebrating this insanity and encourages kids to hate anyone who has the slightest doubt about gender identity ideology. There is no way this would be happening without the engine of social media and the widespread political embrace of this appalling and totally unscientific belief system.
My then 14 yr. old daughter announced by text that I was to use they/them pronouns and a new name. She also told me, "I don't want to be your daughter. I want to be known as your son." She is now 17 and has desisted. She thinks trans ideology is toxic and misogynist. During the trans id phase, she sent me a video of a trans kid talking about his "journey". I think you would call this kid an "influencer". My daughter told me, "this is just the way it is. I am trans." When she asked if I believed her, I told her, "I believe that you believe it." So it was an affirmation of her beliefs, but not an affirmation of mine.
I tried to have rational conversations about what she was feeling, but that rarely ended well. Once, she got hold of my phone and saw that I was texting my husband or parents and referring to her as "she". She had a meltdown and we didn't talk for days. I changed my phone's password so she couldn't access it. I did not use her new pronouns and spoke to her directly as much as possible so I didn't have to use her new chosen name. Do whatever you can not to affirm your daughter's delusion. I am still hoping for another daughter, who thinks she's non-binary (likely living in that middle space in that Venn diagram you referred to). We're all here for you. Keep the faith that one day the blinders will fall from your daughter's eyes.
Hi - No surprise, but a similar story here. Can you identify what it is that pushed your daughter to desisting? It's been 2 years now since the name change and mine is about to turn 18. Looking for any clues ...
Horrendous. My deepest sympathies. These girls are being radicalised by each other and by social media, just as surely as other young people are radicalised online by fundamentalist political/terrorist organisations.
Like so many of us parents, I feel your pain. It is going on 3 years since our daughter dropped this bomb on us. I believe that so many of these girls are actually doing this out of fear; fear of being sexualized, fear of growing up, fear of becoming a woman. I can't blame them. The hyper sexualization of everything that you see in the media, is no doubt, terrifying to these innocent, young girls. I will add your daughter to my prayers. God bless you!
This is a touching story, and I look forward to its continuation. I think your attempt to talk to your daughter with the circle diagrams was valiant, as you were in shock and had to think on your feet. I believe that her effort to pretend to be a boy will eventually be too much for her to keep up. May God bless you, your daughter, and the rest of your family.
I think what you are talking about - with the over lapping circles - is called a venn diagram. It occurs to me, that looking at gender in this way, the venn diagram can be a useful concept to show that 'non binary' identification could just be someone identifying with this overlap.
Yes, exactly. And I’d be happy to grant her that if even that part was true. But she’s not even close to the overlap, which makes this all that much more disconcerting.
Yep, and my daughter only drew girls and princesses when she was 4 because she was a budding lesbian. (Was your son serious? Because it would be a pretty funny and smart joke actually. )
Yeah, I get the part about far left but most kids are done with princess stage long before they know anything about "anti royalty politics". Is he claiming he was anti-monarchy as a toddler?
Yes. Although it was about age 10. Over not going to an ice skating show featuring in part Disney Princesses. I sometimes feel like a dystopian novel character trying to imagine the mental leaps the kid goes through.
Dr. Phil has an episode on detransitioning on Thursday, March 2. In Canada, not use elsewhere. There is hope that this is turning around, even if slowly.
My daughter said the same words to me. I know how much it hurts. She said these words in October and it stabs the same place when I see your words. Sadly you and I are not the only ones whose daughters hurt us so deeply or use the same script. They are hurting us all. Trying to stay strong....
Parents are the safest enemies. You know for sure, that the don't stab back. That is why this is happening. Our daughter has invented many lies to show how terrible her parents are. Why do she needs them? Because she knows how terrible her attitude is. It's terrible to accuse the living parents, but what else should you chose if you hear to the other end of the pipeiline, which promotes every minute the idea, you may not trust them?
...but it's MY living experience, do you think you know me better than I know myself? (Actually.... Yes, I do know you better, among other reasons because I remember you before you remember yourself).
Gender Dysphoria is a DSM-5 Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel for Mental Illness. I have no idea how gender dysphoria effects a person. I know a lot about mental illness. I have five different mental illness; the state has me designated as SMI, Seriously Mentally Ill. I was able to deal with all my mental illnesses and be a successful adult. A TBI Traumatic Brain Injury in 2002 increased my mental illness exponentially. It took years to properly identify my mental illnesses. It took years to get me on the right cocktail of psych meds. It took a year to teach myself CBT Cognitive Behavior Therapy. Today, I am doing fabulous, happy and healthy, and planning to live into my 90's.
Mental illness can be excruciatingly painful. My despair caused me to anticipate suicide for years. If the medical community had said that a "tiny brain operation" would solve my problem, I would have jumped at it. WHY?? I was NOT in my right mind. I could not trust my own mind. I did not know that then, but I know it now.
My point here is that mental illnesses take years to treat. Gender Reassignment Surgery and Puberty Blocking Hormones are nothing more than a 'band-aid" on a serious mental illness. People with gender dysphoria deserve quality psychological therapy and care, not a "quick fix."
Our stories are almost identical. Since I've joined PITT, I have come to realize that we all share a very similar nightmare. Almost scripted!
“A Scripted Nightmare” sounds like a good title for a future post. Thank you.
It is scripted. Especially the suicide threats. I don't like the grooming concept. But I see the kids all having 98% identical stories and I can totally see calling influencers groomers as fair.
So painful and so sad. You nailed it when you wrote “dropped out of character and the façade comes back” yes that is exactly what is happening! When these confused young boys and girls “pretend” to be the opposite sex they over exaggerate the character they are playing because they think this is how a boy would act or this is what a girl would do. I hate the trans cult! I wish you and your daughter the best outcome.
Heartbreaking. I can't imagine how parents cope with this especially when greater society is all for celebrating this insanity and encourages kids to hate anyone who has the slightest doubt about gender identity ideology. There is no way this would be happening without the engine of social media and the widespread political embrace of this appalling and totally unscientific belief system.
My then 14 yr. old daughter announced by text that I was to use they/them pronouns and a new name. She also told me, "I don't want to be your daughter. I want to be known as your son." She is now 17 and has desisted. She thinks trans ideology is toxic and misogynist. During the trans id phase, she sent me a video of a trans kid talking about his "journey". I think you would call this kid an "influencer". My daughter told me, "this is just the way it is. I am trans." When she asked if I believed her, I told her, "I believe that you believe it." So it was an affirmation of her beliefs, but not an affirmation of mine.
I tried to have rational conversations about what she was feeling, but that rarely ended well. Once, she got hold of my phone and saw that I was texting my husband or parents and referring to her as "she". She had a meltdown and we didn't talk for days. I changed my phone's password so she couldn't access it. I did not use her new pronouns and spoke to her directly as much as possible so I didn't have to use her new chosen name. Do whatever you can not to affirm your daughter's delusion. I am still hoping for another daughter, who thinks she's non-binary (likely living in that middle space in that Venn diagram you referred to). We're all here for you. Keep the faith that one day the blinders will fall from your daughter's eyes.
Hi - No surprise, but a similar story here. Can you identify what it is that pushed your daughter to desisting? It's been 2 years now since the name change and mine is about to turn 18. Looking for any clues ...
My daughter was very much a girl, in appearance. Never gave any sign that she was gender confused.
Then she ran away and left a note full of vitriol about how we should have known and since we didn't she never wanted to see us again.
When did she run away? How truly sad.
My brother ran away from home years ago. He was found after a month or so. He returned to the house of my parents.
It was June of 2022. She was 18. I don't expect to ever see her again.
I am so, so sorry. This is all so awful and painful for so many people. I am sorry, SA Dad, the mourning must be very heavy...
heartbreaking
Horrendous. My deepest sympathies. These girls are being radicalised by each other and by social media, just as surely as other young people are radicalised online by fundamentalist political/terrorist organisations.
Read this: https://freedomofmind.com/how-can-i-rescue-my-child-from-a-cult/
Like so many of us parents, I feel your pain. It is going on 3 years since our daughter dropped this bomb on us. I believe that so many of these girls are actually doing this out of fear; fear of being sexualized, fear of growing up, fear of becoming a woman. I can't blame them. The hyper sexualization of everything that you see in the media, is no doubt, terrifying to these innocent, young girls. I will add your daughter to my prayers. God bless you!
This is a touching story, and I look forward to its continuation. I think your attempt to talk to your daughter with the circle diagrams was valiant, as you were in shock and had to think on your feet. I believe that her effort to pretend to be a boy will eventually be too much for her to keep up. May God bless you, your daughter, and the rest of your family.
Thank you
I think what you are talking about - with the over lapping circles - is called a venn diagram. It occurs to me, that looking at gender in this way, the venn diagram can be a useful concept to show that 'non binary' identification could just be someone identifying with this overlap.
Yes, exactly. And I’d be happy to grant her that if even that part was true. But she’s not even close to the overlap, which makes this all that much more disconcerting.
Thank you. I am doing very well. I was countering the ludicrousy of their thinking.
My son totally rewrote our life. We were never close, he faked it all. To this day he does all guy stuff, except his horrid way of dressing.
The "I hated princess stuff because of my anti royalty politics" was a great line from our son.
Yep, and my daughter only drew girls and princesses when she was 4 because she was a budding lesbian. (Was your son serious? Because it would be a pretty funny and smart joke actually. )
the gender stuff is tied into some pretty far left stuff. Much of it came from Tumbler (I'm learning from the Rowling podcast)
Yeah, I get the part about far left but most kids are done with princess stage long before they know anything about "anti royalty politics". Is he claiming he was anti-monarchy as a toddler?
Yes. Although it was about age 10. Over not going to an ice skating show featuring in part Disney Princesses. I sometimes feel like a dystopian novel character trying to imagine the mental leaps the kid goes through.
I feel like I live in a dystopian novel almost constantly for the past 3.5 years
What Rowling podcast is that?
The Witch Trials of JK Rowling. I think the first three parts are available
They pull out all of the stops, don't they?
https://christoverall.com/article/concise/no-boys-allowed-in-the-girls-locker-room-why-riley-gainess-protest-is-loving/
This article encourages to love in truth and not live by lies. I know it’s not easy for so many.
Dr. Phil has an episode on detransitioning on Thursday, March 2. In Canada, not use elsewhere. There is hope that this is turning around, even if slowly.
the detransitioner lawsuits seem to be what it takes to slow things down.
Totally agree.
What led her to think she is "trans"?
May you and she and your family be blessed with Love and Truth as you continue to struggle with this overwhelming trauma.
My daughter said the same words to me. I know how much it hurts. She said these words in October and it stabs the same place when I see your words. Sadly you and I are not the only ones whose daughters hurt us so deeply or use the same script. They are hurting us all. Trying to stay strong....
Parents are the safest enemies. You know for sure, that the don't stab back. That is why this is happening. Our daughter has invented many lies to show how terrible her parents are. Why do she needs them? Because she knows how terrible her attitude is. It's terrible to accuse the living parents, but what else should you chose if you hear to the other end of the pipeiline, which promotes every minute the idea, you may not trust them?
Parents also remember before the kid joined the cult.
...but it's MY living experience, do you think you know me better than I know myself? (Actually.... Yes, I do know you better, among other reasons because I remember you before you remember yourself).