How this makes my heart ache. A best friend of my brother took his life 4 years ago (it feels like yesterday 😭) I think about him often. He too was wooed, his older sister was in the cult, and he was buying into it. His parents were very firm about their position against it. He didn’t even make it to 18. Ugh. His affirming friends turned him into a martyr. His parents loved him sooo much, but what a hell they went through in the days after.
Oh 😢 that hit hard. So sorry for your loss. Our 17yr old is so close to leaving...we are holding on as much as we can. It's impossible to get through to them once they're so entrenched in it. Much love and strength to you all.
The Queering of the American Child by Logan Lancing and James Lindsey is a must-read for all parents, grandparents and educators, policy makers and health care providers. It explains the “why” when it comes to the cult.
Such a waste! This ideology will have these beautiful souls piling up. Cults don’t care about their adherents and just use their number of converts as proof of their power. We have to continue to expose this filthy mind disease. Fight, fight hard!
You could have been describing the characteristics of my son too. One day there will be a study of these kids and how they all fell into the open arms of this cult even though they are brilliant and usually incredibly scientific and have loving parents who understood their quirks and accepted them. Was that it? Were we too accepting? Didn't toughen them up enough, didn't expect them to be stereotypical men? Did that kindness actually hurt them? I wish I knew so we can help prevent this for future families.
Mary, this is such a good question. I don't know the answer to this...because nobody does. All the things people talk and write about, such as the dangers of a generation raised on social media are important to consider. But to YOU I want to say that I very much doubt that being kind and loving and accepting harmed your son or all the other children! If there is any answer in life, it is love. You can take that guilt right off your plate, in my humble and inexpert opinion. I believe there are patterns beyond our understanding at work here with the evolution of humanity. I am in my 60s now, and I was one of these kinds of kids, which may be why I have felt inspired to do my little bit to stop the medicalization of children. I am 100% sure I would have fallen down the rabbit hole if it had been offered to me in adolescence. There are highly sensitive people in the world, both males and females--we are just that way. We don't choose it, and there are both good aspects (intelligence, creativity) and bad aspects (being unable to adapt to challenges, illness, being annoying to others) of being so sensitive. And it does seem to me that there are many more young people like this these days, though I don't know why. What I do know is that trying to "toughen them up" usually doesn't work. It did not work with me, just caused me misery. Your son and the beloved son in this tragic story who took his life are swimming in a culture that not only does not support them (as it also didn't when I was a kid) but actively betrays them and offers them a false and dangerous path. When I was that age, I just could outgrow the hard part and learn to live with being more sensitive than others, emotionally and physically. I could learn to channel that sensitivity into creative meaning and help others. These kids in this moment have another powerful and destructive option presented to them that is nearly impossible to resist unless you cut off entirely from the culture, which is pretty much impossible. We are cultural beings. But please know--it is not your fault. I sincerely hope that your son is ok and finds a way through this challenging time to be a young person who is exceptionally sensitive and intelligent so he can share his gifts with the world. Wishing you the best.
Thank you for taking the time to say that. No one outside of my husband and my son knows what we are going through. My son is in college and of course only thinks about his feelings (which I know is normal for this age), my husband can only stand to talk about it so much and thinks he will grow out of it and I find myself going down rabbit holes and overturning every interaction and choice that I, as a stay at home mom so primary influencer, made. I too was a tomboy and I would have happily pushed the trans button at 10. Now, I am so glad that was not offered! I am still more boyish and fine with it! I know maturity is a big part of all this. They say neurodivergent kids could take up to 30 years of age to fully mature. It has been a year since he dropped this bomb and is, so far, not making any changes except shaving his body, but my husband says lots of guys do that. When it happened we had some big discussions about it, and I laid out all of my feelings and evidence, but avoid the topic now (if he wanted to bring it up I would be glad to talk about it, but it wasn't going anywhere but making us mad at each other so I stopped). I am hoping as he gets older he starts to see this for what it is, a cult (he is a loud atheist but somehow doesn't seem to see that this is so similar to religion). He is heavily dependent on us for money, loves travelling with us and sees home as a safe space, so we just focus on trying to connect with him and have him want to be around us and we avoid this topic. We talk through other political issues with him (and his brother) to try to emphasise critical thinking and how the media/websites lie. We are hoping it translates one day into this issue for him. He was brought into this mess by creepy men on reddit in high school (he was the stereotypical genius who didn't fit the man mold and didn't make great friends in high school, but never once was anything close to girly in dress/emotion or interest and had a girlfriend and seems to like girls). I hate that website. He gave us that stupid dysphoria bible website link as if that was all the evidence anyone would need. It is madness. We got him with an exploratory therapist but as soon as she brought up AGP he was out (we found out later he liked to put on women's bras at 12, which then lead him to reddit which then led creepy men to tell him to read the dysphoria bible and he was likely trans because non trans people never question if they are trans. WTF?!?! UGH!). So now we just wait for him to, hopefully, mature out of it while we try to keep him as close as possible and intertwined with our family unit so that we can keep whispering reality into his ear. If anyone has any other suggestions on what we can do and what has worked for you I will gladly take them! He knows, from when this all began we told him, that if starts down the medical path he is financially cut off. I won't fund it. I am hoping that buys us some years for his brain to finish forming and new experiences to overshadow this (and honestly I thought the science would catch up if given time and it seems to be thank god!) Anyway, thank you for listening to my ramblings. We haven't told anyone, including his brother, because I want him to be able to walk back through the door and no one have this judgment over him or treat him differently. So I have channelled my energy into becoming an incognito social warrior (I don't want to push him away by being out and loud about how damaging this is, so I do it as discreetly as I can, but not sure if it is effective or just gives my angry energy a place to go away from him). This has been bottled up for a year now so this was kind of verbal vomit.
Doesn't seem like "verbal vomit" to me. You hold an anxiety (based on reasonable fears!) I can only imagine, and you need to vent now and again! Where else but PITT? In the meantime, I hope you will nurture yourself however you can, in whatever ways are meaningful for you. Some of this you have no control over, maybe most of it. I know that's easy for me to say, not being in the thick of the emotions and fears you express. But honestly, I need to give myself the same advice all the time. Even though I don't have children, let alone one who is trans identified, I tend to beat myself up, worry obsessively, and never give myself a break. Maybe I recognized a similar heartbeat in you, which inspired me to reach out. Be kind to yourself today, take a break. And know that even total strangers care about what you are going through.
Words fail to explain how I feel for your family. Your loss is unimaginable but it is all of our greatest fear. My son is the same age. I conveyed this fear to our family GP some time ago, they have not understood my fears. Your son is indeed all of our sons - we all replicate the relationship you undoubtedly shared - a loving mother and father desperately trying to do what is best for your son - not knowing which choices were good or bad, scrambling to try and help him, unfailingly trying your best for your son - a troubled teenager. There is blood on the hands of so many and you are left to grieve. Truly unbearable. l never met your son but I see him and in my own. I cannot imagine how you are coping. I know you will not be truthfully, how could you. Please know your son and both his mother and father will stay with me in heart and mind forever. I send you both my love and my sadness will never leave. You are not alone in your grief dear friend who I have never met but stand with for time immemorial.
So heartbreaking💔
Sending prayers and hugs to the family🙏❤️
I have no words; it’s so sad. God bless you and your family🙏
😔💔😥
May his soul help circulate kindness in the living.
How this makes my heart ache. A best friend of my brother took his life 4 years ago (it feels like yesterday 😭) I think about him often. He too was wooed, his older sister was in the cult, and he was buying into it. His parents were very firm about their position against it. He didn’t even make it to 18. Ugh. His affirming friends turned him into a martyr. His parents loved him sooo much, but what a hell they went through in the days after.
Oh ,God. That's so heartbreaking. I can't begin to imagine how parents cope with that. Prayers and Love to all ❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏
I'm sorry for your loss.
So sad about this story, so many of our children are just so lost and not doing well.
Oh 😢 that hit hard. So sorry for your loss. Our 17yr old is so close to leaving...we are holding on as much as we can. It's impossible to get through to them once they're so entrenched in it. Much love and strength to you all.
The Queering of the American Child by Logan Lancing and James Lindsey is a must-read for all parents, grandparents and educators, policy makers and health care providers. It explains the “why” when it comes to the cult.
This is heartbreaking.
You have told the story of every parent on this site and every kid that has fallen into the "Gender Trap"!
Thank you for sharing!
Such a waste! This ideology will have these beautiful souls piling up. Cults don’t care about their adherents and just use their number of converts as proof of their power. We have to continue to expose this filthy mind disease. Fight, fight hard!
You could have been describing the characteristics of my son too. One day there will be a study of these kids and how they all fell into the open arms of this cult even though they are brilliant and usually incredibly scientific and have loving parents who understood their quirks and accepted them. Was that it? Were we too accepting? Didn't toughen them up enough, didn't expect them to be stereotypical men? Did that kindness actually hurt them? I wish I knew so we can help prevent this for future families.
Mary, this is such a good question. I don't know the answer to this...because nobody does. All the things people talk and write about, such as the dangers of a generation raised on social media are important to consider. But to YOU I want to say that I very much doubt that being kind and loving and accepting harmed your son or all the other children! If there is any answer in life, it is love. You can take that guilt right off your plate, in my humble and inexpert opinion. I believe there are patterns beyond our understanding at work here with the evolution of humanity. I am in my 60s now, and I was one of these kinds of kids, which may be why I have felt inspired to do my little bit to stop the medicalization of children. I am 100% sure I would have fallen down the rabbit hole if it had been offered to me in adolescence. There are highly sensitive people in the world, both males and females--we are just that way. We don't choose it, and there are both good aspects (intelligence, creativity) and bad aspects (being unable to adapt to challenges, illness, being annoying to others) of being so sensitive. And it does seem to me that there are many more young people like this these days, though I don't know why. What I do know is that trying to "toughen them up" usually doesn't work. It did not work with me, just caused me misery. Your son and the beloved son in this tragic story who took his life are swimming in a culture that not only does not support them (as it also didn't when I was a kid) but actively betrays them and offers them a false and dangerous path. When I was that age, I just could outgrow the hard part and learn to live with being more sensitive than others, emotionally and physically. I could learn to channel that sensitivity into creative meaning and help others. These kids in this moment have another powerful and destructive option presented to them that is nearly impossible to resist unless you cut off entirely from the culture, which is pretty much impossible. We are cultural beings. But please know--it is not your fault. I sincerely hope that your son is ok and finds a way through this challenging time to be a young person who is exceptionally sensitive and intelligent so he can share his gifts with the world. Wishing you the best.
Thank you for taking the time to say that. No one outside of my husband and my son knows what we are going through. My son is in college and of course only thinks about his feelings (which I know is normal for this age), my husband can only stand to talk about it so much and thinks he will grow out of it and I find myself going down rabbit holes and overturning every interaction and choice that I, as a stay at home mom so primary influencer, made. I too was a tomboy and I would have happily pushed the trans button at 10. Now, I am so glad that was not offered! I am still more boyish and fine with it! I know maturity is a big part of all this. They say neurodivergent kids could take up to 30 years of age to fully mature. It has been a year since he dropped this bomb and is, so far, not making any changes except shaving his body, but my husband says lots of guys do that. When it happened we had some big discussions about it, and I laid out all of my feelings and evidence, but avoid the topic now (if he wanted to bring it up I would be glad to talk about it, but it wasn't going anywhere but making us mad at each other so I stopped). I am hoping as he gets older he starts to see this for what it is, a cult (he is a loud atheist but somehow doesn't seem to see that this is so similar to religion). He is heavily dependent on us for money, loves travelling with us and sees home as a safe space, so we just focus on trying to connect with him and have him want to be around us and we avoid this topic. We talk through other political issues with him (and his brother) to try to emphasise critical thinking and how the media/websites lie. We are hoping it translates one day into this issue for him. He was brought into this mess by creepy men on reddit in high school (he was the stereotypical genius who didn't fit the man mold and didn't make great friends in high school, but never once was anything close to girly in dress/emotion or interest and had a girlfriend and seems to like girls). I hate that website. He gave us that stupid dysphoria bible website link as if that was all the evidence anyone would need. It is madness. We got him with an exploratory therapist but as soon as she brought up AGP he was out (we found out later he liked to put on women's bras at 12, which then lead him to reddit which then led creepy men to tell him to read the dysphoria bible and he was likely trans because non trans people never question if they are trans. WTF?!?! UGH!). So now we just wait for him to, hopefully, mature out of it while we try to keep him as close as possible and intertwined with our family unit so that we can keep whispering reality into his ear. If anyone has any other suggestions on what we can do and what has worked for you I will gladly take them! He knows, from when this all began we told him, that if starts down the medical path he is financially cut off. I won't fund it. I am hoping that buys us some years for his brain to finish forming and new experiences to overshadow this (and honestly I thought the science would catch up if given time and it seems to be thank god!) Anyway, thank you for listening to my ramblings. We haven't told anyone, including his brother, because I want him to be able to walk back through the door and no one have this judgment over him or treat him differently. So I have channelled my energy into becoming an incognito social warrior (I don't want to push him away by being out and loud about how damaging this is, so I do it as discreetly as I can, but not sure if it is effective or just gives my angry energy a place to go away from him). This has been bottled up for a year now so this was kind of verbal vomit.
Doesn't seem like "verbal vomit" to me. You hold an anxiety (based on reasonable fears!) I can only imagine, and you need to vent now and again! Where else but PITT? In the meantime, I hope you will nurture yourself however you can, in whatever ways are meaningful for you. Some of this you have no control over, maybe most of it. I know that's easy for me to say, not being in the thick of the emotions and fears you express. But honestly, I need to give myself the same advice all the time. Even though I don't have children, let alone one who is trans identified, I tend to beat myself up, worry obsessively, and never give myself a break. Maybe I recognized a similar heartbeat in you, which inspired me to reach out. Be kind to yourself today, take a break. And know that even total strangers care about what you are going through.
https://freedomofmind.com/
This is heartbreaking. God bless you.
Words fail to explain how I feel for your family. Your loss is unimaginable but it is all of our greatest fear. My son is the same age. I conveyed this fear to our family GP some time ago, they have not understood my fears. Your son is indeed all of our sons - we all replicate the relationship you undoubtedly shared - a loving mother and father desperately trying to do what is best for your son - not knowing which choices were good or bad, scrambling to try and help him, unfailingly trying your best for your son - a troubled teenager. There is blood on the hands of so many and you are left to grieve. Truly unbearable. l never met your son but I see him and in my own. I cannot imagine how you are coping. I know you will not be truthfully, how could you. Please know your son and both his mother and father will stay with me in heart and mind forever. I send you both my love and my sadness will never leave. You are not alone in your grief dear friend who I have never met but stand with for time immemorial.