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Anon's avatar

I really like this response but I have to ask, You have a reasonably loving & respectful relationship…that is wonderful but how so?? Those very word ‘reason & respect ’ doesn’t exist for us.

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Grieving Father's avatar

Thanks. Well I guess I’ve been lucky. I was close with both kids growing up, and my wife (to my annoyance) is generally affirming in her views. Also our family dynamic has always favored discussion over yelling, and both kids (now in college) recognize that continued financial support is needed. Bottom line is that they still seem to want us and need us in their lives, which works so long as I moderate expression of my own views. They know my opposition very well, but it is not necessary to live in a constant state of agitation.

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Anon's avatar

…so you are able to agree to disagree. The best you can do in this situation. That’s positive at least. Difficult power dynamic too isn’t it. Sigh!

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Grieving Father's avatar

Good way to put it. 30 years as a litigator also helped me with lots of crossover skills, especially de-escalating hostile situations. Hopefully I can buy enough time for sanity to return.

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Anon's avatar

That’s admirable, & I’m glad they still want you in their lives, I hope you can build on that. Most often it’s all or nothing. It certainly is in my case. My refusal to use my son’s preferred pronouns or name has led to estrangement. Never through yelling on my part but there was no discussion., no debate, no compromise. It’s beyond me & that’s not for lack of understanding. It’s simply madness.

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