The Prodigal Son

Art by Sarah McHenry

We are all familiar with the Biblical parable of the Prodigal Son.

A father has two sons. The younger son demands of the father: “give me my share of the estate!” In the context of that culture it was like saying “drop dead”. The son took all that he had and set off for a distant country. There he partied with unsavory characters and squandered the money in wild living. After he had spent everything, he found himself in desperate straits so he took a job feeding pigs, the lowest of low jobs. He was so hungry that he longed to fill his stomach with the slop the pigs were eating but he wasn’t even allowed that. Finally, he came to his senses, remembering how even the servants in his father’s house had plenty of food to eat. Rather than starve to death, he decided to return to his father’s house, beg forgiveness and ask his father to hire him as a servant. So, off he went.

Many of us parents see our estranged – no contact - children as the prodigal child. Our children have left home basically saying “you are dead to me” and telling us that we no longer have a son or daughter. Like the prodigal son, they are squandering the inheritance that we have given to them. They are living high on the euphoria of their newfound “freedom”. They have cut the ties with family, are ruining their health, spending their or our resources on the impossible task of trying to transition to the opposite sex. They naively befriend ill-intentioned people virtually or in real life. They become prey to predators who profit from their misery. They run with cheerleaders who fawn over their fake identity and fuel the flames of their delusion. Our prodigal children believe they are living as their true selves.

But, as the months and years go by, the euphoria dies down, the fun stops, the resources run out and they find themselves alone, exhausted, depressed and unhealthy. They have squandered their inheritance in a foolish and doomed pursuit.

Some come to their senses and start thinking about the way things were before, when they lived as their real selves with a promising future as young men or women. They may remember a time when they were together at home with their parents and siblings. They may long to have their name back and be under the protection that parental love and wisdom offers. Some make the decision to leave the far country and start walking towards home.

We don’t know how long the road home was for the prodigal son in the parable. But since he had gone to a faraway country, it must have been a long trip back. During the entire trip home, he must have been full of regret knowing he had shamed his father and himself. Maybe he was rehearsing his speech asking his father to please just let him stay home without the privileges of a son. He had virtually told his father to drop dead, he had taken his inheritance while the father was alive, worst of all, he had squandered it foolishly. He didn’t know what his father was thinking because his father had given him what he asked for and let him go.

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to the son, the father had been anxiously awaiting his son’s return. “While he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

But the father welcomed him and dressed him in his best robe and put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Then, he had a big feast to celebrate his son’s return for his son who was dead was alive again; the son who was lost was found.

The prodigal story is a parable. In real life, there are many ways that our lost children may come back to us. A few, prompted by Providence or a crisis in their lives, will come straight home. Others may take a winding, even torturous, path out of the strange land onto other paths that don’t lead them home...yet. For most, there is an element of embarrassment, regret and a fear of admitting that they were wrong. They have wasted years of their life, harmed or ruined their health and depleted their resources in the pursuit of a dead end that led them nowhere but to harm and hurt.

But here is the amazing news for parents who are waiting for their children to come home. Within the past few months, we are getting many reports of young people who are walking out of the far country of transgender identity towards home. Some are detransitioning and are feeling disoriented, angry and wounded. Others who are questioning their transition, are connecting with parents after one, five or ten years of being “no contact”! We hear reports of young people calling home crying while others tentatively pick up the phone, for a birthday call from Mom, after years of not doing so. There are parents meeting with their estranged child after five years of total silence. Sadly, the average age of those detransitioning and/or reconnecting with parents seems to be between the mid-twenties to early thirties and most (but not all) have been trans identified for several years. Many have been medicalized and have harmed their bodies and health as a result. They come back home with physical and mental trauma.

The story of the prodigal son is not just about the son. It’s also a story of the unconditional love of the father. The father never stopped loving his son and waited eagerly for him to return home. Though as parents our eyes naturally gravitate towards the prodigal son, we would do well to emulate the father in his love, compassion and forgiveness for his son. There were no recriminations, conditions or debts to be paid. The father welcomed the son with open arms and bestowed on him all of the privileges and rights as a son, as soon as he came back.

As parents of a prodigal son, we also anxiously await the return of our son. We look down the road to see if we see a glimpse of him. Our son has been estranged from us for a while and we are in the dark as he has no contact with us. We hope and pray that one day he will recognize his spiritual poverty and come to his senses. We also hope that he will start walking the road back home towards both his heavenly Father as well as to us, his earthly parents. Son, we see you, Mom and Dad’s hearts break for you and we cannot wait to hug and kiss you again one day. Oh, what a celebration it will be when our son who has been lost is finally found!