Personally, I wouldn't even bend over backwards avoiding using pronouns with a 9 year old. A 9 y.o. child should know her place in the family hierarchy and should not dictate any rules to her parents and grandparents. And there is no better place to build up a bit of tolerance for mild discomfort than in the presence of a loving family. A 9 y.o. is not even a teen or a preteen, she is not even at a stage of individuation when she could be rebelling and looking for more power. The most power she can have is picking an ice cream flavor for dessert.
Dear One, I can’t use a new name because I know who you are. You moved into my heart and soul the moment you were created. I’ve loved you from before you were born and I’ll never stop. You and your Mom and Dad have a very big problem to work through and it may take years and lots of pain for you and them. I’m always here for you and want you to know you can always talk to me about any or all of this. Day or night, I’m available to you. I love you _______ and always will. Grandpa
This is a power struggle. Your granddaughter is trying to gain power in your relationship by making you say false and evil things.
FInd a way to NOT use pronouns. Just use her name. Don't use a male name.
Personally, I wouldn't even bend over backwards avoiding using pronouns with a 9 year old. A 9 y.o. child should know her place in the family hierarchy and should not dictate any rules to her parents and grandparents. And there is no better place to build up a bit of tolerance for mild discomfort than in the presence of a loving family. A 9 y.o. is not even a teen or a preteen, she is not even at a stage of individuation when she could be rebelling and looking for more power. The most power she can have is picking an ice cream flavor for dessert.
Dear One, I can’t use a new name because I know who you are. You moved into my heart and soul the moment you were created. I’ve loved you from before you were born and I’ll never stop. You and your Mom and Dad have a very big problem to work through and it may take years and lots of pain for you and them. I’m always here for you and want you to know you can always talk to me about any or all of this. Day or night, I’m available to you. I love you _______ and always will. Grandpa