Great column. Yeah, I doubt it was a simple ‘happy ever after’ for the family of the Prodigal Son. A lot to work through there. We can’t undo the years of our distress, our feelings, nor can our kids. Such a hard road.
Wanting to show up for dinner could be a huge step forward. Maybe not, but it isn't nothing. I wouldn't recommend making assumptions about her motivations. Some part of her genuinely misses you and wants a way back from the mess she's made. Many parents dream of having an estranged child willingly resume contact, so you may be one of the lucky few. I know that having her show up presents you with a new set of challenges, not to mention the dread of seeing the effects her "treatment" has had on her body, and there is no going back to the way things used to be. Still, this gives you an opportunity, however small, to be in her life again. Proceed cautiously, and bite your tongue as necessary. Remember, she is hurting, and I'll bet she would have chosen a different path if she could go back.
Thanks for putting this into words. VERY interesting essay. The rage and disgust I feel sometimes is hard to explain, especially when everyone in the world seems to be saying that we are wrong. Part of "queer theory" is to turn everything on its head. We are supposed to celebrate what is ugly, wrong, and sick, and disdain tradition, beauty, and health. While our beautiful daughters cut their breasts off and grow beards, we are supposed to be happy. The rest of the world CHEERS for them as they drug themselves into becoming a hideous facsimile of a "man." Or as a once cheerful boy turns sullen and depressed, dreaming about mutilating himself in order to pass himself off as something he will never, ever, ever be. I appreciate your vulnerability and honesty, sometimes anger can be energizing if it's channeled in the right direction.
"Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!" Isaiah 5:20
You have nothing to be ashamed of. This ideology makes us all crazy. I don't thing there is any emotion I haven't gone through since this sickness came to our family in 2020/21. I believe you not wanting your daughter in your home for dinner is your way of protecting yourself. There is no roadmap for this destructive belief system. I have learned to try to meet my "they" daughter where she is, even though what I really want to do is tell her to snap the hell out of this harmful belief about herself. Try is the operative word here. For me as well. Keep your door open, but don't affirm the lie she is telling herself. Maybe try to steer the dinner conversation to something she's interested in, without mentioning the gender nonsense. I try to connect with my daughter on things we both enjoy, even if it's something small. Food you both like. Animals. Things in nature. A movie. A place you both might like to visit one day. Something. Anything but gender lies. Please let us know how the dinner went. Remember, all your emotions are valid. And a sincere hug from one angry/grieving/hopeful mom to another .
I guess that she asked for that, she wasn't invited. I would like to know how it went, that you can tell us what transpired during that meal. If it did happens. I understand your feelings perfectly but also I see that you are mixing your own with the one of your daughter. There is a lot of healing to happen, maybe you feel guilty in some ways and you cannot let her go. I don't know you but I do read between lines what people don't say more that what they say. It looks also that you are a Christian so I will tell you how the Prodigal Son parable goes (mainly we are all prodigal sons and daughters and the father is God) anyway, in the parable the son realized how ungrateful had been and all the bad things he did and how he spent all his inheritance in vices and sinful behavior. The son also is afraid to come back because he isn't sure, with good reason, that his father would receive him so he came back hidden himself and asked for a job to his Father's manager (the father was a rich man) and he got a job cleaning the animals of his Father (a very low job) because he was repented and he already realized he didn't deserve anything and that he had lost the right to ask for anything (this is what happens when we give our backs to the Father in Heaven). Now some another old employee recognized him (many years had passed) and he went to the Father and told him that his son was working in the fields and the father was surprised so he went to look for him and when he met him he embraced him in joy and ordered the best animals to be killed and cooked because his son had come back, he wanted to do a feast (the meaning of this is, as we know, that when a sinner comes back to God, the Father, there is a feast in Heaven, all the saints and the angels rejoice because for God all the souls are precious, we have more value that anything in this world). But his older son was jealous because he didn't understand the love of the Father (we don't understand how great is the love of God for us) and he was upset and questioned the father why he wanted to celebrate when his brother had been partying while he was working hard to his father side. The father explained to him that everything he has was his, that he didn't need to ask for anything because he had everything already but that his brother was LOST, so he was dead to eternal life but now he came back with repentance in his heart and not asking for anything and that was an occasion to celebrate (sin separate us from God, our creator) so the older brother also received a lesson in righteousness against being self righteous and everybody was happy!
Regarding your situation I would welcome my daughter in my house without expectations, I would act normal and without reproached or preaching but in neither way I will make her believe that she is right or ok in what she is doing or that I support her in her trans "identity" . She has to understand that love is truth, love is not supporting our children in destroying their lives and that a transperson at the end of the day is a confused or sick person, and that we love humans because humans are more that IDENTITIES, much more. We love them despite of what they are doing, it is like Jesus, He loves us but He doesn't love our sins, actually He detests our sins because separate us from the Truth and the Way and the Life. One more thing, I would stop paying her health insurance, better said I would take her out of it (you don't have to accept abused from your daughter, it is a common thing in trans people being abusive and manipulative specially if you don't go with their wishes) Be patience, because patience is the mother of all virtues. God always teach us lessons allowing ordeals in our lives, but forgiveness (ourselves and others) is the start, then repentance and reconciliation, and finally healing! Godspeed!
As I have said elsewhere, my career is deprescribing adjacent. Protracted withdrawal injuries can cause debilitating brain damage that can last for years. I am not going to force her into a cold turkey situation. Nobody should ever quit their meds cold turkey. She knows she'll age out of the insurance in a year. I can't force her to have a plan, but I'm not going to give her brain damage on my principles.
Thank you for your honesty, it is so helpful to hear others struggling with the same things.
Another story that comes to mind often for me is that of the woman at the well. She had a past, bore shame, and it did not appear to me that she came to get water that day in a state of repentance. Yet Jesus’ bold cross-cultural compassion toward her, letting her know He was fully aware of her past and was still willing to engage with her intellectually and speak truth in love, offered her hope and brought about repentance. I often pray to have the wisdom to approach my son with this delicate balance of truth and love, in the hopes it will make a difference. Truth is, his heart has to be ready too, which is my daily prayer, that his eyes will be opened.
I try to save the disgust for the industries, culture, institutions, political class etc fueling the harm in a country that according to the Declaration set out to assume the "separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and Nature's God" entitled all. Yet the specter of trans looms unnaturally and ungodly over the entire western world. Cults tear down people and try to rebuild them in their image. You know the imposter has a firm grip on your daughter but in her reaching out you also know that grip is yet complete. The truth is that most in cults members maintain uncertainty about their paths. Seize the opportunity to pamper her with a nice meal and family time where gentle reminders of her home and her life be on display.
A middle-eastern friend told me what he considered to be the most shocking part of Jesus' parable. He assumed the household would kill the prodigal for the insult, disrespect and shame he caused. So he was SHOCKED that the Father runs out to meet the offender . . . saving his life.
I met a lot of brave and interesting people when I worked at Food for the Hungry. I don't recall any stories from the refugee camps about angsty teens who wanted to mutilate their bodies in a vain pursuit of their "true" selves.
You are so right. Wanting to change your sex is a first-world "problem" of the highest degree. Literally ALL your other needs have to be met, and met pretty well, in order to question something so absolutely fundamental to who you are as a human being. I suppose we as parents can take some comfort in that, that we have done what we can to provide for our childrens' needs. Maybe we have done that too well. 😔
Maybe I misspoke. I certainly didn't mean to say that this nightmare is the fault of any parent -- except those who actively seek to affirm and then assist with the mutilation of their children. Maybe it's a "natural" (if you can call it that) result of a society that has so adequately taken care of all its peoples basic needs that we are in a position of having to create obstacles for ourselves. People who are constantly worried about their actual survival don't generally have "problems" like trying to figure out what gender others think they are, and obsessively worrying about how they "pass" in the world and whether someone calls them the "wrong" pronoun. I don't know, just thinking out loud. I would never blame a well-intentioned, loving parent (which it seems like is the case with all PITT parents) for this horror.
Have you read Calhouns Mice Experiments? You should, because you are hypothesizing his outcomes. I firmly believe God's number one goal with His commandments is to create heirs that won't self destruct when blessed. Because he wants to bless us, but without the commandments we self destruct under blessings.
Henri Nouwen wrote a beautiful little book on the Prodigal Son which you might enjoy called The Return of the Prodigal Son: A Story of Homecoming.
I can hear the truth and pain in your heart. During my suffering, I spent much time meditating on Psalm 51. These words came to mind while reading your writing:
“Indeed you love truth in the heart; then in the secret of my heart teach me wisdom. O purify me, then I shall be clean; O wash me, I shall be whiter than snow. “
Today in the daily mass, we read the scripture about the woman who was healed when she touched the hem of Jesus’ garment and about the daughter of Jairus being raised from the dead after Jairus asked Jesus to save her. Both of these stories give me great hope. They are very much about our response to suffering. A wise soul once shared with me, our suffering can make us better or make us bitter. When we bring it to God, and allow Him to enter into it, He makes us better. He changes us. These parables also tell us that our prayers to God through Jesus have power! Trust in that. May God bless you and your family, especially your daughter. May he heal all your wounds.
I hear your pain. I am barely in a head space to put two thoughts together here at the moment, but I thank you for this piece and your brutal honesty especially about the anger.
Currently both of my adult sons are estranged from me--one is "queer" and the other is a queer supporter. I am devastated, deeply struggling and heartbroken and carrying other very heavy things in my own life.
My ANGER is immense and kind of blindsiding me. I didn't know it might be possible to be this ANGRY and detached from my own sons emotionally while in such deep GRIEF. My deepest anger is at the non-queer son. He should know better.
So many lies, so much harm and gaslighting. So much brokenness. Sometimes I can barely form words to keep praying, my spirit just lifts and calls out a simple, heavy "Jesus..help..Jesus..."
Eileen, I hear you and feel your pain. Two out of my three daughters began trans-identifying in 2020/21, courtesy of the Covid lockdowns and endless time spent online. One thought she was a boy for almost one year, wearing a breast binder, changing her name and insisting we take her to a gender clinic so she could start testosterone. She thankfully stopped believing in this nonsense. Her sister eventually followed her down the rabbit hole, also insisting we call her by a different name and calling herself they. She wore a breast binder for months as well, but didn't ask for testosterone. She has since stopped wearing the binder, but hasn't stopped believing in this nonsense. I call her by her birth name and use "she" when referring to her in conversation. At one point, she was furious with me, stopped talking to me and corrected me every time I used the wrong name/pronoun. I carried on, often substituting a nickname. The girls' older sister affirmed the nonsense at the time. My husband and I were hated by our girls. We spent one Christmas in silence, all three under the same roof that year, the mood in the house toxic.
My they daughter doesn't correct me now, but she still believes the nonsense. I had a complete mental breakdown in 2020/21. At one point, I checked myself into the emergency department. I was on my way to grocery shop and had a panic attack. Not sure how I made it to the hospital. I also contemplated walking out into traffic while out on a walk one evening. I would never have done this. But I prayed that I would go to sleep one night and not wake up. I started taking Lexapro and an anti-anxiety medication as needed. A psychiatrist told me I suffered from acute major depressive disorder. It was months before my depression turned into anger. I have been off any meds since March 2025, and I now cycle between depression, anger, feelings of paralysis and small moments of joy and hope. I sometimes feel that anger is more productive. Maybe it fuels something within, but clearly, it is not a healthy longterm emotion to have to deal with. I hope you can find an outlet for your grief/anger; I find some kind of exercise and a creative hobby helps. I listen to a radio station called K-Love. I can't listen to other radio DJs babbling about things I can't relate to. If you're a radio listener, give K-Love a listen. Their music is uplifting. To all of us who deal with this toxic ideology, don't lose hope. xxxx
I hear how this stuff pushes us to our limits at times. Thank you for sharing. The details differ but the stories all rhyme. I'm on a trip and using a small phone keypad so it's hard to write much back but how was your relationship with your daughters before all this stuff happened? It's the rewriting of everything that is one of the most difficult things. No family is perfect, but this is definitely a cult that takes normal difficulties and twists them all up.
i am in this cyclical purgatory disgust/ disdain guilt for being an awful mother not serving of a prodigal return because i have a selfish hard heart then more guilt and grief.
i pray to break out of this circle some days i do some days i succumb.
Please don’t let depression steal from your soul. The fact that you are holding the line against this ideology demonstrates that you have a backbone. That the Bible has stories of estrangement should tell you all you need to know: If it happened to our betters then it may not be something we’ve done. God gives us struggles to watch how we grow.
I deeply appreciate the authenticity of your essay. This is a no BS “how I am actually feeling” moment.
I will respond in an equally authentic way.
As one mother of a FTM to another, any other response I could give you would be enabling, and this may sound harsh:
Your daughter is reaching out to you. If she’s merely hungry, feed her. If she’s repentant, process it with her. If it’s something else, meet her there. All of these things are loving her, which is what she is truly seeking. She needs you. Suck it up and be her mom to the best of your ability, and I suspect you are highly capable.
I know there is a fine line between enabling and actually helping...Pray and ask for God's guidance ...our adult son cut us off 3 years ago...he is seriously mentally ill and living in the worst county...unless God intervenes we have no hope of seeing him...I believe there is a spiritual world and the demonic influence of this ideology is very apparent as they all say the same and react the same. If you have a Pastor or Priest you trust please talk with them...this is a horrible situation we find ourselves in and no real president
Tried it all...we are blocked...but his younger brother is able to speak with him once in awhile...he says very strange conversations not like before at all
The good life does not require all these medications! What happened to not polluting our environment (our personal body environment, too!). For instance, to be a woman in our culture is to be on contraception which is classified by the WHO as a class one carcinogen! Which has a direct correlation to breast cancer. Which causes teen girls to experience depression. To be a diverse individual now we must be on pharmaceuticals and get surgeries to change our physical appearance? Especially in Colorado where they love nature, health, where they did the secular fish study showing that fish were sexually changing due to estrogen in the water, etc. they don’t see the irony? How about we start Love Your Body TikTok videos, messages and children cartoons!
Great column. Yeah, I doubt it was a simple ‘happy ever after’ for the family of the Prodigal Son. A lot to work through there. We can’t undo the years of our distress, our feelings, nor can our kids. Such a hard road.
Excellent and true. Thank you
Wanting to show up for dinner could be a huge step forward. Maybe not, but it isn't nothing. I wouldn't recommend making assumptions about her motivations. Some part of her genuinely misses you and wants a way back from the mess she's made. Many parents dream of having an estranged child willingly resume contact, so you may be one of the lucky few. I know that having her show up presents you with a new set of challenges, not to mention the dread of seeing the effects her "treatment" has had on her body, and there is no going back to the way things used to be. Still, this gives you an opportunity, however small, to be in her life again. Proceed cautiously, and bite your tongue as necessary. Remember, she is hurting, and I'll bet she would have chosen a different path if she could go back.
Thanks for putting this into words. VERY interesting essay. The rage and disgust I feel sometimes is hard to explain, especially when everyone in the world seems to be saying that we are wrong. Part of "queer theory" is to turn everything on its head. We are supposed to celebrate what is ugly, wrong, and sick, and disdain tradition, beauty, and health. While our beautiful daughters cut their breasts off and grow beards, we are supposed to be happy. The rest of the world CHEERS for them as they drug themselves into becoming a hideous facsimile of a "man." Or as a once cheerful boy turns sullen and depressed, dreaming about mutilating himself in order to pass himself off as something he will never, ever, ever be. I appreciate your vulnerability and honesty, sometimes anger can be energizing if it's channeled in the right direction.
"Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!" Isaiah 5:20
You have nothing to be ashamed of. This ideology makes us all crazy. I don't thing there is any emotion I haven't gone through since this sickness came to our family in 2020/21. I believe you not wanting your daughter in your home for dinner is your way of protecting yourself. There is no roadmap for this destructive belief system. I have learned to try to meet my "they" daughter where she is, even though what I really want to do is tell her to snap the hell out of this harmful belief about herself. Try is the operative word here. For me as well. Keep your door open, but don't affirm the lie she is telling herself. Maybe try to steer the dinner conversation to something she's interested in, without mentioning the gender nonsense. I try to connect with my daughter on things we both enjoy, even if it's something small. Food you both like. Animals. Things in nature. A movie. A place you both might like to visit one day. Something. Anything but gender lies. Please let us know how the dinner went. Remember, all your emotions are valid. And a sincere hug from one angry/grieving/hopeful mom to another .
I guess that she asked for that, she wasn't invited. I would like to know how it went, that you can tell us what transpired during that meal. If it did happens. I understand your feelings perfectly but also I see that you are mixing your own with the one of your daughter. There is a lot of healing to happen, maybe you feel guilty in some ways and you cannot let her go. I don't know you but I do read between lines what people don't say more that what they say. It looks also that you are a Christian so I will tell you how the Prodigal Son parable goes (mainly we are all prodigal sons and daughters and the father is God) anyway, in the parable the son realized how ungrateful had been and all the bad things he did and how he spent all his inheritance in vices and sinful behavior. The son also is afraid to come back because he isn't sure, with good reason, that his father would receive him so he came back hidden himself and asked for a job to his Father's manager (the father was a rich man) and he got a job cleaning the animals of his Father (a very low job) because he was repented and he already realized he didn't deserve anything and that he had lost the right to ask for anything (this is what happens when we give our backs to the Father in Heaven). Now some another old employee recognized him (many years had passed) and he went to the Father and told him that his son was working in the fields and the father was surprised so he went to look for him and when he met him he embraced him in joy and ordered the best animals to be killed and cooked because his son had come back, he wanted to do a feast (the meaning of this is, as we know, that when a sinner comes back to God, the Father, there is a feast in Heaven, all the saints and the angels rejoice because for God all the souls are precious, we have more value that anything in this world). But his older son was jealous because he didn't understand the love of the Father (we don't understand how great is the love of God for us) and he was upset and questioned the father why he wanted to celebrate when his brother had been partying while he was working hard to his father side. The father explained to him that everything he has was his, that he didn't need to ask for anything because he had everything already but that his brother was LOST, so he was dead to eternal life but now he came back with repentance in his heart and not asking for anything and that was an occasion to celebrate (sin separate us from God, our creator) so the older brother also received a lesson in righteousness against being self righteous and everybody was happy!
Regarding your situation I would welcome my daughter in my house without expectations, I would act normal and without reproached or preaching but in neither way I will make her believe that she is right or ok in what she is doing or that I support her in her trans "identity" . She has to understand that love is truth, love is not supporting our children in destroying their lives and that a transperson at the end of the day is a confused or sick person, and that we love humans because humans are more that IDENTITIES, much more. We love them despite of what they are doing, it is like Jesus, He loves us but He doesn't love our sins, actually He detests our sins because separate us from the Truth and the Way and the Life. One more thing, I would stop paying her health insurance, better said I would take her out of it (you don't have to accept abused from your daughter, it is a common thing in trans people being abusive and manipulative specially if you don't go with their wishes) Be patience, because patience is the mother of all virtues. God always teach us lessons allowing ordeals in our lives, but forgiveness (ourselves and others) is the start, then repentance and reconciliation, and finally healing! Godspeed!
As I have said elsewhere, my career is deprescribing adjacent. Protracted withdrawal injuries can cause debilitating brain damage that can last for years. I am not going to force her into a cold turkey situation. Nobody should ever quit their meds cold turkey. She knows she'll age out of the insurance in a year. I can't force her to have a plan, but I'm not going to give her brain damage on my principles.
Thank you for your honesty, it is so helpful to hear others struggling with the same things.
Another story that comes to mind often for me is that of the woman at the well. She had a past, bore shame, and it did not appear to me that she came to get water that day in a state of repentance. Yet Jesus’ bold cross-cultural compassion toward her, letting her know He was fully aware of her past and was still willing to engage with her intellectually and speak truth in love, offered her hope and brought about repentance. I often pray to have the wisdom to approach my son with this delicate balance of truth and love, in the hopes it will make a difference. Truth is, his heart has to be ready too, which is my daily prayer, that his eyes will be opened.
Keep us posted!
I try to save the disgust for the industries, culture, institutions, political class etc fueling the harm in a country that according to the Declaration set out to assume the "separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and Nature's God" entitled all. Yet the specter of trans looms unnaturally and ungodly over the entire western world. Cults tear down people and try to rebuild them in their image. You know the imposter has a firm grip on your daughter but in her reaching out you also know that grip is yet complete. The truth is that most in cults members maintain uncertainty about their paths. Seize the opportunity to pamper her with a nice meal and family time where gentle reminders of her home and her life be on display.
A middle-eastern friend told me what he considered to be the most shocking part of Jesus' parable. He assumed the household would kill the prodigal for the insult, disrespect and shame he caused. So he was SHOCKED that the Father runs out to meet the offender . . . saving his life.
I met a lot of brave and interesting people when I worked at Food for the Hungry. I don't recall any stories from the refugee camps about angsty teens who wanted to mutilate their bodies in a vain pursuit of their "true" selves.
This is a different kind of war.
You are so right. Wanting to change your sex is a first-world "problem" of the highest degree. Literally ALL your other needs have to be met, and met pretty well, in order to question something so absolutely fundamental to who you are as a human being. I suppose we as parents can take some comfort in that, that we have done what we can to provide for our childrens' needs. Maybe we have done that too well. 😔
Yes, plus I fear this is the result of gentle parenting
It has nothing to do with any kind of parenting.
We are brainstorming - all ideas are ok because unlike the cult we can consider many ideas, thoughts and possibilities ❤️
Maybe I misspoke. I certainly didn't mean to say that this nightmare is the fault of any parent -- except those who actively seek to affirm and then assist with the mutilation of their children. Maybe it's a "natural" (if you can call it that) result of a society that has so adequately taken care of all its peoples basic needs that we are in a position of having to create obstacles for ourselves. People who are constantly worried about their actual survival don't generally have "problems" like trying to figure out what gender others think they are, and obsessively worrying about how they "pass" in the world and whether someone calls them the "wrong" pronoun. I don't know, just thinking out loud. I would never blame a well-intentioned, loving parent (which it seems like is the case with all PITT parents) for this horror.
Have you read Calhouns Mice Experiments? You should, because you are hypothesizing his outcomes. I firmly believe God's number one goal with His commandments is to create heirs that won't self destruct when blessed. Because he wants to bless us, but without the commandments we self destruct under blessings.
Does your mid eastern friend come from an Islamic culture of honour? The Judeo-Christian tradition is more merciful
Henri Nouwen wrote a beautiful little book on the Prodigal Son which you might enjoy called The Return of the Prodigal Son: A Story of Homecoming.
I can hear the truth and pain in your heart. During my suffering, I spent much time meditating on Psalm 51. These words came to mind while reading your writing:
“Indeed you love truth in the heart; then in the secret of my heart teach me wisdom. O purify me, then I shall be clean; O wash me, I shall be whiter than snow. “
Today in the daily mass, we read the scripture about the woman who was healed when she touched the hem of Jesus’ garment and about the daughter of Jairus being raised from the dead after Jairus asked Jesus to save her. Both of these stories give me great hope. They are very much about our response to suffering. A wise soul once shared with me, our suffering can make us better or make us bitter. When we bring it to God, and allow Him to enter into it, He makes us better. He changes us. These parables also tell us that our prayers to God through Jesus have power! Trust in that. May God bless you and your family, especially your daughter. May he heal all your wounds.
💔❤️
I hear your pain. I am barely in a head space to put two thoughts together here at the moment, but I thank you for this piece and your brutal honesty especially about the anger.
Currently both of my adult sons are estranged from me--one is "queer" and the other is a queer supporter. I am devastated, deeply struggling and heartbroken and carrying other very heavy things in my own life.
My ANGER is immense and kind of blindsiding me. I didn't know it might be possible to be this ANGRY and detached from my own sons emotionally while in such deep GRIEF. My deepest anger is at the non-queer son. He should know better.
So many lies, so much harm and gaslighting. So much brokenness. Sometimes I can barely form words to keep praying, my spirit just lifts and calls out a simple, heavy "Jesus..help..Jesus..."
Similar here, not able to sleep at all tonight. Somehow we must find our way through this, sending hugs and hope to all the parents reading this.
Eileen, I hear you and feel your pain. Two out of my three daughters began trans-identifying in 2020/21, courtesy of the Covid lockdowns and endless time spent online. One thought she was a boy for almost one year, wearing a breast binder, changing her name and insisting we take her to a gender clinic so she could start testosterone. She thankfully stopped believing in this nonsense. Her sister eventually followed her down the rabbit hole, also insisting we call her by a different name and calling herself they. She wore a breast binder for months as well, but didn't ask for testosterone. She has since stopped wearing the binder, but hasn't stopped believing in this nonsense. I call her by her birth name and use "she" when referring to her in conversation. At one point, she was furious with me, stopped talking to me and corrected me every time I used the wrong name/pronoun. I carried on, often substituting a nickname. The girls' older sister affirmed the nonsense at the time. My husband and I were hated by our girls. We spent one Christmas in silence, all three under the same roof that year, the mood in the house toxic.
My they daughter doesn't correct me now, but she still believes the nonsense. I had a complete mental breakdown in 2020/21. At one point, I checked myself into the emergency department. I was on my way to grocery shop and had a panic attack. Not sure how I made it to the hospital. I also contemplated walking out into traffic while out on a walk one evening. I would never have done this. But I prayed that I would go to sleep one night and not wake up. I started taking Lexapro and an anti-anxiety medication as needed. A psychiatrist told me I suffered from acute major depressive disorder. It was months before my depression turned into anger. I have been off any meds since March 2025, and I now cycle between depression, anger, feelings of paralysis and small moments of joy and hope. I sometimes feel that anger is more productive. Maybe it fuels something within, but clearly, it is not a healthy longterm emotion to have to deal with. I hope you can find an outlet for your grief/anger; I find some kind of exercise and a creative hobby helps. I listen to a radio station called K-Love. I can't listen to other radio DJs babbling about things I can't relate to. If you're a radio listener, give K-Love a listen. Their music is uplifting. To all of us who deal with this toxic ideology, don't lose hope. xxxx
I hear how this stuff pushes us to our limits at times. Thank you for sharing. The details differ but the stories all rhyme. I'm on a trip and using a small phone keypad so it's hard to write much back but how was your relationship with your daughters before all this stuff happened? It's the rewriting of everything that is one of the most difficult things. No family is perfect, but this is definitely a cult that takes normal difficulties and twists them all up.
In Jesus holy name, amen.
thank you for writing
i am in this cyclical purgatory disgust/ disdain guilt for being an awful mother not serving of a prodigal return because i have a selfish hard heart then more guilt and grief.
i pray to break out of this circle some days i do some days i succumb.
Please don’t let depression steal from your soul. The fact that you are holding the line against this ideology demonstrates that you have a backbone. That the Bible has stories of estrangement should tell you all you need to know: If it happened to our betters then it may not be something we’ve done. God gives us struggles to watch how we grow.
I deeply appreciate the authenticity of your essay. This is a no BS “how I am actually feeling” moment.
I will respond in an equally authentic way.
As one mother of a FTM to another, any other response I could give you would be enabling, and this may sound harsh:
Your daughter is reaching out to you. If she’s merely hungry, feed her. If she’s repentant, process it with her. If it’s something else, meet her there. All of these things are loving her, which is what she is truly seeking. She needs you. Suck it up and be her mom to the best of your ability, and I suspect you are highly capable.
I know there is a fine line between enabling and actually helping...Pray and ask for God's guidance ...our adult son cut us off 3 years ago...he is seriously mentally ill and living in the worst county...unless God intervenes we have no hope of seeing him...I believe there is a spiritual world and the demonic influence of this ideology is very apparent as they all say the same and react the same. If you have a Pastor or Priest you trust please talk with them...this is a horrible situation we find ourselves in and no real president
Linda have you been able to check on him perhaps via social media photos or maybe a private investigator? If only to reassure you
Tried it all...we are blocked...but his younger brother is able to speak with him once in awhile...he says very strange conversations not like before at all
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The good life does not require all these medications! What happened to not polluting our environment (our personal body environment, too!). For instance, to be a woman in our culture is to be on contraception which is classified by the WHO as a class one carcinogen! Which has a direct correlation to breast cancer. Which causes teen girls to experience depression. To be a diverse individual now we must be on pharmaceuticals and get surgeries to change our physical appearance? Especially in Colorado where they love nature, health, where they did the secular fish study showing that fish were sexually changing due to estrogen in the water, etc. they don’t see the irony? How about we start Love Your Body TikTok videos, messages and children cartoons!
Preach on!