There are no rules for “trans identifying” teens

To all the parents whose kids are graduating and feel their high school or college years were taken from your kids

My son started identifying as “trans” two and half years ago. For him, this opened up a new world. A world where he got everything his way and everything he thought he wanted—especially from educators. A world where his parents' suggestions or demands were trumped by affirming teachers and counselors. Why would he ever want to leave this cult?

In school he was the only one who did not have to abide by a dress code. When the dress code was formal attire for performances at school, he wore a sweatshirt with writing on it. He claimed no one cared. His parents cared. 

He would not turn in work on time or not always do the work. His teachers gave him extensions. Some assignments are even credited without doing them. Anything for the “trans” kid. How will this ability to get away with this, help him as an adult? The teacher won’t have to worry about that. But his parents will. 

He did not even have to show up for school. My son missed as many classes as he wanted. There was no policy about how many days missed. There used to be a policy about this. But not for my son. He stopped going to his first period so he could sleep in. He missed the entire last month of school. He still got As. It’s hard to get a kid to go to school when the school does not have the parents’ back. We stopped fighting with him about going to school because we knew there would be no consequences from the school, and we needed to maintain our relationship, or a glitter family would swoop him right up and take him away from us. 

He graduated today so thankfully he will be away from the affirming and harmful teachers and counselors. Did they think they were being kind? This is not kind. This is setting up a child for a troubled life. 

The school came between our son and us. The counselor even helped try and find my son new housing away from his “abusive” parents. His counselor even called the local LGBT center on his behalf to help him find housing, legal assistance, and medical coverage to start his “new” life. Luckily, my son did not follow through with this. We were deemed abusive because we did not want our son harmed by hormones and surgery. We wanted him to go into adulthood healthy. That was our abuse. 

But, the way I see it, the abuse is the other way around. We—the parents—are being abused. We have tried to stay calm and loving to see if our son can figure out the real truth. Meanwhile, our son was granted permission to treat his parents badly by the teachers and counselors at school. Our parenting was undermined by our child thinking that his parents don’t know best. Who taught this to him? The state has decided to take over raising our child…but who will be there when this kind of action doesn’t go well when he’s an adult. That’s right—only us, his parents.

Today, at the graduation ceremony, this abusive school called out the girl name as he walked up to get his diploma. That was not the picture I had in mind when he started school. My husband and I couldn’t even clap. We sat quietly, stunned. The school took his name away from us too. The school put his girl name in the yearbook. Will he regret this one day? We couldn’t stop it. We, the parents have no voice.

Our son did not want to make plans with us for graduation. All his friends will be with their families. His friends won’t even come to our house. We are deemed unworthy because we are not on board with him taking hormones. Drugs that will sterilize and take away his sexual function. We are the enemy for not wanting this for him. This is not the child I raised, and I know he can’t help it. He’s been indoctrinated. I long for the kid I know to come back. His parents will be here when he does.

No matter the outcome, we will be blamed. That’s what happens when the state takes over raising your kid. They create no rules for teens. There are no boundaries. Turns out that the state is a horrible, enabling parent. They let their children rule the roost, and the consequences of this poor, permissive parenting will be paid by our children, someday, and by us parents, today. I wonder how this will play out? Schools used to graduate seniors with the ability to emerge gracefully into adulthood. That’s certainly not how it’s working for my child.