Lynn, something that religious parents often say: "you are responsible for transmission; reception is up to God." I think a similar metaphor might help you with this. You have done your job. You are still doing your job. You will continue to love your son -- that's transmission. But holding yourself responsible for his reception (and his…
Lynn, something that religious parents often say: "you are responsible for transmission; reception is up to God." I think a similar metaphor might help you with this. You have done your job. You are still doing your job. You will continue to love your son -- that's transmission. But holding yourself responsible for his reception (and his behavior) is a recipe for disaster... for you!
Religious families whose children have walked away have the same shame and anger and fear.
But a 22 year old has to make his own choices, even major ones like turning his back on his sex or on his parents' God. The one consolation is the knowledge that you are not the same person today you were at 22 -- you grew up and matured. For some people though, the only way to learn to make good choices is to make some colossally bad ones first. When he's ready to make better ones, he's fortunate to have a mom ready to help him do so.
Lynn, something that religious parents often say: "you are responsible for transmission; reception is up to God." I think a similar metaphor might help you with this. You have done your job. You are still doing your job. You will continue to love your son -- that's transmission. But holding yourself responsible for his reception (and his behavior) is a recipe for disaster... for you!
Religious families whose children have walked away have the same shame and anger and fear.
But a 22 year old has to make his own choices, even major ones like turning his back on his sex or on his parents' God. The one consolation is the knowledge that you are not the same person today you were at 22 -- you grew up and matured. For some people though, the only way to learn to make good choices is to make some colossally bad ones first. When he's ready to make better ones, he's fortunate to have a mom ready to help him do so.
Thank you. Your words are kind and thoughtful.