To My Son's Therapist: You Can't Say You Didn't Know
To My Son's Therapist: You Can't Say You Didn't Know
My son recently saw a horrible therapist, who refused to address his underlying issues (such as the sissy porn my son was watching, instead fixating on the idea that “just because you watch gay porn doesn’t mean you’re gay” but this has nothing to do with gender identity therefore a nonsensical statement in lieu of the subject matter), focusing instead only on his trans identity… It is essential that therapists who aim to treat gender dysphoria understand the influences on our boys, including sissy porn and possible internalized misandry that commonly lead to gender confusion and development of trans identities. After I dropped the biased and uninformed therapist, I drafted the email because I wanted to be able to say that I did my best to inform him, especially because he works at a university. It’s important to call out these therapists and provide them with information, so they cannot claim that they just did not know. They know.
Dr. __,
During the time that you were treating my son, it became clear to me that you are not well informed when it comes to gender confusion and dysphoria. I hope you take the time to read this letter, which I wrote in the hopes of raising your awareness to the complexity of this issue, and the realities of trans identification in teenagers like my son.
I’d like to start out by saying that your time with my son did more harm than good. It’s important you know that. I strongly feel that you and Ms. B. placed a wedge between my son and I. Ms. B. pushed my son to spiral into depression and anger to the point of violence. History has provided evidence of the detrimental effects on children when a wedge is driven between the parent and child relationship and yet you and your colleague proceeded to poison my child’s mind. I am still desperately trying to overcome that wedge that was created but it’s incredibly difficult when the world is telling him both directly and indirectly that his mother is the enemy.
I know that you think you were following best practice for trans identified youth, by affirming my son in his trans identity and ignoring root causes lest it appear that my son’s identity was invalid. I must remind you that sometimes, what is considered current “best practice” turns out, through the lens of history, to be a horrible mistake. That is what is happening now with transgender treatment. Once upon a time lobotomies were all the rage in the medical community. I’m sure you are aware that your predecessors performed this procedure for conditions such as schizophrenia and depression. I’m sure there were people who weren’t comfortable with the procedure at the time and tried to speak up and bring attention to the matter, but they were drowned out by the voices proclaiming that lobotomies were the perfect solution, and patients were so much happier and better off after they were performed.
In much the same way, therapists like you, and other medical professionals currently tout the wonders of trans medicine as a panacea for teen angst (which currently often takes the form of “gender dysphoria”). You view it as “inclusive” and “life-saving” to help patients change their appearance medically to try to resemble the opposite sex, and to play-act with pronouns and new names to give patients the sense that they can control the world around them and in that control, find self-validation. You don’t look at the long term negative consequences and side effects of these actions, preferring to pat yourself on the back for satisfying the compulsions and providing short term gratifications for the hurting teenagers and young adults that seek your help.
However, much like the naysayers of lobotomies who were shouting into the wind two generations ago, there are many speaking out against gender medicine, and you are refusing to listen, even as their voices gain strength and numbers. You are continuing to wave them off, make accusations of “transphobia” and “you don’t really know your child” or “the research says…” (while citing some poor quality widely discredited study). I’m sure the research said wonderful things about lobotomies during their heyday as well.
Unfortunately, the medical community, particularly the mental health community is currently doing active harm to young people in the name of inclusiveness. To speak bluntly, the way I see it, the trans movement is nothing more than a modern day eugenics movement, targeting gay and lesbian kids and neurodivergent kids on the autism spectrum for sterilization.
Already, countries other than the US are re-examining the evidence and questioning the efficacy and appropriateness of social and medial “transition” for today’s teen and young adult cases of dysphoria because of widespread concerns (which US media is widely hiding their heads in the sand) that trans medicine, rather than being “life saving” is actually creating medical patients for life of kids who would otherwise likely grow out of their gender confusion after puberty. The only ones benefiting off of life long patients are the medical and pharmaceutical industries through massive profits.
Further evidence that trans medicine is not all its cracked up to be can be seen in the rapidly growing detransitioner communities. These many thousands of young people were trans identified, or socially and or medically “transitioned” but now deeply regret doing so—many even now view their time as trans as being in a cult. When I asked about detransitioners in our meetings, it seemed like you were all too happy to pretend this was something that doesn’t happen or extremely rare. I urge you to take the time to watch at least the first two videos at the end of this letter. The first is the Detrans Awareness Seminar that was held just a few days ago. It is long, but I provided time stamps. The second is a young man who detransitioned and confronted his therapist. This you should listen to the whole thing.
Before you continue alienating children from their loving families in your practice, you need to understand that us parents know our children best. We see how they change when subjected to strong outside influences, especially through teachers, peer groups at school, through social media and the internet. Some school districts even choose to withhold information from parents (much the same way that child predators tell kids to keep secrets from their parents). The Trevor Project website even has a feature where a child can quickly hide what they are looking at from parents - grooming techniques teaching children to keep secrets. It seems so often now that in so many spaces that people and professionals are actively driving a wedge between the child and the parent, while parents are desperately seeking help but are not listened to, they are trying to safeguard their child and still encourage the natural exploration of identity in a healthy manner. The internet and peers alike are all the while whispering in their children’s ear to socially transition and see how it feels and try some new pronouns. Do you really want to be one of those negative outside influences yourself?
Parents are seeing the effects of the internet and social media directly and just screaming into the void as no one listens. The endless hours my son spent online digging deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole reading, watching, and hearing influencers tell him ‘he must be trans’ (this is grooming) and desperately wanting to belong he found it amongst “friends” on discord. I have watched the YouTube videos and taken the online quizzes my son took that helped him “find his trans identity”. According to these videos and quizzes I am somehow trans as well. Why would you play along and reinforce a teen fad? Trans is no different than those Tourette-like tics teens are developing from TikTok after all that was reported by the WSJ this past year.
Instead we just celebrate the new identities and pat ourselves on the back because of how inclusive we are. Again I wonder…how many of them will return to their therapist to tell them it was all a mistake?
Please consider taking the time to watch these videos and maybe even read some of these articles. Unfortunately I imagine that you most likely will scoff at all this and hit delete, just as you scoffed at me when my son was your patient. But maybe, just maybe, you will consider what I’ve said and think to yourself: How will I feel if I’m not one of the good guys after all, if instead I am one of those therapists who is held to account by my former patients for getting it wrong, and ruining their lives?
Sincerely,
Mom of a Former Patient
Links to info you need to know
Detrans Awareness Seminar (YouTube link embedded)
4:00 Helena - Trans Tumblr and Fandom
40:28 Detrans 101 What you need to know
50:00 They discuss therapists directly (I marked this spot because I felt you should hear it especially)
1:10:56 Autism Angle
1:47:23 Butch Lesbian and Trans Identities
2:31:30 different for boys (Limpida reminds me of my son quite a bit and I know he went down the misandry route)
3:15:55 How health professionals are failing detransitioners
3:55:30 Sinead - you are not broken
4:16:07 Cat - Losing my voice
4:22:44 Panel discussion and Q&A
4:53:27 Kiera - What detransitioners need
A detransitioner, Isaac, confronting his therapist
Detrans Subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/detrans/
Doctors Have Failed Them, Say Those With Transgender Regret, https://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/970223
Transgender Docs Warn About Gender-Affirmative Care for Youth
https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/news/20211129/transgender-docs-gender-affirmative-care-youth
The history of separating children from families
https://mercatornet.com/a-history-lesson-on-families/77456/
Info on Sissy Porn: Sissy porn, the gender movement’s dirty secret.
Subreddit of young men “discovering” trans identity through sissy porn
https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/7yfyp2/anybody_discover_they_were_trans_though_sissy_porn/
Wall Street Journal article, “Teen girls are developing tics doctors say TikTok could be a factor”
https://www.wsj.com/amp/articles/teen-girls-are-developing-tics-doctors-say-tiktok-could-be-a-factor-11634389201
Podcast for a group of trans men and their views
Very well written. I hope the the therapist reads this. Unfortunately, people don't speak out until it happens to them.
One day, gender affirming care will be discredited as another failed medical theory - just another instance of mad scientists acting crazier than their patients.