Much of your story could be my own. After what sounds like a similar upbringing, our oldest, a young man, has gone astray into the trans cult. Our 2 teenage daughters are living to glorify God. I can't take credit for what God is doing in their lives, but I also need to remember to celebrate them and the fruit of their obedience to Him.
Thank you for this. Very well-written. The part where you told a friend that you didn't have his heart stood out to me after seeing that he is autistic and developmentally delayed. As I'm sure you know well, a lack of empathy and difficulty understanding others' emotions and communications is a large part of the syndrome for most. And empathy is also something that develops over time; young children generally lack empathy and learn it gradually.
I wonder if your son's autism, perhaps combined with the DD, made it so that he was able to learn your opinions but unable to understand them, or you. As you noted, he learned how to follow rules, which got him by socially. I wonder how that tendancy may have influenced him in following "the masses"?
Just speculative, and not terribly important. But it does make me wonder whether this might be explored as a potential therapy for certain kids with gender dysphoria and autism: something focused on the lack of empathy, as well as the rigidity and love of rules. There are currently no proven effective interventions for gender dysphoria at all. That needs to change.
I do believe that, if nothing else, stories like yours may eventually assist us in developing ways to help kids accept their bodies and have their own opinions even when there is a rigid social movement all around. You had a long-term insider's view of your son's behavior over time, and thus you, and other parents similarly situated, almost certainly have insights that no one else could really have, that may help other children and families one day.
Thank you for this article, I had to work my way through the same thought processes myself when the Gender Train decimated our previously peaceful family of 4 girls. I felt such horrible guilt and failure. I thought God could never use me if my own family is in shambles. I found it extremely healing to read Isaiah and Jeremiah as well and hear God lamenting over Israel. Obviously He was perfect and still Israel walked away. My one who is trans is another artsy, quiet, intelligent, previously compliant child, like so many others. Praying for our kids!
Yes! Absolutely! We are not responsible for the decisions our children make as adults. They are on their own journey toward truth. I am grateful knowing that God is in control and they are always free to turn back to Him. We are both waiting for that wonderful day!
This is such an excellent piece of writing. Like many others here, I truly appreciate the statement: "This ideology is destroying the same type of person, not the same types of families/parents." Our situations are so similar. I even homeschooled by lost son (also in the spectrum), for heavens sake! It did not matter. He found the gender rabbit hole anyway. That was 10 years ago. His younger brother, by contrast, is thriving. Like you, I remind myself every day to be grateful for the child that has taken our teaching and leads a bright, fulfilling adult life, and to stay hopeful that my lost son will someday reconnect with us.
"This ideology is destroying the same type of person, not the same types of families/parents. We are not collectively able to say that had we all done x, y, or z, we would not be here." Brilliant!!
I have commented on posts before, "Cults do not discriminate." Your post speaks so well to this. I too can only see the similarities in those that choose the trans cult. The only thing I blame myself for is not knowing the insidious creep of this ideology before we sent our daughter to college. But then again, how were we to know with an inept media and a medical establishment bending over backwards to mark young bodies with surgical scars and hormone induced characteristics. Industry, NGOs, government and every institution pushing gender ideology gets the blame in my book. How did my other children see the cult for what it is - a belief system harming their sister? Keep praying. Our estrangement was long but it did end and she is now a woman again.
This is truly beautifully written. I hope these words will help. Your mildly autistic son is like many vaccine injured young men. Boys are much more vulnerable to vaccine injury resulting in neurological impairment. Your feeling "I don't have his heart" was as a result of the vaccine injury. A high percentage of boys on "the spectrum" become vulnerable to all that is being described here.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion but the author of the post didn’t write asking what could have caused her child’s autism. She simply stated that he had autism. So bringing up the vaccine issue in this context is totally out of context. Not all parents of autistic kids want to hear the vaccine theory. I respect that some people believe that but maybe it’s the kind of theory best shared among like minded people, not in an environment where many, maybe most people will see it as offensive and as false as the trans identity our children are pursuing.
Thank you for including this perspective. I also educated myself about the possible side effects of vaccines after my son (who now identified as a women) was vaccine injured as a toddler. I wish I had been given the opportunity for INFORMED consent. My children are a case study: oldest fully vaxed through age 3, middle partially vaxed through age 1, youngest completely unvaxed. Our youngest is, by far, the healthiest.
Thank you. I am in disbelief that a theory that has been so debunked, spun by a doctor who has been barred from medicine (Andrew Wakefield), still manages to capture the imagination of so many. Ugh.
That was so well written and you made some excellent points. I have not quite gotten to the same point where you are yet. I know that you are right, my daughter getting sucked into this cult is not my fault, but I still feel the "mother guilt", I still blame myself and I still wonder what would have been if I had done this or that differently. Two years without seeing her and I still cry most days, the sadness is unbearable 💔
My heart hurts for you. I’m in your situation except my beloved daughter is still living at home until moving interstate to attend University next year. God only knows what will transpire then! But I don’t blame myself or my husband anymore, we were and are great (imperfect) parents who love and adore our girls and are not responsible for indoctrinating our youngest daughter into this hideous cult anymore than if she had chosen Scientology for instance. It’s now a situation of waiting, watching, bearing and hoping she comes to her senses. That’s all we can do.
You have me in tears. I feel this so acutely. We are walking a tightrope and I am grateful that my son seems to still be listening. But there is no guarantee for tomorrow and it is only by the grace of God that any of our sensitive, tender introverts escape the cult.
Thank you for your wonderful, heartfelt and thoughtful piece. Loved the insight into Cain and Abel. Also in the Ten Commandments children are commanded to honor their parents. There is not a similar command to parents in the Decalogue (elsewhere in Scripture there are a few commands to parents). Maybe “honor your father and mother” is included in the Big Ten because bearing/adopting and caring for children always requires enormous sacrifice from parents, whereas a child growing up into adulthood is hard but not necessarily sacrificial.
St Paul also points out that this is the only command with a built-in promise, quoting the entire command in Exodus
with its promise, “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
Thank you for your words. Our story is very similar. We are absolutely crushed.
Thank you, we all need to hear that.
Wonderfully stated! Thank you for writing.
Much of your story could be my own. After what sounds like a similar upbringing, our oldest, a young man, has gone astray into the trans cult. Our 2 teenage daughters are living to glorify God. I can't take credit for what God is doing in their lives, but I also need to remember to celebrate them and the fruit of their obedience to Him.
Thank you for this. Very well-written. The part where you told a friend that you didn't have his heart stood out to me after seeing that he is autistic and developmentally delayed. As I'm sure you know well, a lack of empathy and difficulty understanding others' emotions and communications is a large part of the syndrome for most. And empathy is also something that develops over time; young children generally lack empathy and learn it gradually.
I wonder if your son's autism, perhaps combined with the DD, made it so that he was able to learn your opinions but unable to understand them, or you. As you noted, he learned how to follow rules, which got him by socially. I wonder how that tendancy may have influenced him in following "the masses"?
Just speculative, and not terribly important. But it does make me wonder whether this might be explored as a potential therapy for certain kids with gender dysphoria and autism: something focused on the lack of empathy, as well as the rigidity and love of rules. There are currently no proven effective interventions for gender dysphoria at all. That needs to change.
I do believe that, if nothing else, stories like yours may eventually assist us in developing ways to help kids accept their bodies and have their own opinions even when there is a rigid social movement all around. You had a long-term insider's view of your son's behavior over time, and thus you, and other parents similarly situated, almost certainly have insights that no one else could really have, that may help other children and families one day.
Thank you for this article, I had to work my way through the same thought processes myself when the Gender Train decimated our previously peaceful family of 4 girls. I felt such horrible guilt and failure. I thought God could never use me if my own family is in shambles. I found it extremely healing to read Isaiah and Jeremiah as well and hear God lamenting over Israel. Obviously He was perfect and still Israel walked away. My one who is trans is another artsy, quiet, intelligent, previously compliant child, like so many others. Praying for our kids!
Yes! Absolutely! We are not responsible for the decisions our children make as adults. They are on their own journey toward truth. I am grateful knowing that God is in control and they are always free to turn back to Him. We are both waiting for that wonderful day!
This is such an excellent piece of writing. Like many others here, I truly appreciate the statement: "This ideology is destroying the same type of person, not the same types of families/parents." Our situations are so similar. I even homeschooled by lost son (also in the spectrum), for heavens sake! It did not matter. He found the gender rabbit hole anyway. That was 10 years ago. His younger brother, by contrast, is thriving. Like you, I remind myself every day to be grateful for the child that has taken our teaching and leads a bright, fulfilling adult life, and to stay hopeful that my lost son will someday reconnect with us.
Thank you. Such good points here.
I'm so sorry for your terrible pain.
Thank you for your story.
This is beautifully written - well done!
"This ideology is destroying the same type of person, not the same types of families/parents. We are not collectively able to say that had we all done x, y, or z, we would not be here." Brilliant!!
I pray and wait with you for the return of my daughter.
I have commented on posts before, "Cults do not discriminate." Your post speaks so well to this. I too can only see the similarities in those that choose the trans cult. The only thing I blame myself for is not knowing the insidious creep of this ideology before we sent our daughter to college. But then again, how were we to know with an inept media and a medical establishment bending over backwards to mark young bodies with surgical scars and hormone induced characteristics. Industry, NGOs, government and every institution pushing gender ideology gets the blame in my book. How did my other children see the cult for what it is - a belief system harming their sister? Keep praying. Our estrangement was long but it did end and she is now a woman again.
This is truly beautifully written. I hope these words will help. Your mildly autistic son is like many vaccine injured young men. Boys are much more vulnerable to vaccine injury resulting in neurological impairment. Your feeling "I don't have his heart" was as a result of the vaccine injury. A high percentage of boys on "the spectrum" become vulnerable to all that is being described here.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion but the author of the post didn’t write asking what could have caused her child’s autism. She simply stated that he had autism. So bringing up the vaccine issue in this context is totally out of context. Not all parents of autistic kids want to hear the vaccine theory. I respect that some people believe that but maybe it’s the kind of theory best shared among like minded people, not in an environment where many, maybe most people will see it as offensive and as false as the trans identity our children are pursuing.
Thank you for including this perspective. I also educated myself about the possible side effects of vaccines after my son (who now identified as a women) was vaccine injured as a toddler. I wish I had been given the opportunity for INFORMED consent. My children are a case study: oldest fully vaxed through age 3, middle partially vaxed through age 1, youngest completely unvaxed. Our youngest is, by far, the healthiest.
Thanks so much for this comment Mom 2 Three! Let's together spread the word, since our intention is to stop this madness! Thank you!
This Substack is for parents whose kids suffered at the hands of gender ideology, a large proportion of whom are autistic.
As one of those parents, I do not want to hear people peddling the thoroughly debunked "autism-vaccine" theory, blaming us for our kids autism.
I see from your Substack you are an enthusiastic opponent of infant vaccination which has saved uncounted millions of lives.
Propagate your views if you will, but this is not the place.
How dare you! The arrogance and insensitivity of your behaviour in posting these views on this Substack is stunning. You are not welcome here.
The moderation in this group is non-existent.
Debunked? When and by who? Not welcome here??? You are not the substack police, this is for everyone. How dare YOU.
Un-silent, Thank you so much for this comment and for your openness to discussion!
Thank you. I am in disbelief that a theory that has been so debunked, spun by a doctor who has been barred from medicine (Andrew Wakefield), still manages to capture the imagination of so many. Ugh.
Can you site an article, not from the main stream news or pharma where this was "debunked"?
^^^ this!
I agree whole heartedly. Vaccines have saved millions
That was so well written and you made some excellent points. I have not quite gotten to the same point where you are yet. I know that you are right, my daughter getting sucked into this cult is not my fault, but I still feel the "mother guilt", I still blame myself and I still wonder what would have been if I had done this or that differently. Two years without seeing her and I still cry most days, the sadness is unbearable 💔
My heart hurts for you. I’m in your situation except my beloved daughter is still living at home until moving interstate to attend University next year. God only knows what will transpire then! But I don’t blame myself or my husband anymore, we were and are great (imperfect) parents who love and adore our girls and are not responsible for indoctrinating our youngest daughter into this hideous cult anymore than if she had chosen Scientology for instance. It’s now a situation of waiting, watching, bearing and hoping she comes to her senses. That’s all we can do.
You have me in tears. I feel this so acutely. We are walking a tightrope and I am grateful that my son seems to still be listening. But there is no guarantee for tomorrow and it is only by the grace of God that any of our sensitive, tender introverts escape the cult.
Thank you for your wonderful, heartfelt and thoughtful piece. Loved the insight into Cain and Abel. Also in the Ten Commandments children are commanded to honor their parents. There is not a similar command to parents in the Decalogue (elsewhere in Scripture there are a few commands to parents). Maybe “honor your father and mother” is included in the Big Ten because bearing/adopting and caring for children always requires enormous sacrifice from parents, whereas a child growing up into adulthood is hard but not necessarily sacrificial.
St Paul also points out that this is the only command with a built-in promise, quoting the entire command in Exodus
with its promise, “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”