Welcome, Baby!

2024 Letter from the Hospital to Parents of a New Baby

Note: Because logic and reason don’t seem to be impacting society’s understanding of the ramifications of unchecked gender ideology and the resulting medicalization of our children, perhaps readers can be moved by absurdity. 

Dear parents,

It’s 2024 and your child was born at just the right time! Before now, for hundreds and hundreds of years, we didn’t understand how many genders there were. We were living in the dark ages and thought there were only girls and boys. We have learned that our assignment of boy and girl at birth was just a guess and that we often guessed wrong. So, we have given your baby a temporary assignment of boy or girl until they can learn in school about the multitude of genders to pick from and make their own choice. Your child will let you know when they decide what gender they are.

Parents, you must follow the lead and directions of your child because only children know what gender they truly are. Now they can feel into their identity so much more easily with the guidance of progressive gender teachers and books available in school. If you and your child are lucky, they will decide on their gender early, before puberty has begun. That is why we begin teaching about gender identities in kindergarten. If we have made a mistake in the sex assignment at birth, it is fortunate that we can provide puberty blockers so your child will not be harmed by experiencing the wrong puberty. We will switch to hormonal therapy as soon as possible so that their bodies will evolve to look like the sex of their soul. We sincerely apologize if our sex assignment at birth was in error, as the child’s physical and biological body may not always match the gender they might “feel” when they get a little older.

If errors in gender identification fail to occur in the grade-school years, and your teen discovers they were designated as girl by mistake, teacher guides will arrange to provide breast binders for them if you resist their decision. We realize that at this late stage of their development, you may experience some attachment to their original sex assignment. You must let go of any questioning of your teen. Again, only they know what is right for them. Your teen must live more comfortably while awaiting their surgical date to remove their breasts. Don’t worry if your teen says breast binding hurts; their breasts can be removed. We are training more and more surgeons so kids will have shorter waiting times for their desired body modification procedures. And boys assigned in error can be taught to tuck their genitals until they can get those parts removed as well. Top and bottom surgeries are essential for your child’s well-being, so you must immediately comply with all their wishes. It is unkind to thwart their desire to fix their bodies to align with their gendered soul. It is cruel to your child to delay their transition in any way. We must move forward quickly to reduce suffering.

Parents, you can give your child a temporary name at birth, but don’t get attached to it because when your child chooses their gender later, the child will most likely pick a new name. Use your child’s newly chosen name immediately and do your best to remove the former name from all places where it is visible. Let the hospital know so we can amend the birth certificate to the correct gender and the child’s chosen name. Apologize immediately if you slip and use their deadname.

Parents, we know that sometimes you might experience anxiety or confusion about gender changes. Rest assured that breasts and genitals can easily be removed should your child decide to pick a different sex than the guessed gender that we gave them at birth. We are sorry to inform you that your child will not be able to procreate after these treatments. Although this might cause you a brief period of distress, you must refocus on your child’s happiness at the moment. Any resistance on your part will lead to the distinct possibility that your child will end their life. So, to prevent losing your child, you must agree to our treatment pathway.

Perhaps in the future, we will have a test that can better determine sex at birth. But today, we don’t know what sex kids are just by looking at their anatomy because we learned that it is all just a spectrum. We had it all wrong for hundreds of years. What a relief that we have built a successful gender industry to be at the ready for your child’s surgeries, and we can give your child hormonal therapy to help them be happy while they await their procedures to fix their wrong bodies. Thank goodness we live in progressive and enlightened times now!

Best wishes for your new baby as you take them home. You may not know for years whether your child is truly male, female, transgender, gender neutral, agender, nonbinary, pangender, or third gender—or all, none, or a combination of these or others. But just remember to go with the flow! Your child will tell you who they are and what they want. Be flexible and let them lead the way! Good luck!

Sincerely,

Your Hospital Birth Center

Note: This absurdity is currently a prevalent viewpoint. Our society’s future depends on more people standing up to question these viewpoints, teaching models, and medicalization practices that harm children and vulnerable young adults and impact parents/families for life.

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