What I Do Not Say

After my grown son told me he was a woman, it was a tremendous help to find an online group of parents whose sons had done the same. Our boys were alike in many ways. All were intelligent. Many had female “cheerleaders” encouraging them. Many enjoyed anime and role playing games. None of them could explain why they felt they were a woman. 

Some of these young men were attracted to males and some to females. We were talking about this when another parent asked, “Does anyone think your son is an autogynephile?  The other parents said no or were silent.  I shrugged. You see, during my son’s adolescence I found my garter belt in his room.  My mother said she had found her undergarments in his room when he visited her.

I am uncomfortable with the topic because when an autogynephilic man demands another person treat him as a woman he is demanding that they participate in his paraphilia. That is wrong.  I do not want to think that way about my son, but I cannot deny that it is possible.

It is estimated that ten percent of males enjoy visualizing themselves as women. Since so few men walk among us in women’s clothing most of these men must be managing to keep it private. That is what I wish my son would do. If he needs psychological help to do this, I wish he would seek it out. I would pay for it. 

My son says he is trying to have the courage to go into the women’s bathroom.  I wish he would find the courage to live a life that is not centered around himself.

My son is six foot four with broad shoulders, a large frame, and a deep bass voice.  He is large enough that, if he chooses to block my way, I cannot get past him. He would be scary to meet in a ladies room and I have pleaded with him not to go into one. He says he has to have medical interventions so he can “pass” as a woman. I wonder if his endocrinologist knows this is his goal. I seriously doubt the doctor believes he can achieve it.