All of this is spot on. And all we have is that we are not alone which helps allay the feelings of failure & inadequacy. After nearly 5 years of it though…I still can’t understand that they don’t feel any loss or grief. They truly have emotions as they have relationships with other people, just not us, parents. It’s mind baffling & soooo unhealthy
This is a beautiful piece of writing, and what so many here need to read. This problem of adult children estranging isn't limited to trans. It's a massive cultural shift brought on by pop psychology and TikTok influencers nudging people to label anyone in their lives that they disagree with as "narcissistic" or "toxic." "Going no contact" isn't an exception anymore; it seems to be becoming the rule. And it's destroying the fabric of our society. Thank you for writing this. My favorite line, and hadn't thought of it this way, but true: many adult children now create distance not because they were unloved, but because closeness feels uncomfortable, demanding, or unnecessary.
Heartbreaking what is happening to our cultures globally. You expressed it so well. Thank you.
There is an evil global attempt to breakup the family unit by nameless negative forces acting through leaders. When the family structure is disrupted worldwide we’re easier to control. I wholeheartedly believe from a deep inner knowing that this plan will fail. I see it already beginning to crumble. The masses wont buy it. Love always wins in the end. 🙏🏻💜
The family is the only thing they haven't yet been able to financialize. Family is the last standing powerful institution to halt this in the rest of society.
This has been our experience for several years now. It just came out of nowhere. We had no idea that was going to be how we would live out the young adult years of one of our children. Every time I hear The Dance by Garth Brooks I am reminded that we can't know how things are going to go and the choices we make are written into our personal histories. There were so many good years and there are so many good memories. God gave me a little boy that I loved and will always love. I don't know where this is going but I am so grateful for what we did have.
So well thought out and beautifully written. Thank you so very much for this gift. A very different time, indeed. I often reflect on the way I was raised - this was the 70's and 80's, GenX. Im sure a lot of you can relate without me really saying much - of course we all have different experiences. That was a time when we had to be tough because lots of is were basically raising ourselves. There was love and support, but not a lot of emotional support, resources, the ability to have our every whim acted upon. To want so badly to take music lessons, dance, sports, and the myriad of opportunities afforded to our children while they were growing up. To be seen and heard and supported emotionally, but this was a different time, I'm not so sure it wasnt better now because we had to be mentally tough and face responsibility and learn to take care of ourselves. My mom did the best she could with the tools she had, and inspire of some very hard times as a child, I love and respect her with my whole heart and we are very close as well as my two older brothers.
Did we coddle our kids too much? Did we give them too much and now somehow they resent us for it? I don't know the answers to this, but it sure does hurt.
I was alone much of the time raising my two sons, having lost their father at ages 13 and 14, and it was difficult, yes. I still believe the trauma of that is why my son is where he is.
I still managed to support their dreams the best I could and made lots of sacrifices, always keeping their best interests at heart, the best way I knew how. My mom was reminiscing the other day about how I read to my kids until they were 15 and 16 years old. Every night. We must've read hundreds of books over the course of their life! It was wonderful and you can only imagine how much I treasure that now. They were fine young men. Polite, kind, loving, sensitive, creative and showed love to me all the time. They would kiss and hug me and tell me they loved me in front of their friends without a thought. I really believed nothing could come between the 3 of us, ever.
Thank you for this writing these thoughts. Poignant and acknowledging what many of us are currently facing with our children (adult children in my case). We put in the years, emotional investment, financial investment especially in education, only to have those efforts and years identified as “dead” and wanting “wanting no association.” These articles help with feelings of isolation. Thank God for the gifts of supportive friends and parent support groups. And for faith and trust in God’s path for us and our children. A hard road to walk. Love and prayers to all on this feed. 💕🙏
Yes, I write a lot about "estrangement culture". Radical individualism combined with indoctrination of youth to look at parents, even entire older generations of a family, in negative way is unraveling too many previously close bonds.
Beautiful and poignant writing here: "Many parents are quietly grieving children who are still alive but no longer emotionally reachable. If you are living this, you are not alone, and your pain does not mean you failed. It means you loved deeply in a time where love is often misunderstood."
All of this is spot on. And all we have is that we are not alone which helps allay the feelings of failure & inadequacy. After nearly 5 years of it though…I still can’t understand that they don’t feel any loss or grief. They truly have emotions as they have relationships with other people, just not us, parents. It’s mind baffling & soooo unhealthy
Excellent. Thank you.
This is a beautiful piece of writing, and what so many here need to read. This problem of adult children estranging isn't limited to trans. It's a massive cultural shift brought on by pop psychology and TikTok influencers nudging people to label anyone in their lives that they disagree with as "narcissistic" or "toxic." "Going no contact" isn't an exception anymore; it seems to be becoming the rule. And it's destroying the fabric of our society. Thank you for writing this. My favorite line, and hadn't thought of it this way, but true: many adult children now create distance not because they were unloved, but because closeness feels uncomfortable, demanding, or unnecessary.
💯 I know of no contact families not only because of trans
Heartbreaking what is happening to our cultures globally. You expressed it so well. Thank you.
There is an evil global attempt to breakup the family unit by nameless negative forces acting through leaders. When the family structure is disrupted worldwide we’re easier to control. I wholeheartedly believe from a deep inner knowing that this plan will fail. I see it already beginning to crumble. The masses wont buy it. Love always wins in the end. 🙏🏻💜
The family is the only thing they haven't yet been able to financialize. Family is the last standing powerful institution to halt this in the rest of society.
This has been our experience for several years now. It just came out of nowhere. We had no idea that was going to be how we would live out the young adult years of one of our children. Every time I hear The Dance by Garth Brooks I am reminded that we can't know how things are going to go and the choices we make are written into our personal histories. There were so many good years and there are so many good memories. God gave me a little boy that I loved and will always love. I don't know where this is going but I am so grateful for what we did have.
So well thought out and beautifully written. Thank you so very much for this gift. A very different time, indeed. I often reflect on the way I was raised - this was the 70's and 80's, GenX. Im sure a lot of you can relate without me really saying much - of course we all have different experiences. That was a time when we had to be tough because lots of is were basically raising ourselves. There was love and support, but not a lot of emotional support, resources, the ability to have our every whim acted upon. To want so badly to take music lessons, dance, sports, and the myriad of opportunities afforded to our children while they were growing up. To be seen and heard and supported emotionally, but this was a different time, I'm not so sure it wasnt better now because we had to be mentally tough and face responsibility and learn to take care of ourselves. My mom did the best she could with the tools she had, and inspire of some very hard times as a child, I love and respect her with my whole heart and we are very close as well as my two older brothers.
Did we coddle our kids too much? Did we give them too much and now somehow they resent us for it? I don't know the answers to this, but it sure does hurt.
I was alone much of the time raising my two sons, having lost their father at ages 13 and 14, and it was difficult, yes. I still believe the trauma of that is why my son is where he is.
I still managed to support their dreams the best I could and made lots of sacrifices, always keeping their best interests at heart, the best way I knew how. My mom was reminiscing the other day about how I read to my kids until they were 15 and 16 years old. Every night. We must've read hundreds of books over the course of their life! It was wonderful and you can only imagine how much I treasure that now. They were fine young men. Polite, kind, loving, sensitive, creative and showed love to me all the time. They would kiss and hug me and tell me they loved me in front of their friends without a thought. I really believed nothing could come between the 3 of us, ever.
Are you saying your boys are no longer in contact with you..they are both trans identifying?
Anon, one is trans identified. I still have a wonderful relationship with my other son which I am truly grateful for.
Thank you for this writing these thoughts. Poignant and acknowledging what many of us are currently facing with our children (adult children in my case). We put in the years, emotional investment, financial investment especially in education, only to have those efforts and years identified as “dead” and wanting “wanting no association.” These articles help with feelings of isolation. Thank God for the gifts of supportive friends and parent support groups. And for faith and trust in God’s path for us and our children. A hard road to walk. Love and prayers to all on this feed. 💕🙏
Yes, I write a lot about "estrangement culture". Radical individualism combined with indoctrination of youth to look at parents, even entire older generations of a family, in negative way is unraveling too many previously close bonds.
That plus the fact of delayed family formation and child-rearing means that young people think they don't "need" family. How foolish they are.
Absolutely. Lord be close to us, the brokenhearted
Beautiful and poignant writing here: "Many parents are quietly grieving children who are still alive but no longer emotionally reachable. If you are living this, you are not alone, and your pain does not mean you failed. It means you loved deeply in a time where love is often misunderstood."
Each moment of pain is a reminder of how much we parents (still) love. Prayers to all on this board.
Describe my life.
Sadly true for so many families 😞
Beautifully written.