Thank you for sharing your story. I had to save myself so I could save what was left of my family. We lost our daughter in 2020 to the trans ideology. In the past year, we moved from WA state to Idaho to get our boys away from the trans activists in the public schools. I often feel bad for not staying and fighting for parental rights but I have to remember I was not in a healthy place after losing my daughter. Hoping to get the courage to share my story soon on PITT.....
This hit me. Are we willing to trade our health for. Spectacularly bad decision. I’ve been thinking about how my life was before kids. It was good. I’m going back to that. She may or may not pull through this. But we did our best. We’ve retained the best therapists too. The rest is up to her.
Yes, true Inafets4, have hope. Keep going. Your child needs to see you living and enjoying your life. Don't give up. Your loved ones, friends, need you, you have something to offer the world. You are worth living for. And when, and if l, your child wakes up from this nightmare, they will need you to be strong, and stable. I know it's a fight. Every. Single. Day. Find your fight friend. I'm praying for you, and so are many of us walking alongside you.
My health for their bad decision. Thank you for that! It makes things very clear because the mental anguish is so overpowering sometimes. I’m so happy that he came back to you and I hope my daughter does the same one day. God Bless you and your family.
Brought happy tears to my eyes when I read your son had detransitioned. It sounds like you are a fantastic example for you son. This is such a struggle for parents. Friends and family are a huge help to keep my spirits up. I pray, A LOT. My faith has also been a big help. The first 18 months after my son’s big announcement, I was a mess. I don’t think I took a shower without uncontrollable bawling. I had bad depression thoughts and needed to get a handle on my life. I still cry, but I’ve learned to let things go. I’m still fight for my son. I believe he is looking into hormones. He knows I don’t approve and never will. But I will always love him, no matter what. He will always be my son, my beautiful little boy.
Wow! “Spectacularly Bad Decision.”You know that says it all right there and I relate to everything you’ve spoken about as do probably all of the PITT parents and siblings. I’m keeping your essay in my notes to refer back to. “It’s their journey” is a quote I often remember from a glib Paediatrician who lives in my street (who no longer looks me in the eye when I see her.) That’s true but it is intrinsically our journey too because our children are not “clients”. My very best regards to you, you’ve been through the mill and you’ve got the scars to prove it. As Dr Spock would say “Go forth and Prosper.”👩🏼💪🖖🏼
I am so glad that your son de transitioned and returned to your relationship. I am hopeful that may occur some day for me, even if it is simply an end to the estrangement.
I also think I somaticized the anguish over the rupture with my son and the unhealthy new identity. I did an interview with Unbekoming called the Trans Test, which focused a bit more on the health emergency that I went through, though I could have easily focused on what happened with my son.
My turnaround came at a point when I was in so much pain that I had to sleep in bits kneeling and was unable to go out. I realized I have another child that I want to be alive for. I have my son, who, even if he thinks he hates me right now, I want to be alive for. And, I even want to be alive for myself and my unrealized callings which seem sacred to follow. And the choice has to be 100% to try to live, no doubt. So I did. Fortunately grace was with me. Forgiving myself for my part in my son's suffering resulted in very significant relief in a very short time frame.
We just cannot waste our lives being cast upon the crude ground any longer than it takes to connect to what of you yearns to rise.
Thank you for sharing your journey. The knowledge, wisdon and understanding that you have imparted here will terrify some and give hope to others. Prodigal sons and daughters need a place and a parent to come home to and rest in. Thank you.
Every paragraph was insightful, but the opening one touched me the most: tears, anger, action, avoidance. Speaks directly to the HPA (hypothalamus/Pituitary/Adrenal) axis. Our bodies need to express and then regenerate. I love PITT, because the many individual journeys chronicled here form a tapestry of resilience and resolve. After reading a number of them, I was moved to go talk to my school board, and then write about the experience here. A year later, I'm still talking to my school board. They don't always listen, but they also can't "un-hear" what I have to say. God Bless.
I felt that way too, for too long of a time period. But we must stay strong. For our kids, but we also awe it to ourselves. We did have a life before kids. We need remember that person and help that part of us to come back to life. Be an example for our kids on how to live and live fully.
Please fight this urge. We never know when or how it might happen, but detransition/desistance does happen.
My husband is a pediatrician & he has shared with me how each of his trans-ID’d patients is doing. One by one, with just one exception, they’ve all re-identified with reality. Even the very autistic, very bright girl he told me about last night—he saw her name & dreaded who he might find in the examination room. But it was a girl, dressed like a normal teenager. She has even gone to a “gender clinic” in a nearby larger city but she confirmed—she’s over it.
The one exception is a gay young man who had a traumatic childhood. My husband has been silently screaming at him through appointments, “YOU’RE GAY. JUST BE GAY.” He may yet come around. Even though he’s officially aged out of pediatrics, he still keeps making appointments with my husband.
Lord please let us see the end of this destructive fad soon. Life is a precious gift—please don’t take yours for granted.
Not my story but I agree with your sentiment. Five years and every day my daughter moves further into her life as a man. I rarely see her and, for the most part, the person I knew is gone. But either way, life goes on. The intense pain and grief fades. Little by little, moments of joy insert themselves into the sadness.
Thank you for this post it was really sad, but real and honest & Im glad you got him back. Do you feel it was something you said…or did he just ‘wake up?’
Thank you for expressing our very similar experience and response. I’m a crier, too. I’m distancing myself and attempting acceptance so I can be a strong mom when or if he returns. My heart is beyond broken. I get very angry at times. I blame the woke culture and creeps funding this grotesque ideology.
Me too. But God gives me HOPE even when i want to just scream and cry... "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" and "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want" (meaning He gives me everything I need to get through this) are my lifelines!
https://open.substack.com/pub/pitt/p/for-the-parent-of-an-adult-rogd-child?r=87ce6&utm_medium=ios
If this is your post, thank you. It really helped me.
Thank you for sharing your story. I had to save myself so I could save what was left of my family. We lost our daughter in 2020 to the trans ideology. In the past year, we moved from WA state to Idaho to get our boys away from the trans activists in the public schools. I often feel bad for not staying and fighting for parental rights but I have to remember I was not in a healthy place after losing my daughter. Hoping to get the courage to share my story soon on PITT.....
This hit me. Are we willing to trade our health for. Spectacularly bad decision. I’ve been thinking about how my life was before kids. It was good. I’m going back to that. She may or may not pull through this. But we did our best. We’ve retained the best therapists too. The rest is up to her.
Yes, true Inafets4, have hope. Keep going. Your child needs to see you living and enjoying your life. Don't give up. Your loved ones, friends, need you, you have something to offer the world. You are worth living for. And when, and if l, your child wakes up from this nightmare, they will need you to be strong, and stable. I know it's a fight. Every. Single. Day. Find your fight friend. I'm praying for you, and so are many of us walking alongside you.
My health for their bad decision. Thank you for that! It makes things very clear because the mental anguish is so overpowering sometimes. I’m so happy that he came back to you and I hope my daughter does the same one day. God Bless you and your family.
I'm trying. I didn't realize how close my shoulders were to my ears until I read that and consciously relaxed them. Thank you for writing this.
Brought happy tears to my eyes when I read your son had detransitioned. It sounds like you are a fantastic example for you son. This is such a struggle for parents. Friends and family are a huge help to keep my spirits up. I pray, A LOT. My faith has also been a big help. The first 18 months after my son’s big announcement, I was a mess. I don’t think I took a shower without uncontrollable bawling. I had bad depression thoughts and needed to get a handle on my life. I still cry, but I’ve learned to let things go. I’m still fight for my son. I believe he is looking into hormones. He knows I don’t approve and never will. But I will always love him, no matter what. He will always be my son, my beautiful little boy.
“Live long and Prosper” is what Dr Spock’s catchphrase was! My bad!🤦♀️
Wow! “Spectacularly Bad Decision.”You know that says it all right there and I relate to everything you’ve spoken about as do probably all of the PITT parents and siblings. I’m keeping your essay in my notes to refer back to. “It’s their journey” is a quote I often remember from a glib Paediatrician who lives in my street (who no longer looks me in the eye when I see her.) That’s true but it is intrinsically our journey too because our children are not “clients”. My very best regards to you, you’ve been through the mill and you’ve got the scars to prove it. As Dr Spock would say “Go forth and Prosper.”👩🏼💪🖖🏼
I am so glad that your son de transitioned and returned to your relationship. I am hopeful that may occur some day for me, even if it is simply an end to the estrangement.
I also think I somaticized the anguish over the rupture with my son and the unhealthy new identity. I did an interview with Unbekoming called the Trans Test, which focused a bit more on the health emergency that I went through, though I could have easily focused on what happened with my son.
My turnaround came at a point when I was in so much pain that I had to sleep in bits kneeling and was unable to go out. I realized I have another child that I want to be alive for. I have my son, who, even if he thinks he hates me right now, I want to be alive for. And, I even want to be alive for myself and my unrealized callings which seem sacred to follow. And the choice has to be 100% to try to live, no doubt. So I did. Fortunately grace was with me. Forgiving myself for my part in my son's suffering resulted in very significant relief in a very short time frame.
We just cannot waste our lives being cast upon the crude ground any longer than it takes to connect to what of you yearns to rise.
Thank you for sharing your journey. The knowledge, wisdon and understanding that you have imparted here will terrify some and give hope to others. Prodigal sons and daughters need a place and a parent to come home to and rest in. Thank you.
Every paragraph was insightful, but the opening one touched me the most: tears, anger, action, avoidance. Speaks directly to the HPA (hypothalamus/Pituitary/Adrenal) axis. Our bodies need to express and then regenerate. I love PITT, because the many individual journeys chronicled here form a tapestry of resilience and resolve. After reading a number of them, I was moved to go talk to my school board, and then write about the experience here. A year later, I'm still talking to my school board. They don't always listen, but they also can't "un-hear" what I have to say. God Bless.
I honestly don’t really even want to survive this if she doesn’t come around. That’s the truth
I felt that way too, for too long of a time period. But we must stay strong. For our kids, but we also awe it to ourselves. We did have a life before kids. We need remember that person and help that part of us to come back to life. Be an example for our kids on how to live and live fully.
Thank you Ann.
Please fight this urge. We never know when or how it might happen, but detransition/desistance does happen.
My husband is a pediatrician & he has shared with me how each of his trans-ID’d patients is doing. One by one, with just one exception, they’ve all re-identified with reality. Even the very autistic, very bright girl he told me about last night—he saw her name & dreaded who he might find in the examination room. But it was a girl, dressed like a normal teenager. She has even gone to a “gender clinic” in a nearby larger city but she confirmed—she’s over it.
The one exception is a gay young man who had a traumatic childhood. My husband has been silently screaming at him through appointments, “YOU’RE GAY. JUST BE GAY.” He may yet come around. Even though he’s officially aged out of pediatrics, he still keeps making appointments with my husband.
Lord please let us see the end of this destructive fad soon. Life is a precious gift—please don’t take yours for granted.
Not my story but I agree with your sentiment. Five years and every day my daughter moves further into her life as a man. I rarely see her and, for the most part, the person I knew is gone. But either way, life goes on. The intense pain and grief fades. Little by little, moments of joy insert themselves into the sadness.
I don’t want to “like” your comment, but I appreciate it & get you. I’m so sorry anonmom. Much love & solidarity—
I thank God for people like your husband
So many have been captured that at times I had wondered if they were still around
Thank you for this post it was really sad, but real and honest & Im glad you got him back. Do you feel it was something you said…or did he just ‘wake up?’
This is one of the most important articles ever posted on PITT.
Its message is both universal and specific. Thank you.
Thank you for expressing our very similar experience and response. I’m a crier, too. I’m distancing myself and attempting acceptance so I can be a strong mom when or if he returns. My heart is beyond broken. I get very angry at times. I blame the woke culture and creeps funding this grotesque ideology.
Me too. But God gives me HOPE even when i want to just scream and cry... "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" and "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want" (meaning He gives me everything I need to get through this) are my lifelines!