A Father’s Anger That Will Not Sleep
It has been two years since my 19 year old son walked into a Planned Parenthood and received HRT drugs on informed consent. His mother and I pleaded with him to not make such a life changing decision at such a young age. But he would not listen to reason and received these drugs without any psychological evaluation or supervision, and little medical supervision.
Since that time I have experienced bouts of intense anger, which have caused my mental health to decline. It’s an anger that woke me up at 2 am for nearly a year, and still regularly wakes me up at 4 am. It’s has taken a toll on my body, mind, and mood. I experience depression and anhedonia more often than not. I find little to no joy in hobbies I once relished. I take care of the tasks of daily living and not much else.
I honestly did not think it was possible to feel such emotional pain.
What am I angry about?
That society is enabling a cult of self-harm disguised as a fantasy. I am also furious that society sees me as the problem because I’m “transphobic”.
The medical establishment’s adoption of euphemisms for mutilating the bodies of teenagers— and calling it “gender affirming care”, all while making tidy profits.
The medical staff that continues to supply my son with wrong sex hormones, even though his mental and physical health is in obvious decline. At 19 he was thin, and at 21 he is borderline obese. He also reports crying daily. Yet he’s unwilling to stop taking drugs that are the source of this harm.
How the Democratic party (which I used to support) and Biden enable this social contagion. How Biden nominated Judge Jackson who refused to define the word ‘woman’. And I’m angry watching Rachel (Richard) Levine saying he was glad he had kids before transition while simultaneously advocating fertility destroying treatments for young people.
The misogyny of a movement that allows sexual predators to gain access to women’s spaces simply by claiming they’re a woman.
The misogyny of a movement that sees women as castrated men, and doesn’t value women’s ability to bring new life into the world. And that allows males to enter and dominate women’s sports (e.g. Lia Thomas), or injure women (e.g. Fallon Fox fracturing Tamikka Brents’ skull).
The media for denying predators exist (e.g. Wi Spa), and not covering physical harms happening to natal women, or when they do for using word salad and intentionally confusing language, like “she raped her with her penis”.
The media for not covering Planned Parenthood’s prescribing hormones with only informed consent and no due diligence or following up on the harm to young people who are damaging their bodies (the voices of detransitioners).
The trans movement’s redefinition of words and introducing made up pronouns and trying to enforce their usage and control language.
My own child for his entitled attitude that he should continue to receive college tuition while destroying his body and mind; his uncaring attitude for the emotional pain of his parents, and the enormous strain that his actions have put on my marriage.
My own utter powerlessness in the face of these events, and feeling like a failure for not protecting my child from this cult.
I am aging and hoped for the compensation of feeling I had a life well led, and that I successfully launched my children into the world. But my son has stolen that from me and left me feeling like an utter failure. This was a child that I treated with love, compassion, and generosity, and he has selfishly taken all that away.
I am aware of how this anger is harming my mind and body. What am I trying to do about it?
For the better part of a year I pleaded with my son to stop. His response was to call his mother and I transphobic.
Every day for the past two years I have restrained myself from sending my son a nasty email telling him what I really think about his narcissistic behavior and misogynistic fantasy.
I have twice given money to Partners for Ethical Care, hoping their billboard campaigns make a difference.
I will never vote Democrat again.
Some days I successfully pretend none of this is happening.
I enjoy those few moments of morning amnesia where I can’t yet recall my current circumstances.
I saw a therapist for about a year and a half, but it wasn't helpful. Part of me always saw the therapist as part of the profession enabling this social contagion. I also couldn’t trust him with my true feelings, as I feared judgment.
Several times a week I have a crying jag that lasts several minutes. I do it when my wife is out walking the dog so as to not burden her with this.
If I didn’t love my son, all of this would be much easier, but I do. And it is my love that causes the grief that feeds my anger.
As a therapist who agrees with you, I find myself an outcast in my own profession, and among colleagues I have admired for years. I agree with “Ildiko P” that saying anything only makes it worse. Which is in itself torture.
You are going through a grief process for a person you love but no longer recognize, as well as the person you yourself used to be.
And the only thing you CAN do is take exquisite care of yourself and your health, no matter what.
Our society is currently toxic. We must find other like-minded souls to help heal and repair our broken world.
Good luck and God bless you.
Thank you for sharing the plain truth. I am angry too. I am a therapist who sees what you see. I live in Idaho and worked hard to pass a bill that would protect my personally held beliefs so that I could offer therapy that is based upon real science for gender-confused kids. We could not pass a bill that protects the personally held beliefs of therapists, a most basic constitutional right. Idaho Medicaid follows the mandates of the counseling professions which require me to use gender-affirming care, to embrace and promote the transgender agenda, and to tell parents who don't agree that they are oppressing and discriminating against their child. I am making a career change and have lost income because I refuse to comply with this evil. I am fighting with you. You are not alone.