A little over one year ago our son began acting oddly. I asked him what was going on and if I could help. I also asked him if he had a girlfriend (or boyfriend) because I knew something up. He told me he had neither, that he has too much to do to get through school, but that he was fine.
This crazy ideology is tearing families apart. Sorry you are going through this. Just remember you aren't the crazy one, you aren't the bad one, you are the one who sees through the cults lies and sees the harms.
What mother wouldn't want the best for their child and the best for your son is not wrecking his health going down a medical pathway.
Sorry but these letters all start the same. "I was completely clueless and checked out of my kid's life, but here's why none of what happened next was my fault."
I hope we are learning among other things that this trans insanity is only one of the many harmful things that can befall kids and teens with unsupervised, unrestricted Internet access and checked-out parents.
We need to do our fucking jobs as parents. Of course it's really hard and overwhelming to contemplate. Too bad. It is clearly what our kids need. Let's suck it up.
This answer may be the case for some but it's an unfair and wild gross assumption. It's also incredibly insensitive to so many here that are simply sharing to be able to breathe and manage the pain of estrangement with others in similar circumstances. Helicopter to your heart's desire, there is not one answer.
I am so so sorry. This is incredibly heartbreaking on so many levels. Please know that you are not alone. As for the person that gave a littany of the “red flags” you missed... I believe wholeheartedly that you did your very best and love your son unconditionally. Praying for you. ❤️🙏🏻
Thank you so much. I feel like I tried my very best. He changed quite literally almost overnight. I taught him right from wrong, got him outdoors in nature, camping, hiking, paddle boarding. I taught him how to fix things in the house, furnace, dryer, plumbing, etc. I kept tabs on Internet use... heck, he barely used his phone until this all began after he turned 17. He taught himself how to code in 4 different languages in high school and hindsight tells me he was able to hide things from me online. But I truly tried so hard to help him be a God fearing, strong young man. I was not an absent parent, but maybe trusted him more than I should have.
We also have lived through the Trans situation and have been cut off from our youngest child who had decided we parents are evil. The trans cult here locally where I am is called Stonewall Alliance. It is so frightening that they care not for the wake of devastation they leave in their social justice wake.
Thankfully my husband and I are on the same page. We love our child and always will. While we don’t agree with the Trans ideology and definitely would NEVER have affirmed gender surgery if our child had been a minor, we tried to respect that as an adult our child was entitled since this is America to her freedoms.
However, we noted that we would NOT be using different pronouns and we encouraged therapy BEFORE hormones and more. Unfortunately the gender cult had our kid and other issues were at play. Mental health challenges are a real thing and people try to gaslight those of us who believe there should be mandates in place prior to taking drastic steps like hormone therapy or surgeries. Anyone who doesn’t think there is a social contagion happening for the vast majority of these kids who are suddenly thinking they are Trans or whatever doesn’t understand statistics and certainly doesn’t get actual biology and is in denial about mental health issues being real. We should never be ashamed to have our loved ones receiving mental health care or about talking about it.
At this point our child has chosen to live a life that doesn’t include us and demanded complete affirmation of pronouns. We won’t have our speech compelled. We tried to remain supportive emotional wise and presence wise, and used the term ‘our youngest’ or ‘our child’ to be respectful but not give up our own values and ensure our speech wasn’t compelled as we refused when ‘them/they’ was being used by our child for a while then ‘he/him’. Those are not reality and we won’t acquiesce and won’t be shamed or have anyone use the ‘would you rather have a dead daughter or a live son?’ argument. We love our child and always will. Our door is open if she wants to have a relationship on terms where neither of us is compelling the other’s speech and there is mutual respect. I wrote letters to state my love even though my child has said and done some horrific things and accused my husband and I of being bigots. That about killed me. I felt eviscerated and wondered who this child was as she certainly wasn’t behaving like the person I had raised in our home to be kind, loving and respectful.
I think many Trans kids have mental health issues, I think quite an umber have self hate about being gay, which is incredibly sad. And the self-loathing of the beautiful bodies they were born in and who they are is so very heartbreaking. Parents are losing their kids to a Trans Army who don’t brook our kids remaining with their families unless they are 100% affirming their Trans identities. And these lost kids are clinging to a choice they made when some want to transition back but are terrified to do so as they feel pressure from their army to stay Trans. Or they are worried their partners would leave them if they lived who they were borne as or they just are embarrassed to desist and live their authentic biological selves.
Whether or not our child desists or not, we love her and will always love her. I hope she someday remembers who are family is and the good times and that her false sense of what it was like that the Trans army likely impressed upon her is just lies and out there to turn her away from us and keep her aligned with them. These Trans soldiers are literally like the abusive boyfriends and girlfriend who isolate our kids from their loved ones; they are relentless and will never admit they are wrong and harming people.
How many truly happy Trans identifying people have you met?
Our lives are forever impacted and we always feel the weight of the empty seat at the table during holidays and birthdays. It is incredibly painful. The thought that we likely will die without any further interactions with our child is horrifying and gutting. We can only pray our child decides to let go of the anger and the hate and see us for who we are and see the love that is there. It won’t be easy going forward, but that is what we all must do. And I am glad for the relationship my child still has with some of the family. But I do note that some people pretend to be okay and use the pronouns though they don’t believe in them and that is sad to not live our lies with our own morals respected. I pray this contagion passes at some point and doesn’t claim thousands more victims and splinter more families. My heart goes out to parents in our situation.
My advice to parents everywhere? Don’t give your kids cell phones. Be vigilant about who your kids are interacting with and consider moving to another state than California or like areas who bought into this contagion and go live in a more rural area where people still know how to speak truth and support one another in truth.
"I think many Trans kids have mental health issues, I think quite an umber have self hate about being gay, which is incredibly sad. And the self-loathing of the beautiful bodies they were born in and who they are is so very heartbreaking. Parents are losing their kids to a Trans Army who don’t brook our kids remaining with their families unless they are 100% affirming their Trans identities. And these lost kids are clinging to a choice they made when some want to transition back but are terrified to do so as they feel pressure from their army to stay Trans. Or they are worried their partners would leave them if they lived who they were borne as or they just are embarrassed to desist and live their authentic biological selves."
You have summarised perfectly the issues facing kids sucked into the trans ideology. Since when did teenagers who feel comfortable in their changing and often confusing bodies? Show me a girl who enjoys having to deal with menstruation, the unwanted attention and physical discomfort that comes with growing breasts, a boy who isn't embarrassed by his cracking voice and spontaneous erections as he moves through adolescence, who physically doesn't reflect the muscle-bound stereotype of the ideal male. Rather than accepting that growing into an adult has never been a comfortable experience, teenagers are told they suffer from 'body dysmorphia' and all will be solved by becoming the opposite sex. It is utterly insane.
And if they do have second thoughts, you are completely correct about the rejection of the trans community. There was an article published here in Australia recently where a woman who detransitioned described her complete expulsion from her social circle due to reverting to her female sex. She was shunned by everyone she knew, including work colleagues. Apart from anything else, this demonstrates the shallow nature of the trans community - members are obviously only valued for their self-declared sex, not their essential selves. Like so many other trans people, she had pushed her family away and anyone else who dared question her transitioning to male. She was in her late 20s, alone and trying to manage the physical consequences of her testosterone use, including spending a fortune on having all the excess hair she'd grown removed from her face, back, stomach etc. I felt like reaching out to her and saying 'Call your mum and dad', because I long for the day I get that phone call from my daughter.
Embarrassment also plays a huge part, especially as they grow older. Their trans identity is enmeshed in everything - their work, their social group, their relationships. Turning around to say 'Hey, this was all actually a huge mistake' would take a lot of courage, particularly as the cheer squad only supports them moving in one direction, and it sure isn't detransitioning.
Your advice about cell phones is spot on. Keep them off social media where the algorithms will push them towards quizzes titled 'Could I be trans?' and spam them with trans positive content. Monitoring all internet use is necessary - put parental controls on all computers and devices in your home. I know for a fact that had my daughter been born 10 years earlier, prior to the rise of Tik Tok and other platforms, we would not be going through all of this. Keep them physically active - this may sound simplistic, but my daughter stopped all sport and dance to spend more time shut in her room on her computer. It was during COVID but I should have made more of an effort to get her out exercising, interacting with the family at least. Instead I thought she needed space. I will regret that decision for the rest of my life.
Good luck to you and you family. This is a group none of us ever wanted to join, but know there are people across the other side of the world offering you what little support words in a comments section can bring.
Thank you. Your response means a lot to me. I would welcome the call whether or not my child desisted. But would hold to my morals and biology, while respecting within what is possible my child’s right to make personal choices (even though I may not agree with said choices) since she is an adult.
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. Your ex is a terrible parent. I hope one day your son realises you're trying to help him and have his best interests at heart.
A terrible experience. I hope one day your son will see sense, condemn his immature, irresponsible, controlling, divisive father and return to you, his truly caring, truthful parent with a heart-felt, sincere apology for the hurt he has caused you through damaging himself.
God, how I so hate to read these stories. For the last six years, more and more parents are having to try to convince their kids they are not trapped in the wrong body. And like this woman's son, the kid becomes bitter and hostile against the parent who says NO!
Gender becomes to magic f****ing bullet that will solve their discomfort in their body and in society.
This generation has grown up NOT relating to the world. They have been lost in the internet cloud and never grew up with bullys and nasty little kids in school, (since most of the bullys were drugged to keep them passive for their teachers) and just as soon as they start to hit puberty, and by their very nature start interacting socially, they feel lost and uncertain about their role in society. Then the schools and media tell them if they feel that way, they must be gender non binary or gender queer, or transgender. The label explains to the kid all that is wrong with them, and if only they take hormones and cut of some body parts all will be right in their world.
And then mom walks in and questions the whole bag of rotting fish, and the kid turns on them. They feel threatened by her questions. Because their new gender identity will solve all of their social ills and maladies. In their mind, the mom is trying to keep them from breathing air. WTF? The child has to have their gender solution, as it is the only identify in the world they have. Their normal, birth self isn't liked, isn't masculine or feminine, isn't pretty or strong enough. Gender change is a magical elixir that will allow them to fit in. "AND MOM WANTS TO TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME! WHAT A BITCH!"
Then you throw in the father, who only wants to make his child happy, and you have the perfect gender storm.
As I stated before, I hate reading these stories. Rene Jax
I'm going out a limb and guessing your ex husband is a very strong beta male that you once found attractive but now realize means he was never one who was worthy of being called a man at all. After all, jellyfish have no spine.
Ad hominem: the ad hominem fallacy is a fallacy where an arguer will respond to an argument with a personal attack on their opponent, instead of refuting the actual argument
I am so sad to hear your story. I have no husband - he died when my son was four, but I'd rather be alone than be in the situation you find yourself. It's o unfair for a parent, not matter whether you are together or not, to make such decisions without including you. Obviously it's a power struggle which your son knows he has won.
This is so wrong and so hateful of your ex husband. I have a godson who has gone off the rails, hanging around with thieves, burglars, drug dealers and even stealing from friend’s family homes with his “gang” in tow. His father is also an “ex” and has told my friend that this is revenge for his daughter turning against him. (He has treated my friend like dirt for years which is why my god daughter turned against him!) Now he doesn’t care what his 16 year old son is doing and says it’s all lies. I’m hoping he doesn’t end up in jail or dead. So I know where you’re coming from and how the uncertainty and blocking and dismissal of you as his mother is gut wrenching. My friend was sobbing when I arrived at her home last month after flying from interstate to support her! I hope you have friends who can support you too. I send you strength and compassion to get through this nightmare as I have a “trans” declared daughter and I know the pain of this madness.
What do you mean by “ so called “mental health professionals” even stating outright falsities”? I beg you to provide evidence for this.
This crazy ideology is tearing families apart. Sorry you are going through this. Just remember you aren't the crazy one, you aren't the bad one, you are the one who sees through the cults lies and sees the harms.
What mother wouldn't want the best for their child and the best for your son is not wrecking his health going down a medical pathway.
If it's any consolation you are not alone.
Please don't stay married to this coward. You deserve better and your son does too. Maybe he will come out on the other side someday.
Sorry but these letters all start the same. "I was completely clueless and checked out of my kid's life, but here's why none of what happened next was my fault."
I hope we are learning among other things that this trans insanity is only one of the many harmful things that can befall kids and teens with unsupervised, unrestricted Internet access and checked-out parents.
We need to do our fucking jobs as parents. Of course it's really hard and overwhelming to contemplate. Too bad. It is clearly what our kids need. Let's suck it up.
This answer may be the case for some but it's an unfair and wild gross assumption. It's also incredibly insensitive to so many here that are simply sharing to be able to breathe and manage the pain of estrangement with others in similar circumstances. Helicopter to your heart's desire, there is not one answer.
I am so so sorry. This is incredibly heartbreaking on so many levels. Please know that you are not alone. As for the person that gave a littany of the “red flags” you missed... I believe wholeheartedly that you did your very best and love your son unconditionally. Praying for you. ❤️🙏🏻
Thank you so much. I feel like I tried my very best. He changed quite literally almost overnight. I taught him right from wrong, got him outdoors in nature, camping, hiking, paddle boarding. I taught him how to fix things in the house, furnace, dryer, plumbing, etc. I kept tabs on Internet use... heck, he barely used his phone until this all began after he turned 17. He taught himself how to code in 4 different languages in high school and hindsight tells me he was able to hide things from me online. But I truly tried so hard to help him be a God fearing, strong young man. I was not an absent parent, but maybe trusted him more than I should have.
We also have lived through the Trans situation and have been cut off from our youngest child who had decided we parents are evil. The trans cult here locally where I am is called Stonewall Alliance. It is so frightening that they care not for the wake of devastation they leave in their social justice wake.
Thankfully my husband and I are on the same page. We love our child and always will. While we don’t agree with the Trans ideology and definitely would NEVER have affirmed gender surgery if our child had been a minor, we tried to respect that as an adult our child was entitled since this is America to her freedoms.
However, we noted that we would NOT be using different pronouns and we encouraged therapy BEFORE hormones and more. Unfortunately the gender cult had our kid and other issues were at play. Mental health challenges are a real thing and people try to gaslight those of us who believe there should be mandates in place prior to taking drastic steps like hormone therapy or surgeries. Anyone who doesn’t think there is a social contagion happening for the vast majority of these kids who are suddenly thinking they are Trans or whatever doesn’t understand statistics and certainly doesn’t get actual biology and is in denial about mental health issues being real. We should never be ashamed to have our loved ones receiving mental health care or about talking about it.
At this point our child has chosen to live a life that doesn’t include us and demanded complete affirmation of pronouns. We won’t have our speech compelled. We tried to remain supportive emotional wise and presence wise, and used the term ‘our youngest’ or ‘our child’ to be respectful but not give up our own values and ensure our speech wasn’t compelled as we refused when ‘them/they’ was being used by our child for a while then ‘he/him’. Those are not reality and we won’t acquiesce and won’t be shamed or have anyone use the ‘would you rather have a dead daughter or a live son?’ argument. We love our child and always will. Our door is open if she wants to have a relationship on terms where neither of us is compelling the other’s speech and there is mutual respect. I wrote letters to state my love even though my child has said and done some horrific things and accused my husband and I of being bigots. That about killed me. I felt eviscerated and wondered who this child was as she certainly wasn’t behaving like the person I had raised in our home to be kind, loving and respectful.
I think many Trans kids have mental health issues, I think quite an umber have self hate about being gay, which is incredibly sad. And the self-loathing of the beautiful bodies they were born in and who they are is so very heartbreaking. Parents are losing their kids to a Trans Army who don’t brook our kids remaining with their families unless they are 100% affirming their Trans identities. And these lost kids are clinging to a choice they made when some want to transition back but are terrified to do so as they feel pressure from their army to stay Trans. Or they are worried their partners would leave them if they lived who they were borne as or they just are embarrassed to desist and live their authentic biological selves.
Whether or not our child desists or not, we love her and will always love her. I hope she someday remembers who are family is and the good times and that her false sense of what it was like that the Trans army likely impressed upon her is just lies and out there to turn her away from us and keep her aligned with them. These Trans soldiers are literally like the abusive boyfriends and girlfriend who isolate our kids from their loved ones; they are relentless and will never admit they are wrong and harming people.
How many truly happy Trans identifying people have you met?
Our lives are forever impacted and we always feel the weight of the empty seat at the table during holidays and birthdays. It is incredibly painful. The thought that we likely will die without any further interactions with our child is horrifying and gutting. We can only pray our child decides to let go of the anger and the hate and see us for who we are and see the love that is there. It won’t be easy going forward, but that is what we all must do. And I am glad for the relationship my child still has with some of the family. But I do note that some people pretend to be okay and use the pronouns though they don’t believe in them and that is sad to not live our lies with our own morals respected. I pray this contagion passes at some point and doesn’t claim thousands more victims and splinter more families. My heart goes out to parents in our situation.
My advice to parents everywhere? Don’t give your kids cell phones. Be vigilant about who your kids are interacting with and consider moving to another state than California or like areas who bought into this contagion and go live in a more rural area where people still know how to speak truth and support one another in truth.
*quite a number have self-hate
"I think many Trans kids have mental health issues, I think quite an umber have self hate about being gay, which is incredibly sad. And the self-loathing of the beautiful bodies they were born in and who they are is so very heartbreaking. Parents are losing their kids to a Trans Army who don’t brook our kids remaining with their families unless they are 100% affirming their Trans identities. And these lost kids are clinging to a choice they made when some want to transition back but are terrified to do so as they feel pressure from their army to stay Trans. Or they are worried their partners would leave them if they lived who they were borne as or they just are embarrassed to desist and live their authentic biological selves."
You have summarised perfectly the issues facing kids sucked into the trans ideology. Since when did teenagers who feel comfortable in their changing and often confusing bodies? Show me a girl who enjoys having to deal with menstruation, the unwanted attention and physical discomfort that comes with growing breasts, a boy who isn't embarrassed by his cracking voice and spontaneous erections as he moves through adolescence, who physically doesn't reflect the muscle-bound stereotype of the ideal male. Rather than accepting that growing into an adult has never been a comfortable experience, teenagers are told they suffer from 'body dysmorphia' and all will be solved by becoming the opposite sex. It is utterly insane.
And if they do have second thoughts, you are completely correct about the rejection of the trans community. There was an article published here in Australia recently where a woman who detransitioned described her complete expulsion from her social circle due to reverting to her female sex. She was shunned by everyone she knew, including work colleagues. Apart from anything else, this demonstrates the shallow nature of the trans community - members are obviously only valued for their self-declared sex, not their essential selves. Like so many other trans people, she had pushed her family away and anyone else who dared question her transitioning to male. She was in her late 20s, alone and trying to manage the physical consequences of her testosterone use, including spending a fortune on having all the excess hair she'd grown removed from her face, back, stomach etc. I felt like reaching out to her and saying 'Call your mum and dad', because I long for the day I get that phone call from my daughter.
Embarrassment also plays a huge part, especially as they grow older. Their trans identity is enmeshed in everything - their work, their social group, their relationships. Turning around to say 'Hey, this was all actually a huge mistake' would take a lot of courage, particularly as the cheer squad only supports them moving in one direction, and it sure isn't detransitioning.
Your advice about cell phones is spot on. Keep them off social media where the algorithms will push them towards quizzes titled 'Could I be trans?' and spam them with trans positive content. Monitoring all internet use is necessary - put parental controls on all computers and devices in your home. I know for a fact that had my daughter been born 10 years earlier, prior to the rise of Tik Tok and other platforms, we would not be going through all of this. Keep them physically active - this may sound simplistic, but my daughter stopped all sport and dance to spend more time shut in her room on her computer. It was during COVID but I should have made more of an effort to get her out exercising, interacting with the family at least. Instead I thought she needed space. I will regret that decision for the rest of my life.
Good luck to you and you family. This is a group none of us ever wanted to join, but know there are people across the other side of the world offering you what little support words in a comments section can bring.
Thank you. Your response means a lot to me. I would welcome the call whether or not my child desisted. But would hold to my morals and biology, while respecting within what is possible my child’s right to make personal choices (even though I may not agree with said choices) since she is an adult.
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. Your ex is a terrible parent. I hope one day your son realises you're trying to help him and have his best interests at heart.
I’m sorry 😞
A terrible experience. I hope one day your son will see sense, condemn his immature, irresponsible, controlling, divisive father and return to you, his truly caring, truthful parent with a heart-felt, sincere apology for the hurt he has caused you through damaging himself.
I’m so sorry.
God, how I so hate to read these stories. For the last six years, more and more parents are having to try to convince their kids they are not trapped in the wrong body. And like this woman's son, the kid becomes bitter and hostile against the parent who says NO!
Gender becomes to magic f****ing bullet that will solve their discomfort in their body and in society.
This generation has grown up NOT relating to the world. They have been lost in the internet cloud and never grew up with bullys and nasty little kids in school, (since most of the bullys were drugged to keep them passive for their teachers) and just as soon as they start to hit puberty, and by their very nature start interacting socially, they feel lost and uncertain about their role in society. Then the schools and media tell them if they feel that way, they must be gender non binary or gender queer, or transgender. The label explains to the kid all that is wrong with them, and if only they take hormones and cut of some body parts all will be right in their world.
And then mom walks in and questions the whole bag of rotting fish, and the kid turns on them. They feel threatened by her questions. Because their new gender identity will solve all of their social ills and maladies. In their mind, the mom is trying to keep them from breathing air. WTF? The child has to have their gender solution, as it is the only identify in the world they have. Their normal, birth self isn't liked, isn't masculine or feminine, isn't pretty or strong enough. Gender change is a magical elixir that will allow them to fit in. "AND MOM WANTS TO TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME! WHAT A BITCH!"
Then you throw in the father, who only wants to make his child happy, and you have the perfect gender storm.
As I stated before, I hate reading these stories. Rene Jax
I'm going out a limb and guessing your ex husband is a very strong beta male that you once found attractive but now realize means he was never one who was worthy of being called a man at all. After all, jellyfish have no spine.
Ad hominem: the ad hominem fallacy is a fallacy where an arguer will respond to an argument with a personal attack on their opponent, instead of refuting the actual argument
I am so sad to hear your story. I have no husband - he died when my son was four, but I'd rather be alone than be in the situation you find yourself. It's o unfair for a parent, not matter whether you are together or not, to make such decisions without including you. Obviously it's a power struggle which your son knows he has won.
This is so wrong and so hateful of your ex husband. I have a godson who has gone off the rails, hanging around with thieves, burglars, drug dealers and even stealing from friend’s family homes with his “gang” in tow. His father is also an “ex” and has told my friend that this is revenge for his daughter turning against him. (He has treated my friend like dirt for years which is why my god daughter turned against him!) Now he doesn’t care what his 16 year old son is doing and says it’s all lies. I’m hoping he doesn’t end up in jail or dead. So I know where you’re coming from and how the uncertainty and blocking and dismissal of you as his mother is gut wrenching. My friend was sobbing when I arrived at her home last month after flying from interstate to support her! I hope you have friends who can support you too. I send you strength and compassion to get through this nightmare as I have a “trans” declared daughter and I know the pain of this madness.
Who said I don't. The politics is not the focus here. Saving our kids and supporting each other is.
Mine.