66 Comments

I am crying for you because I feel it. I’m experiencing it with my daughter who wants to transition so badly.

I have similar views as yours; she will always be my daughter no matter what; always loved to the moon and back. God help us.

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Beautifully written story of the pain we all feel. I'm praying for your family - all of our families.

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May 25·edited May 25

My main problem with society's and gender-affirming providers' narrative around parents not accepting "gender" transitions is the belief we don't love or accept our children as they are. This belief dismisses our concerns which would be LAUDED if the same medical outcomes occurred under any different circumstance. We love our children unconditionally. We do not stop loving them when they state they need nor when they start hormones. We don't want our 18-year-old sons to be neutered. We believe a functional sex life (with expected abilities given their sex as paramount) provides a level of intimacy, emotional connection and personal fulfillment with a partner that is very difficult to replace. Usually this happens early in a relationship. What happens now? We also believe the ability to procreate should not be removed before they become a fully functioning adult (and then only after they have truly understood how they and hopefully their partner feel about having children). This outrage does not impact how much we love them or respect them (despite the fact that we do not respect this "choice" ... ).

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Exactly! No one ever considers our children's sex lives! It's outrageous!

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you people need serious psychiatric help

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Nobody deserves to live in the gaslight of the relationships the trans identified expect us to. It's a very hard band-aid to pull but if your son is still in your life and trans identified, you've almost certainly not said the things that you need to let alone the things you want to. I know you aren't looking for it but my advice is to say them, it'll be either a trigger to get him to escape from the cult or do what is otherwise inevitable - cut you out of his life. A copy of the PITT book is a good way to say almost everything they need to hear.

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Everybody has conditions about who they love, silly, even you because without them you can't love at all. What is it that one could love if nothing about the target mattered? All anyone could have is indifference.

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"I will be there for you but only if you do exactly what I want all the time."

Lmao you are a loser and a terrible mother. If your love and acceptance are conditional, they don't exist.

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what do you mean?

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Gd bless you mom. As a therapist who provides therapy (not GAC) to parents/families & young people grappling with “identity issues”, I find your writing expressing confusion, deep love & commitment, bewilderment, fear, uncertainty quite representative. Please seek out your people.

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Thank you for this beautiful heart wrenching piece. I’m wondering how many of the readers have sons and daughters who have medicalized with surgery? I try to have hope that the ones who haven’t done it yet won’t. Especially if they’re out of the house already. I just try and have hope that my younger daughter doesn’t follow her older sisters example of surgery. It’s hard to believe and have hope after surgery. has happened.

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Beautifully expressed. You capture so well the pain and contradictions parents, particularly mothers, feel.

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My 22 yo son tells me he’s a lesbian now. His new “girlfriend” Scarlet will be moving here to be with him. “She” doesn’t have a job. He asked would I come to his wedding he marries a trans girl.

There are too many absurdities. I can’t even respond.

I pray- pray-pray. I go to counseling. I walk around completely gutted. I pray some more.

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"I will be there, if I have to cross the ocean seven times over."

THIS! This is exactly how I feel about my lost child, 4 years gone now...

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I agree with this author and I will add what I read yesterday on X below as she describes a video of Elliot Page. Also Stephanie Will @sometherapist did a great podcast yesterday that was very helpful...

from: @Psychgirl211

Years ago, I did work with people who had complex PTSD.

One was a Kurdish woman who described seeing her own foot getting blown off by a bomb.

Their body language was very similar to this. (Especially with the volume off).

There's so much 'leakage' here, the most obvious being the constant head-shaking. She's literally communicating "no, no, no" all the way through, negating every word coming out of her mouth.

I would bet anything she's got a little 'film' of her abuse, playing in her head on a constant loop.

And every time she looks at her destroyed chest that abuse is not merely remembered but re-experieced, somatically, psychologically, and emotionally.

So, there is now double trauma. The initial abuse, plus 'transition trauma', which is ongoing and continuous.

The difference with 'Elliot', unlike the survivors of trauma with whom I've worked (including the Kurdish woman), is that she did the latter to herself. Deliberately, consciously, and knowingly.

Therefore, there's no way out for her. The normal ways of deactivating a trauma response won't work. And she cannot admit her 'transition' hasn't alleviated her distress because she would be crucified.

'Elliot' is in her own private hell of double trauma. It's written all over her face.

This is only going to end one way. She knows it. We all know it.

This is an appalling modern tragedy, but what is inexcusable is that 'Elliot' is now deliberately dragging countless other young women down into Hell with her.

That is unforgettable.

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The latest BIG study on SUICIDES after medical "transition"... :( https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC11063965/

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Ooooooh! So wrenching to read. What else can we do but love them in this craziness? The world is a mess.😞

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I've been weak and angrily stated my opinion. I wish I'd done things differently but water is under the bridge. My overall shock at the state of treatments are drastic permanent drug and surgical treatments for a psychological issue as a first resort.

The treatment providers don't read any of the trans activist forums. Everyone in puberty who doesn't like the changes is trans. If they doubt it, that just means internalized transphobia.

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Thank you for sharing. What a beautiful, heart wrenching story. I too wish to wake up realizing it was all a nightmare. If only they understood how much of our hearts they posess.

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Thank you for writing this. They are quite beautiful, still in their costumes. They will always be our cherished little ones. I don't affirm either, mine a daughter now 18, and I should be repulsed by what she is trying to look like but we are still connecting. It is in the eyes - her eyes light up when authentic connection makes her feel seen, understood and admired for who she is right now, not what she looks like. I just can't help but adore her and I forget to deliver any cautionary advice. Most likely God's plan though as me talking about it as much as I think about it (and research it) would kill the relationship. Every morning I wake up hoping this isn't real. I am exhausted but I have to keep praying (for all of us) as I wait for her autistic brain to mature.

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This is me too. I'm so grateful to still be connected, I don't say anything that might frighten my little bird away.

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Me too just like you!!❤️❤️

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