As you know, the surgery is a girl mom's worst nightmare. My daughter (almost 19) recently announced her intention to medicalize, and I connected with both a therapist and a female detransitioner about it. Both said something that might bring you some comfort: you feel like this huge ugly milestone has been crossed, and that you've lost the war, as you said in your piece. But you haven't. It was just one of many battles. Fortify yourself for the ones that still lie ahead. According to both of the women I spoke to, many girls will dabble and come in and out of medicalization.
I have to believe there is life after a double mastectomy. I have to cling to a hope that every day is a new opportunity for our girls to change course. I'll be keeping that hope in my heart for your daughter, too.
Beautiful song…heart wrenching story. So hard to understand how any surgeon could perform that surgery on a young healthy female. I wanted to get my tubes tied when I was in my early twenties because I never wanted to have children and I could not find a doctor who would perform this surgery stating “you are too young and might change your mind someday about wanting to have a child.” They were right, of course and when I was thirty-three years old I gave birth to my beautiful daughter. Five years ago she gave me a beautiful granddaughter. Time. Everything needs time. However, these children that are caught in the trans cult snares are in such a hurry to make life decisions but what they need is time to mature, time to accept who they are, time to grow-up. I would have missed out on so much had I found a doctor to grant me my impulsive wish 40+ years ago. So many of these lost children are making decisions that are being supported and encouraged only to one day wake up with regrets. So sad. So very, very sad.
Your song is so beautiful. Our stories are very similar, my daughter had top surgery just two weeks before your daughter, also at age 20. Her boyfriend took her for all the appointments and she recovered with him at their apartment. She dumped him soon after and moved home. I can only hope that mine is on the path to detransition as well. I feel a generational loss, as she is my only daughter, and has cut off the bond from mother to daughter, she will never be able to breastfeed her own child, if she ever has children. Our girls have no clue what they are putting us through and how they might feel about their surgery scars in 5-10 years. Keep writing and don’t give up on her.
I concur that this is a beautiful lament that touches the heart of every mother. I don't understand the boyfriends and husbands that stand by and allow their girlfriends and wives to mutilate their bodies. My daughter is still married to her husband of 14 years and has been trans for the last 3. We need more men in our society and culture who tell the women they love that they are beautiful as God made them, not that they need to transform into something different. My heart breaks for your daughter, my daughter, and every other daughter out there who believes the lies of this cult.
Music is such a great comfort and you are doing great holding on to that resource. For yourself and for us listeners.
I work myself into exhaustion in my garden in order to cope with the loss of my twins in the grip of trans ideology forced by my autogynophilic ex husband. We are strong holding on to real things like nature, music...
Such a hauntingly beautiful song. I love the imagery of being a lighthouse for our children in the storm of this chaos. Sending love to your precious heart, fellow mom. ❤️ We all feel your pain. Keep standing strong and bright, the storm must eventually pass!
Kaiser. Odd as usually try to minimize access to specialists. Why would ANY doctors or medical group be eager to remove healthy breasts or on demand, a nose or a leg. The explanation escapes me
Thank you for sharing this list. When will the well-funded walls of these Medical Citadels of mutilation crumble? When the outcry from grieving parents is louder than the clink of coin paving their bloody practices. I am too weak on my own to do this. But together?
Your post was beautiful, as well as your song. My heart aches for parents whose children have done irreversible damage to their bodies. My daughter, who is in a same sex relationship, and very trans affirming, likened voluntary mastectomy to breast augmentation and nose jobs, saying that anyone who undergoes “cosmetic” surgery might regret it , oh well. No. This is beyond cosmetic surgery when we are taking away healthy body parts that function to feed and nourish people. I do believe there is an evil agenda pushing this on really immature and impressionable young people. I think of all the unborn children that are sacrificed on the altar of trans, choice, and infertile sexual relations. With the explosion of LGBT, I’m sure there are many who might have chosen other paths that might have included children. What about their legacy? What about our family’s future? They are so hyper focused on injustices, ideology, and material inequality that they forget about hope, trust, and the joy and maturity that comes from being a mother and a father.
If he's genuinely heterosexual & has actual romantic feelings for this woman, he is grieving the loss of those breasts just as much as she (secretly) is. I can remember seeing Ellen Page on TV after her double mastectomy & being struck by how utterly traumatized she was, to the point where I sensed that she had been wrangled into the whole thing.
Really? It's so strange you mention Ellen Page, because just today, I kid you not, while driving, I randomly thought about her, and how she often seems to be advocating for the trans agenda after her change to Elliot. Do you recall what show she was on?
There is a victim complex component that draws people to the left. That, and using all their energy trying to change the world (or thinking they can) instead of looking within.
I’m right there with you. My daughter had a masectomy in November 2022 - I couldn’t believe it - she’s now 22. There are no words - I had a masectomy because of cancer history but to have that done as a healthy young woman is mind boggling.
Sorry for your story. Few questions. I know you love your daughter as we love all our children ... that being said. Was she in college and living with you? Working? I know this may sound harsh and you want your child there no matter what they do (even cutting off body parts) but what was your relationship like that at the age of 20 when this happened? Is she still there? It's over 18 month later.. what is happening now? Just trying to understand.
Hi Luc, I am the author of this essay, and I appreciate your candid questions. My daughter was living with us and going to school when she had her surgery. Also, she worked at a coffee shop but quit right before the procedure. At that time, we were at a loss with how to handle her impending surgery. If we canceled her medical insurance, she could be in serious trouble in a medical emergency, so we didn't cancel it. If we pushed too hard against the surgery, we were worried she would leave and cut us out of her life.
Currently, she is still fully ensconced in the trans ideology and is still using the testosterone cream. So, I am dealing with the situation by ignoring the trans elephant in the room and trying to maintain a loving relationship with her. It is my understating that when you have a loved one in a cult, there isn't anything you can do but leave the door open for them for when they come back.
Oh, and as for the accomplice boyfriend? She dumped him about a month after the surgery. Go figure.
I can understand that you don't know what to do but there are a LOT of people that don't have insurance and her being an adult (COUGH COUGH) over 18 she can get it on her own probably. Many, many people are cash payers of insurance. Hindsight being 20/20 I guess that could have been considered. If she was willing to take the risks (although she probably still has NO idea what they were/will be for her future) of the surgery then she could deal with the fall out of not having insurance. Again I am not trying to be accusatory.
Sadly, MEDICAID in most states, pays for most of these Trans 'Treatments". If you explore this fact, you'll understand how our 18-year-olds and over, are able to afford and easily get these 'treatments'. To the author of this article - you did all you could at the time. You were able to keep her at home - where truth is still residing. And with that, the possibility that your love, care and time, may help her to reconnect with Reality. However, we have a very difficult adversary: the current state, media, education and medical institutions are all lined up in favor of this cult. They are supporting this generational holocaust - and all the people in these institutions are either just as deluded thinking they are offering "treatments" and some are quite aware of what they are really doing. Either way, their actions result in the Directors and the Institutions enjoying millions of dollars in grants and kickbacks, for facilitating this Population Control (reduction) and social engineering experiment. We can't do this alone. Do you have a prayer circle going? Does she still go out to places with you?
Luc, yes, you are right. We were paralyzed by fear of all of the "what ifs', so we did nothing. We did not prevent our daughter from harming herself. The guilt and shame of this is something that I will have to live with for the rest of my life.
I hear you Luc. I've seen in these pages that with this cult, relationships (good or bad) don't matter as much as we'd like to think they do. This happens to very liberal and to conservative families, close and distant, straight and gay, divorced and married, devoutly religious and vehemently atheistic, functional and dysfunctional, unemployed and employed, sexually open and repressed. It happens to families that support their person financially and to those who don't. (My state, WA, will pay for anyone to fly here and medically "transition," financial or insurance support from parents is not needed!) Reading this Substack, I've witnessed every variation. Its not that the details of "how" don't matter. But they don't. Each story is different, yet hauntingly the same.
Also, I have a friend who does not support her daughter's transition, but has maintained the relationship! And friends who didn't support and lost the relationship. Makes no sense. That's why I believe its a cult.
Agreed. Its awful. Mine are 17 and 20. I've been telling them about this lie, that it is a lie and why, since they were little, but we're not out of the woods yet. In the meantime I keep these PITT parents in my thoughts and continue to challenge my friends and neighbors. Not easy in Seattle.
My maternal grandmother suffered at the toxic swamp of pop culture/mental health for much of her life. Whatever was on the cover of the magazines, she did. Then in the 90's a cousin on my Dad's side did "repressed memory," which was devastating. One clue is that often its seen first in Hollywood (Chaz Bono, pop culture/mental health). Yes, something is always next.
I am so sorry. I freaking hate Kaiser, BTW.
As you know, the surgery is a girl mom's worst nightmare. My daughter (almost 19) recently announced her intention to medicalize, and I connected with both a therapist and a female detransitioner about it. Both said something that might bring you some comfort: you feel like this huge ugly milestone has been crossed, and that you've lost the war, as you said in your piece. But you haven't. It was just one of many battles. Fortify yourself for the ones that still lie ahead. According to both of the women I spoke to, many girls will dabble and come in and out of medicalization.
I have to believe there is life after a double mastectomy. I have to cling to a hope that every day is a new opportunity for our girls to change course. I'll be keeping that hope in my heart for your daughter, too.
Beautiful song…heart wrenching story. So hard to understand how any surgeon could perform that surgery on a young healthy female. I wanted to get my tubes tied when I was in my early twenties because I never wanted to have children and I could not find a doctor who would perform this surgery stating “you are too young and might change your mind someday about wanting to have a child.” They were right, of course and when I was thirty-three years old I gave birth to my beautiful daughter. Five years ago she gave me a beautiful granddaughter. Time. Everything needs time. However, these children that are caught in the trans cult snares are in such a hurry to make life decisions but what they need is time to mature, time to accept who they are, time to grow-up. I would have missed out on so much had I found a doctor to grant me my impulsive wish 40+ years ago. So many of these lost children are making decisions that are being supported and encouraged only to one day wake up with regrets. So sad. So very, very sad.
Your song is so beautiful. Our stories are very similar, my daughter had top surgery just two weeks before your daughter, also at age 20. Her boyfriend took her for all the appointments and she recovered with him at their apartment. She dumped him soon after and moved home. I can only hope that mine is on the path to detransition as well. I feel a generational loss, as she is my only daughter, and has cut off the bond from mother to daughter, she will never be able to breastfeed her own child, if she ever has children. Our girls have no clue what they are putting us through and how they might feel about their surgery scars in 5-10 years. Keep writing and don’t give up on her.
OMG. My heart breaks for you.
That is such a pretty, and a sad, song. I hope so much that some day you will be making songs of celebration.
I concur that this is a beautiful lament that touches the heart of every mother. I don't understand the boyfriends and husbands that stand by and allow their girlfriends and wives to mutilate their bodies. My daughter is still married to her husband of 14 years and has been trans for the last 3. We need more men in our society and culture who tell the women they love that they are beautiful as God made them, not that they need to transform into something different. My heart breaks for your daughter, my daughter, and every other daughter out there who believes the lies of this cult.
Your song is beautiful. I’m so sorry you went through this.
Thank you so much for your beautiful lament that speaks to all of us xxxx
Music is such a great comfort and you are doing great holding on to that resource. For yourself and for us listeners.
I work myself into exhaustion in my garden in order to cope with the loss of my twins in the grip of trans ideology forced by my autogynophilic ex husband. We are strong holding on to real things like nature, music...
How horrifying.
Thank you for sharing your story and song. Indeed I feel like I am a “lighthouse in a storm”
Such a hauntingly beautiful song. I love the imagery of being a lighthouse for our children in the storm of this chaos. Sending love to your precious heart, fellow mom. ❤️ We all feel your pain. Keep standing strong and bright, the storm must eventually pass!
Kaiser. Odd as usually try to minimize access to specialists. Why would ANY doctors or medical group be eager to remove healthy breasts or on demand, a nose or a leg. The explanation escapes me
Yes, Kaiser provides "gender affirming" care based on the guidelines from WPATH. You can find a menu of horrible things they do to people here:
https://healthy.kaiserpermanente.org/content/dam/kporg/final/documents/health-plan-documents/coverage-information/clinical-review-gender-affirming-procedures-nw.pdf
Thank you for sharing this list. When will the well-funded walls of these Medical Citadels of mutilation crumble? When the outcry from grieving parents is louder than the clink of coin paving their bloody practices. I am too weak on my own to do this. But together?
Your post was beautiful, as well as your song. My heart aches for parents whose children have done irreversible damage to their bodies. My daughter, who is in a same sex relationship, and very trans affirming, likened voluntary mastectomy to breast augmentation and nose jobs, saying that anyone who undergoes “cosmetic” surgery might regret it , oh well. No. This is beyond cosmetic surgery when we are taking away healthy body parts that function to feed and nourish people. I do believe there is an evil agenda pushing this on really immature and impressionable young people. I think of all the unborn children that are sacrificed on the altar of trans, choice, and infertile sexual relations. With the explosion of LGBT, I’m sure there are many who might have chosen other paths that might have included children. What about their legacy? What about our family’s future? They are so hyper focused on injustices, ideology, and material inequality that they forget about hope, trust, and the joy and maturity that comes from being a mother and a father.
Your daughter's boyfriend will eventually prove to her that men like breasts.
If he's genuinely heterosexual & has actual romantic feelings for this woman, he is grieving the loss of those breasts just as much as she (secretly) is. I can remember seeing Ellen Page on TV after her double mastectomy & being struck by how utterly traumatized she was, to the point where I sensed that she had been wrangled into the whole thing.
Really? It's so strange you mention Ellen Page, because just today, I kid you not, while driving, I randomly thought about her, and how she often seems to be advocating for the trans agenda after her change to Elliot. Do you recall what show she was on?
She always looks miserable.
People on the left always look pretty miserable, and it turns out they are more miserable. https://www.nationalreview.com/2010/11/why-unhappy-people-become-liberals-dennis-prager/
There is a victim complex component that draws people to the left. That, and using all their energy trying to change the world (or thinking they can) instead of looking within.
I’m right there with you. My daughter had a masectomy in November 2022 - I couldn’t believe it - she’s now 22. There are no words - I had a masectomy because of cancer history but to have that done as a healthy young woman is mind boggling.
Sorry for your story. Few questions. I know you love your daughter as we love all our children ... that being said. Was she in college and living with you? Working? I know this may sound harsh and you want your child there no matter what they do (even cutting off body parts) but what was your relationship like that at the age of 20 when this happened? Is she still there? It's over 18 month later.. what is happening now? Just trying to understand.
Hi Luc, I am the author of this essay, and I appreciate your candid questions. My daughter was living with us and going to school when she had her surgery. Also, she worked at a coffee shop but quit right before the procedure. At that time, we were at a loss with how to handle her impending surgery. If we canceled her medical insurance, she could be in serious trouble in a medical emergency, so we didn't cancel it. If we pushed too hard against the surgery, we were worried she would leave and cut us out of her life.
Currently, she is still fully ensconced in the trans ideology and is still using the testosterone cream. So, I am dealing with the situation by ignoring the trans elephant in the room and trying to maintain a loving relationship with her. It is my understating that when you have a loved one in a cult, there isn't anything you can do but leave the door open for them for when they come back.
Oh, and as for the accomplice boyfriend? She dumped him about a month after the surgery. Go figure.
I can understand that you don't know what to do but there are a LOT of people that don't have insurance and her being an adult (COUGH COUGH) over 18 she can get it on her own probably. Many, many people are cash payers of insurance. Hindsight being 20/20 I guess that could have been considered. If she was willing to take the risks (although she probably still has NO idea what they were/will be for her future) of the surgery then she could deal with the fall out of not having insurance. Again I am not trying to be accusatory.
These are all truly, truly sad situations!
Sadly, MEDICAID in most states, pays for most of these Trans 'Treatments". If you explore this fact, you'll understand how our 18-year-olds and over, are able to afford and easily get these 'treatments'. To the author of this article - you did all you could at the time. You were able to keep her at home - where truth is still residing. And with that, the possibility that your love, care and time, may help her to reconnect with Reality. However, we have a very difficult adversary: the current state, media, education and medical institutions are all lined up in favor of this cult. They are supporting this generational holocaust - and all the people in these institutions are either just as deluded thinking they are offering "treatments" and some are quite aware of what they are really doing. Either way, their actions result in the Directors and the Institutions enjoying millions of dollars in grants and kickbacks, for facilitating this Population Control (reduction) and social engineering experiment. We can't do this alone. Do you have a prayer circle going? Does she still go out to places with you?
Luc, yes, you are right. We were paralyzed by fear of all of the "what ifs', so we did nothing. We did not prevent our daughter from harming herself. The guilt and shame of this is something that I will have to live with for the rest of my life.
I am curious: did she dump her boyfriend because as a "man" now, she wants to date women?
I don't think so. She has dated both men and women in the past. So she is attracted to both. She wouldn't tell me why she broke up with him.
I hear you Luc. I've seen in these pages that with this cult, relationships (good or bad) don't matter as much as we'd like to think they do. This happens to very liberal and to conservative families, close and distant, straight and gay, divorced and married, devoutly religious and vehemently atheistic, functional and dysfunctional, unemployed and employed, sexually open and repressed. It happens to families that support their person financially and to those who don't. (My state, WA, will pay for anyone to fly here and medically "transition," financial or insurance support from parents is not needed!) Reading this Substack, I've witnessed every variation. Its not that the details of "how" don't matter. But they don't. Each story is different, yet hauntingly the same.
Also, I have a friend who does not support her daughter's transition, but has maintained the relationship! And friends who didn't support and lost the relationship. Makes no sense. That's why I believe its a cult.
All this is very sad. I feel blessed that my kiddos are older and didn't have to go through any of this because it sounds incredibly agonizing!!
Agreed. Its awful. Mine are 17 and 20. I've been telling them about this lie, that it is a lie and why, since they were little, but we're not out of the woods yet. In the meantime I keep these PITT parents in my thoughts and continue to challenge my friends and neighbors. Not easy in Seattle.
I would never have even thought to tell my kids this is a lie when they were little. I didn't see it coming. And, what is next, right?
My maternal grandmother suffered at the toxic swamp of pop culture/mental health for much of her life. Whatever was on the cover of the magazines, she did. Then in the 90's a cousin on my Dad's side did "repressed memory," which was devastating. One clue is that often its seen first in Hollywood (Chaz Bono, pop culture/mental health). Yes, something is always next.