Thanks Kara. This post brought the leaky eyes to me as well. I worry about my oldest every single day and the difficult life she has chosen for herself. Not just the emotional difficulty, but now the health issues. They are beginning to mount at the tender age of 32. My heart is broken for her for so many things. It is so hard to watch the child you love continuously self-harm and be completely powerless to stop it. I grieve the life she could have had.
Thank you for reposting this..i also have no children, but am compelled to stand with parents living this nightmare. My niece is trans, and I have no contact with “him” now. What can I say other than the world has gone mad and I feel for every parent living through this dark insanity. I will never experience their depth of it…but I will hold a light and stand with them through it.
I liked that PITT too! To quote Scott Newgent in an old video probably taken down by now "Adults can see around corners"... just waiting for my kid to acknowledge that about me. She's 20 and no medical stuff yet, she just likes pretending to be a boy at college.
Thank you for bearing witness to our suffering and the suffering of our children. Very few in society are aware of the devastating affects this ideology has on family relationships.
I am a parent. Not the parent of a trans-groomed child. But a parent nevertheless.
And I want you all to know that I understand your commitment to your child. I understand the sacrifices, the dedication, the love that still drives you when every other resource is exhausted. I understand the bone-deep desperation to fulfill the promise you made on the day that child was born: "I will protect you from ALL HARM. I will die rather than let you be hurt by ANYONE."
I also see you.
I also fight for you.
And I also will not stop until this nightmare predatory lobby is defeated.
This brought me to tears, both the post and Kara Dansky's thoughts on it. As the mother of a daughter who has been IDing as trans for some years now, I live with the constant fear, the knowledge of the harm she is visiting on herself, the waves of shock that crash in on me regularly as I try again and again to understand how other adults in my daughter's life--including those who took an oath to do no harm--are encouraging this path that is so clearly and permanently damaging her. I never cared one bit about what she wore or how "feminine" she was. For me, there was never a level of gender-non-conformity she could reach that would mean she was the opposite sex. The group "women" includes all females, no matter how vehemently they reject societally imposed sex-role stereotypes. That's what we fought for! To have that turned on its head--to be told rejecting sex-role stereotypes means you ARE the opposite sex--just a couple generations after we thought we had thrown off that oppressive yoke, it's very disorienting and feels like a profound betrayal. That our younger generations, and our young women especially, are actively and willingly harming themselves as a response to the world they encounter is so incredibly heartbreaking. I send out warmth, comfort, and understanding to all parents who are also living this hell. It's the worst thing I have ever experienced, by far.
And yes: "What should never become normal is teaching a child to despise the people who loved them the most." And sadly, that has happened to many of us parents.
I just keep saying- I can’t ‘affirm’ or be okay with what I see as permanent harm, a lifetime of struggle, and suffering and looks from society. I can’t say yes to a future that is hard and painful because I’m your mama; I can’t say yes because I love you the most.
Thank you for validating and clarifying the heartache-sharing your perspective, insight and understanding. Your summary of the turmoil is spot on. Your words brought me tears of gratitude.
Thank you Kara!
Thanks, Kara, acknowledgement is helpful on this painful journey.
Thanks Kara. This post brought the leaky eyes to me as well. I worry about my oldest every single day and the difficult life she has chosen for herself. Not just the emotional difficulty, but now the health issues. They are beginning to mount at the tender age of 32. My heart is broken for her for so many things. It is so hard to watch the child you love continuously self-harm and be completely powerless to stop it. I grieve the life she could have had.
Thank you for reposting this..i also have no children, but am compelled to stand with parents living this nightmare. My niece is trans, and I have no contact with “him” now. What can I say other than the world has gone mad and I feel for every parent living through this dark insanity. I will never experience their depth of it…but I will hold a light and stand with them through it.
Thank you.
I liked that PITT too! To quote Scott Newgent in an old video probably taken down by now "Adults can see around corners"... just waiting for my kid to acknowledge that about me. She's 20 and no medical stuff yet, she just likes pretending to be a boy at college.
Thank you for bearing witness to our suffering and the suffering of our children. Very few in society are aware of the devastating affects this ideology has on family relationships.
I am a parent. Not the parent of a trans-groomed child. But a parent nevertheless.
And I want you all to know that I understand your commitment to your child. I understand the sacrifices, the dedication, the love that still drives you when every other resource is exhausted. I understand the bone-deep desperation to fulfill the promise you made on the day that child was born: "I will protect you from ALL HARM. I will die rather than let you be hurt by ANYONE."
I also see you.
I also fight for you.
And I also will not stop until this nightmare predatory lobby is defeated.
We shall overcome.
We appreciate you Kara probably more than you know.
This brought me to tears, both the post and Kara Dansky's thoughts on it. As the mother of a daughter who has been IDing as trans for some years now, I live with the constant fear, the knowledge of the harm she is visiting on herself, the waves of shock that crash in on me regularly as I try again and again to understand how other adults in my daughter's life--including those who took an oath to do no harm--are encouraging this path that is so clearly and permanently damaging her. I never cared one bit about what she wore or how "feminine" she was. For me, there was never a level of gender-non-conformity she could reach that would mean she was the opposite sex. The group "women" includes all females, no matter how vehemently they reject societally imposed sex-role stereotypes. That's what we fought for! To have that turned on its head--to be told rejecting sex-role stereotypes means you ARE the opposite sex--just a couple generations after we thought we had thrown off that oppressive yoke, it's very disorienting and feels like a profound betrayal. That our younger generations, and our young women especially, are actively and willingly harming themselves as a response to the world they encounter is so incredibly heartbreaking. I send out warmth, comfort, and understanding to all parents who are also living this hell. It's the worst thing I have ever experienced, by far.
Thank you Kara.
And yes: "What should never become normal is teaching a child to despise the people who loved them the most." And sadly, that has happened to many of us parents.
I don't remember if I read We live in Strange Times but this part hit me in the heart
"Fear of seeing their child take paths that lead to pain.
And maybe the greatest tragedy of this generation is not the difference of ideas…
But how easily they are cutting ties with the ones who would give their lives for them."
I wish with all my heart my estranged child would understand.....
I just keep saying- I can’t ‘affirm’ or be okay with what I see as permanent harm, a lifetime of struggle, and suffering and looks from society. I can’t say yes to a future that is hard and painful because I’m your mama; I can’t say yes because I love you the most.
Thank you for validating and clarifying the heartache-sharing your perspective, insight and understanding. Your summary of the turmoil is spot on. Your words brought me tears of gratitude.
Wow! Challenging and convicting for me as a grown up woman/child. Through trying to understand myself, my parents. Not in these situations or things.
Thank you, Kara, for seeing and hearing us. The work you do has made a huge difference especially for girls and women.