A Trans Estrangement

Estrangement, noun

1. the state of being alienated or separated in feeling or affection, a state of hostility or unfriendliness.

2. the state of being separated or removed.

Estrangement/estransgement: it is indeed both of these meanings. Being estranged from one’s child is something no mother ever imagines—at least it wasn’t in my realm of possibilities. I cannot recall knowing of any parent-child estrangements when I was younger. Even now, the only parent-child estrangements that I am personally acquainted with are trans estrangements. Sadly, there are many of us in this club of impossibilities. Estrangement with a child is life in the twilight zone. With a trans estrangement, the twilight turns to dusk, life gets stranger.

As a mom, I didn’t envision a time when our happy, successful daughter, lovingly nurtured from birth through the college years, would one day revile me.

Who could imagine that one’s typical teen daughter, typical in female dress and behavior (she was not gender non-conforming), would one day go off the trans deep end, take testosterone (provided by her college clinic), have her breasts cut off, legally change her first and last names, rewrite history, erase history, and disappear any “unsafe” people out of her life?

We did not cut contact with our daughter when she announced her new identity (while on her college campus). Instead, she cut contact with us prior to any announcements, so nothing would get in the way of her embracing this new identity.

She went dark on social media, putting out an ominous message “requesting privacy.”

She stopped answering texts, emails, calls from home.

We sought out her friends, the ones that we knew from home. Some said she was mentally ill. Others were silent.

We traveled to her college campus in another state several times. She refused to meet with us. We learned from the counseling office that trans identities were very popular on campus. This was stated in an upbeat explanatory way. We learned that testosterone was available in the student health clinic.

Another trip, she refused to see us. The college administrators assured us she was in a “safe place.” We heard that safe place phrase multiple times. She was not in a safe place. She was in a place where no one know her, her history, she was simply another female student cog caught in the trans machine. Giving testosterone* to female students is hardly a safe practice!

We discovered that her college had Queer mentors. These Queer mentors were faculty, staff, and grad students, happy to tutor in all things Queer. Tuition? She managed to get a scholarship from her college—for being Queer. She claimed she was abused. We didn’t refuse to pay her tuition, we simply told her she needed to be in contact with us. She refused to see us.

On our final visit to her campus, we caught a glimpse of her. My husband tugged on her coat jacket from behind, he called her by her name. She turned with a look that was simultaneously terrified/hateful, she ran, she screamed that she was calling the police, she sprinted around a corner and vanished.

Later, I entered a public hall on campus. As I sat there wondering what to do, another trip to this campus with no hope, I was tapped on the shoulder. To my astonishment, three police officers were waiting to escort me out. One said, “Ma’am, why are you here?”

 “I am here to see my daughter!”

 Another said, “do you know she has a protected status?”

“What? She is my daughter! I want to see my daughter!”

“She feels threatened by you, Ma’am. She doesn’t want to see you.”

I was then directed to lead the officers to my husband. They interviewed him too. Our daughter had claimed we tried to kidnap her. “She has a restraining order against you, Ma’am.” What? How could that be? Another officer corrected him and said it was a Do-Not-Contact order. We were ordered off  campus and instructed not to return. If we returned, we would be arrested.

This incident is now a couple of years in the past. There is no closure.

Our daughter left for college. She did not return.

How is it possible to totally lose your child?

Her room at home is much as she left it. When I walk into that room, nothing. No presence. Not a filament of connection to wherever she went.

Another daughter lost to the trans cult.

All of our lost daughters are irreplaceable.

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*From the Endo Society 2017 Guidelines  on treating gender dysphoria:

Female testosterone levels:

Normal: (10-50 ng/dl)

PCOS: (30-150 ng/dl)

Suspect endocrine tumor (>200ng/dl)

Transition FTM (320-1000 ng/dl)

Testosterone, noun

1)    Biochem, C19,H28,O2, the sex hormone secreted by the testes that stimulates masculine characteristics.

2)    Pharm, a commercially prepared synthetic form of this compound.

Twilight zone, noun

1)    a conceptual area that is undefined or intermediate.

2)    a sphere of experience that appears sinister or dangerous because of its uncertainty, unpredictability or ambiguity.

3)    the lowest level of the ocean to which light can penetrate.