From what I’ve seen, Trump has made this worse. I tutor hs kids and also have a son who wants to transition. The vibe I was getting from a lot of teenagers was that the popularity of a trans identity was starting to fade somewhat by the end of the Biden admin. Kids, esp teenagers, want to be rebellious and edgy, want to be on the side of the oppressed. The edge and the novelty had worn off a bit in ‘24, fewer kids identifying as trans, even a few visible eye rolls at people announcing new pronouns. Other people may have a different view, and if you do I’d like to hear your pov. But that’s what I saw. Now Trump has made it once again an oppressed, rebellious identity. That has a lot of appeal for certain kids. By spring ‘25 it was a big thing again on campuses where I work. Will be curious how it is this fall.
The best way to talk with adults who are generally liberal (I’m fairly liberal myself)
is to talk abt Europe. For liberals, if Europe does it, it must be right. Ok, joking abt that. But seriously, a bit of truth in it. And it is really important to get this into the conversation, raise awareness. A lot of people don’t know at all that countries like Finland etc. which are not transphobic, which were pioneers in protecting lgbt civil rights, have found a vy weak evidence base for transitioning kids and now are taking a much more cautious approach. Talk abt Finland, Norway, Sweden, France, Denmark. Even the Netherlands has stricter standards around pediatric transition than we do. We, unlike the European countries, have a very decentralized medical system without adequate independent government regulation, and with strong profit motives and susceptibility to politics. That is the way to talk persuasively with people who, often without much information, assume that a pediatric medical transition is always the enlightened, liberal path. And it’s also true. This, and some other abuses, is the result of no independent oversight.
I couldn’t have said it better . I had a friend of over 50 years I lost to politics, she is a liberal and doesn’t understand what it is to be the mother of a transgender child . She watched my children grow up she recently stopped over to return something to me I know she supports the ideology because she is basically unaffected . When I mentioned my trans son now Michelle, a glazed look came over her face in disagreement of my feelings . It wasn’t until I started crying that the look went away.
'She is not and has never been gender non-conforming.'
I am confused by this part of your entry.
Are you suggesting becoming trans-identified might make sense if children are gender non conforming? It sounds like that's what you're suggesting. Gender non conforming children need *extra* protection from this horror show. Not adults who might be placing too much value on *stereotypes* to raise their eyebrows and go 'welllll mayyyybe??' Please tell me you don't endorse this for any child, anywhere, ever.
If I am reading your entry the wrong way, please let me know. If not, let's have a conversation about this if you don't mind. I'm sure none of us want to be seen endorsing such an extremely misguided idea like suggesting entry into this cult *might* make sense for even one child. Again, if I have taken this the wrong way please let me know.
I don't think that's what the writer meant at all. The sentence that precedes gives a clue: "Because they have known my daughter since she was young, they’ve witnessed the ROGD-ness of it all. She is not and has never been gender non-conforming." The writer is referring to the Rapid Onset nature of the 'transness' of her own child. She is saying her daughter is part of the wave of young girls who have given in to the social contagion and suddenly, out of the blue, decided she is the other sex. I don't think this means the writer believes that if her daughter had shown some 'boyish' traits earlier, she would have accepted it.
If every single reason for trans delusion is equally wrong. Why make any distinction at all between the two. Unless we are thinking that some reasons are a little bit more valid than others.
I agree with you, every single reason is wrong. I just don’t think she meant to infer that she woulg go along if her daughter was ‘boyish’. I think she just meant she was startled because ‘the announcement’ came out of the blue, without any prior signs. (As it does with RODG girls.) But it’s hard to know unless the author clarifies. 🤷🏻♂️
i had the same little qualm when reading what is otherwise a perfect essay, very much mirroring our experience with our daughter. but our daughter WAS somewhat gender non-conforming growing up -- we were very proud of her athleticism and all-round fearlessness. But that did not make her "trans" or an acceptable candidate for mutilation . . .
If more liberals listened to leftist women's rights advocates, they wouldn't fall for this transgenderist garbage. Leftist women--especially lesbians--have been fighting the transgenderism lobby far longer than anyone on the right.
Wow. Good for you! How did your friend take it? I ask as someone who has been cut off by at least one friend for not being fully participatory in an obligatory bash-Trump session.
Best wishes that this hiatus from gender insanity lasts until at your daughter wakes up and separates from it.
Ive decided any friend with TDS that bad, Im not spending time with. Its so negative and toxic, other people have real affects on us. This why they stay in their packs. No thankyou, I'm not in this cult. Tell me when you are out, maybe we can have a meal.
Dems don’t seem to get it. Trump is transitional. Someone else will come along. He’ll be old news.
But the ideology of the trans activist movement will infect literally everything and for generations.
You can spit and
swear at Trumps
idiotic bombastically crass
see-saw fruitcakery- but you won’t get him and his heirs out of office if you don’t wake up to how important vast swathes of the public from both left and right really feel about this.
It seems you really just don’t get it. It seems you’re confusing immediate kindness with long term care.
It feels like the difference between that immediate click people feel when they fall in love too quickly… it’s sparkly and affirming. But it dies when the crowd have gone. It withers when that tale has been told. Then you’re left with the reality of who you really are without the lights, camera, action.
In very few cases, it might last a lifetime. But so many crash and burn after flying high on the idea of who they are as a couple.
Real love takes time, is nurtured, has ups and downs, is not so certain of itself… learns to listen without getting ready to pounce. It grows on mutual understanding.
In the same way, the relationship to oneself needs time and space to form.
This is the main reason I voted for Trump this time around, when I hadn’t in the previous elections.
This was the issue that made me realize that everything I was reading and hearing was propaganda and didn’t bear any resemblance to the truth. Then I started wondering what else I was being lied to about, and how much my perceptions of Trump were being shaped by the propaganda that calls itself news these days.
So I voted against censorship, propaganda, and authoritarianism disguised as tolerance. Do I agree with everything he does? No, but my daughter is far safer in a world where people will tell her the truth - she can’t change what she is.
Thank you for sharing! I work with a lot of liberal folks and it's hard. I actually had a student share with me the bit about "they are trying to erase our existence" and without thinking I said "oh honey, it's not that. So many people have been hurt, they are trying to protect kids." She said "but there's a 1% regret rate" to which I said "Think about it though, if you changed your mind, would you admit it?". She actually did think about it and I hope "Max" changes her mind someday. And I think she still likes me. And I didn't get fired for gently encouraging critical thinking... yet.
and now that 1% has been disproved, they changed their tune to "So what? Life is full of regret! We all make decisions we regret!". Right...regretting cutting off your body parts is just like I regret that cheap haircut I got a couple of months ago.
The 1% regret rate is based on an old and extremely flawed study of a completely different cohort of patients. It’s utter BS.
We have no idea what the true regret rate is, because we have no long term studies of the current cohort of transitioners. But you can bet your hat that it is more than 1%.
Absolutely. But to get that point across to a HS freshman, or any "trans" person, asking if they would ever admit it if they changed their mind may help them not trust any %. I get really, really mad at the suicide myth. Thankfully, the US Supreme Court has it on record that Chase Strangio admitted the number of completed suicides was thankfully low.
Love this!! And I especially LOVE this callout: “Lobotomies, cigarette smoking, thalidomide – all these were eventually recognized as dangerous after being touted as healthy by the medical community.”
It's a whole package. There's no separating Trump's trans policies from everything else, and the fact remains that Trump is an overwhelming disaster. And though his policies on GAC may be a relief, he's further politicizing the issue, which doesn't help.
It must be so difficult to defend the Dems and also to try to speak out against transgender ideology and the harms it has caused to children. As it is apparent that you do not have a child caught by this cult, I have to wonder why you are here. I do have an affected child. And there is no political party that is more important than my child. There is no political party or cause I would be ok with sacrificing my child’s body to support. Trump can do whatever the eff he wants if he goes after the transgender cult. What leftists don’t seem to be able to wrap their heads around is that for the vast majority of people our kids are a hard line.
It's a lot easier to defend Democrats than to defend Trump. And you'd darn well better care what else Trump does, because if the whole country goes down, so does the child you're protecting. I absolutely won't back down when it comes to Trump. And BTW, you should be grateful to have allies commenting on this website.
I completely agree. I used to be a Democrat, even considered myself a progressive. Then I began to understand how thoroughly I had been brainwashed, and in so many ways. Conversations with my now 34-year-old son have also had a great impact on me. He read "The Transgender-Industrial Complex" by Scott Howard, which examined the financing behind the movement. But back to your point, there is no way in Hades I could ever vote for a Democrat who supported this, which basically means any Democrat. It truly is unforgiveable.
Yes, it is the whole package, Kathryn. And those of us who loathe Trump with every fiber of our being, and who have fought hard against his destructive policies, still acknowledge the adage that even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
His EO on the myth of "transgender" was correct, event though it is, I agree, only causing the true believers to dig in their heels deeper.
I'm a lifelong Democrat who simply won't vote in the coming elections at all unless the Democratic Party wakes up on this issue. I've voted in every election for the past 50 years, and have spent much of my life in political activism, but this is a bridge too far.
We have to keep working on bringing Democrats to their senses. I know Trump isn't the answer to any problem, so I won't give up on Democrats. That's why I support DIAG (Democrats for an Informed Approach to Gender). If you haven't seen their website, this is the link: https://www.di-ag.org/
Kathryn, do you follow Kara Dansky's substack? She is working through her new group Democratic Women's Declaration (DWD) to bring together Dem politicians standing up to the transgenderism lobby. We're hoping to build a coalition to stand up to the DNC.
Thank you for the suggestion. I just looked her up online, and found this essay (https://www.karadansky.com/read/political-homelessness) she wrote in 2018, which is still relevant, unfortunately. I appreciate her emphasis on finding common ground across the political divide. I also think many, if not most, Democratic voters agree with us but are afraid to speak out. When it can cost you friendships or even your job, I can understand.
Yes. Friendships, even your job - and of course the relationship with your kid who (while doing her or his best to individuate) is caught up in this.
We do need to be able to speak out, though I think figuring out the best way to do this (which might be different in every situation) is key. And to be willing to be curious -- having actual conversations versus debates.
Thanks for sharing the DIAG link, and thank you, too, Eleganta, for the Kara Dansky reference.
I am sure she does not. Past age 16 or 18 the mother cannot stop it. And, the kids get sucked into the "transgender" belief system first. They are gaslit with fake names and opposite sex pronouns by the schools, etc. Then, they generally progress through the medical steps with the medical systems using bogus insurance codes and making $$ on them while still pretty young and vulnerable, not to mention clueless.
From what I’ve seen, Trump has made this worse. I tutor hs kids and also have a son who wants to transition. The vibe I was getting from a lot of teenagers was that the popularity of a trans identity was starting to fade somewhat by the end of the Biden admin. Kids, esp teenagers, want to be rebellious and edgy, want to be on the side of the oppressed. The edge and the novelty had worn off a bit in ‘24, fewer kids identifying as trans, even a few visible eye rolls at people announcing new pronouns. Other people may have a different view, and if you do I’d like to hear your pov. But that’s what I saw. Now Trump has made it once again an oppressed, rebellious identity. That has a lot of appeal for certain kids. By spring ‘25 it was a big thing again on campuses where I work. Will be curious how it is this fall.
The best way to talk with adults who are generally liberal (I’m fairly liberal myself)
is to talk abt Europe. For liberals, if Europe does it, it must be right. Ok, joking abt that. But seriously, a bit of truth in it. And it is really important to get this into the conversation, raise awareness. A lot of people don’t know at all that countries like Finland etc. which are not transphobic, which were pioneers in protecting lgbt civil rights, have found a vy weak evidence base for transitioning kids and now are taking a much more cautious approach. Talk abt Finland, Norway, Sweden, France, Denmark. Even the Netherlands has stricter standards around pediatric transition than we do. We, unlike the European countries, have a very decentralized medical system without adequate independent government regulation, and with strong profit motives and susceptibility to politics. That is the way to talk persuasively with people who, often without much information, assume that a pediatric medical transition is always the enlightened, liberal path. And it’s also true. This, and some other abuses, is the result of no independent oversight.
I couldn’t have said it better . I had a friend of over 50 years I lost to politics, she is a liberal and doesn’t understand what it is to be the mother of a transgender child . She watched my children grow up she recently stopped over to return something to me I know she supports the ideology because she is basically unaffected . When I mentioned my trans son now Michelle, a glazed look came over her face in disagreement of my feelings . It wasn’t until I started crying that the look went away.
'She is not and has never been gender non-conforming.'
I am confused by this part of your entry.
Are you suggesting becoming trans-identified might make sense if children are gender non conforming? It sounds like that's what you're suggesting. Gender non conforming children need *extra* protection from this horror show. Not adults who might be placing too much value on *stereotypes* to raise their eyebrows and go 'welllll mayyyybe??' Please tell me you don't endorse this for any child, anywhere, ever.
If I am reading your entry the wrong way, please let me know. If not, let's have a conversation about this if you don't mind. I'm sure none of us want to be seen endorsing such an extremely misguided idea like suggesting entry into this cult *might* make sense for even one child. Again, if I have taken this the wrong way please let me know.
I don't think that's what the writer meant at all. The sentence that precedes gives a clue: "Because they have known my daughter since she was young, they’ve witnessed the ROGD-ness of it all. She is not and has never been gender non-conforming." The writer is referring to the Rapid Onset nature of the 'transness' of her own child. She is saying her daughter is part of the wave of young girls who have given in to the social contagion and suddenly, out of the blue, decided she is the other sex. I don't think this means the writer believes that if her daughter had shown some 'boyish' traits earlier, she would have accepted it.
If every single reason for trans delusion is equally wrong. Why make any distinction at all between the two. Unless we are thinking that some reasons are a little bit more valid than others.
Walk me through it if you can.
I agree with you, every single reason is wrong. I just don’t think she meant to infer that she woulg go along if her daughter was ‘boyish’. I think she just meant she was startled because ‘the announcement’ came out of the blue, without any prior signs. (As it does with RODG girls.) But it’s hard to know unless the author clarifies. 🤷🏻♂️
It sounds like one reason is 'less crazy sounding' than the other to her. Not sure how it can be read any other way.
All reasons are equally batshit bonkers crazy. I hope she understands this.
i had the same little qualm when reading what is otherwise a perfect essay, very much mirroring our experience with our daughter. but our daughter WAS somewhat gender non-conforming growing up -- we were very proud of her athleticism and all-round fearlessness. But that did not make her "trans" or an acceptable candidate for mutilation . . .
I totally agree 👍
Thank you for writing this.
If more liberals listened to leftist women's rights advocates, they wouldn't fall for this transgenderist garbage. Leftist women--especially lesbians--have been fighting the transgenderism lobby far longer than anyone on the right.
https://www.thedistancemag.com/p/resistance-to-gender-ideology-started
Wow. Good for you! How did your friend take it? I ask as someone who has been cut off by at least one friend for not being fully participatory in an obligatory bash-Trump session.
Best wishes that this hiatus from gender insanity lasts until at your daughter wakes up and separates from it.
Ive decided any friend with TDS that bad, Im not spending time with. Its so negative and toxic, other people have real affects on us. This why they stay in their packs. No thankyou, I'm not in this cult. Tell me when you are out, maybe we can have a meal.
Dems don’t seem to get it. Trump is transitional. Someone else will come along. He’ll be old news.
But the ideology of the trans activist movement will infect literally everything and for generations.
You can spit and
swear at Trumps
idiotic bombastically crass
see-saw fruitcakery- but you won’t get him and his heirs out of office if you don’t wake up to how important vast swathes of the public from both left and right really feel about this.
It seems you really just don’t get it. It seems you’re confusing immediate kindness with long term care.
It feels like the difference between that immediate click people feel when they fall in love too quickly… it’s sparkly and affirming. But it dies when the crowd have gone. It withers when that tale has been told. Then you’re left with the reality of who you really are without the lights, camera, action.
In very few cases, it might last a lifetime. But so many crash and burn after flying high on the idea of who they are as a couple.
Real love takes time, is nurtured, has ups and downs, is not so certain of itself… learns to listen without getting ready to pounce. It grows on mutual understanding.
In the same way, the relationship to oneself needs time and space to form.
This is the main reason I voted for Trump this time around, when I hadn’t in the previous elections.
This was the issue that made me realize that everything I was reading and hearing was propaganda and didn’t bear any resemblance to the truth. Then I started wondering what else I was being lied to about, and how much my perceptions of Trump were being shaped by the propaganda that calls itself news these days.
So I voted against censorship, propaganda, and authoritarianism disguised as tolerance. Do I agree with everything he does? No, but my daughter is far safer in a world where people will tell her the truth - she can’t change what she is.
I so agree
The Democratic Party seems stuck on this crap as a litmus test. It’s really sad.
Thank you for sharing! I work with a lot of liberal folks and it's hard. I actually had a student share with me the bit about "they are trying to erase our existence" and without thinking I said "oh honey, it's not that. So many people have been hurt, they are trying to protect kids." She said "but there's a 1% regret rate" to which I said "Think about it though, if you changed your mind, would you admit it?". She actually did think about it and I hope "Max" changes her mind someday. And I think she still likes me. And I didn't get fired for gently encouraging critical thinking... yet.
Even WPATH has now admitted that the regret rate is closer to 30%.
And that's not counting the people who simply disappear into the woodwork and are never counted.
and now that 1% has been disproved, they changed their tune to "So what? Life is full of regret! We all make decisions we regret!". Right...regretting cutting off your body parts is just like I regret that cheap haircut I got a couple of months ago.
That and the promise medicine will be the fix to the bad side effects it created in the first place
The 1% regret rate is based on an old and extremely flawed study of a completely different cohort of patients. It’s utter BS.
We have no idea what the true regret rate is, because we have no long term studies of the current cohort of transitioners. But you can bet your hat that it is more than 1%.
Absolutely. But to get that point across to a HS freshman, or any "trans" person, asking if they would ever admit it if they changed their mind may help them not trust any %. I get really, really mad at the suicide myth. Thankfully, the US Supreme Court has it on record that Chase Strangio admitted the number of completed suicides was thankfully low.
Thank you for expressing this so well. I'm pleased you had the courage to speak about it on this forum.
Love this!! And I especially LOVE this callout: “Lobotomies, cigarette smoking, thalidomide – all these were eventually recognized as dangerous after being touted as healthy by the medical community.”
Brilliant!!
I remember all the ads with doctors smoking Camels. Four out of five doctors agree!
“Niente!”
It's a whole package. There's no separating Trump's trans policies from everything else, and the fact remains that Trump is an overwhelming disaster. And though his policies on GAC may be a relief, he's further politicizing the issue, which doesn't help.
The problem is that the medical and psychological systems did not police themselves.
It must be so difficult to defend the Dems and also to try to speak out against transgender ideology and the harms it has caused to children. As it is apparent that you do not have a child caught by this cult, I have to wonder why you are here. I do have an affected child. And there is no political party that is more important than my child. There is no political party or cause I would be ok with sacrificing my child’s body to support. Trump can do whatever the eff he wants if he goes after the transgender cult. What leftists don’t seem to be able to wrap their heads around is that for the vast majority of people our kids are a hard line.
It's a lot easier to defend Democrats than to defend Trump. And you'd darn well better care what else Trump does, because if the whole country goes down, so does the child you're protecting. I absolutely won't back down when it comes to Trump. And BTW, you should be grateful to have allies commenting on this website.
I completely agree. I used to be a Democrat, even considered myself a progressive. Then I began to understand how thoroughly I had been brainwashed, and in so many ways. Conversations with my now 34-year-old son have also had a great impact on me. He read "The Transgender-Industrial Complex" by Scott Howard, which examined the financing behind the movement. But back to your point, there is no way in Hades I could ever vote for a Democrat who supported this, which basically means any Democrat. It truly is unforgiveable.
Yes, it is the whole package, Kathryn. And those of us who loathe Trump with every fiber of our being, and who have fought hard against his destructive policies, still acknowledge the adage that even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
His EO on the myth of "transgender" was correct, event though it is, I agree, only causing the true believers to dig in their heels deeper.
I'm a lifelong Democrat who simply won't vote in the coming elections at all unless the Democratic Party wakes up on this issue. I've voted in every election for the past 50 years, and have spent much of my life in political activism, but this is a bridge too far.
We have to keep working on bringing Democrats to their senses. I know Trump isn't the answer to any problem, so I won't give up on Democrats. That's why I support DIAG (Democrats for an Informed Approach to Gender). If you haven't seen their website, this is the link: https://www.di-ag.org/
Kathryn, do you follow Kara Dansky's substack? She is working through her new group Democratic Women's Declaration (DWD) to bring together Dem politicians standing up to the transgenderism lobby. We're hoping to build a coalition to stand up to the DNC.
Thank you for the suggestion. I just looked her up online, and found this essay (https://www.karadansky.com/read/political-homelessness) she wrote in 2018, which is still relevant, unfortunately. I appreciate her emphasis on finding common ground across the political divide. I also think many, if not most, Democratic voters agree with us but are afraid to speak out. When it can cost you friendships or even your job, I can understand.
Yes. Friendships, even your job - and of course the relationship with your kid who (while doing her or his best to individuate) is caught up in this.
We do need to be able to speak out, though I think figuring out the best way to do this (which might be different in every situation) is key. And to be willing to be curious -- having actual conversations versus debates.
Thanks for sharing the DIAG link, and thank you, too, Eleganta, for the Kara Dansky reference.
I don't understand why you are giving your daughter testosterone
How exactly does one prevent their adult child from taking testosterone If the medical industry supports and prescribes it?
I am sure she does not. Past age 16 or 18 the mother cannot stop it. And, the kids get sucked into the "transgender" belief system first. They are gaslit with fake names and opposite sex pronouns by the schools, etc. Then, they generally progress through the medical steps with the medical systems using bogus insurance codes and making $$ on them while still pretty young and vulnerable, not to mention clueless.