AMA: More Harm Please!

Hey, AMA!  Congratulations!  Your endorsement of the gender affirmation model with all of its mind/body altering drugs and surgeries to treat children and young adults suffering from gender dysphoria has been an overwhelming success!  Gender shops are everywhere!   It's time to build on that success and start treating more psychiatric disorders with drugs and surgeries.  Your abandonment of the oath “First, do no harm” opens up all sorts of possibilities!

Next up, anorexia!  Why would you start treatment for anorexia nervosa with therapy first?  You’ve got it all wrong.  When someone suffering from anorexia walks into a doctor’s office, the doctor should immediately affirm the patient’s view that he/she is too fat, regardless of the patient’s weight!  You can call this a very hip name - the “image affirmation” model.  To help the patient with her image journey, doctors should prescribe diet pills and offer liposuction in the first appointment.  The patient’s views about their body image must be affirmed!  It’s true these treatments might leave the patient disfigured or dead, but the patient will finally be living her true life, as long as it lasts.  Maybe anorexics can take their rightful place on the alphabet soup flag: LGBTQIAX - X for anorXia!

An obvious follow-up is the treatment of bulimia.  Again, psychotherapy to help bulimics stop the binging and purging is misguided. Doctors must affirm the view that excessive food should be expelled!  The solution?  Clearly bariatric surgery is perfect.  You don’t want patients suffering from bulimia to waste food.  Limit what they can eat!  It’s a win-win for everybody.

Hypochondria is a dream diagnosis - the treatment of this mental disorder offers unlimited possibilities!  Just imagine a patient is convinced he has malaria.  The doctor should affirm that self-diagnosis! The doctor can then inject the patient on the spot with the malaria parasite.  You can call this the “disease affirmation” model.  Business will be up because then the doctor has to treat the malaria!  What are you waiting for?

The AMA’s embrace of off-label drugs with mutilating side effects opens up even more possibilities!  It’s time for the AMA to introduce thalidomide for the treatment of morning sickness in pregnant women!  Just because thalidomide was never approved for morning sickness by the FDA and caused death and horrific birth defects in babies in Europe doesn’t mean it’s not effective.  The AMA never pays attention to what happens in Europe!  Use the approach that gender shops use when describing sterility as a common side effect of cross-sex hormones.  Gender shops often don’t use the words “sterility” or “permanently sterilized” - way too scary.  Those shops use phrases like “You may not be able to get (or get someone) pregnant” after using these drugs.  For thalidomide, doctors can just say “Your baby, if he lives, may have a unique presentation”.  Problem solved!  Let doctors know the good news!

Finally, the time for lobotomies has returned.  Lobotomies are effective in treating such a large variety of psychiatric disorders.  Just because lobotomies are inhumane doesn’t mean they aren’t effective.  Surgeons will be lining up to perform this profitable procedure.  

AMA, hooray for your elimination of that pesky oath, “First, do no harm”.  Now, treatment options are limitless!  Gender affirmation is just the beginning of a new age of treating, harming and mutilating patients based entirely on their thoughts!  As the AMA has demonstrated, research and trials are for chumps - you can start these treatments immediately!