An Open Letter to Parents from A Truthful Therapist
An Open Letter to Parents from A Truthful Therapist
Believe in yourself, because you have it in you
Dear Parents,
I don’t envy you. Being a parent now is not easy. We are living in unprecedented times. Children are bombarded with negative influences from so many different sources that we can’t even track them all. In the past, when you needed help, you may have consulted your family doctor, a teacher or a therapist. At the very least, you probably believed that these experts were out there for you if you ever needed guidance. But if you are reading this, you likely know by now that very few of these people can be trusted. You likely have figured out that these so-called experts, intentionally or not, may be working against your family’s best interest. You may feel confused, lost and doubtful of your abilities as a parent. How can you know what to do if there is so much conflicting advice out there? How can you go against the beliefs of a professional who has years of training and fancy letters behind their name? I’ll tell you how: because you are the parent of your child and you know and love your child better than anyone else.
I am here to remind the loving and decent parents out there that they are smart, intuitive, and know more than they often give themselves credit for. Our culture has given too much power to experts. It’s time for parents to remember that they are the best people to make decisions for their children and no expert will ever love a child the way their parents do.
Your children long for your leadership, guidance and wisdom. YOU have that. In this chaotic world, you are their anchor. You are the one they need to provide reason and stability when things get shaky. You were chosen to be the mom and dad of your kids, no one else was.
If you have doubts in yourself, that’s normal. However, remember that courage isn’t about being fearless, it’s about fighting for what you know is right, despite that fear. Your children need you to dig deep and believe in yourself. They need your stability; despite all of the challenges your family is facing. They need you to remember that you are the best person to make decisions for your child’s physical and emotional well-being.
I can’t tell you how to parent. All I can do is remind you that you can do it. I have spent countless hours giving parents ideas and information on what they could do when their child believes they are trans and other circumstances. However, in the end, you must figure out what will help your family. Look inside yourself and unearth the strength that you already have.
Tap those ruby red slippers because “You’ve always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself.”
Warmly,
Pamela
Pamela Garfield-Jaeger is a licensed clinical social worker in California. She completed her MSW in 1999 from New York University. She has a variety of experience in schools, group homes, hospitals and community-based organizations as a clinician and supervisor. Pamela has dedicated herself to educate parents and embolden other mental health professionals to challenge the ideological capture of her profession. www.thetruthfultherapist.org.
Pamela is the author of the new book,"A Practical Response to Gender Distress" , available on Amazon.
Genspect's review of Pam's book
Thanks, Pamela.
Our daughter is 19. Her gender distress started around 13-15. In 2020, like most teenagers, she was confined to her room and her computer and her phone, and the ideas that had been planted in her GSA group in middle school had a chance to be fueled and stoked. Several of her female friends began to identify as different genders and go by different names. We knew at least 3 other minors (girls) who had already begun the medical path to transitioning.
My God. We listened to Stella O’Malley’s podcast. We read Abigail Shrier’s Irreversible Damage. We joined a support group of other non-affirming parents. We took her out of school and had her quit her job to get her away from all the well-intentioned but misguided people calling her by that ridiculous name and referring to her as a “he/him.”
We rededicated ourselves to Christ, who’s really been my only refuge in all of this.
She’s had boyfriends. I believe one of them thought he was gay and that she was his boyfriend. 🙄
Her current boyfriend is a really nice kid, a clean-cut preppy antithesis to the whole wanna-be androgynous punk rocker she’s got going on.
Now she’s 19. No longer our dependent. We will not fund this madness in ANY way. She’s still on our auto insurance but not for much longer. All other expenses (rent, bills, etc) she is solely responsible for.
We flew the nest instead; moved with our younger children to a much smaller town where this mania isn’t as in-your-face. We homeschool them, we closely monitor screen usage and there will be no cell phones, period.
She’s a gifted musician. Yesterday I was looking up musicians in our old city and I came across her profile on a music site.
Right under her gloomy-but-definitely-feminine profile pic she’s put down “19 year old male.”
Ugh, another punch in the gut.
I continue to pray for her. We met up with her at a family reunion and I hate to say it, but it’s so embarrassing when she shows up in her binder, men’s clothing (geez, is she packing her jeans??) cropped hair and fake swagger.
I am so disappointed. My daughter, the beautiful, wildly intelligent, gifted artist and musician is hiding behind this sick fake persona.
I still battle with guilt about how I’ve modeled toxic femininity throughout her life. I’ve had to look at my own pettiness, superficiality, jealousy, wishy-washiness, passivity, comparisons, perfectionism, refusal to be direct. The ways I may have made motherhood look like a chore and not a joy. People say, “don’t be so hard on yourself,” but as mothers we owe it to ourselves and our children to honestly assess how we parent and the messages we are sending. Fathers, I’d encourage you all to do the same. But we can all perhaps do it without the guilt and shame, and with the objective of helping others.
I have no answers. I just needed to get this out to others who might understand. Please pray for us and our children.
Loving your child isn't a substitute for expertise, I'm sorry. Many moms want to sleep in the bed with their infant, because they feel it's best; turns out that's incredibly unsafe and leads to SIDS. Parents are anti-vax because they feel it's best; that leads to measles outbreaks. Parents feel that spanking is best; study after study shows that leads to violent and poor emotional regulation in children.
Being a parent does NOT necessarily mean you know what's best for your child. If you don't think your doctor/therapist/whatever is good, go to a different one and get a different opinion, but assuming the best thing to do is ignore science is silly