Another son lost to the trans madness

My son was married for 11 years and has three wonderful children whom we dearly love.  His marriage was very rocky, and he knew full well going in that his wife was bisexual, and also suffered from borderline personality disorder.  

The only issue we know of was that they fought a lot.  Toward the end of the marriage, his wife told me that my son was wearing women's clothing at home sometimes, and that he has liked to do that for some time now, even before she met him, and that had caused problems in past relationships.  

My husband and I never had heard this before. We had never seen any signs of this behavior while he was growing up.  He didn't leave home until he was 23 years old. We didn’t see anything but a happy, healthy young man.  

Toward the end of his marriage, our son distanced himself from us. Something was definitely not the same.  He came to our house one day, at age 40, and told me he was transitioning to live his life as a female full time.  Needless to say, with no warning, no information at all and unaware of any struggles, it was devastating.  We talked for almost two hours.

I didn't want his dad to know so I kept it from my husband for a while, while keeping a relationship with my son.  I would go to his new place and help him get settled in and visit occasionally.  I maintained a good relationship with his ex-wife, and still do to this day. She includes me in holidays and makes sure I get to spend time with the children.  

This all started a little over two years ago when he came out to me.  I have not been to his house in over a year.  He has not been to our house, and his dad has not seen him since coming out. He was devastated as well, and really struggles with it, with good reason naturally. 

My son has become increasingly agitating and very unpleasant to me.  We were always close but this new person he has become is very disrespectful and expects us to accept him as a woman and a daughter.  He actually tried to get me to say I would rather he died of depression than transition to identifying as female.  He doesn't understand when I don't get excited and support his desire for more surgeries to look more feminine or talk about what he's done to his body so far.  It's the typical "accept me or I want nothing to do with you".  

He is dating trans women, so now he's gay, and in multiple relationships.  

I have been with him in public with the children, and I have seen the way people stare at him, especially men, and it is so uncomfortable, and even a bit scary.  I am always worried someone is going to confront him.  I am worried to death about the children.  

He has no idea, nor does he care, what this has done to my husband and me.  He has no idea how the majority of people look at him and the whole trans community.  He is an activist and hates everything about us and our beliefs and of course, our politics. 

Why has the psychiatric community failed these people so mercilessly? My son gets his therapy in Seattle, so that speaks volumes to the type of advice he gets. The therapists are totally supportive. One therapist even told him he should transition more quickly.  These people are criminals, as far as I am concerned.  

We have lost our son. He is no longer the sweet, lovable young man we adored. He is angry, disrespectful, rude, and no longer cares about family.  That is what this ideology is doing to our kids.  It's the same story over and over.  

I found this group, PITT, and as I read the stories, I feel the same anguish and loss of the other parents.  Many of them have me in tears.  It's taken a while for me to sit down and put this in writing, but the holidays this year have gotten to me, and I am feeling the loss more than usual.

Thanks for letting me share. Maybe it will help me breathe a little easier.