Back from the other side

Being the parent of a trans child of any age is probably the most dreadful and soul crushing experience a parent can go through.

When any tragedy hits a child, parents are usually surrounded by family members, friends, medical team, social groups and institutions that provide help navigating this difficult journey. But when you are the common-sensical parent who is not jumping on the trans band wagon, who is not buying the trans narrative, who asks the right questions, exposes the inconvenient facts and urges caution regarding gender affirming practices of all kinds (or should I say more accurately mental illness affirming), you become the villain of the story. And those very folks and institutions that used to be there for you now label you as an intolerant hateful bigot who wants their kid to die. As a result, you get socially ostracized and alienated from your own kid.

You might think that I'm speaking out of experience. I'm not. It's a nightmare I never had to go through. Being a parent today, I can only imagine what it must be like.

Because I actually come from the other side—I was a transgender kid. I'm the one who once inflicted the pain.

Now I'm one of those  detransitioners. And I’m one of those now loathed by the trans community because I’m helping to bring down the house (which was made of hay to start with).

At a young age, I thought being a girl was the source of all my inner turmoil. Though it was before trans became trendy, the social contagion, and the TikTok trans influencers, I lived in the self-delusion of being a boy for most of my youth. I didn't talk to my dad for years.

Then I very slowly reconciled with the reality of being a woman, my TRUE true self, my God-given gender—and I extricated myself from the insanity.

No matter how deep your pain is, how hopeless your situation or your kid's situation might seem, there is always hope. Don't lose it.

Gender confusion is not a mindset that trans individuals never question, even post transition. Deep inside, there is always that constant nagging feeling that we may be living a lie, that we may have made a mistake. That's why we need trans support groups. That's why we push back vehemently and sometimes violently against any real or perceived opposition. We don't want to hear a word against it, from anybody or else we scream at you, we cancel you, we cut off relationships in some kind of survival tantrum. We live in a state of constant insecurity and second guessing about ourselves even though we'll never admit it.

Gender confusion is a mental anguish that encroaches upon every aspect of your life, sucking your very existence out of you. It's a pernicious disease that distorts your vision of the world (which is why those who love us can't get “through" to us until we're ready ). It rips your identity and your relationships apart and made you behave in reckless and unreasonable ways.

Though at first we might go through a honeymoon phase of blissful delusion, it's only temporary. The illusory feeling of peace we might experience fades away eventually.

Very often, we are enabled by our "glitter" family who silences, replaces and erases our real family.

We expect that this new family will fulfill our every need and bring us lasting peace and happiness. Except they won't. Because that “family" is made of people as sick, confused and unhappy as we are. But we're oblivious of it.

That's where you, parents, come in. No matter how long we have been gone, physically or emotionally, no matter how far we've gone in terms of hurting our body or our mind, never give up on us. Because if you do, who do we have left?

The number one issue detransitioners face is loneliness. Their birth family is often gone and the trans cult hates them.

We are where we are because we believed destructive lies. Don't follow our example.

When your trans kid tells you he/she doesn't love you, he/she hates you, will never see you/talk to you again, doesn't want anything to do with you, etc, etc, please don't believe it.

We are only regurgitating the nasty mantra of the cult who stole our hearts, minds and bodies.

What we're really telling you is : I'm sick, I'm lost, I'm desperate, my life is spinning out of control and I'm scared because, deep inside, I know the flimsy house of cards I'm stuck in is inevitably gonna come crashing down.

Of course, we are all different. We have different stories, different paths. But overall the quest and the mindset of trans people are eerily similar. 

One day, history will remember you parents as courageous visionaries who fought the politically correct culture of transgender insanity out of love for your children, respect for your intellect and clear understanding of scientific realities and biological facts.

It may not feel like it today but you're still a family. One with temporarily suspended relationships. It will not always be like that. 

There is hope. Don't lose it. Never say never when it comes to complicated and delicate sexual and gender identity issues.

Always speak the truth but with tender love. If you're gonna affirm something, let it be that your child will always be your son/daughter and there is nothing he/she can do or say that will make you love him/her less.

Then stand your ground. And wait.

One day, the struggles of life and the insecure fragility of the fake gender identity might bring him/her back to you.

It's exhausting to continually battle and make sense of the constant dichotomy between biological reality and gender fantasy in the nitty gritty of everyday's life. I know something about it...

When that day comes, let there be no lecture, no judgment. Just welcome your child back, knowing that the healing will take as long as the delusion lasted.

In the meantime, take good care of yourself. You are as important as your kids.

Make yourself get out of the constant worry, the excruciating pain you feel. I know it's easier said than done but it's not helping. Neither you nor your kid.

Pick up a hobby or a sport, go for a run or a hike. Volunteer, run for school board or city council so you can be a voice against the trans indoctrination. Follow detransitioners to get inspired and encouraged. Use your gifts and talents to help them (morally, financially, legally...).

Don't let your kid bring you down. If anything, for their sake. They'll need you when they wake up. When I left the trans cult, I was glad that my family was still there for me. And though imperfect, that was the somewhat stable element in my out-of-control life.

Live today as the great day it is because it's the first day of the rest of your life and it can bring amazing changes.

Take courage, miracles do happen. I'm a living example of it.

As a conclusion, I want to leave you with the 10 truths/facts I realized and ran with when I left the trans life:

1. There are only 2 genders, male and female, a few rare anomalies, and a plethora of glorified mental disorders.

2. Being a woman or being a man is not an identity, a feeling, a costume or a cosplay. It's a biological reality and a birthright.

3. Men (chrom. XY) cannot be women. Trans "women" are men. Women (chrom. XX) cannot be men. Trans "men" are women.

4. Nobody is born "in the wrong body". I am not a mistake that needs to be fixed. I'm perfect just the way I was born.

5. Happiness is never found in mutilating my body or permanently altering my appearance. Removing healthy body parts and/or adding fake ones is neither healthcare nor lifesaving affirmation.

6. Demanding spaces and opportunities free from individuals of the other sex (there are only 2) is not bigotry or fascism. It's a matter of safety and fairness.

7. Pseudoscientific lies that fly in the face of facts-based science and biological rules are just that: lies. Puberty is not a disease but a normal stage of life. Women don't have a penis. Men cannot menstruate or get pregnant…

8. There is no such thing as "misgendering". The same way you wouldn't "affirm" a person suffering from anorexia or schizophrenia deeper in their mental illness, you shouldn't "affirm" a person suffering from gender dysphoria by using their made-up words and pretend names. It's not a sign of respect, it's just abetting and partaking in the mental confusion.

9. Transitioning is never an efficient and lasting solution against suicide ideation. The occurrence of suicide is way higher in number and frequency post-transition due to the transition failing to bring the sense of relief and joy that was expected.

10. Life is not irreversible. A mutilated woman is a woman nonetheless. A castrated man is a man nonetheless. Even when your body has been savagely messed up by (presently) irreversible, and gruesome surgeries, you are still a valuable, precious human being. 

There is ALWAYS hope. Life manages to sprout from the ashes of mistakes and tragedies. Relationships seemingly broken beyond repair can be mended. Life might be different. Life might need to be reinvented, to be reborn. But it's still life. And it can be vibrant. And it's in your future.

Since some parents won't hear it from their kid ( at least this year),  I would like to wish every single one of you a Happy Mother's Day and upcoming Father's Day.

Mom, Dad, you're the best! Sending lots of love and xoxo your way!

My prayers and my thoughts are with all of you.

Helene