90 Comments

“Accepting that we are unwanted is a bitter brew to swallow, but there is no benefit for any of us in forcing ourselves into her life.” This sentence hits me hard. I just wrote a piece on this type of grief as well. My estranged 16 year old daughter recently stated similar words of not wanting us in her life. It’s painful to keep trying while doors get slammed in our face. This levels of grief is different from other types for sure.

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" It sometimes surfaces at the altar in church"

could that be the clue? Could you choosing the church over your child be the reason for their rejection of you?

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Wow, you nailed it. Thank you for writing this, which entirely captures the anguish I feel.

My son began to struggle at age 15, left at 21. He's now 35. I haven't seen him in 14 years.

I struggle DAILY with that cauldron of feelings. The sense of loss is so incredibly searing. It has indelibly marked our marriage and family. It is a death without a body; the giant elephant in the room which no one will openly discuss.

Although I pray daily -- for strength, for wisdom, for an end to this horrifying nightmare, for my son to find his way out of the cult -- this has deeply scarred my entire life.

I am grateful for this community, which is the ONLY place where people who TRULY understand.

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Oh my this is moving, my heart breaks for you as for many on this forum. At least mine is at home, strained relationship but here. As I have said in many comments the relentless greif is huge & intense. I have also suffered loss as a young person but this! - how do we move on ? sending virtual hugs xx

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Well. So clearly and succinctly written! Your experience mirrors mine almost exactly except for the cutting off of communication. Sadly I hope she will move out of our home and continue her journey to madness in her own way no matter how much it tears me to pieces to let her go as I don’t think I have the strength to endure this insanity without becoming seriously ill or worse.

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I like to release my tears with a good cry-along movie - keeps me from bubbling over. :)

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I like your “simmering cauldron” image/analogy. So true--all the elements are in the pot, and it kind of just depends on the day and the context for what shows up the most. Like a stew that just started simmering and doesn’t (and likely never will) have a cohesive expression.

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I hear you. It is truely amazing that you have described what I am going through also in such accurate detail. Everything you wrote is so true for me too. Please know you are not alone. This madness has to end sometime and I honestly believe the tide is turning. Slowly. What that will mean for the individual relationships (or lack thereof) so many of us now experience with our children who knows. One foot in front of the other. That is all we can do. Thank you so very much for your post

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I too am acquainted with this grief. Like other entries, there are so many similarities. I was doing okay through the summer. Having more good days than bad. Then Thanksgiving, Christmas and my birthday right on its heels. I've been either on the edge of tears or crying every day since November.

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You write so beautifully, and you so accurately describe how it feels to be a parent of these sadly delusional kids. Thank you. Only parents going through this understand the pain, the anger, the grief...it is a club I wish we didn't belong to, and yet I am so grateful to know that I am not alone, and that I am understood. May God give us the strength to persevere, and may He bring our prodigal daughters and sons back into our loving embrace.

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I’ve never heard a more accurate description of this low slow smoldering pain in my heart over my own granddaughter.... 💙 My heart goes out to yours and my prayers for you, all of us, continue without ceasing. 🌿

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Brilliant essay with original ideas.

“(A)cauldron of grief, a simmering hot mess in which a particular “stage” will bubble up unexpectedly and have to be dealt with again and yet again.”

Many quotables and keepers here.

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What a powerful piece you have written. My eyes watered when I read some of your words: "her foolishness" "cruelty to us" "those manipulating her" "that Doctors!" "sadness is always simmering" - your story is very sad, heart wrenching, just like so many I have read here on this sub stack. How can this really be continuing in 2024? I was sure the truth would be exposed by now, and this evil-cult would be ending, and our children would be set free to return home and begin their healing process. Instead, the lies and brainwashing continue to taunt and manipulate these innocent minds. I pray for God's mercy upon all of you, upon your children, and upon our future here on this earth.

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I think that is the acceptance - knowing that we may never, this side of eternity, see our children return to the truth of who they are. It doesn’t mean we are okay with that idea, but we accept it knowing that we can drive ourselves nuts if we don’t.

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To add to my previous comment, in the letter to my daughter, my husband and I asked questions like: " WHO told you to go on hormones?", "WHO told you to go no contact?", "WHEN did you start thinking you should be boy"?, "WHO did you first hear about this from?", etc. Then we suggested that before she continues with destructive medical measures, she ought to first focus on the inner workings of her mind and spirit. We told her that she should first examine WHO she's been listening to to lead her down this path and WHAT makes them the experts over HER life? This was all in an effort to make her THINK for herself. She'll most likely laugh at this letter and tear it up, but we'll see how it goes...what else have we to lose at this point?

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I've said it many times, the pain parents feel from their estranged deluded children caught in the tranny trap is bottomless. We must tarry on however, we cannot wallow in it, we have much good to do still. We cannot lie or let lies pass through us. There is no middle ground on this tranny issue either, you are to completely affirm and go along with the charade or not. So terribly sad, my wife and I miss our daughter very much, she was such a great child, kid, person, still is, just completely deluded today. I strongly believe that each of these kids caught will one day return to their parents for some form of reconciliation.

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