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AJ's avatar

As the American daughter of a Bavarian, I smile at the German proverb. It is very indicative of the German intellectuals I have met, but couldn't be further from my mother, who emigrated to America at 17, got her high school degree at American night school, and never went beyond a few college courses, but becomes more my hero every year.

Let me give you some of my mother's German wisdom: Our troubles are no match for God. Pray constantly, pray joyfully. Hope without God is just wishing. Stand firm in the truth, but share it with love.

As Mark Twain said "When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years."

For me, it wasn't until I got to be 50 when I started appreciating my mother's wisdom. But it happened, all because she never gave up. I pray you have the same experience with your children.

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LostMom's avatar

I’m so sorry that you have had and continue to have to endure such heartbreak! I feel your pain so intensely through your writing! My daughter has been on T for almost 2 1/2 yrs and every time I look at her, my heart breaks. The damage is permanent. She will never look like a man but will never look like or sound like the woman she was created to be again. Her mental health issues extensive. None being addressed. Transition fixes everything they think! It hasn’t! The self loathing remains! All we can see is the little child we gave birth to and wonder what would have been. The uni here in Canada hands out cross sex hormones like candy. Once she turned 18, I lost the battle. I’m the only one who tells her the truth. The others cower and affirm. It’s a lonely place to be. Out on an island alone it feels like. Right now we maintain contact. She has cut me out of her life for periods of time. I understand what it’s like as a mother to have your child hate you and having a father and every other relative affirm to avoid conflict. I wish I could turn back time too! I blame myself. As mothers we always do! I can’t fix this. I can’t fix her. They are adults now but not really with the power to make life altering decisions with an under developed brain. All we have left is hope I guess. I’m a realist! Hope disappeared a long time ago. I pray that your son comes back to you as I hope my daughter comes back to me. All I can do is pray every day. I have nothing else to hold onto. Sending you hugs and the comfort of knowing that you are not alone. We all know your grief. The losses are too many to count. At least we have a forum to discuss openly what we are not allowed to say out loud in Society. I am grateful to all of the parents whose post and who share their stories for saving me every day.

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